Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 162

Note to Self: Do not pee in a yard in Piedmont

When I was in high school, my friends and I spent a lot of time in Piedmont, Oklahoma. We did this for one very important reason: Piedmont girls.

Piedmont girls were awesome. They were cute, fun and would easily make out with you. I guess you can say they were like Yukon or Mustang girls, except they didn’t chew tobacco and you didn’t have to get them drunk. As an added bonus, they were located only 15-minutes away from the outlet mall at Council and Northwest Expressway. Piedmont girls love outlet malls.

One time I had a “playa” moment and actually dated two different girls from Piedmont at the same time. I sure was a badass. One girl’s name was Rebecca (the blonde), and the other one was Sara (the brunette). They had been best friends, but were in the middle of catty high school girl fight when I started dating them. I didn’t know about this until I was at Rebecca’s house and saw some “Becca and Sara BFF 4Ever” photo collage on posterboard in her bedroom. That was kind of awkward. Eventually, the girls found out they were both talking to the same nerd from PC West. My “playa” moment didn’t last too long after that.

Anyway, I apologize for all that. I had to relive the 1996 glory days for a second. I guess the point I was going to make was that the only thing that sucked about Piedmont girls were Piedmont cops. Simply put, they were assholes. They’d pull you over for going 1 mph over the speed limit, or for listening to your car stereo too loud, or for making out with a girl named Sara in the back of your friend Isaac’s blue Camaro.

Well, I guess some things don’t change. Piedmont cops are still assholes. Now instead of harassing teenage boys, they are going after Piedmont residents. They recently ticketed a family for $2,500 because a three-year old kid peed in a front yard.

Via News 9:

Happy Election Day, Moles

In honor of Election Day and our country being one of the few places in the world where you’re allowed to vote, we’re going to take the day off at The Lost Ogle. In fact, the entire TLO team will be volunteering at various voter precincts, so if you see one of us out and about, be sure to say “Hi!”

Okay, most of that was a lie. We’re going to have some posts up later and I’m not sure if anyone’s volunteering. Also, I’m aware people can vote in other countries. It’s Election Day and I guess I’m feeling a little patriotic or something.

When you get a chance, come back and read our other posts. Also, please don’t forget to vote. That’s a pretty stupid thing to do. Although “forgetting” to vote is not as bad as “choosing” not to vote. Please don’t be that person. Yes, I know it sucks to live in a state where your presidential vote doesn’t seem to matter, but don’t use it as an excuse. Wait in line, fill in the arrows, and then get your “I Voted” sticker. You’ll be happier than Wayne Coyne with a 20-year-old when you do.

Anyway, for those of you who made it this far, here’s an election treat for you. I hope you enjoy it:

Somebody stole a bunch of giant pumpkins, Charlie Brown

I hate pumpkins.

Okay, that’s kind of a strong statement. Who can really hate a pumpkin? They make nice lawn decorations, remind me of my favorite season, and 1979 is one of the greatest songs from the 1990s. But eating a pumpkin? Yeah, that’s a different story. Everything about pumpkin as a food source is a bad idea. The taste, the texture, the fact that it looks like something you’d find in Ronnie Kaye’s diaper. They’re just disgusting. Worst of all, pumpkin is everywhere this time of year. You have pumpkin coffee, pumpkin donuts, pumpkin beers, pumpkin bread, and one of the worst things in the world, pumpkin pie. I love my grandma, but I hate the brownish orange disgusting thing she serves as a desert for Thanksgiving.

Anyway, now that my anti-pumpkin soap box is finished, let’s get to the breaking news story for the day. Last week, someone stole $4,000 worth of pumpkin and hay in Edmond while being attacked by bobcats with machetes.


Cowabunga! Some dude from Shawnee made an amazing Ninja Turtle Costume for Halloween

No matter who you are or what you do, there are some days on the calendar that are guaranteed to suck. They happen every year at around the same time and everyone hates them. Here are the five worst:

1. Tuesday following Memorial Day
2. Tuesday following Labor Day
3. Monday after Daylight Savings Time begins
4. Monday after Thanksgiving break
5. Monday after Daylight Savings Time ends

Yeah, so today is the fifth worst regularly scheduled day of the year. I say “regularly scheduled” because you never know when the Thunder are going to make a bad trade or when you’re going to wake up after drinking six lunch boxes.

In an effort to cheer you up, I’m posting some pics of an amazing Ninja Turtle costume that Derick Winsett from Shawnee made from scratch for Halloween. Is it a week old? Yeah. Has it made the Internet rounds? Yes. Do I care? No, because today is the fifth suckiest day of the year and you need to forget that it will dark at 5:30.

Here’s are a couple of pics and video of the finished product:

There’s been a little shake-up at the News 9 morning show…

When she’s not pumping out babies, Bobbie Miller is a pretty good news anchor. In fact, she’s so good that Channel 9 recently stole her from Channel 4 and put her on the 4:00am news broadcast.

Well, that was short-lived. We’ve learned that Bobbie will be replacing Robin Marsh on the traditional News 9 morning show. The move is expected to happen when Bobbie returns from her annual maternity leave in a few weeks.

From an Ogle Mole email: