Greetings, readers. ‘Tis Friday, June 1, and I think you know what that means. Yes, that’s correct. It’s the first FNITBT of June. And, a little known fact about that, but for the past two years, I’ve always been drunk when I write the first FNITBT of June. So just know that I’m having fun while trying not to puke while I debate the necessity of the serial comma in the following paragraphs. It’s a little tradition I like to uphold. Anyway, I have all manner of throwback sorts of activities for you. I bet you won’t even remember most of these acts!
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Ah. Mr. Bolton. I assure you, not many people of my generation know much of him except for the following three things. 1. He did the song for the Disney Hercules movie. 2. According to the similarly named character in Office Space, he sucks. And 3. He is really funny in that Lonely Island song about Captain Jack Sparrow. My generation is pretty irreverent and choosy when it comes to the specific elements of pop culture we consume.
Anyway, if you know more about Mr. Bolton than the aforementioned three items, perhaps you should get yourself to the Riverwind. It’ll be an enjoyable experience, and you can laugh at all the cocktail waitresses at the casino who are dressed like show girls. That’s a hobby I have while I’m there. Put a twenty in a slot machine and bet it all for me. If it wins, you owe me, and if it doesn’t, then you’re kind of a sucker.
After spending the evening watching Mike Morgan on the 4WarnMe app for the majority of the night until it went out and would no longer show me Mike Morgan’s sparkly tie or pictures of huge pieces of hail, I came to a conclusion about life in Oklahoma. There are very few constants that we can count on in this state. There will always be that one old person that thinks the joke about the round barn and the man going crazy inside of it while looking for a corner to pee in is actually funny. There will always be a football season. And there will always be severe weather.
I have found that for the past couple of times that there has been severe weather, I have been all by myself. It’s not so bad, except when the power goes out, it gets dark and it’s not like I’m afraid of the dark or anything, but I totally am. I find it comforting to watch the 4WarnMe app, if only so I can know the status of various newscasters’ skylights, which were apparently assaulted yesterday evening. I find pictures of strangers holding hail lulls me into a sense of calm.
This got me thinking. We need more weather apps that offer the very things I require in the midst of a storm. Check out my top 5 weather apps that need to be invented after the jump!
Aw yeah, readers! Three-day weekend on the horizon! I’m sure you have all manner of plans for barbecues and whatnot at the lake. It’s Memorial Day weekend and far be it for me to mess with your traditions with a list of three awesome things for you to do this weekend. But I’m gonna do it nonetheless. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, that’s what Friday Night in the Big Town is all about.
So, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
Well, it’s that time of year again, readers. It’s that time where that one dude at your office who still listens to the KATT and keeps his ponytail in immaculate condition drives way the hell out to Pryor to see bands like Creed and Rob Zombie, as if it were still 1997. Secretly I wish I weren’t so terrified of white trash hard rockers because then I would go to this shindig and watch people like it was going out of style. I imagine it would be kind of like watching Joe Dirt, but without the reassuring comfort of knowing that it’s just a bunch of actors and nobody would really wear jorts and a shirt with the sleeves cut off.
So get your camping gear together, readers. I believe there are still tickets on sale and you can camp out and enjoy some of the hardest rocking bands to ever bring herpes to the state of Oklahoma. I don’t know if there is still a Miss Rocklahoma pageant this year (Editor’s Note: There is.), which would be a shame. But everyone’s favorite bands like Ragdoll and S.E.X Department will be there, so the weekend isn’t a total loss. And just beware, this takes place at Catch the Fever Festival grounds. Fever=S.T.D.
Dear Governor Fallin,
I don’t know how many times we have to demonstrate that we can’t have nice things before you understand that we really can’t have nice things. It’s cool that you want to treat us like responsible people who deserve all manner of gun rights, but let’s be honest here. We as a state continually demonstrate that we don’t.
On the 15th of this month, you signed a law that allows licensed Oklahomans to openly carry handguns. Thank goodness that this doesn’t go into effect until November 1, because it means there’s still time to change that. I don’t know if you are aware of this, but people are carrying guns anyway and they’re shooting up places like Bricktown.
What’s up, readers? Happy Friday. Well, at least it would be happy if Patrick had let Tony and I win at trivia night last night. That didn’t happen. I think that even though we average about four correct questions per round that we should be given bonus points. And seriously, we were the coolest table there. It’s like Patrick wants to give all the prize money to nerds. Whatever.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
I want you to go to your happy place, readers. I want you to go there, because I know it involves a lot of live, local music and there’s a BYOB sign on the door. Hey guess what! Your happy place is at the Blue Door this Friday and Saturday for K.C. Clifford’s CD release shows. And yes, it really is BYOB. So grab a case of High Life and head to the Blue Door.
If you’ve never heard K.C. Clifford before then you really need to go! K.C. is a three-time Woody Guthrie award-winning singer/songwriter. So get to the Blue Door and support some local music. I promise you’ll also have a new favorite artist when you’re done. And if you get the chance, will you ask K.C. if she wants to be my best friend? Seriously.
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