Based on the warm reception I received when The Lost Ogle announced my weekly post, I realized nothing makes OKC residents happier than news from Tulsa.

It has been an exciting year, or rather 14 months. Clay Aiken was shoved by a woman at Tulsa International Airport. We unearthed a rusted Belvedere. Jerry Giordano lost his bowels in my neighbor’s front yard.

One last poll. Which is the worst Tulsa story to hit OKC media?

Vote after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Tulsa Tuesday – The Worst Tulsa Stories to Hit OKC Media’

Once again, Patrick and Clark declined my request to come to Tulsa. Even after I agreed to foot the bill.

Maybe I could sweeten the deal with a poker tournament and Chera Kimiko.

I’ve planned our night. I tend to obsess when I plan. I make lists. Here is the detailed list of how I imagine our night would go:

7:00 p.m. – Patrick and Clark arrive. Greet them with some sort of gangsta handshake and say, “Wut up C?” and “Wut up P?”

7:01 p.m. – Patrick points out I’m one shade away from albino and suggests I never do that again.

7:02 p.m. – Tour of the house. Clark will notice a nude ice sculpture. “Look at how the left hand gently cups the breast,” Clark will say. “The right hand, barely over the groin. I’ve never seen a Sally Kern replica look so magnificent.”

7:10 p.m. – Taco Tico for dinner and awkward conversation. Clark will talk about his son. I’ll talk about my experience as a foster parent. I go into fetal position under the table. Patrick pulls me out.

8:00 p.m. – Head to McNellie’s for a couple bottles of Guinness. Open a tab. Tab total: $0.

8:05 p.m. – Tab reaches $6,487. Patrick really likes beer.

Continue reading ‘Tulsa Tuesday - My Fantasy Night with Patrick and Clark’

Last week I offered, make that generously offered, OKC a few Tulsa “Celebrities.”

I’m a giver. No one accepted my gift. What a bunch of unappreciative ingrates. It’s not like I tried to pawn Tom Harrison, Carol Lambert or Biker Fox … oh yeah. Sorry about the “unappreciative ingrate” comment. That was uncalled for. I wouldn’t accept them either.

This week, I’m a taker. I have a list of Oklahoma City “Celebrities” I want to bring to Tulsa:

10. Gibson Diffee

Another child pimped out by his father for car sales. Tulsa has Kristen Glover, Jennifer Bruton and other random daughters. It’s a hot blond battle among car dealers. Gibson is blonde and annoying, but fame isn’t going to his head. Unlike Tulsa’s pimped out children, he hasn’t resorted to using his sexuality. And yes, I do know how wrong that last sentence is.

9. Mayor Mick

Mayor Mick put OKC on a diet and went on Ellen. Tulsa needs to be on a diet. When I see women driving carts around Wal-Mart, I’m one step closer to bulimia.

8. Marco Palumbo

Finally, a lawyer that will defend me in court … and possibly *eat the prosecution.
(*Disclaimer: The “eat” comment is a pure joke. In no possible way do I, or the readers of the Lost Ogle, believe Marco Palumbo eats the defense. Please don’t eat me.)

7. Patrick and Clark

I’ve never met them in person. I don’t think they’ve met me. I want to invite them to Tulsa for a beer at McNellies. Afterwards, we can stop by my house for a round of Strip Poker or Twister. I’m just kidding. I don’t own Twister.

Continue reading ‘Tulsa Tuesday - Ten Oklahoma City “Celebrities” I Want to Bring to Tulsa’

Eventually, it had to be done in Tulsa too. Clark Matthews researched Oklahoma City’s Sleaziest Locations, and now it’s time to deliver Tulsa’s. Since I don’t have a team of people to do research, I am my only nominee. Yes, I risked my life to bring you Tulsa’s Sleaziest Locations. These are places in Tulsa that no one should set foot into. There are places listed below, I did not set foot into:

10. West Tulsa Motels

These motels are safe havens for registered sex offenders. Sex offenders are required to live outside a 2,000-foot radius of schools, parks, playgrounds and daycare centers. Apparently, these are one of the few housing units that fall in that guideline. With more than 50 live-in sex offenders, they can easily share raping and molesting tips. I took the photo from Google maps, rather than taking it myself. I couldn’t venture to West Tulsa. I feared I would be sexually offended.

Continue reading ‘Tulsa Tuesday - Tulsa’s Sleaziest Locations’