My daily work commute sends me through three cities—Norman, Newcastle, and Oklahoma City. And, for the particular route I take, I often find myself lamenting the fact that I don’t pass by one coffee shop, especially on those days that I sleep in and forget to make coffee and go to work with my hair smelling like the cigarette smoke from the bar I was at the night before. In fact, the only sort of thing I pass are Sonic restaurants. Four of them, to be exact.
This isn’t odd, especially in Oklahoma, where the food pyramid base consists of items that can be dipped in ranch dressing. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a special order for Sonic’s happy hour, and as I type this, I’m having impure thoughts about Ched R Bites. Sonic fills that hole in all our souls in a way that love and human connections never could. But apparently, Sonic has been holding out on us.
According the fine folks over at NewsOK.com, there is a secret menu at Sonic, and they’re trying to get to the bottom of it:
Ever go rogue and order something at Sonic that is not on the menu?
The Oklahoma City-based restaurant apparently has a “secret menu” featuring old favorites like Pickle-O’s and special drink concoctions like Dr. Van Lime. Die-hard customers will know what we mean.
Really, NewsOK? You gonna name drop like that like you’re somehow in the loop? Well, if you’re so in the loop, then why the hell you need to ask us what’s on the menu? That’s right. I’m calling you out.
Secondly, Sonic, I thought we were friends. I carry you everywhere with me, primarily on my thighs and hips but generally everywhere. You have a special place in my heart, and by that I mean you will be the reason for my future bypass surgery. This makes me really depressed and I’m going to boycott you, but with depression comes the need to eat my feelings and HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS IF I’M NOT COMING TO YOUR GLISTENING STALLS TO ORDER POPCORN CHICKEN, SONIC?
Now, if you do a Google search for Sonic’s secret menu, you come up with items like this: The Sonic sunrise, The Dr. Pepper orgasm, grilled ham and cheese, purple Sprite, and the Frito pie. If you’ve tried to order a Frito pie in Norman lately, you know that they do not acknowledge it as a menu item, secret or otherwise, which leads me to believe that this secret menu is a load of crap.
But this got me to thinking. There are some food items that I would really like to have that I know I will never get because I don’t have a deep fryer. But I’m prepared to give these fantastic ideas to Sonic so they can make all my dreams come true.
I have a fun game for you to play this weekend, readers. It’s a bit of a springtime bingo of sorts. That rain has finally stopped (I know we needed it, but dang it was cold) and now it’s time for us to resume our springtime follies. So, every time you spot one of the following this weekend, you get to take a drink. When you see a girl in a sundress and cowboy boots, a girl in Nike running shorts and Ugg boots, or a tanning bed sunburn on some legs wearing either of the previous two combinations, take a drink. Additionally, if you see a dude in a pastel polo that his wife/girlfriend clearly bought him for springtime, take a drink. Otherwise, you know, just keep drinking. It’s the weekend.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Growing up I watched a lot of reruns of Little House on the Prairie with my great grandma, right before Highway to Heaven came on. We also watched The Young and the Restless and The Price is Right. But my favorite character on Little House was Nelly Oleson. Homegirl was a bitch. I respect that. Also, if her character ever uttered the phrase “It’s hot in here,” it didn’t end with a song.
There are other Nellies in this world, readers. And one of them inspired America to take off all their clothes just because he couldn’t find the switch for the ceiling fan. I hope Nelly finds the weather satisfactory while he’s here. I’d hate to think that unsuspecting fans would get arrested for indecent exposure simply because a rapper encouraged them to take their clothes off.
It’s rough being an Edmond teenager. Yes, I’m being serious. Stick with me on this one, I’m about to name a whole bunch of first world problems that you can’t judge me on especially since you have access to a device that can access the internet.
The only reason I’m here writing for The Lost Ogle today is because I know why Edmond sucks. Don’t get me wrong. I love it too. It’s my stomping grounds. Some day, when Patrick lets me post the official Gentle Marisa Edmond Tour, I’ll show you awesome things about the city, like where I had my first kiss, where I got drunk for the first time, and where I used to hide my stash. It’s a pretty great tour and includes a house that Shannon Miller once lived in.
But the reason it’s hard to be an Edmond teen is because it’s so damn boring. Sure, it’s safe and a great place to raise a family. But close your eyes and pretend your 16. Chances are you imagined yourself being bored out of your mind or consuming a bunch of vodka and Valium like the cheerleaders at my alma mater used to do during basketball games.
Well, it’s recently gotten worse. Some lame kids couldn’t keep a secret, and now you can no longer get tattoos as a minor in Edmond. According to KFOR.com:
EDMOND, Okla. – An Edmond man has been arrested for giving tattoos to juveniles.
Ambrosia Thomas, 32, turned himself into authorities this week but the alleged incidents happened back in September.
That’s when police were tipped off by a father who said his daughter and a group of kids told their parents they were headed to the movies.
Instead, they went to a house in the area of 15th St. and Bryant where they met a man to get tattoos.
In Oklahoma you have to be 18 to get a tattoo.
Check out the man who did the tattooing:
Hey y’all. And can I just say holy eff March is already over? What the hell happened there? Seriously, 2013 is shaping up to be the fastest year ever, which means that the world is totally rotating faster than it used to, probably because of global warming. But none of that’s important. Because today is Good Friday. It’s not so good as Better Friday, and even less good than Best Friday. But it’s good, and sometimes you just have to take what you can get.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
Did you know that food tastes better when it’s prepared in an automobile? It’s an indisputable fact. Think about it. The fair—all food is prepared in mobile trailer sorts of things and smells vaguely of the diesel that fuels them. Now just imagine how good that food would taste if it were prepared in a truck. Aw yes. And what if those food trucks were Heo’s Kitchen, MotoChef, Off the Hook Seafood and More, Roxy’s Ice Cream Social and so many more.
The H&8th Night Market is a celebration of mobile culinary creativity that takes place in front of Elemental Coffee. It’s free to attend, and there will be some live music as well. You can see some Spy DJs inside Elemental Coffee throughout the evening. And Coop Ale Works will be your local, friendly, beer provider for the night.
Well, readers, it may be spring here in OKC, but winter is definitely coming. On March 31, my life will soon have meaning again. I’ve never been so glad about my parents paying for like 900 channels worth of nonsense as when HBO introduced the HBOGO app. With my mom’s password, I have access to a world of magic, intrigue, betrayal, and lots of boobs. If you haven’t caught on yet, readers, I’m talking about Game of Thrones.
Season 3 will begin at the end of this month, and we will all, once again, be enthralled by a fantasy world. Will Arya make it home? Will Theon Greyjoy quit being a jackwagon already? Will someone please beat the everloving hell out of Joffrey? Who knows! (If you’ve read the books and you spoil this for me, I will George R.R. Martin you so fast—that’s code for kill you off).
Anyway, in anticipation for Sunday’s premier, Patrick and I decided to come up with a list of Oklahoman’s we’d cast as some of our favorite Game of Thrones characters. Let’s begin with the good guys, or at least who we think are the good guys, the lovable Starks:
Catelyn Stark / The Pioneer Woman
Who better to be wife and mother of the Stark clan than the Pioneer Woman? She has experience cooking, cleaning, ranching and home schooling her children all by herself…and with a little help of an army of servants, tutors and ghostwriters. - Marisa
Does this mean the Marlboro Man will get his head chopped off? - Patrick
Arya Stark / Young Emily Sutton
Emily is everyone’s favorite and can put up a mean fight when need be. – Marisa
Dreams do come true! – Patrick
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