Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Why are Oklahomans bringing guns to the airport?

What do you see when you look at the picture above? A hot chick with a sweet gun? Well, as a responsible gun owner, I see a hot chick with terrible trigger discipline. Get your finger off the trigger lady, that’s how accidents happen!

Anycrap, bringing guns into the airport is illegal, and for good reason. The airport sucks, there are long lines, over-priced everything, rude ticket agents and a-hole TSA agents. Think about how much it would suck to be waiting in the TSA line for an hour, and then some jerk with an AK-47 who thinks his time is more valuable than everyone else’s, starts coercing his way to the front of the line. But it’s actually NOT illegal to pack your gun and take it, if it’s properly packed and checked you can bring it with you. If it’s loaded and sitting on top of your underwear, it’s a crime. Apparently, most Oklahomans don’t know the difference because both our major airports rank in the top 10 of gun seizures in the U.S.

From NewsOK.com:

Oklahomans headed to the airport aren’t just packed. Sometimes they’re packing.

Tulsa and Oklahoma City ranked in the top 10 among the nation’s busiest airports for per capita gun seizures last year, far ahead of airports in Chicago, New York, Los Angeles and Atlanta, an analysis by The Oklahoman has found.

Among the nation’s 77 airports that serve more than 1 million fliers annually, Tulsa International Airport finished third and Will Rogers World Airport 10th for the rate of confiscated guns.

In 2013, Transportation Security Administration agents seized 17 guns in Tulsa, a rate of 1.3 guns per 100,000 passengers. Fourteen of the guns were loaded. At Will Rogers, agents seized 11 guns, a rate of 0.75 guns per 100,000 passengers. Eight of those guns were loaded.

By contrast, Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, the nation’s busiest airport with 45.8 million passengers, ranked 43rd in seizures. Los Angeles International Airport came in 67th place, Chicago O’Hare International Airport was 72nd and New York City’s two major airports, John F. Kennedy International and LaGuardia Airport ranked 74th and 75th, respectively. All had seizure rates of 0.24 per 100,000 or less.

So why the high confiscation rate in Oklahoma? The number one reason passengers offer when a gun is seized at a Will Rogers security checkpoint?

“They forget they have their firearms with them,” airport spokeswoman Karen Carney said.

I get it, sometime you forget you are carrying. Hell, it’s even happened to Sally Kern! But there is a difference between having a daily-carry gun in your possession and purposefully packing for a trip. So I’d like to give you some valid reasons people might be bringing guns to the airport:

1) You are in a hurry.

You were late for your flight, you packed in a rush and the gun that is at the bottom of your underwear drawer got thrown in your bag. Seems plausible.

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2) You thought it was your gun-shaped sex toy.

Dildos are becoming super advanced, there might be a gun-shaped dildo out there, I don’t know… or do I!?!?

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3) You need to fly cross-country to do some killin’!

Maybe you’re doing some wet-work for the mob and you don’t have connections to get a gun at the place you’re visiting. Or maybe the gun you use is like your calling card. Listen, I don’t know how the mob works, I’m just spitballing here.

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4) It came with the luggage.

Has anyone tried using this excuse? I think it might work.

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5) It’s your “therapy gun.”

You know how some people have “therapy dogs,” that they take everywhere because it makes them feel better or some-shit? Well, maybe some people use a gun in place of a dog.

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I would never pack a gun in my bag. After you check your bag there is no telling who is looking through your stuff. I don’t mind some pervert going through my underwear, but baggage handlers and TSA agents have been known to steal stuff. Dateline has done reports on it. Basically, what I’m saying is, don’t pack valuable things in your checked bags. Because once it’s gone, it’s gone. And the airlines don’t give a shit if you get it back or not.

For other helpful travel tips, follow me on Twitter: @SpencerLenox.

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Comments

  1. So when you say you don’t mind a pervert checking out your underwear, are you consenting? And when can we arrange a meet up?

  2. If President Enemy Combatant is going to let muslims fly around willy nilly with all kinds of explosives and nose hair clippers then we “normal” Americans ought to be able to pack some protection! Of course, the Liberal media Lost Ogle don’t want y’all to hear the truth! Oh crud! Me and my M16 done gonna miss our flight if we don’t get a scootin’!

  3. For me personally it is so in the event I see something “offensive” I can render instant justice until Sally Kern’s legislation has been passed and implemented. It’s a dirty job but Wayne Coyne can’t do it all by himself.

  4. Before I become alarmed, I need to see statistics on the number of guns brought to the other airports in the first place. I resent the inference that Oklahomans are just stupid rednecks that all carry firearms. Maybe confiscation rates are higher in Oklahoma because our TSA agents do a much better job than those in LA, Atlanta, or Chicago. HAHAHAHA. I kill me sometimes. With humor that is, not with the gun in my suitcase.

    • Part of it has to do with it being “per capita”. The larger airports deal with more passengers who were already screened somewhere like OKC or Tulsa before getting there. By the time they get to the larger airports their guns have already been confiscated

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