Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 22

Bold assholes stole a 1-ton marble statue from a home in Edmond

Screen shot 2014-06-03 at 9.07.56 PM

I’ve stated on multiple occasions that the worst part about being from Edmond is just being from Edmond. Sure, I got a really great public education from those sweet, sweet tax dollars, but I occasionally wonder if it was all worth it when I find myself defending that city to others who seem to think that everyone who lives there drives a BMW and lights their fireplace with a twenty. (For the record, we use fives.)

For the most part, everyone knows someone from Edmond who is an actual human being and not a caricature of rich Uncle Pennybags, so that makes it a little easier for me to explain what life was like growing up in the Big E. But every once in a while there is someone who ruins it and goes and does the most Edmondy sort of thing a person could think of. A

ccording to NewsOK.com:

Monday Morning Tweets: Conservative Christian Edition

I know it’s hard, what with the Thunder loss and all. It’s almost like we have nothing to look forward to. But, on the bright side, at least you’ll get to bed on time from here on out because you won’t be staying up for over times and such. See? There’s always a bright side! And we don’t have to drink anymore “Thunderitas” at the bars anymore, so the world’s supply of blue curacao is safe for another year.

Anyway, I’ll do my best to put a smile on your face with some tweets that I’ve gathered here for you. May they make your monday a bit more bearable. As always, they’re after the jump!

Retirees are officially taking over Edmond


Sometimes I get drunk and tell people that I’m clairvoyant. Then, those people generally tell me to shut up and that I’m not and oh god, Marisa, can you just maintain, there are cops over there?! But seriously, I am clairvoyant.

Back in November of 2012, I said we should make Edmond the official retirement community of Oklahoma. It’s well suited to the task, especially since it’s just about as hopping as the American Legion Hall on bingo night. Well, I guess some housing developers really took my idea to heart. According to NewsOK.com:

EDMOND — Edmond has been on CNNMoney’s list of Best Places to Live, and that’s one of the things that attracted retirees Ron and Doris Schnuelle of Virginia Beach, Va., to the Parkview neighborhood at Touchmark at Coffee Creek.

“I did some research, and we were impressed with that,” she said.

Touchmark is benefiting from Edmond’s reputation for excellent schools and the city’s recognition for livability, said Melissa Mahaffey, executive director of the Touchmark community.

The Schnuelles are among buyers contributing to the retirement community’s expansion, she said. Ground for five more houses will be broken this summer, she said.

Parkview is a gated community of single-family homes for adults 55 and older just north of the main Touchmark campus, on the north side of Covell Road, east of Kelly Avenue. Parkview’s 32 complete homes were all constructed by Red Rock Builders of Edmond.

I freakin’ called it, you guys. This is just the first step toward a complete takeover. Next thing you know, we’ll have a Sunday afternoon TLO Trivia Night at the Delta Café and the notorious Edmond cops will be pulling over whippersnappers on scooters.

Now, this won’t mean much from the outside. Edmond is boring and will forever be. So, to non-Edmondites, the slow influx of geriatrics won’t make much of a difference. But to those within the city, just get ready for changes. What kind of changes? I’ll tell you.

MMT: Happy Memorial Day!

Happy Memorial Day! Thanks to all of all our service men and women who have defended, fought and died for our country, and given us the freedom to do important things like blog and make fun of tweets.

Anyway, do you hear that? That’s the sound of every family in the Oklahoma City area hitting all the centers of activity. I hope you didn’t want to go swimming/ziplining/to a movie today, because all the kids are out of school, and everyone is off work. Basically, it’s now that time of year where there are tons of lines to do fun stuff. But don’t worry too much about it. I’ve got some tweets for you. Sure, it’s not family cookout, but it’s more fun and entertaining than getting sunburn from spending too much time at the lake. Because who wants to go outside when you can stay at a computer all day even on your day off?

That’s what I thought. This week’s tweets are after the jump.

9 things that OKC kids can’t do anymore


Perhaps one of everyone’s all-time favorite past times growing up in Oklahoma is complaining about there not being anything to do. This is probably the case for kids everywhere, because when you’re at the mercy of your parents and older siblings to give you a ride, and you’ve saved up all your allowance to discover that you only have $15, there’s not a whole lot you can do. But, we used to do a lot of stuff in the Oklahoma City Metro when I was growing up–a lot of which can’t be done anymore. Sure, kids these days have the Warren Theater and an NBA team, but do you remember back in the day when we had all sorts of fun, a lot of it sketchy and maybe even illegal? I do.

In honor of the end of the school year, I have made a list of things that kids of the Oklahoma City of yesteryear could do that kids these days will never get to experience. Not that they’ll really care–they have Snapchat, and when you have unfettered access to pictures of the genitals of strangers, you’re never really bored.. The onus to find something to do during your summer days doesn’t weigh so heavily upon them as it did on us. But still! Here’s my list of 9 things kids in Oklahoma City can’t do during the summer anymore.

1. Hanging out in the Belle Isle Power Plant

I never did this, but I remember hearing stories of kids sneaking in there before it was knocked down. I guess, for the same effect, you could sneak into the Belle Isle Old Navy and spray paint some of the walls instead. If you’ve ever been there on a Saturday, then you know that no one would even notice because the store is that big of a mess.



2. Breaking into the Guthrie haunted orphanage

Apparently, now you can get married in a place that my friends and I used to sneak into. No summer was complete without piling into someone’s car and heading up to Guthrie to see if we could see the ghosts of mistreated children. We never saw anything except for trash, grafitti and cops who totally knew what we were up to, but it was a nice break from going to Hafer Park after dark.



3. Going on an awkward date at Lion’s Fun Park/Perfect Swing

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the only place to get all crazy on some go karts and mini golf these days is Celebration Station. What do the kids even do for fun now when they want to awkwardly hold hands with someone until their mom picks them up?