Has Mike Morgan lost control of his evil weather machine?

Things are getting a little bit weird here at Channel 4.

First of all, a couple of weeks ago Scott Hines, or as we now call him “Scottie Gee,” went to Denver for a “Visionaries In Life” convention. I don’t know what exactly that is, but I do know it’s hosted by these people:

Scott was trying to earn a spot as a speaker and left this inspirational video. You should watch it. He talks about the difficulties and challenges he’s faced in life and how he’s overcome them with a message of hope, positivity and kindness. The inspirational video reminds you that Scott Hines is a great dude, and shows why everyone here at KFOR is proud to call him a friend. You may think I’m saying that just because I like Scott’s no-bakes, but trust me, it’s the truth.

In addition to Scott Hines now wearing white sneakers to work everyday, Mike Morgan and Reed Timmer have also been conducting top-secret experiments on a project in the Bob Moore Chopper 4 hanger. Code named “Domiflexor,” it promises to "Change the way extreme weather is forecasted.”

Details about the project have been murky. Mike Morgan claims it’s a simple tool to help stormchasers track supercell rumblers, but according to an internal investigation by Abby Broyles, it could also be a North Korean-backed experiment that will give Mike the supernatural power to control and predict the weather.

Whatever it is, the National Weather Service isn’t happy. They have already spoken out against the project, stating “Oklahoma’s weather should belong to Gary England and the Gods.” Emily Sutton is even keeping a safe distance. Despite Reed Timmer's advances, she won’t go anywhere near the hangar. She’s even placed a fall wreath on the front of her She-Shed with the phrase “Conscientious Objector” dangling across it on a string with shiny orange letters.

With rumors about Domiflexor running rampant, and Mike on one of his mysterious “vacations,” imagine my surprise to see this KFOR report about a mysterious light hovering over the Oklahoma sky.

Check it out:

Yep, there you have it. The mysterious light is just a simple high altitude weather balloon floating high in the air. Also, the puffy white clouds you see billowing from airplane engines are crystalized water vapor. Nothing else to see here. Take the blue pill and move along with your day.

Seriously, what a joke. I might be endangering my position here at KFOR by stating the obvious, but this report has all the makings of a classic diversion and cover up conspiracy.

First of all, Mike has been mysteriously absent from the weather center for the past few days. How convenient, huh? The last time I spotted him, he was driving a black, unmarked semi out of the KFOR parking lot on Friday. For some reason, Gaylon Culver was in the passenger seat. As he pulled onto Britton Rd., I ran along the truck and made the universal hand symbol to blow the air horn. Instead of playing along, he and Gaylon both just flipped me off. At the time, I figured they were mad that I ate the last no-bake that Scott brought to work that day, but maybe something else was going on.

Also, don’t you like how Mike had Mr. Nice Guy Aaron Brackett file the report? That had to be intentional. Sure, Aaron may look all like he’s attained every Boy Scout merit badge twice, but what you may not know is that he’s one of Mike’s most loyal and trusted minions. In fact, Aaron is now second-in-command of Mike’s toy train collection. It's why we call him "The Conductor."

In a very legal sense, I’m not accusing Mike of doing anything illegal or wrong. Perhaps it's just a coincidence that he was out-of-town probably testing the Domiflexor when this mysterious "Weather Balloon" flew high over Oklahoma. Maybe Domiflexor is the name of his new bedazzled tie line, and all the rumors that we've been hearing about a weather machine that can control the jet stream and dry line, thus giving its operator unprecedented power during next May's sweeps, are false. Maybe this entire post is made up satirical drivel! Who knows! I have no clue what's going on here, but just like a humid May afternoon with a dancing dry line and weakened cap, I'd suggest we all stay aware. Very aware.