As I’m sure you know, Gary England was a special guest on last night’s Colbert Report. The whole event was kind of surreal. It was kind of like watching He-Man and Optimus Prime team up to defeat Skeletor and Sally Kern on a Friday night in the big town, only more fun.
In case you missed it and/or want to watch it for eternity, here’s the clip.
Anyone else notice the interview started slow? You could tell Gary was a bit overwhelmed by the moment. He let out some nervous laughs and had an unsure look in his eyes. I think the only people who’ve ever seen him that flustered are his wife and Loretta. Seriously, you would have thought Colbert was going to ask him how to operate a giant iPad or something.
Then things changed.
After the awkward conversation about the movie Twister, Colbert asked his holiness “How do you become a super star rock star in meteorology.” That’s when the Lord Gary we all know and worship emerged like a wall cloud on the distant horizon.
Gary talked about the hard work and long hours meteorologists work, and explained how weathermen (and women…Hi Emily!) essentially become extended parts of Oklahoma families during severe weather season. He then transitioned into his trademarked after-school mode, the one that has soothed and calmed two generations of kids across the state, and rattled off his signature list of tornado precautions. You could tell it got Stephen’s attention. He instructed Colbert to grab blankets and a bicycle helmet and get in the bathtub. He let him know that the tornado would pass and everything would be okay. Basically, he demonstrated to Gary right then and there how someone becomes a “super star rock star” weather god.
From that point on, the interview was totally different. Gary England was Lord England, and Stephen Colbert was Stephen Colbert and stole the show. Here are a couple other observations:
1. Stephen asked some funny questions like:
• “Why do people live in Oklahoma?“
That’s a great question and one I ask myself daily, especially when the legislature is in session.
• “On the (weather) maps, why is the sun wearing sunglasses? The earth should wear the sunglasses. It’s like an oven wearing oven mitts.”
Gary didn’t have an answer for that one.
• How did you become a famous weatherman without a weatherman name? You’re name is Gary England. Shouldn’t it be something like Sleet Thunderslush?
Well, it’s official. My first-born son or next dog is going to be named Sleet Thunderslush. From there, Gary and Stephen came up with the name Windy Rains. Unfortunately, that name is already taken. I’m pretty sure it’s Emily Sutton’s alias in World of Warcraft.
2. Who is Gary Alan?
After the Sleet Thunderslush question, Lord England claimed he has never considered changing his name for TV or radio. If that’s the case, who the hell is this:
Since Gary England never lies, that has to be some imposter Gary England clone. Or maybe Gary Alan is like Gandalf the Grey, and Gary England is like Gandalf the White. That would make sense, and it would also explain how Gary survived that battle with a maxi-wedge grinder deep within the caves of Alabaster Caverns.
Anyway, that concludes our Gary England coverage for this week. You can watch the entire interview below. As always, stay with The Lost Ogle and we’ll keep you advised.
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