Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 8

Some people are panning for gold in hardware stores

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The dude in this picture isn’t the lost cast member from Duck Dynasty. He’s not an extra from Sons of Anarchy. As far as I know, he’s never asked children in a shopping mall to sit on his lap, so you can go ahead and rule out Santa Claus. And all my research proves inconclusive as to whether or not this fellow is a direct descendant of Merlin, Gandalf, or Dumbledore. (I do plan on going to my local library to use their subscription to Ancestry.com in order to find out more, though.) No, this fellow is a prospector.

Yeah. A prospector. Like, an old timey 1849er who shouts “there’s gold in them there hills” sort of prospector. In a story from NewsOK from June 9 that I’m just getting around to writing about:

Monday Morning Tweets

If you’re like me, then you plan to spend the majority of your work day watching the World Cup via your phone while you pretend to work. This is different than most Mondays where I sit on Twitter all day and pretend to work.

Also, know this post was written before watching the Game of Thrones finale. Otherwise, I would’ve included the spoilers about how it all ended up being the dream of some autistic kid as he stared into a snow globe. Or something. Just kidding. But really–it turns out they were in purgatory the whole time and not a tropical island. Or something. You know, I’m just referencing shows I never watched. I’ll knock it off and get to the tweets. As always, they’re after the jump.

There was a high heel fight in Penn Square Mall

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Anyone who has ever met me knows that I’m not a fan of the mall. Even if I don’t explicitly state it, it’s pretty obvious by how I dress that I don’t frequent the mall, or any sort of establishment wherein a person might procure clothing items that are both fashionable and appropriate for the occasion in which they are being worn. Call me old-fashioned, but I yearn for the days when it was totally okay for me to wear really baggy jeans, a hoodie, and skate shoes. But I digress.

The mall is the worst place ever—with Penn Square Mall being the very worst. Why? Have you ever tried to enter that parking lot? Have you ever tried to park in said lot? Have you ever tried to leave that very lot? I rest my case. Between that and the frustration of trying to find clothing items, weaving your way through the various youths who are mall ratting about the place, and just getting pissed off at consumerism in general, tensions are always way high at the mall.

And this past Saturday was no different. According to NewsOK.com:

Ronnetta Baker, 32, was arrested on a complaint of assault and battery after fighting with Estelle Duarte, 24, who also was cited for assault and battery, according to police.

Duarte told police she was shopping in the store when Baker approached her and asked whether she worked there. Duarte answered that she did not, and Baker got angry and began calling her names, Duarte told police.

A witness said Baker then hit Duarte with a closed fist, and the women began to fight in the middle of the store, police reported.

This is all 100% completely understandable. Have you ever gone to a store and needed to ask a question or needed help getting something off the top shelf only to find that the employees were nowhere to be found, or even worse, that they were too busy smacking their gum and chatting with their friends? Surely Ms. Baker thought this was the case with Ms. Duarte.

Monday Morning Tweets

Happy Monday, everyone. Hopefully the rain this past weekend didn’t give you cabin fever from keeping you inside instead of enjoying all the happy summer time activities. If you’re like me (and I’m pretty sure you’re not because if there were more of me, the world would be super dysfunctional), then you consider rain to be the silver lining behind the clouds, because it affords you another day wherein you aren’t expected to do any sort of lawn work. And we’ve had several days where there has been zero lawn work on my part. Anyway, I know you guys don’t come here for my views of yard work. You come for the tweets. So I’ve got them for you, as always, after the jump.

Bold assholes stole a 1-ton marble statue from a home in Edmond

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I’ve stated on multiple occasions that the worst part about being from Edmond is just being from Edmond. Sure, I got a really great public education from those sweet, sweet tax dollars, but I occasionally wonder if it was all worth it when I find myself defending that city to others who seem to think that everyone who lives there drives a BMW and lights their fireplace with a twenty. (For the record, we use fives.)

For the most part, everyone knows someone from Edmond who is an actual human being and not a caricature of rich Uncle Pennybags, so that makes it a little easier for me to explain what life was like growing up in the Big E. But every once in a while there is someone who ruins it and goes and does the most Edmondy sort of thing a person could think of. A

ccording to NewsOK.com: