Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Gravy Train – Page 3

Gravy Train’s 2015 College Football Preview

Arkansas vs Samford

Hello, TLO readers. I hope you’re ready for another season of my astute weekly analysis of OU, OSU, the Big 12, the general college football landscape, and of course, random pics of hot coeds.

First, let’s talk about OU:


The University of Oklahoma: Land of Tepid Optimism and Shattered Expectations

Like the typical Oklahoma alum and football fan, I stupidly bought in to the hype last summer. Hammering Alabama in Sugar Bowl. Double digit returning starters. Renewed attitude. Sadly, it was blown to hell by terrible play calling, worse quarterback play and one awful pass defense. Oh well, at least I was right when I called for Josh Heupel to be fired following the Texas Tech game. I’m glad the OU donor who forced that move reads this column.

College Football Musings from the Train: Bowl and Season Recaps


Editor’s Note: We’d like to thank Gravy for another fine season of recapping the college football games. When you read this, I hope a little tear falls from your eye and drops in your whiskey. It would be fitting.



1) 40-6

The Cheap Ass Sporting Goods Bowl was the perfect microcosm of the issues plaguing this program since the end of September.

A great way to exorcise the demons of Bedlam would have been a fast start. Not going three and out (including what should have been an INT on an awful, yet foreshadowing 3rd down pass from Trevor Knight). And certainly not giving up a 65 yard touchdown pass on the first play to an offense that mustered 17 points against Boston College, 16 points against Syracuse, and 6 points against Georgia Tech.

Fine. Whatever. Let’s regroup and play good, sound, fundamental football. Which would NOT include getting caught offsides on a fucking field goal attempt (that was blocked …) or getting caught *wait for it* offsides on a pick six. OR … throwing two GD horrific interceptions in the first half, one of which was returned for a touchdown. OR … continuing to give up 3rd down conversions by not covering a simple 7 yard out. OR … missing an extra point.

Again, perfect synopsis for the season.

College Football Musings from the Train: Bedlam 2014


The Game

The Sooners led OSU 35-21 with 7:54 to play.

Game over.

Tyreek Hill returns the ensuing kick off to the 40 of OSU. OSU three and out.

Game. Over.

How in the blue hell does OU lose?! No decent team loses this game. But OU is no decent team. They punt with just over 5 minutes in the game. No chance OSU comes back to win.

GAME OVER … Right?!

Mason Rudolph to Brandon Shepard for the score with just under 5 minutes to play. OU goes three and out. No timeouts left for the pokes. Zach Sanchez picks the ball off with three minutes left. OU goes three and out. Punt, OSU runs into the kicker after OSU’s Tyreek Hill fair catches at the 15. And instead of just dealing with the OSU offense at the 15 with no timeouts and under a minute left …


Oklahoma and Bob Stoops do the unthinkable .. the idiotic – they take the penalty and kick the ball to Hill again. Literally the only guy on the field who shouldn’t have the ball is given the ball is purposely given the ball. In space. Anyone want to venture a guess as to how this worked out?????

College Football Musings from the Train: Week 13


10) Samaje Perine

Last week, Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon broke LaDainian Tomlinson’s 15-year-old NCAA single game rushing record when he rushed for 408 yards against Nebraska.

Hello 427.

On a rainy afternoon in Norman, a game where dozens of people cared… where alums stayed home (e.g. this guy)… where the game was delayed 90 minutes for “lightning”… where Cody Thomas couldn’t complete a forward pass… where the receiving corp was horrendous… where Keith Ford started the game…

Samaje Perine ran for an NCAA record 427 yards. 5 touchdowns. 12.6 yards a carry.

And he’s only 18.

Perine’s level of dominance was eclipsed only by the Sooners offensive line. After watching the Kansas linebackers and safeties explode through the Oklahoma line of scrimmage for a cool quarter or so, the O-line went straight medieval on that ass, hammering the second level of the Kansas defense, and allowing Perine to be part of history.

But let’s not give the line all the credit. Keith Ford – and his two fumbles – averaged 4.2 yards a carry. Alex Ross averaged less than a yard per carry. Thomas could not complete a pass. Perine was amazing. He broke tackles. He broke off long runs. He broke the will of Kansas.The same Jayhawk team that nearly upset TCU last week. No, Kansas isn’t going to be mistaken for the 1985 Bears (or 2000 Jenks), but 427 on the ground is amazing regardless who you play. Perine and his line were completely dominant and the record provides a level of solace for an otherwise craptastic season.

josh heupel batman

9) Oklahoma/Kansas

This marked the second time Oklahoma has rushed for 500+ yards this season, which makes you wonder how in the blue hell did that mongrel idiot in the press box called 30 plus passing plays in any game at any point this season. The Sooners called 13 pass plays to 55 run plays, an acceptable ratio when your quarterback has the accuracy of Rick Vaughn.

College Football Musings from the Train: Week 12


10) Oklahoma/Texas Tech

“Sometimes when you win, you really lose, and sometimes when you lose, you really win, and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie, and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose. Winning or losing is all one organic mechanism, from which one extracts what one needs.” – Gloria Clemente, White Men Can’t Jump

When is a win still a loss? When is running up over 500 yards of offense in Lubbock and winning going away still wildly disappointing and head shaking?

How about when your offensive coordinator is stupid enough to put the balance of the game on the arm of your freshman quarterback in his first start against the worst run defense in FBS.

Thank God someone got into that fat idiot’s ear and told him he would be walking back to Norman if he called a single pass play in the second half. Well, that and Mike Stoops’ decision to forgo the umbrella shitshow of a zone and take a chance that the guys YOU RECRUITED can play man coverage.

After falling behind a TERRIBLE (bold, italic, all caps and underline for emphasis) Texas Tech team 21-7 early in the third, primarily due to a complete disregard to logic and historical data, Oklahoma ran the Red Raiders off the field the final 25 minutes, while simultaneously figuring out how to defend a true freshman quarterback, winning going away 41-30.

Samaje Perine showed he can carry the load for entire games, rushing for 213 yards on 25 carries, including several jaunts replete with laid out defenders and broken tackles. Oklahoma outscored Tech 35-3 after falling behind in the second half. I suppose the fact this team did not fold is a sign they have some level of mental makeup.

Cody Thomas was predictably inconsistent. He was horrible executing a mind-boggling pass happy offense in the first half, throwing three interceptions, one of which took points off the board in the red zone. The latter … I just don’t know what to say. Except with 10 seconds left in the 1st half, down by a score, with a new starting quarterback, deep in your own territory … you don’t call for a 25 yard pass play. We all know what nearly happened.

But after Heupel underwent his halftime lobotomy, Thomas looked relatively good running the zone read. Yeah, I understand Texas Tech couldn’t stop an elementary school fun run. But even against poor competition, Trevor Knight has struggled to effectively run the zone read. Thomas had no such issues. He ran for 103 yards on 8 carries, most of which came after halftime. And he has no fear. There was no sliding. No running out-of-bounds. He took on contact and it was quite the nice change from the quarterback running game in the history of Bob Stoops.

The defense started out the game as I expected: three and four man rushes, no real pressure, soft or combo zone, torched defense by a bad quarterback. Then Mike dialed up the pressure, brought five and six guys, left his corners and safeties on islands, and shut down Texas Tech for most of the second half.

There are some positives to take from this game (unlike one of those teams that played in Stillwater Saturday night), but the maddening complete lack of preparation and logical game planning on both sides of the ball did not change. The coordinators seem hell-bent on proving to the world that everyone else is wrong, and they are right. That running the ball 80% of the time with a badass offensive line and running backs, and a new starter at quarterback is dumb. That not pressuring a freshman quarterback to death is stupid.

I don’t understand. And I am not the only one.

josh heupel batman

9) Josh Heupel Should Be Fired