It’s that time again, everyone. No, it’s not time to change the water filter in your fridge’s door dispenser. Well, actually, it probably is, but you probably have no idea how to do that, and you probably don’t care enough about it to get on that. As a Norman resident, I’m pretty apathetic to it, since the water here contains hexavalent chromium and arsenic. It’s only a matter of time before I become a Toxic Avenger-like creature, so why even bother making the water taste better with a filter?
Anyway, it’s Monday, which means I’m bringing you some of the best and just sufficient tweets from the previous week. As always, the tweets are after the jump.
I’m ready for skunk mating season to be over. Thank you for listening.
— Ree Drummond (@thepioneerwoman) March 14, 2014
I imagine it’s like one big Pepé Le Pew cartoon up in Pawhuska right now, guys.
And the shockers clearly had the shocker applied
— Mark Rodgers (@markrsports) March 16, 2014
Whoa, Mark. Whoa.
— Aaron Brackett (@Aaron_Brackett) March 17, 2014
He should call his weather forecast Brackettology.
Happy Pi Day! We have Pie for Pi all day – all slices $3.14 from 10am to 10pm.
— Pie Junkie (@piejunkieokc) March 14, 2014
I’m a little disappointed that the scene at Pie Junkie on Pi Day didn’t turn a little more Lord of the Flies. While I don’t need a reason to eat pie, I could see how the mad dash to secure a pastry for 3/14 could lead to some potentially dangerous situations where small British children were killed or others shouted “sucks to your assmar!” across the Plaza District.
Home sweet QuikTrip.
— QuikTrip (@QuikTrip) March 13, 2014
Thanks, QuikTrip. We’re keenly aware of our lack of suitable gas station taquitos in the OKC Metro without you rubbing it in our faces.
— Oklahoma Co. Sheriff (@OkCountySheriff) March 16, 2014
I know nothing about arresting people, but don’t you think that checkpoints would be more successful if they were unannounced or that their cancellation wasn’t advertised?
That moment when you are on a college campus and a student calls you "ma'am". Wahwahwah #truestory
— Lisa Monahan (@lmonahan) March 10, 2014
Girl, I feel you. A bartender called me ma’am this weekend, and I basically melted into an inconsolable lump of tears. This is my life now–hiding tissues up the sleeve of my cardigan and eating dinner at 4 PM. So, Monahan, if you’re down, we can probably shop for sensible polyester pants suits together and start a mall walking club.
— Happiness OKC (@HappinessOKC) March 11, 2014
Emily Sutton, basically the best person ever, wears a fake mustache in the name of happiness. I don’t even know what’s going on here. This is the sort of non sequitur I expect from absurdist theater.
— Ashton Edwards (@AshtonEdwards4) March 10, 2014
I really hope that Kent Ogle is trying to explain the wedding night to Chase, and that he starts his lecture with “Let me tell you a little something about the birds and the bees, son.” This lecture will most likely end with a trip to Autozone, because that’s how Kent shows affection.
It's a biscuit and chorizo gravy kind of day. http://t.co/OBAebZIgwy
— Kitchen No. 324 (@Kitchen324) March 16, 2014
Oh, Kitchen 324, it’s my sincerest wish that we can live in a world where every day is a biscuit and chorizo gravy kind of day. And where every day is an elastic waistband sort of day.
Why does cereal taste so much better at night?
— Nick Bender (@wxBender) March 13, 2014
Thanks to my sister for feeding me The Greatest Mistake Ever Made. http://t.co/PJAb3puRMS
— Lauren Craun (@LaurenCraun) March 15, 2014
Clearly Bender and Craun are high. Seriously, when was the last time you legitimately enjoyed cereal? I rest my case.
— Lance West (@lancewest) March 14, 2014
Now, I’m not the type to start unfounded rumors, but what if Lance West is now the Six Million Dollar Man? That X-ray is the only proof I need of his bionics. We’ll know for sure when he runs the Memorial Marathon and he starts going in slow motion like Steve Austin.
Oh… God… Abigail Ogle Is Going To Run This Town Someday, Isn’t She?
Twitter poll: How much do you (fans) care about the Big 12 tournament?
— Abigail Ogle (@KOCOAbigail) March 13, 2014
Well, that largely depends upon the rating scale you (journalist) allow us (fans) to rank it.
But thanks for clarifying the least ambiguous part of that tweet.
The Dean Blevins Memorial Weekly Tweet From Dean Blevins
The Tour players I've talked to about Kevin Na all agree that basically his first name should be the same as his last–Na Na Na Na Na…
— Dean Blevins (@DeanBlevins) March 16, 2014
That’s it for this week. Hit me up on Twitter if you agree, disagree, think there is someone I should be following, or kind of want to stalk me.
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