Well, Thunder fans. We need to talk. The basketball season is in full swing, and the Thunder is missing one crucial element—my little Russie. Like eating a Quarter Pounder with cheese without a side of fries, I’m just not satisfied. I know that he’s convalescing and taking care of himself so he can come back and play some more, but sometimes I worry that maybe he forgot about all of us drunken yahoos in Loud City.
Well, I’ve done some research and figured out what he’s been up to when he hasn’t been playing basketball. And by research, I mean this is definitely what he has to be doing so don’t even fact check it because it’s right. Here are the ten things that Russell Westbrook is doing when he isn’t wearing a suit on the sidelines.
Hanging with Sasha
If you had a pretty husky puppy, you’d want to spend more time with her too. She’s got such bright blue eyes. I don’t know if I’m jealous because Russ has a pretty dog, or because his dog is prettier than me.
Online shopping for fashion
Russell always comes correct, even if he looks like he didn’t. Maintaining that wardrobe takes time and effort, and I’m sure he has to stock up on some new pieces to keep the media guessing about what he’s going to wear.
Drinking gallons and gallons of Ozarka
Looking for the lenses for his glasses
After reading medical information for the past few weeks, Russell has realized that there aren’t actually lenses in his glasses. To better help him check the restrictions on his prescriptions, he needs to find those lenses.
Making sure his Kings and Jaxs underpants are showing
Not going to the Knicks
Why would you even start that lame rumor unless you were trying to make me cry?
Creating his collection for his Project Runway audition
Just imagine an entire collection of leather overalls, pajama tops, and high-top sneakers. Michael Kors would dig it. Nina Garcia would question his taste level.
Googling “bionic knee”
Buying bread and condoms
I have it on good authority that Mr. Westbrook buys a loaf and bread and condoms from a gas station on Western every three days. I don’t think a knee injury would change this.
Starring in a Michael Bay movie
Why would this image comparison exist unless Russie was going to be in the new TMNT movie? That, or he IS a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He’s such a Raphael, guys.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!