Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Monday Morning Tweets: QuikTrip is rubbing it in

It’s that time again, everyone. No, it’s not time to change the water filter in your fridge’s door dispenser. Well, actually, it probably is, but you probably have no idea how to do that, and you probably don’t care enough about it to get on that. As a Norman resident, I’m pretty apathetic to it, since the water here contains hexavalent chromium and arsenic. It’s only a matter of time before I become a Toxic Avenger-like creature, so why even bother making the water taste better with a filter?

Anyway, it’s Monday, which means I’m bringing you some of the best and just sufficient tweets from the previous week. As always, the tweets are after the jump.

I imagine it’s like one big Pepé Le Pew cartoon up in Pawhuska right now, guys.

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Whoa, Mark. Whoa.

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He should call his weather forecast Brackettology.

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I’m a little disappointed that the scene at Pie Junkie on Pi Day didn’t turn a little more Lord of the Flies. While I don’t need a reason to eat pie, I could see how the mad dash to secure a pastry for 3/14 could lead to some potentially dangerous situations where small British children were killed or others shouted “sucks to your assmar!” across the Plaza District.

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Thanks, QuikTrip. We’re keenly aware of our lack of suitable gas station taquitos in the OKC Metro without you rubbing it in our faces.

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I know nothing about arresting people, but don’t you think that checkpoints would be more successful if they were unannounced or that their cancellation wasn’t advertised?

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Girl, I feel you. A bartender called me ma’am this weekend, and I basically melted into an inconsolable lump of tears. This is my life now–hiding tissues up the sleeve of my cardigan and eating dinner at 4 PM. So, Monahan, if you’re down, we can probably shop for sensible polyester pants suits together and start a mall walking club.

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Emily Sutton, basically the best person ever, wears a fake mustache in the name of happiness. I don’t even know what’s going on here. This is the sort of non sequitur I expect from absurdist theater.

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I really hope that Kent Ogle is trying to explain the wedding night to Chase, and that he starts his lecture with “Let me tell you a little something about the birds and the bees, son.” This lecture will most likely end with a trip to Autozone, because that’s how Kent shows affection.

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Oh, Kitchen 324, it’s my sincerest wish that we can live in a world where every day is a biscuit and chorizo gravy kind of day. And where every day is an elastic waistband sort of day.

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Instagram Photo

Clearly Bender and Craun are high. Seriously, when was the last time you legitimately enjoyed cereal? I rest my case.

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Now, I’m not the type to start unfounded rumors, but what if Lance West is now the Six Million Dollar Man? That X-ray is the only proof I need of his bionics. We’ll know for sure when he runs the Memorial Marathon and he starts going in slow motion like Steve Austin.

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Oh… God… Abigail Ogle Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn’t She?

Well, that largely depends upon the rating scale you  (journalist) allow us (fans) to rank it.

But thanks for clarifying the least ambiguous part of that tweet.

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The Dean Blevins Memorial Weekly Tweet From Dean Blevins

 

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That’s it for this week. Hit me up on Twitter if you agree, disagree, think there is someone I should be following, or kind of want to stalk me.

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Comments

  1. Do you even know what a “jump” is on a news story? I guess you don’t, considering you folks don’t even seem to understand what a news story is.

  2. I have said it once, and I will say it again. This post is going downhill faster than the Thunder’s D. Who really cares what newscasters tweet about? We have all sorts of local professional athletes, musicians and people that are actual interesting to follow, yet this is what my monday morning has been lowered to. Leave it to the this post to make the worst time of the week even worse……..

  3. And Dean, all the sportscasters I’ve talked to agree that your first and last names should be dickhead.

  4. I believe OCSO is required by law to publish the locations of the DUI checkpoints in advance. So yes they would probably be more effective, but illegal.

    • Plus, if you look at their normal locations and results, the goal isn’t really DUIs because a majority of their arrests are felony warrants and drug trafficking somewhere on the south side.

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