Lorde had the number 1 song for November 2013. When a 17-year-old writes a song condemning the excessive and vapid nature of the world in which we now live, might be time to take a look at our priorities. I was at Starbucks, because I had a gift card, and a super cute girl and her friend were yammering on and then I heard “Royals.” It was one of their ringtones. She pulled her blinged out iPhone from her Michael Kors bag and said a series of “Uh-huhs” and “No ways” into her phone. She ended her call and said, “I love my ringtone. That song is like, saying, like such good things.” then these two guardians of our future spent $20 on two cups of coffee. America. We’re great!
Anyway, if that paragraph didn’t make your weird Monday morning at work more depressing, take a look at the best post from 30 days ago:
What We Said: “The guy is something like 8-feet tall. In case you care, that’s three Al Eschbachs. He sticks out in a crowd like the Devon Tower does in our skyline. Maybe he was being considerate and sitting down so that Johnny Old Navy Shorts, the used car salesman behind him, and all the people in Loud City could actually watch the game. That seems like a nice Ogle brother thing to do.”
What We Learned: Someone needs to learn to get their “Up” Thundered. Then again he may be trying to avoid a Maude Flanders type head injury situation. No one wants a concussion because of a rolled up t-shirt to the face from that insane t-shirt machine gun at Thunder games.
Fun Fact: When you mention The Lost Ogle to his daughter, she reacts the same exact way as her dad at a Thunder game. She is not a fan. Not. At. All.
Best Comment: “Ha! You got it right the first time. Had I stood up the poor guy behind me would not have seen a second of the last few minutes of regulation or the overtime. Keeping it on the down-low is the price u gotta pay when ur 6’8” BTW I’m a first time caller…do I get a Johnny’s Charcobroiler certificate?”- Kevin Ogle
October saw the release of Miley Cyrus’s song “Wrecking Ball.” Who would have thought that weird toothed Disney star would go on to be a weird toothed rabble-rouser? Remember when she got the entire world talking when she dressed like a fool and rubbed her lady parts on Alan Thicke’s son? #$5eGVE GRw &)ed97g……Sorry. My fingers and brain just stop working for a moment because that’s the most appalling and ridiculous thing they’ve ever typed. My apologies to my fingers and brain.
Vote for your favorite October story! They have to do with sports radio, crazy zookeepers and the state fair.
September’s number one song was Roar by Katy Perry. In the video she gets stranded in the jungle and her boyfriend gets eaten by a tiger but she perseveres and makes a life for herself full of important things like nail polish and lipstick. It’s like if the show LOST was made by a 6-year-old girl. I wish I could’ve gotten stranded in the jungle with Katy Perry. Good for me but bad for her. Ain’t no beautiful ladies penciling in any makeout sesh’s with this fella!
Vote for your favorite September article!
When trying to find a noteworthy thing that happened on a national level in August 2013, nothing came up. Not a thing. This means August was the most boring month of all time. So to offset the lack of anything worthy of writing, I went ahead and posted a video of Hulk Hogan’s theme song. Hulk is a real American like Sarah Palin, those Duck Dynasty hillbillies and Kim Kardashian. Yeesh. The August connection? Hulk was born August 11th so now you can stop Googling “Hulk Hogan’s Birthday” all the time.
Here’s your top TLO August stories!
July’s number 1 one song was “Blurred Lines” by the guy’s son who is singing in the video above. The super NSFW Blurred Lines video is here. I bet Robin’s dad had something to say about that video. “Y’know in my day we didn’t need gorgeous naked ladies walking around. We sang about aerobics and had dancers wearing aerobic clothes. It was a simpler time. I mean, yeah, it was still a coked out sexist mess, so…never mind. Your video is the same thing.”
Vote for your favorite July story!
Thanks! Your message has been sent!