Before we get to this edition of our caption contest, let’s take a look at the last one we did. It was a photo of Wikipedia editor extraordinaire David Holt with Dog the Bounty Hunter:
In all honesty, that was a crummy photo for a caption competition. Here were a couple of captions that I found tolerable:
“Ever try anal?”
“Damn, Dog…I loved you in The Wrestler. Wanna go save some fetuses and spit on gay people?”
Yep, those were the best ones. This week’s caption contest should be a lot easier, as we have several photos to look at:
So far, the biggest development of this severe storm season has been a lack of actual severe storms. I know we’re just now entering May and anything can happen, but we still haven’t had a multi-vortex mega grinder tree debarker hit a small town or Moore. That’s good and everything, but if you dropped $4,000 for a storm shelter over the winter, you have to feel kind of ripped-off.
The second biggest development has been the arrival of KFOR’s new bionic storm chase Reed Timmer. Not only does the former reality show star and PhD candidate bring a wealth of experience and knowledge to Mike Morgan’s weather team, but he also rolls around in the Dominator – a futuristic armored storm chasing machine complete with grounding spikes, unbreakable double-pained glass and probably a flux capacitor. Here’s a pic of the beast and its master:
The sudden arrival and emergence of Reed and has Dominator surprised everyone. This includes KWTV Channel 9. Now, in a “It’s so obvious it’s embarrassing” response, the OKC ratings leader is having a contest to help nickname David Payne’s storm chasing vehicle. They haven’t announced what the grand prize is, but if it doesn’t include playing catch with Gary England or a trip to the beach with Lacey Swope, I’ll be disappointed.
Anyway, because this is the type of stuff we do, I asked out contributor network (Tony, Spence, Marisa, Chelsea, Joel, Zeb, Chad, etc.) if they had any name suggestions. They did. Some are pretty good. Here are 18 of them:
1. XXXXtreeeme Mountain Dew Red Bull Storm Chaser HD 3000
From what I’ve heard, David Payne drinks a mixture of Red Bull, Mountain Dew and Dean Blevin’s Smart Ones for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He’s a dare-devil.
2. The Dominatrix
If they go with this, maybe we’ll finally get to see Lauren Nelson in leather.
3. The Overcompensator
This is probably the best possible name, but only because it’s true and accurate. Hell, it would be a great nickname for the Dominator, too.
There are some weird changes taking place at NewsOK.com.
We first noticed this back in February when the site turned into a poor man’s Huffington Post and began to share national news stories from across the web. Here’s the basic formula. NewsOK.com interns and editors find a clickable headline from a site like Gawker or TMZ, post the first paragraph of the story on NewsOK.com, and then give the old “Click here to read more” treatment. They don’t provide any additional information or commentary. It’s a shameless, cheap and very productive way to get a couple of extra page views per site visit and show additional ads. If you go to the site, you can see all the national stories stacked on the right sidebar.
The site is also in the midst of posting sprightly little columns from something called the “The Digital Desk.” They kind of remind me of the stories you’d see at BuzzFeed but probably not click on. That’s probably a good thing because the posts are kind of boring. Here are two recent examples. Make sure you drink some caffeine before trying to read them.
6 types of people you might have seen at Norman Music Festival: My favorite is Number 6. It shows a photograph of people taking cover from rain with the caption “People who would not let rain keep them from enjoying the festival.”
20 ways people responded to news of Russell Westbrook’s injury: I have no comment about this post. That’s how awful it is.
Now this is where things get creepy. When they’re not ripping off BuzzFeed, it looks like the Digital Desk is trying to stoop down to our level and write blog posts about Oklahoman weather and weathermen! This development has led to people asking me if we’re worried that OPUBCO is trying to force us to move to Enid or something.
The short answer is “No.” Here are four reasons why:
1. It’s hard to put a fledgling blog out of business.
2. OPUBCO doesn’t have the best track record when launching new web products or ideas. These are the same people who brought us Wimgo, Cardboard Mr. Know It and Steve Lackmeyer’s Google Hangouts. I think the only successful experiment NewsOK has launched is Beat Baldwin, and in all honesty, we don’t even know what that is! I bet Mike Baldwin is still confused by the thing.
3. The articles are, well, not that great. This one about 5 Types of Oklahomans and How They React to the Weather is okay, but when you have to begin a post with a disclaimer that “this is meant to be fun, and not meant to poke fun at the serious nature of severe weather in our state,” it instantly loses its, well, fun.
Then we have this thing. It’s a blog post by Managing Digital Editor Rob Hibbard. I’ll award three bonus points to anyone who can figure it out.
When I first bought my house, there was a retired man living behind me that would shoot squirrels with a BB gun. He was relentless. He’s shoot at them as they played in the trees, climbed power lines, and crossed the fencing between our backyards. If you didn’t know better, you would have thought a squirrel killed his family and he was the ex-cop looking for revenge, which by the way, would make an excellent show on FX.
His obsession with dead furry creatures created some drama with me and other neighbors. For one, every time he’d hit a squirrel the thing would live just long enough to make it to my yard and die. Know what’s not fun? Having your dog bring a dead squirrel carcass into the house. Two, the guy had terrible aim. He hit two windows in my backyard and damaged my siding. He also broke out a window in the house next door to me. Instead of doing what I did and asking the guy to pay for the damages (which he did), the lady who owned the house called the cops on him. I’m not sure if it was related, but the old man moved out about a year later.
Anyway, I guess there was a reason for my ex-neighbor’s madness. Despite being cute and indecisive about crossing roads, squirrels are pests. They can damage your home, property and even start dangerous grass fires.
From the Channel 5 website:
The hot and angry girl pictured above is Meagan Lindsay. On Sunday, she stabbed another girl outside Cain’s Ballroom…with her shoe.
A high-heeled shoe was the apparent weapon of choice for a Jenks woman accused of aggravated assault against another woman Sunday evening.
Tulsa Police arrested Meagan Lindsay and booked her on an aggravated assault complaint late Sunday at Cain’s Ballroom. Police were called to the popular music venue for a report of a stabbing, according to an arrest report.
Officers described in their report that a bouncer told them that Lindsay walked up to the other woman and used “a high heeled shoe to stab her in the right side of the victim’s face.”
At the scene, officers spoke to the victim who stated that she was in a fight with Lindsay’s cousin inside Cain’s and tried to leave. When she went outside, Lindsay walked up to her and used her heel to stab her.
When the officers on scene spoke to Lindsay, she told them that it was in self-defense and that someone warned her that the victim was coming up behind her to attack her, according to the police report.
Lindsay was booked on $1,000 bond for the aggravated assaulted complaint. She is due in court next week.
You know, it never really occurred to me that a shoe could double as a dangerous weapon. Maybe that explains why high maintenance women have been hoarding them for the past 200 years. They’re probably planning some global rebellion to take over the world or something. Wouldn’t that be awful? Glee would be the only thing on television and Carrie Bradshaw would be president. Thank God some guy invented dark chocolate to keep them all regulated and under control.
Anyway, the guys at Bar Stool Sports seem to think Carrie’s pic is the hottest mug shot of all time. That inspired me to searched the Internet for other pics of Meagan just to see how hot she really is. Oddly enough, she didn’t have a Facebook or old MySpace page, but I did find this strange bikini pic from the 2009 Urban Tulsa Weekly swimsuit issue:
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