If you are a regular reader of TLO, you probably know that local rapper Zero and I have some beef. “Beef” is the term I use for people I’ve never met, who I write about, and then worry that they’ll shoot me. The “Beef” stems from the time we made fun of one of his music videos:
Dear Mr. Zero. I don’t want to make fun of you. I like your music and wish you a long and successful career rapping and killing Crips, so please don’t shoot me with your great great grandfather’s Civil War era revolver. Seriously, that’s a sweet musket. When you commit a drive-by with that thing, do you have to drive around the block six times? Did you steal Senator Cockroft’s Civil War themed sidearm? Considering how attune you are to clothing and style, I would imagine that you wouldn’t go with mismatched revolvers. You seem more like a Glock man to me. Also, why did you get 405 tattooed on your stomach? That’s like the easiest part of a telephone number to remember. Before your next tattoo, make sure the artist checks to ensure that all the numbers or letters are the same size font.
Since I published that post, Zero and I have kind of made up. He offered me life, and I offered to write nice things about his other videos. It’s amazing what can be accomplished in a basement at gunpoint.
Anyway, Zero and his posse, the “Okie Boy Goon Young Guns” (OBGYNs), have dropped two new videos. They are called “Ten Toe Swag” and “Thank You Lord.” Check them out:
First of all, stop making music videos in Bricktown! That place is bad enough with all the stupid teenagers loitering around Harkins. The last thing we need are rappers hanging out with video equipment. Nice touch on renting a limo, though. I think it really adds something to the video… like a car that is from this decade.
I’m guessing the song is called Ten Toe Swag because Zero has yet to accidentally shoot one of his toes off with that civil war era pistol. He needs to take that thing to KFOR’s “Trash or Treasure.” I’d love to see Linda Cavanaugh talk jive.
Also, why are you guys drinking so much champagne? Was the liquor store out of Mickey’s? Here is a fun fact: you were actually drinking sparkling wine. According to Wayne’s World, it’s only “champagne” if it is from that region of France. Of course, “sparkling wine” doesn’t rhyme with anything, so I’ll give you a pass on that.
Now let’s take a look at the video for “Thank You Lord.”
Thank you, Lord, I am suddenly not worried about Zero murdering me anymore. I didn’t know he was a warrior for Christ. He’s obviously a good Christian for letting that emo guy sing in his music videos. I bet his next song will be about seeing you at the pole.
That being said, why is Zero always dressed like Mr. Super Blood? I would imagine Jesus weeps every time he watches Colors or National Geographic specials on gangs. But hell, what do I know? I was only forced to take a crap ton of Bible classes at OBU.
This video actually completely changed my opinion on Zero. He seems like a good dude, just trying to do something he loves. I can’t fault him for that. I mean, in the end aren’t we all just people trying to make our way in the world today. It takes every ya got. Sometimes ya just wanna go where everyone knows your name.
Plus, I feel bad making fun of songs that are paying respects to dead people.
I’d like to close this post with a challenge to Mr. Zero. Make a music video that disses me. It should be very easy. I’m goofy looking, have red hair, and sneeze every time I poop. I’m also a local stand-up comic so I can take a joke. If you need more ammo for your rap skit, check out my Twitter. Let me know when you are done with your video and I will make one of my own. We will then put both up on The Lost Ogle and let people vote on who had the best diss track. Winner gets the losers street cred! So Zero, hit me up on Twitter or email me (I’m on your email list) and let’s do this. Keep on Beefin.’
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