Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Marisa – Page 9

Chickasha is being terrorized by the shorty shorts bandit

shorty shorts bandit

Back in the old days, you knew a nurse was a nurse because she wore the white dress, tights, and shoes. You knew a flight attendant was a flight attendant because she wore a Pan Am dress. You knew a milkman was a milkman because he wore all white. And you knew a bad guy was a bad guy because he either had a Snidely Whiplash mustache or a hella sweet bandit mask.

Long gone are the days when you could spot a bandit by their black eye masks and bag with a large dollar sign. They just aren’t so easy to spot these days. A lot of the bandits these days look just like you and me. And some of them just wear short shorts.

According to KFOR.com:

Someone vandalized a Catholic church in Norman

Virgin Mary

Ah, vandalism. The timeless art of ruining someone else’s stuff. Also, it’s the best way to be a complete and total dick. I’m not saying you should stop leaving penciled-in poetry in library books or sticking vinyl stickers on street signs. I’m totally okay with that. But maybe you should stop defacing the stuff owned by private groups or individuals, especially if it’s religious stuff.

That’s right. People are being assholes when it comes to places of worship. Looks like the vandals were trying to make some sort of statement by targeting the St. Thomas More University Church and Student Center. According to KFOR.com:

Monday Morning Tweets

We’ve officially entered that time of year where I can’t breathe because I’m allergic to everything. So, if you see me passed out on the sidewalk or in the middle of a grocery store, just know it’s the Benadryl and that I’m not drunk. Not that I care what you think. I’m just not into getting arrested.

Anyway, as always, I have all the best tweets from the week before and I’ve stuffed them into one awesome post. I bet you’ll never guess where they are. Oh. you did. Yeah. After the m

Edmond is apparently overrun with rabid skunks

rabies alert

One of the best parts about living in the Oklahoma City Metro is that you’re always near a wide open space of some kind. You don’t have to go too far to find the country, and it could be said that the country doesn’t have to go too far to find you. That’s why I tend to feel like I’ve unwittingly played a part in the Great Armadillo Genocide. I’m not trying to kill them, but they really like to run out under cars. Also, if you’ve ever gone running before the sun comes up in your neighborhood, you probably fear for your life. Not because of people, but because of all the tiny, rustling creatures that run around in the dark.

Edmond is no exception, and I would say that it has a lot more open space for the various wild creatures on the east side of the highway. This may be why Patient Zero in the upcoming zombie apocalypse will be from Edmond. According to News9.com:

5 reasons the Baltimore riots would never happen in OKC

FreddieGrayPrecinctProtest

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that people are rioting in Baltimore over the death of Freddie Gray while he was in police custody. If you haven’t seen it on the news or read about it online, then one of your rather astute Facebook friends who no one has accused of having been burdened with an abundance of education has been posting about it.

I don’t believe that the average person has the psychological and intellectual wherewithal to discuss race and police violence fairly and accurately. And I’m not saying I do. But I do know this. Oklahoma is an exceptional wonderland that is completely untouched by racial biases and wealth inequality. That’s why these riots against police could never happen here.

What? You don’t believe me. Here are 5 reasons why the Baltimore riots could never happen in OKC.

1. There is no wealth inequality because we love socialism a lot.

There is nothing that Oklahomans love more than helping their fellow man and ensuring that everything is always equal. That’s why Governor Fallin made sure to set up a state healthcare exchange so all Oklahomans could easily access healthcare.