Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Thieves in Harrah foiled by snow

Footprints_in_the_snow_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1340931

The recent weather has really helped me understand character motivations in Game of Thrones. I mean, they know winter is coming, and we have meteorologists telling us what’s going to happen with the weather. They have white walkers and we have people in Crocs getting their cars stuck. They have the Night’s Watch guarding the wall, and for the majority of the past weekend, we had officers not responding to non-injury accidents. It’s basically the same thing.

But I’m glad we don’t have the rampant cutthroat characters that populate Westeros. I couldn’t handle it, and I know that if we did, I would be a character analogously similar to the prostitute that Joffrey beats to death. Luckily for me, our crime is more Three Stooges than anything else. According to KFOR.com:

Harrah, Okla. – For two suspects in a recent string of burglaries the snow may have been their downfall Friday.

Doorbell dinging, Roxana Myers wakes up. Its 3:00 in the morning, snow is falling and two men are at her door.

“As I was coming to the door, I just had a gut feeling, ‘Don’t open the door.’,” said Myers.

Following her instincts, she called 911 in a hurry.
Myers told the dispatcher, “There are some guys out here ringing my door bell. They’re on a bicycle, and I am not answering this door.”

Deputies say the men at her door were Rocky Roark and Coleton Zanola.
Investigators say they’d already stolen a bike and broken into Myers’s empty trailer across the lot.

“They actually went into the house, ate gummy worms, and then they took granola bars,” said Myers.

Deputies ran into the suspects a half a mile from Myers’s home.
Evidence of where they’d been was written in the snow.

Footprints revealed once the burglars left the Myers’s, they walked a half a mile down Harrah Rd. and ransacked Clifford Cooper’s garage and truck.

“Apparently, these guys thought being a bad miserable night people are oh going to be shut in, bundled up, not going to hear anything, be a good night for them to go out, and that snow tripped them up!” said Cooper.

As if the footprints weren’t enough evidence, inside the burglarized truck, investigators found more.

“In that pickup truck was a granola bar that had been partly eaten,” said Mark Myers with the Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office.

The same bar which was stolen from Myers’s rent house.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I will do some crazy things for gummy bears. But granola bars are dumb and gross and no one really likes them. They’re just things moms buy so they can make you take one when you leave the house in the morning. Then you throw it in the bottom of your bag with all the other non-Poptart breakfast items your mom has made you take, never to be seen again.

As for the footprints, well, I’m surprised. I figured everyone knew how to cover them up, especially since there is a scene in 101 Dalmatians where Pongo shows you how to cover up tracks using a branch. And animated things are great to watch when you’re high. Which you’d have to be in order to go out in the freezing cold snowy mess to steal granola bars. But the catch-22 is that when you’re high, it’s hard to remember the things you learned about espionage from dogs in Disney movies.

email

Comments

  1. WTF, this is news? I’m glad they caught these guys and hopefully this ends their life of crime, but for fooks sake, this is not news and it’s not even funny. Example of how lazy KFOR and other news outlets are, if it’s not on the internet, or someone doesn’t send it in, they don’t actually do any news-gathering or seeking out information.

    On a note how funny would this story been had they stolen brownies and had still had a half-eaten brownie that turned out to have some herb baked in………..three stooges lead to large drug bust……….KFOR would have had a three part series! LOL

  2. TV stations are all about video and here were FOOTPRINTS. What do you want to bet the footprints they videotaped weren’t even the real ones? And a granola bar is one of those things your mom makes you take in the morning! Hahahaha!!! This is a mom who has sent COUNTLESS granola bars in the morning with her poptart loving sons.

  3. I think the names of the idiots are funnier than the crime itself:

    Rocky Roark and Coleton Zanola, broke into a truck and ate some pork!

    Bada bing.

Previous Post Never mind. Mary Fallin still wants to treat gay servicemen and women as second-class citizens.
Next Post Brave Oklahoma legislators are defending schools from the “War on Christmas”