Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 162

This robber has never watched Forensic Files…

Charles-Marqull-Williams

The turd pictured above is Charles Williams. Known on the street as “Mr. Hanky,” he’s a criminal mastermind with very bad bathroom etiquette. He’s also apparently never watched an episode of Forensic Files or CSI.

From NewsOK.com:

A man accused of stealing some items from a home was charged with burglary based on what he left behind.

Charles Marqull Williams, 20, was charged Wednesday with first-degree burglary in Oklahoma County District Court.

On Jan. 23, 2012, a burglary was reported at 1509 SE 47 Place. The burglar apparently relieved himself in a toilet, leaving behind unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on the floor, according to the probable cause affidavit.

A DNA test on the toilet paper matched Williams, the affidavit states.

Williams was convicted previously of second-degree burglary, concealing stolen property and possession of a controlled dangerous substance, records show.

Hey, when you got to go, you got to go. Unless, of course, you’re at work. Then you should probably hold it in until you get home. Why else do you think people drive so aggressively during rush hour?

Anyway, Mr. Hanky up there is an asshole. If you’re going to drop a deuce after robbing someone’s house, at least have the decency to flush the toilet. Don’t do double damage. Did he think he was at Wal-Mart or something? I’ll bet you a bag of Charmin that he didn’t wash his hands.

We’ve acquired a photo of the crime scene through the Ogle Mole Network. It’s pretty disgusting:

2013 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest: Semi-Finals, Part 1

beauty and the corn dog

Welcome to our apparently now controversial 2013 Oklahoma State Fair Photo Contest! This is the sixth and perhaps final year we’re doing this, so let’s hope it it’s a good one.

Before we get to the photos, let me go over three things:

1. How it works. The Ogle Mole Network submitted about 200 photos for this year’s contest. After spending many hours reviewing and debating the merits of each pic, we selected 20 for the semi-finals. They are divided randomly into two groups. 10 go up today, and 10 more will be posted tomorrow are located here. You can vote for up to three photographs in each group. The three pics from each that get the most votes will advance to next week’s finals.

2. What people win. Whoever submitted (and hopefully took) the winning photo will win a feast to Picasso Cafe in the Paseo. Oddly enough, Picasso’s has its “fair” share of hipster-fusion fair cuisine. My favorite is the indian taco…that’s topped with vegi chili and Ahi tuna. They also serve up fried risotto balls (a.k.a. risotto croquettes). That may be a fried food item you can’t actually find at that fair.

3. Disclaimer. If you stumbled across this link on your niece’s Facebook page, I should warn you that The Lost Ogle is an irreverent satirical news and entertainment website. It’s not for everyone, especially if you’re nice and kind-hearted. We started this contest six years ago as an absurd alternative to other State Fair Photo contests. If you take everything way too seriously, and poking fun at our state’s fine people and Wal-Mart culture bothers you, stop reading now and head over to Post Secret. Like our fair contest, most of that site’s content is also depressing. It’s just nicer.

Anyway, if you’re totally cool with laughing at those fair freaks that come out of hibernation for 10 days each fall, check out the photos and vote for your three favorites below. The second half will be up tomorrow:

Oklahoma is a bad place for women and good place for luxury apartments. Also, OSU has hipsters.

Here at The Lost Ogle, we keep tabs on all those random Internet lists and rankings that mention or reference something about our home state. Every now and then, we compile some of them into one simple post for your viewing pleasure. We call it “Where We Rank.”

Remember, all the sources mentioned in this post are 100% legitimate and reputable. In no way are any of them desperate link-baits and content fillers created by websites looking for easy page views and referrals.

Here we go:

Johnny Depp-cowboy

HerCampus.com named Oklahoma State the 4th Best Hipster Campus in the country. Since the KFOR.com newsroom is apparently run by a bunch of 19-year-old girls who read HerCampus.com, they treated the ranking as a legitimate news item.

Via KFOR:

Apparently pulling a gun on a frat brother is against the rules…

Owen Edward Hossack

The guy pictured above is Owen Hossack. When he’s not pretending to be an Alabama dandy, he’s a former OSU frat boy. He was recently expelled from school for turning into Pistol Pete during a hazing ritual.

Via NewsOK.com:

Owen Edward Hossack, 22, is a former member of Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity. On Aug. 16, according to an affidavit, he used a loaded handgun to frighten two pledges at an Alpha Gamma Rho pledge initiation.

According to court records, the pledges were told they were being taken to a bonfire initiation event. During the ride to the bonfire, fraternity upperclassmen allegedly yelled at the pledges to stare at their laps, the affidavit states.

The victims told police Hossack aimed the gun at their heads and asked whether they were willing to take a bullet for their fraternity brothers.

Police say the gun was then discharged, shattering the rear window of the vehicle. No injuries were reported.

That’s one thing the students at Rose State never have to worry about. Well, the frat prank part that is. Ending up in the back of car with guns pointed at you is always a real possibility. Just kidding. Rose State has a wonderful and safe campus.

The story continues:

This poor carnie was arrested for selling a stuffed animal…

frank feikema

If there’s a Woody Guthrie song out there about a sad traveling hard-lucked carnie, it’s more than likely about this guy. His name is Frank Feikema. He was busted for selling a stuffed animal to an undercover fair cop at the Oklahoma State Fair in Tulsa for $40. Add that to the ever growing list of Oklahoma “WTF Laws.”

Via News 9: