I generally assume that nothing above board is occurring. Sure, some people and organizations may be on the level, but most likely, they aren’t. Look around you right now. Do some shifty eyes like the painting in a haunted mansion in an episode of Scooby Doo. You see all those people in your range of sight? They’re all lying about something. Every last one of them. Folks are shady. It’s the way of things.
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that most companies are also hella sketchy. That’s how you make money, right? By doing sketchy things? I don’t know. The majority of my business knowledge comes from repeated watchings of installments of the Godfather trilogy, so my maybe I have a skewed view. Anyway, I bring this all up because Walmart is being sketchier than usual.
According to KFOR.com:
Every Oklahoman has a story about the Oklahoma City bombing. We all remember the news reports, the fear, the stress of trying to find where our loved ones were and if they were okay in a time before cell phones. We all know or know of someone who lost their life that day. And we all feel overwhelmed by emotions when we visit the memorial. But what I always remember is how people didn’t run away from the crumbling building. They ran into it to help others get out.
In May 2013, a tornado tore through Moore causing death and destruction. Schools, businesses, and homes were leveled. The devastation made national news, and for a few weeks, our tragedy remained in the headlines. But the thing that most people were struck by was our response. The day after the tornado, I ran to a Sam’s Club on my lunch break to purchase bottled water and work gloves to donate for the cleanup efforts, only to find that they were sold out already. In fact, the aisles were blocked off so the employees could have a moment to restock them. Every local business was accepting donations or directly helping in the cleanup process.
And that’s what the Oklahoma Standard is. We are united in the act of service to one another. While Oklahoma has grown exponentially, everything still has the small town feel. We all know one another by two degrees of separation or less. Perhaps that’s why people are really trying to make “The Big Friendly” happen. And I tend to agree. On occasion, Oklahoma has renewed my faith in humanity.
Though, admittedly, there are more occasions where Oklahoma has made me lose my faith lately.
Let’s talk about oral fixations real quick. Some people spend their day chewing on the end of a pen. I’m sure you’ve noticed Kevin Durant chewing on his mouthpiece like it’s a piece of Dubble Bubble. Sure, it’s gross to feel the need to have something in your mouth all the time, but it’s not like these fingernails are going to bite themselves, am I right? And at the end of the day, it’s not like I’m smoking. Does anyone still do that?
Apparently they do, and apparently there will be a law passed against doing so in Oklahoma City parks. According to KFOR.com:
Good morning and happy Monday, everyone. Can you believe it’s officially been December for a whole week now? I can’t, and I refuse to believe there are only 3 more weeks to shop for Christmas presents. (If you’re one of those people that already has their gifts purchased, I hate you.) See, it’s a tradition in my family to not tell anyone what you want for Christmas until the very last-minute. That way, it guarantees that I’m crying in the mall parking lot 30 minutes before the mall closes because I can’t find anything to get for people. It’s a really great system that has ensured my hatred for the holiday season for years to come.
Anyway, I’m sure your family enables you to have a happier view of the holidays. If not, here are some tweets that may cheer you up. Check them out after the jump.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! And by that I mean it’s time to obsessively track packages and wait for them to appear on my doorstep, and then pick them up before the neighbor’s cat pukes on them, which she likes to do.
However, there are apparently other perils plaguing parishes just like your own! No, we aren’t talking about backyard bandits or lawn lepers. We are of course talking about the infamous Porch Pirate. According to KFOR.com:
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