Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 162

The local media doesn’t want us to be worried about the Purge that isn’t happening…

the purge

Earlier this week, some internet hoax threatening a purge made its way to town. Normally, it wasn’t anything you’d take seriously, but fortunately for all of us, we have the Oklahoma City media to warn us about the non-threat and then tell us everything will be fine.


One of the latest internet hoaxes has some Oklahomans a little scared.

Images circulating on social media warned Oklahomans that a real-life version of the movie “The Purge” was set to take place at the end August.

In “The Purge” films, the government sanctions an annual 12-hour period in which any and all criminal activity becomes legal.

However, the images are part of a series of internet hoaxes most likely inspired by a Kentucky high school student.

According to KDVR, purge threats in Kentucky, Ohio, Florida, Michigan and Illinois were all found to be unsubstantiated.

So no worries Oklahomans, the real life purge is not happening.

I like how the KFOR Social Media Bandit mentions that some Oklahomans are “a little scared,” and then fails to interview or find one Oklahoman who is actually “a little scared.” They just simply posted tweets from people who were sarcastically laughing at the hoax. Seriously, who other than a Red Dirt Report reader is really worried that a real life purge is going to happen? Is it you, KFOR Social Media Bandit? Are you the one who’s “a little scared?” Did you write all this because you need assurance from others that it is indeed a prank?

If so, today’s your lucky day. KOCO sent Brian Schlonsky – yeah, that’s his real name – to Norman to investigate the “mysterious” flyers that even David Stanley would find sketchy. Here’s the video:

18 Racist Derplahoman Facebook Comments About The OKC Zoo’s New Baby Gorilla…

Last Saturday, this cute, yet somewhat terrifying baby gorilla was born at the Oklahoma City Zoo. She weighed 4-pounds and probably needs her eyebrows trimmed:

oklahoma city baby gorilla

Unfortunately, the baby’s mom decided to take advantage of our state’s “Safe Haven” laws and abandoned her child.

Via News 9:

The Oklahoma City Zoo and Botanical Garden welcomes a new member to the family. A female Western lowland gorilla was born in the early hours of Saturday, August 16, inside a Great EscApe day room to mother Ndjole and father Togo.

The baby gorilla weighed a little more than four pounds at birth, and she appears healthy and strong. However, zoo officials said the mother has not demonstrated any signs of maternal care toward her baby since giving birth, and the Zoo’s veterinarian team and gorilla keepers have made the decision to hand rear the infant.

“Ndjole was given several opportunities to bond with her baby within the first 24 hours and didn’t show any interest in her, putting the newborn’s life at risk,” said OKC Zoo Veterinarian Dr. Jennifer D’Agostino.

According to officials, caregivers will provide around-the-clock care for the infant gorilla in an off-exhibit area in Great EscApe to keep the baby in close proximity to other gorillas. It is the Zoo’s goal to explore every option to reunite the infant with other gorillas as soon as possible.

That’s depressing. Ndjole better return all the gifts the other female gorillas gave her at the baby shower. You can’t keep the stuff if you reject the baby.

Obviously, once news broke that a cute little baby gorilla was born at the zoo, the social media bandits from all four TV news stations pounced on the clickable OMG! CUTE! ADORABLE! story and posted it on Facebook. As we know, there’s nothing they love more than a like-inducing post about an animals.

Unfortunately, this woke up some Derplahomans who were sound asleep in their double wides. Never afraid to share their racist, 19th century views on the world, they took a break from sewing confederate flags to dazzle us with their sophisticated humor.

Here are 18 totally real Facebook comments I took from the Channel 4, Channel 5 and Channel 9 Facebook pages.

richard faulkner oklahoma facebook

clayton pelfrey oklahoma facebok

seth wilson oklahoma facebook

David Stanley was fined $350,000 for misleading, deceptive advertising…

david stanley

Did you hear about David Stanley Chrysler Jeep Dodge getting hit with that record fine for airing deceptive and misleading commercials?

What’s that? You get most of your news from the Oklahoma City media, plus you’ve gone deaf from listening to all the obnoxious David Stanley commercials they play night and day? Oops. Sorry about that. Should have known.

In what appears to be a TLO exclusive, we’ve learned via the Ogle Mole Network that David Stanley Chrysler Jeep Dodge agreed to pay a $350,000 fine in March of 2014 for allegedly violating eight state regulations designed to protect consumers from misleading advertising practices.

According to this document, the violations include deceptive, inaccurate and bait-and-switch forms of advertising.

The commercials in question ran in January 2014 and offered eye rolling, too-good-to-be-true deals that offered to pay $18,000 in the car buyer’s credit card debt if they bought a car.

I forwarded the settlement agreement to one of my lawyer friends, Attorney Jacob Rowe, and this is what he had to say:

These ads together make it look to the layman that David Stanley was going to take $12k off the sticker price of a truck and pay $18K worth of credit cards to boot. They also made it appear that the $18k deal was for all new vehicles. It also looks like they only had two vehicles that were subject to the promo.

I checked YouTube for the commercials, but they’re gone. I did find a similar promotion offering to pay off $20,000 in credit card debt. Here it is:

TLO Trivia Night Recap: Final Week

The following clip is from the “hit” CBS show “Two Broke Girls.” If you want to know what our TLO Trivia Nights are like, watch the video and then imagine something totally opposite:

Before we get to this week’s league standings and trivia questions, let’s go over a few things:

• Sam Scovill has joined the TLO Trivia Host team. He’ll be part of an experienced and talented trivia host roster that includes Spencer “Shotgun” Hicks, Josh “Layaway” Lathe, Louis “Foreplay” Fowler, Ryan “Basic” Drake and Patrick “Refer to Himself in Third Person” Riley. We’re trying to figure out a nickname for Sam. Let us know if you have any suggestions.

• We’re still in the process of adding an additional host or two. If you’re interested, read this and let us know.

• This is the final week of qualifying for our “League of Champions 2.0.” If you have no clue what that means, ask about it the next time you play at trivia.

Here are some random Robin Williams trivia questions we asked at TLO Trivia Night last week. Answers are after the jump.

1. Which Robin Williams film was an adaptation of a popular 1981 children’s book?

2. Which cartoon character was once cursed with the ability to turn everything he touches into Robin Williams?

3. In what movie did Robin Williams say the following line “No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world?”

4. Who was a guest alongside Robin Williams on Johnny Carson’s famous second-to-last episode of “The Tonight Show”?

5. In memory of Robin Williams, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences tweeted a touching scene from what movie? 

6. In what movie did Robin Williams play the role of unemployed voice actor Daniel Hilliard?

Mary Fallin does not support medical marijuana…

Mary Fallin Wayne Coyne

After my post last Tuesday about the next steps in our open records lawsuit against Governor Mary Fallin, I mentioned this on Facebook:

We promise. This is the final Mary Fallin related post for the week.

Well, unless she says or does something stupid before Friday. Since that’s a near certainty, I guess disregard my earlier statement and expect a post about Mary Fallin later this week.

Thanks to our Governor, I nearly had to break my promise. Always down for a good challenge, she announced the following day that she’s for the legalization of medicinal marijuana while not being for the legalization of medical marijuana.

Via NewsOK.com:

Gov. Mary Fallin is supporting legalization of a nonintoxicating component of marijuana on a limited, trial basis for use in treating young people with rare conditions that cause seizures and strokes.

The ingredient is cannabidiol oil (CBD), and an interim legislative study is planned.

Wait a second. That’s not stupid. That’s great! I hope the study leads to new moderns laws that give Oklahomans the freedom and power to treat deadly, life altering seizures without being considered criminals.

I wonder what Mary thinks about the people who suffer from other medical conditions? You know, things ranging from pain, insomnia, muscle tension, anxiety, nausea or loss of appetite to potentially fatal diseases like cancer or AIDs? What type of medical marijuana will they be able to get?