When I see the word “heist”, I immediately think of a well-planned criminal activity, and perhaps the plot to some of my favorite movies to watch while I’m hungover and need to gawk at Mark Wahlberg or George Clooney all day in order to feel better. The elaborate schemes, the high stakes, the chiseled jaw lines–all of these things come to mind when I hear “heist,” not to mention car chases and awesome stunts.
But I guess not everyone thinks of these things when they hear that word. That, or they’re trying to get suckers like me to click a link for page views. I think this was the case with KFOR, when I saw a headline about a beer heist. I fell for it. I admit it.
OKLAHOMA CITY – Police are asking for the public’s help with a beer heist that was caught on camera.
The video captures two men casually walking into a convenience store.
Moments later, the men are seen running past the owner carrying more than 3 cases of beer.
The owner took off after the two suspects, grabbing one case of beer away from them as they continued to flee out the door.
According to witnesses, another suspect waiting in a car outside pointed a gun at the store owner.
Please contact the police if you have any information on any of the suspects.
To be clear, someone stole some beer from a convenient store. This isn’t a heist so much as a Friday night for many high schoolers, or a hazing ritual for the UCO frats we used to party at when we were way too young to do so. No one drove a Mini-Cooper loaded with gold bricks to get away. And George Clooney and Brad Pitt didn’t assemble this team of dudes who stole convenient store beer. Rather, some Natty was taken.
While I was pretty let down by the lack of heist in this story, it got me to thinking. What if there really was a beer heist in Oklahoma? Who would be on that team of skilled criminals? How would they get away? Who would write the screenplay? (That would be me, Hollywood. Get at me if you want to option this for a major motion picture.)
This, of course, led me to create a crack team of local personalities who would be great in a beer heist movie, tentatively titled Ocean’s 12 Pack. Check it out after the jump.
Happy Monday. How does everyone feel after trying to hit H and 8th, Norman Music Fest, the Arts Festival and the Memorial Marathon? I know that I, personally, need a good 10 more hours of sleep and maybe some beer. Suffice it to say that this Monday is going to be a lot more work to stay awake than the average Monday. Here’s to hoping that there is never a weekend where we want to do so many things again. As you can imagine, all the goings on lent themselves to some pretty good tweets this week. And I’ve got them all right here for you. As always, they’re after the jump!
Some of you may know that Patrick is currently out of town with a Level 4 TLO Groupie. For the first time since he started this site, he’s not staring at a computer screen all day. I’m not sure if he even remembers what the world is like when you aren’t spending all day on your couch procrastinating instead of writing blog posts. It’s like he’s climbing out of Plato’s cave for the first time.
And while the cat’s away, the mice will play, as the saying goes. Patrick left me in charge, and as I’ve done with everyone who has ever given me any sort of responsibility, I intend to make him regret it. That’s why I’m completely changing up the blog. We’ve written about Oklahoma in our obscure, local, social way for far too long.That’s why I’m bringing you the list of 10 ideas for a new blog. Let us know what you’d like to see in the comments. But be quick about it. Patrick is coming back soon.
1. Tony’s Oklahoman Corner
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Tony likes to haunt The Daily Oklahoman’s digital archives and then write about it. But what if we gave him free reign? You’d like to read about articles from 1994 about school board elections, wouldn’t you?
2. OKC fashion week
So, clearly we didn’t get invited to this, and yeah, we made fun of Oklahoma Fashion Week after the fact, but don’t you think this would be a great venue to discuss fashion? Seriously, who is more qualified to write about fashion than a grown-ass woman who wears Chuck Taylors and the same Hold Steady shirt nearly every single day? Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make me seem qualified. But know that I’ve seen every single season of Project Runway.
There are a lot of things you can put on a list titled “you know you grew up in Oklahoma if…” The thing that should top that list is “…you know you grew up in Oklahoma.” Seriously. You shouldn’t need a list to tell you these things.
But second is that all-important rite of passage. And no, I’m not talking about breaking into the haunted orphanage in Guthrie that is apparently now a wedding venue or jumping off the waterfall at Turner Falls, which apparently you can no longer do. I’m talking about that one glorious day in elementary school where you dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder and rig up your Radio Flyer so you can celebrate stealing land.
My memories of re-enacting the Oklahoma Land Rush of 1889 in the fourth grade at Edmond’s John Ross elementary included harrowing moments like being accused of being a sooner and having to share my wagon with the booger eater in the class. But the same type of reenactment in Mustang yesterday was a little more harrowing. According to KFOR.com:
How are you feeling this morning after all those chocolate bunnies and deviled eggs? And now that you’ve finally indulged in your bad habits again post-Lent, I’m sure you’re not operating at 100%. Couple this with your typical Monday malaise, and you’ve got the makings of a terrible day. Know that I can’t change this. All I can do is bring you some tweets from the past week. It may help you. Then again, it may not. I make no guarantees.
As always, the tweets are after the jump!
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