It’s no secret that I’m not really a fan of Christmas. I feel like I’ve spent almost every post since Halloween reminding all the readers out there how much I dislike it. But it bears repeating that Christmas is indeed the worst holiday. Sure, you may like it, but you’re wrong. New Years is and will always be the best holiday. There’s just something about being encouraged to get black out drunk, make out with a stranger at midnight, and make a bunch of empty promises about being a better person the next day that really resonates with me.
Anyway, not everyone feels the way I do about Christmas. In fact, some people like it. Like this lady from Okmulgee who likes Christmas so much she got to take her love all the way to the White House. According to News9.com:
Good morning and happy Monday, haters. Did you know that we are just a measly 4 days from Christmas? It’s true. Thankfully, my Christmas shopping is done. Unfortunately, I have yet to wrap a single thing. Also, I have yet to put up my Christmas tree. But I guess, at this point, it’s probably not going to happen this year, which is fine because let’s be real. New Years is the best holiday. Sorry, Christmas. But your cookies and presents just can’t compete with champagne and staying up late.
Anyway, as always, I’ve gathered up the best tweets from the week before and put them right here for your enjoyment. Check them out after the jump!
We are just over a week away from Christmas, and I have to say that I”m totally ready for it all to be over with. Sure, Christmas is great. But I’m ready to be done with the stress of knowing that I have gifts still left to buy, and so many more left to wrap. If you’re the type of person that thinks I could just jump on this and get it done early, I say nobody freakin’ asked you. Besides, New Year is the best holiday and I like the idea of skipping Christmas and just going straight to the holiday where it’s socially acceptable to get blackout drunk and promise you’ll be a better person in the morning.
I don’t think I’m the only one with an aversion to Christmas. In fact, some people are so down with Christmas that they’re stealing it Grinch-style. According to KFOR.com:
While Americans have the right to bear arms, it’s not always something they should do. But don’t tell that to the Carter County Sheriff. In a Facebook post, Sheriff Milton Anthony basically asked the residents of Carter County to form their own militia to fend off the terrorists:
Congrats, Carter County, on electing a sheriff who reads and writes at the same level as a third grader! Though, if you ask any third grade teacher in this state, they’d tell you that they wouldn’t accept this assignment until he turned off caps lock, took out all the run-on sentences, and learned how to spell “amendment.” Seriously, you guys. If we think OKC Schools have it rough, I can’t imagine what it’s like down in Carter County. I mean, if this is someone that a majority of voters agree to be a capable person, I shudder to think of what the dregs of that county look like.
Anyway, radical islamic terrorism is definitely something that every Carter County resident should worry about. Sure, the odds of meeting a terrorist in Ardmore, much less fighting a war against one, are small, but you have to be prepared for anything. As a result, here are some other things Sheriff Milton Anthony should warn people about…
1. The possibility of Two Frogs Grill closing
Want to see anarchy? Head to Ardmore when this place shuts down! The town could handle losing Ponder’s, but not Two Frogs. While we haven’t sent Louis Fowler there to do a food review (yet), it amazing! I dream of eating items like the “Onion Thang” and the “Colossal Cotton Candy.”
2. Law Enforcement
Fun fact, you’re more likely to get killed by a cop than a terrorist. In 2015, over 1,000 Americans have been killed by law enforcement officials in the country, with Oklahoma leading the way with the highest death rate per capita. But don’t worry about that. Law enforcement officials are just trying to uphold the peace. Follow and obey a cop’s order and there’s a 98% chance you’ll get through your encounter unharmed. Radical Islamic terrorism is the real threat.
95% of nature is absolutely terrifying. Like you have your butterflies and your cute little flowers and rainbows and lightning bugs. That’s about all the nature I can handle. The rest is allergies and black widow spiders and reproductive cycles and birds of prey. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like a good raptor as much as the next girl. But damn, it sure is hard to get a falconry license in the state of Oklahoma. (Hit me up, falconers in the OKC Metro area if you’re looking to take on an apprentice.) And if I could, I would own a terrifying owl of my very own.
Sure, owls are mean predators that throw up hella gross pellets. And I mean, sure, they are harbingers of doom in like every non-western culture. But I still want one. I mean, if lame old Harry Potter got one to take to Hogwarts, surely I should have one too. Though, that may not be possible if people keep hitting them with their cars. According to KFOR.com:
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