In case you’ve forgotten or haven’t read like, every other post we’ve had for the past year or so, the education situation in Oklahoma is straight up dire. We have a teacher shortage, teachers aren’t paid enough, and they keep cutting the budget for our schools. Don’t worry, though. At least we will have a very uneducated proletariat to control in the future! Doubleplusgood!
Well, the situation is pretty bad. (HOW BAD IS IT?) It’s so bad that a teacher is selling textbooks to make ends meet. Seriously. KFOR brought us this story about a Mustang teacher who resigned after he was suspended on suspicion of selling district textbooks. And while I applaud his efforts, I think he could’ve done better. And when I say better, I don’t mean that he could’ve not sold textbooks. Instead, I think he really should’ve thought a little harder about what he sold.
So that’s why I’ve created this list of things that Oklahoma teachers could sell for money so they don’t have to donate any more plasma.
I think we can all agree that traffic in the Oklahoma City Metro over the past ten years has gotten out of hand. Everything seems to be growing a lot faster than cities can keep up with, which means there are way too many drivers on already terrible streets. And while I definitely feel this traffic problem on Santa Fe when I go to my parents’ house in Edmond, I think we can all agree that no place has this problem quite like 19th Street in Moore.
When I wrote this post about the worst intersections in the Metro, some commenters reminded me I left the intersection of 19th and Telephone Road out. And I did, but not on purpose. You see, the last time I drove through the intersection, it was after leaving the Five Guys Burgers there in 2011. The reason I left was because an old lady drove her Toyota Camry through the front of the store, and showered my cajun fries with glass shards. Then, as I was trying to turn north onto Telephone Road from 19th, a truck in the non-turning lane decided to turn ahead of me, even though he didn’t have a green light, and cut me off, causing me to go up onto the curb. Basically, that intersection was the basis for Mad Max: Fury Road. I think.
According to a press release on OK.gov, Mary Fallin recently had a “dinner party” for five of the six living former governors. Larry Nichols, the real governor of Oklahoma, couldn’t make it.
Governor Mary Fallin and First Gentleman Wade Christensen welcomed home five of Oklahoma’s former governors to their former official residence.
Five of the six living former governors and their spouses attended Tuesday night’s dinner at the Governor’s Mansion. Former Governor David Hall, who served from 1971-75, sent regrets that he could not attend as he is caring for his wife.
Hall, in case you didn’t know, was indicted on federal racketeering and extortion charges three days after leaving office in the 1970s. David Walters was really hoping Hall would be there. It’s always awkward being the only indicted ex-Governor in the room.
It was the first time in recent memory that a governor hosted an event for former governors at the Governor’s Mansion.
“I wanted to bring together our former governors and spouses for an historic gathering to thank them for their service, to reminisce about their service as the chief executive of our state and their memories of living with their families at the Governor’s Mansion,” said Fallin. “It was a fun night with great stories and personal recollections.”
Former governors and spouses attending were David and Molly Shi Boren; George and Donna Nigh; David and Rhonda Walters; Frank and Cathy Keating; and Brad and Kim Henry. Boren served from 1975-79; Nigh served from 1979-87 and also served two other times, January 1963 and January 1979 when vacancies occurred; Walters served from 1991-95; Keating served from 1995-2003; and Henry served from 2003-11.
For some, it was the first time they had returned to the Governor’s Mansion since they had lived there.
If we’re being real here, that seems like the worst dinner party ever. No offense to the current governor or former governors, but like, damn. When people ask you if you could have dinner with anyone living or dead, no one says “You know, what if we invited all the former governors from Oklahoma? That will be hella fun.”
That’s why I’m a little suspicious of this gathering. Surely there was an ulterior motive. Perhaps Mary was trying to sign up the other Governors as Essential Oil distributors. The Oklahoma economy is in the tank, you know.
It could also be something more sinister. For example, maybe she tried to host her own version of The Most Dangerous Game right on the grounds of the governor’s mansion. You may think that it’s absurd to intimate that the governor of the state of Oklahoma would hunt down former governors right around her official home, and it is. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Frank Keating hasn’t been heard from since.
Here’s a festive photo from the event:
In case you didn’t hear, there is currently a bill in the Oklahoma senate (SB 1347) that might do away with some of those state fairgrounds gun shows that I assume the majority of our readership has never attended. I mean, I haven’t done any analysis on the demographics we attract, but I have a pretty solid stereotype in my head about people who attend gun shows at the state fairgrounds, and that stereotype doesn’t include “reads TLO.”
If you’re interested in this proposed bill, you can read about here. But I don’t so much care about the bill. There’s basically a gun show at the fair grounds like every 20 minutes, and this is America. If you want a gun, you can probably get your hands on one faster than you could get your hands on lifesaving medical care. Even if there were no more gun shows at the state fair, it’s not like Oklahomans would exactly be hurting for firearms.
But that’s not what this post is about. I’m not here to take your guns, so stand down, Bocephus. Instead, I think we need to talk more about the sort of events that are held at the state fair grounds.
Between the hours of 5:45 AM and 7 AM, I prepare for the day by drinking coffee, making to do lists, journaling (I’m one of those gross assholes), cuddling my dog, and watching Emily Sutton give me the weather forecast. It’s a very calm and relaxing time wherein I gird my loins for the day ahead. It’s also the time of day when I ingest pretty much all the advertising I will see for the day. Too bad TV doesn’t come with ad blockers. But if it did, I wouldn’t be able to bring you this theory.
For a while, I thought Mike Rowe on the Mr. Sparky commercial would be the highlight of my ad experience in the mornings. But then I started thinking way too much about Lee and Gentry from Hahn Appliance Warehouse.
Let me begin by stating that this post is in no way meant to throw shade at Hahn Appliance Warehouse. I’ve actually never purchased appliances. Sure, I’m an adult, but I’m also the sort of adult who doesn’t mind duct taping things together, or just pretending that I don’t notice how much water is leaking out of the fridge. However, I have known people who have made purchases from Hahn Appliance Warehouse, and they seem pretty happy about it. And, it should be mentioned, these people don’t have leaky fridges.
One could assume that Lee and Gentry are just local spokespeople. That’s quite possible. A cursory glance of the Hahn Appliance Warehouse website doesn’t give any information about them. (I looked for approximately 45 seconds. If you have the fortitude to look longer, you are a better person than I am.) So you could, conceivably, live out your days in relative happiness never thinking about Lee and Gentry again. I mean, they sell washers on TV. What else is there to think about?
Well, there’s this.
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