It would probably not surprise anyone to know that as a kid, I was as unmotivated to do things as I am now. I’ve always believed that the shortest distance between two points is the path of least resistance, and that’s the path I’ve always taken through every stage of my life. Overachieving is best left to the folks who have the energy and drive. If you need me, I’ll be resting on my laurels in the garage with a can of beer.
This life philosophy also applied to my Girl Scout (or Daisy and Brownie, rather) career. I signed up because all the boys I knew in Boy Scouts got to go on sweet campouts and earn all sorts of worthwhile badges that involved jumping into frozen lakes and turning their pants into flotation devices. But it turned out as a Brownie, all I got to do was sell cookies and learn to make natural cleaning supplies from lemon juice and salt. I’m not even kidding about that. I’m still livid.
Anyway, there are apparently some members of the Girl Scouts who aren’t enraged by the inequality, or they at least have troop leaders that follow through on shit. One such scout is selling a ton of cookies. According to NewsOK.com:
Oklahoma City Girl Scout Katie Francis has achieved her goal of breaking the national record for cookie sales — and she’s getting national attention for it.
In February, the Hefner Middle School sixth-grader set her sights on breaking the national record after smashing the state record for Girl Scout cookies sales two years in a row.
Katie’s mother, DeLee Francis, confirmed for The Oklahoman on Monday that the 12-year-old has exceeded her record-breaking goal of selling 18,100 boxes of cookies. As of Sunday night, Katie had sold 18,107 boxes of the tasty treats, her mom said.
Wow. So, not only is this kid a future Leslie Knope, but every car dealership in the state probably needs to hire her to do some sales training for their staffs.
In honor of her record-breaking feat, the intrepid Cadette is scheduled to be featured on NBC’s “Today” show Tuesday, according to a producer. “Today” airs from 7 to 11 a.m. weekdays on KFOR-TV in Oklahoma City.
The girl also was to be featured Monday on ABC’s “World News Tonight.” Both shows contacted The Oklahoman seeking permission to use photographs Director of Photography Doug Hoke took of Katie in February.
Since cookie sales were extended for a week because of wintry weather, Francis said her daughter isn’t done with the delicious annual fundraiser. Katie has set a new goal of 20,000 boxes and plans to keep selling to the new final day of cookie sales, which is March 30.
Way to make everyone look bad, Katie. Seriously, if you’re a member of Katie’s troop and feel inferior because of her crazy sales, contact me. I’m prepared to buy $100 worth of cookies from you because she’s done enough. Bring me all of your Samoas because they are the best and people who prefer Thin Mints are just awful monsters with garbage for taste buds.
Now, I happened to glimpse the comments on this particular story (not on purpose, I have a strict never read the comments policy on pretty much everything) and there seems to be a few people who claim that her mom pays people to help her sell. This would make sense, as there is no way that a middle schooler can schlep that many cookies across town. And while Patrick is pretty much against me pushing my Marxist agenda (and he secretly sides with the Girl Scouts because he really loves a good vest with patches), how is this any different than pretty much every other privileged kid getting farther in life because of the situation they were born into? I mean, if we’re being completely honest, it’s kind of the American way.
So way to take advantage of your situation, Katie. Who knows? Maybe it will continue to serve you all through school and college. And maybe, just maybe, into a career. Good luck!
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