Being a college student in the digital age is pretty tough. Not only are you expected to type up all your assignments as well as turn them in to an online Dropbox, you’re also supposed to get off social media and Netflix long enough to complete said assignments. Our parents had it so easy when the only distractions available were television and vinyl LPs. But perhaps the toughest thing about being a student these days is the temptation to cheat the system.
Sure, you can straight up copy and paste from one article directly into your paper. But professors are hip to that, and many have software that not only recognizes text, but can tell them exactly where it comes from. (You can always mitigate this by using block quotes, kids.) So what is there for a student to do to get ahead? I guess you could be like Roja Osman Hamad and break into OU’s computer system to change your grades.
Do you feel that? That’s the sound of you planning to leave the office early today, because it is Friday. That’s right. It’s the weekend, we are halfway through June, and it looks like we’ve already got people posting pictures of dashboard thermometers like they just fell off the turnip truck yesterday. And they call themselves Okies… We all know it’s not officially hot until a child or dog has died from being left in a car with the windows up while the parent/owner ran into the store for a case of Natty. Post a picture of that on your Instagram, why don’t ya?
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
I confess. I know very little about Miranda Lambert. I know she’s married to Blake Shelton. And my mother related a drink recipe to me that she read in Red Book or Woman’s Day (or some sort of publication that features easy crockpot dishes, organization tips, and kegel exercises) called the “Miranda-rita.” It’s where Miranda Lambert mixes Bacardi, Sprite Zero, and some limes. Miranda and I would not party together, like ever.
Anyway, if that drink didn’t remind of the time that Ron Swanson said clear liquor is for rich women on diets, you may need to grab a bottle of Bacardi and head to Concho. (Don’t try to bring a bottle of liquor into the casino like it’s a good idea. Be cool, guys.) Miranda will be singing her little heart out, and maybe after the show, you can share a Miranda-rita with her. Or introduce her to a real margarita. Or, just, you know, anything that doesn’t sound like it tastes like a Smirnoff Ice.
Being an Oklahoman is pretty cool. We have a very interesting history, crazy weather, and no matter how bad things get, at least we’re not Florida. Plus, we have a pretty rich Native American history, so much so that my out-of-state cousins think I live in a teepee. We’ve got a lot of symbols, statues and unfinished heritage centers that come from our Native American history and traditions.
Well, it looks like that Native American culture got us in a little trouble. Via NewsOK:
DENVER — An appeals court gave new life Tuesday to a lawsuit of a Bethany pastor who claims an American Indian image on Oklahoma’s standard license plates violates his religious rights as a Christian.
The 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 3-0 that a judge in Oklahoma City erred by throwing out the lawsuit of Keith Cressman, pastor of St. Mark’s United Methodist Church in Bethany.
Cressman objects to the image of an American Indian shooting an arrow toward the sky to bring down rain.
He claims the image unconstitutionally contradicts his Christian beliefs by depicting Indian religious beliefs, and that he shouldn’t have to display the image.
The appellate judges stated Oklahoma law imposes sanctions for covering up the image, and the state charges more for specialty plates without it.
His lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Oklahoma City seeks a court order allowing him either to cover up the image on his plates or to get a personalized plate for the same cost as a standard license plate.
Well. So there’s that. I’m sure this dude is doing this solely to prove a point, though said point would have a bigger impact if he were to argue about, oh, I don’t know, maybe the Ten Commandments appearing in a public place. But whatever. The Christians are being oppressed by license plates, so it’s really important that we take this to the courts.
But surely there are other symbols and statues that offend? We are a state of many symbols. And in order to prevent any further hullabaloo regarding representations of things that could potentially infringe on freedoms, I went ahead and made a list of various statues from around the state that don’t jive with my beliefs, and thus shouldn’t be pictorially depicted on license plates.
Here they are:
Well, here we are at another Friday. This whole week dragged on like you would not believe. Couple that with my obsessive clock watching while I’m at work, and you know why I need this weekend so bad. I’m looking forward to two whole days where I don’t technically have to do anything, but wind up jamming as many activities as possible into them. But that’s okay. At least on weekends, nobody judges you for day drinking.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
I don’t know much about the Classen Ten Penn area, other than it’s Wayne Coyne’s neck of the woods. However, it doesn’t appear that any of the houses in the area are in any way vagina shaped, nor do the majority of the residents convey themselves using clear plastic bubbles. This all leads me to conclude that Wayne Coyne is even weird in his home neighborhood, and that probably the most of his neighbors have rolled their eyes on more than one occasion.
Anyway, this little block party festival looks like a good time. It runs from 10 AM to 10 PM, and there is a full line up of musical acts, as well as live painting. Urban Wineworks will be serving food, and Urban Agrarian will have a farmer’s market set up. You can also purchase some local art, jewelry, and clothes. Basically, it’s like a mini arts festival.
I’m not much for Bible quoting, and I think that’s probably pretty obvious. I’m quicker to drop knowledge from an episode of Firefly than I am from the good book. But, as someone who majored in English, I know when life imitates literary art. Now, granted, it has taken me quite a few days to come to the full realization and understand the signs. But it hit me, just like the iPhone emergency alert that woke me up at 4:30 AM yesterday morning. We’ve got floods!
Now, this is probably obvious to everyone. Lake Arcadia is closed because the water is ten and a half feet above the normal level. My lawn is actually growing. There are stagnant puddles all over the place, and there is a general odor of rotting toads that seems to have taken over the mildewed carpets of Oklahoma. And, if I remember correctly from that one time I went to vacation Bible school with a friend back in the second grade, the only dude that knew what to do in a flood was Noah. And perhaps we should take our cue from him.
I’m not saying we need to gather up all the animals and put them on a boat. Quite frankly, if these floods take out the creepy possums and skunks in my neighborhood, well, then I’ll just take it as an act of evolution wherein it was time for those creatures to go. But before the flood waters take over the state completely, we should really gather up some keepsakes and put them in an ark (we can also use the speed boat that your uncle takes to Grand Lake every weekend, along with the jet skis if need be). After all, if we’re going to start with a fresh and clean Oklahoma after these waters clean our slate, we’ll want to have a few artifacts from the old world as we navigate the new one.
So, without further ado, here is the list of eight things from old Oklahoma that we need to bring to post-flood Oklahoma.
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