One of the cornerstones of adulthood is the realization that there are no fairytales. There is no knight in shining armor, kissing frogs probably just gives you warts, and happily ever after generally means arguing with your spouse about money and how to raise the kids for the rest of your life. Sure, Disney can paint a pretty picture, but girl, if some strange dude tries to kiss you while you’re sleeping, you should probably hit him and alert the proper authorities.
Every once in a while, kids have to grow up a little too fast and they find out that those fairytales aren’t real. It’s a shame, but it happens. And it actually just happened to some kids in Edmond. According to KFOR.com:
EDMOND, Okla – It is an ongoing investigation for a group of students at a local elementary school.
A group of fourth graders at St. Mary’s recently found a wedding dress near a pond close to their school.
Now, they are trying to find out who it belongs to.
Head investigators Marley Hall and her partner Sam Mooney are working to crack the case.
“Some people thought that it might have been a crime scene,” 4th grade student Marley Hall said. “But we don’t think so.”
Honestly, those puffy sleeves make me think that someone just wanted to throw it away. Which is totally justifiable. I mean, look at it. Those yellowed sequins are old enough to understand that mommy and daddy aren’t going to get back together, and you’re just going to have to deal with having two Christmases every year.
Happy Monday and welcome to this, your Monday Morning Tweets. We have been puttering along through the dreary, gray deathscape that is an Oklahoma January, and there is no end in sight. But, whatever. In about 6 months I’ll be complaining about how stupid hot it is in Oklahoma and how there’s no end in sight. But the weather is always the worst, regardless of what it actually is.
Anyway, as always, I have some tweets for you to peruse in order to kick off your week. Right here, after the jump, of course!
When you meet a new person, what’s the first thing they ask you? It’s like they have to know what you do to earn money before they feel comfortable judging you as a person. In my single days, I often told dudes at bars that I was a professional hit woman. No one believed it, but they generally laughed and bought me a beer. But I digress.
The job market in Oklahoma is small, so it can sometimes feel like there are only a handful of places to work. Regardless of what they say about the job market in OKC, I don’t think it’s as full of opportunities as some would have you believe. That’s why there are only a few places that it’s cool to work. And, if you’re like me and you don’t work for those places, it’s cool to lie.
So, without further ado, here are the 10 best places to say you work for….
In my head, these are pretty much the same company. One has a terrifying tower, and another has a college-style campus. Both companies sponsor the hell out of things we enjoy, and both are pretty down with defiling the Earth in the name of profit. Any way you slice it, both are places that really impress others when you say you work for them. (Trust me, I’ve done it.) Which is really weird to me because almost everyone I know who works for those companies has either cheated on their spouses or amassed an impressive collection of DUIs. But I’m sure both of these companies are just as good and upstanding as they portray themselves to be.
When I was a child, I had two career ambitions: I wanted to be a writer like Beverly Cleary because Ramona Quimby was a badass, and I also wanted to be a Sonic carhop because I really wanted one of those change dispensers on my belt. Flash forward to now, and I see that I should’ve put the carhop dream in front of writing. (It’s infinitely more lucrative.) And, if we’re being completely honest, it probably would look better on a resume. Who even cares if Sonic is the one restaurant that always manages to get hair in your food, regardless of location? People are impressed when you tell them that you’re the gatekeeper for those thousand-some-odd drink combinations.
3. Saxum PR
This is just so you can make those cool 40 Under 40 lists.
Good morning and happy Monday! How’s 2015 treating you so far? I have to say that it’s been a pretty good year for me so far, but then again, there is so much time for everything to go wrong. And I’m sure it will. My life is kind of like a black comedy where I’m this affable character who is destined to fail. But enough about me.
One of my New Year’s resolutions was to include more literary references in my posts here on The Lost Ogle, so get ready for that. I mean, do you guys remember when the seeds the Price family brought to the Belgian Congo wouldn’t grow and how that was a metaphor for their missionary work?
(Literary reference one out of the way!)
Anyway, as always, the tweets are after the jump!
By now I’m sure you’ve seen one of the clickbait links local news outlets (Example 1 / Example 2) have posted about the terms that Oklahomans googled the most this past year. While I can’t speak to the veracity of the listed terms for Oklahoma, (my personal most searched items were “business casual yoga pants”, “Taylor Swift is the anti-christ”, and “is blogging a legit career”) I don’t think these terms are very telling.
You can tell a lot about people from their search history. You can tell even more about them by what they immediately delete from their search history. And with that, I give you the 5 things that Oklahomans deleted from their search history in 2014.
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