Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 22

Governor Fallin vows to keep wasting your tax dollars

Mary Fallin

It’s only been like 15 minutes since Governor Fallin did something that made me want to pack up and move to Denver, so I should’ve known that something was coming. I can almost feel it, like an old man can feel the oncoming storm in his bad hip. Only, unlike the old man and the storm, I can’t take a Celebrex and go about my day. There is no cure for the Fallin headache, just alcohol to numb your brain for a while.

In case you haven’t heard, there was a Ten Commandments monument on the grounds of the state capitol. Because that is a religious monument, of course the state supreme court found it unconstitutional. Several elected officials who apparently have no knowledge of the concept of freedom of religion fought to keep it on the capitol grounds. But, on Monday, it was moved. So, all is said and done, right?

Not if Mary Fallin has anything to say about it! According to KFOR.com:

There’s a pumpkin crisis in Oklahoma…

pumpkin shortage

Last April, I spent a whole weekend planting a garden. Dirt was delivered. Raised beds were created. Wheel barrels full of stuff were moved from one side of the house to the other. Seeds were planted. Everything was done just like Pinterest tells you too. By all rights, I should be swimming in a sea of homegrown veggies by now. But if you check my fridge, you will see that there is no homemade garden salsa. There is no pickled okra. Green beans? I have none. This first year of gardening was not what I would call a success.

Primarily, I have the torrential rains of the month of May to blame. Not only did they flood my garden for the better part of the spring, but I’m pretty sure they washed away all my seeds. This isn’t so bad, because I don’t really like eating vegetables. But what about the vegetables I do care about? KFOR has the story:

Monday Morning Tweets

Good morning and happy Monday, everyone! If you’re like me, then you’re nursing a pretty heinous sunburn from the OU game this weekend. I used to think the worst thing about 11 AM games was the whole not being able to really drink before the game. But I was wrong. The worst part is getting sunburned from sitting in direct sunlight for 4 straight hours. (And yes, I wore sunscreen, you jerks. SPF 70 was not enough for those rays.) So, if anyone needs me today, I’ll be somewhere where the air doesn’t hurt my skin.

Anyway, as always, I’ve gathered up the tweets from the week before and placed them lovingly here for you to enjoy. As always, this week’s tweets are after the jump!

This guy is an excellent neighbor

luis becerra

I don’t know about you, but I’ve become quite adept at avoiding my neighbors. I’m not really sure who they are or what they do, but I feel that’s okay. I don’t need any more information than that. I mean, the nicknames I refer to them by are all the information I really need about them. (Their nicknames are Tom Petty, Sleeveless T, Grumpy Nanny and the Crackheads, if you’re curious.)

But apparently not everyone is as antisocial as I am. I guess other people don’t sprint from their cars into their homes the second they get home from work. I have no idea why anyone would put themselves in a position to have a conversation with their neighbors. In fact, I’d say there are some people in this world who are actually nice and want to do good things for their neighbors. Like save their lives. Sound too good to be true?

Check out this story about Luis Becerra. He our “TLO Hero of the Week,” and by all accounts, the heroic neighbor I’ll never be:

BEES OH GOD WE’RE ALL COVERED IN BEES HELP SOMEONE OH JESUS

bee covered car

I’m not sure why, but I have a natural tendency to create lists and outlines. It’s a hobby, and a great way to rank things that are a part of my life. From listing my favorite berries in order (1. raspberry, 2. blackberry, 3. snozzberry, 4. strawberry) to creating entire spreadsheets of people I know (organized by name, vocal ticks, drink of preference, and how I met them), I’m an A-1 sociopath. I’m okay with this. Sure, it’s weird, but even my list/outline/spreadsheet making tendencies aren’t as scary as mile marker 72 on southbound I-35.

From News9.com: