Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 162

Introducing the TLO Trivia Night “League of Champions…”

free team trivia brains

It’s hard to believe, but we’ve been in the trivia night business for nearly four years now.

It started at the 51st St. Speakeasy in June of 2010 as a way for us to meet girls and possibly get them to flash us. To date, we have met several girls, including Emily Sutton, but none of them have flashed us… yet. One girl did ask me to sign her chest a few years ago, but I think she was a stripper and easily swayed by Jedi mind tricks.

Here’s the proof:

2013 Year in Review: Recap

Considering December isn’t over yet, it seems kind of silly to recap posts that were published a few weeks ago. But in case you care, the most popular posts were about a tweet from Dean Blevins, Maggie Stokes departure, Ed Shadid’s addictions and Emily Sutton’s serious boyfriend that is totally better than you.

Instead of reviewing those posts, I figured we should just recap the entire 2013 year in review thing and share some totally realnumbers for 2013.

Here are those numbers:

20… The amount of people who stumbled across this by searching “Mary Fallin Nude”

250… The amount of people who stumbled across this by searching “Emily Sutton Nude”

513… The amount of comments left by CAP1015, our most active commenter

12,000… Approved comments left on the site

38,000… Number of votes cast for Ogle Madness VI

113,350… Pageviews that our review of Street Outlaws has received, making it the most popular post of 2013.

3,785,000… Total unique visitors to the site in 2013

7,685,000… Total pageviews received in 2013

(By the way, I’m not joking about the nude photos search.)

Anyway, the 2013 Year in Review recap is located after the jump. We link back to each month and highlight the most popular story. If you missed any part of the series, you should check it out. Also, big thanks to comedian Joel Decker for taking on this project. Going back and compiling this stuff is more work than you’d think.

And the 2013 TLO “Oklahoman of the Year” is…

With today being the last day of 2013, I guess we should go ahead name our 2013 Oklahoman of the Year.

Before we get to that, let’s take a look at some of the finalists that barely missed out on the honor:

danny glover annette colbert latham

Annette-Colbert Latham

Whether it’s a scam or not, if you trick the local media into thinking that Bravo! seriously wants to produce a “The Real Housewives of Oklahoma City,” you deserve some sort of honor.

she-wants-the-D

“She Wants the D” guy…

We were originally going to go with the Oklahoma atheist, but she’s earned over $100,000 for not believing in God. You can’t earn over $100,000 for not believing in anything and be a finalist for Oklahoman of the Year. Instead, let’s recognize the dude who broke out the shirt he wears to Coyote Ugly to help with tornado relief and rescue efforts.

Bruce Johnson Oklahoma Facebook Funny

Derplahomans

You know how Time magazine will occasionally get all abstract and name “America” or “The Whistleblowers” or “The Peacemakers” as its person of the year? Well, we nearly did the same for Derplahomans. These folks had one hell of year. Their American flags, crazed rants and irrational vitriolic hate for the president (and other things they can’t comprehend) dominated local Facebook timelines and the bumper stickers of local Wal-Mart parking lots. Here’s hoping they keep it up in 2014.

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Thayer Evans

Okay, so he may not be the best investigative reporter in the world and his hair looks like it was styled in a wind tunnel, but Thayer Evans deserves some credit for making every Oklahoma State fan in the country hate him. I’ve tried to accomplish that on this site for several years, and so far, have come up short. That’s probably because OSU fans have grown immune to silly jokes about their inferior, tradition-lacking football program and overrated basketball team. Maybe I should start misquoting Aso Pogi and conduct my own investigation in the Orange Pride hostess program. That will fire them up.

 

Kenneth Webster Enlow

The Pooping Tom

If we were naming the Oklahoma ‘Idiot of the Year,” this guy would win running away. Or would it be the woman who hid the loaded gun in her vagina? Or maybe the guy who shit his pants while unsuccessfully trying to rob a payday loan store. Or perhaps the lady who tried to sell her kids on Facebook? Hmmn, maybe we should have named a “2013 Idiot of the Year.” That would have been fun.

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2 Chainz

Technically, 2 Chainz isn’t an Oklahoman so he’s not eligible for this award. I’m just including him on this list so that he’ll possibly invite me on his tour bus the next time he’s in OKC.

janet baressi

Janet Barresi

The goal of any State School Superintendent should be to create controversy, push faulty ideologically policies and divide parents and educators. In just her first term in office, Janet Barresi accomplished all those things with flying colors. Based on her complicated school grading system, that would earn her a C+.

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Serge Ibaka

2013 was a really big year for Serge. Thanks to his extended range, his game has risen to new levels. He’s bulged out to near the top of the list of Western Conference power forwards.

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Gary England and Emily Sutton

It probably surprises you to see our two idols / heroes come up short on this list, but his Holiness got frustrated with that rascal of a giant iPad and retired, and Emily Sutton now has a boyfriend who’s better than us. Sorry, but that disqualifies them to win Oklahoman of the Year honors.

Also, do not take that pic into a MotoPhoto and ask them to turn it into a 24 X 36 laminated poster for your bathroom. The attendant will laugh and point at you and then call the police. Instead, just turn it into your own customized Fathead. It’s much more discreet, and you can then easily move it from room to room.

Anyway, I guess it’s time to get to the good stuff. Our 2013 Oklahoman of the Year is…

Liligers, Kangaroos and Weatherman: 10 news stories we missed over Christmas week

Kind of like you, we fell off the map last week for Christmas and are about to do it again for New Years. Before we do so, I wanted to get caught up on things and share 10 local stories that we probably would have covered last week had we not been drinking with our families and getting stuck with a beard trimmer during Dirty Santa. Check it out. It’s a great way to kill time while you’re catching up on emails before falling behind again.

The first two are below, the rest are after the jump:

joe exotic panda

1. Joe Exotic has bred a liliger

Our favorite eccentric zoo keeper, Joe Exotic (a.k.a. the guy pictured who’s not in the panda suit), made national news when he announced a litter of liliger cubs were born in his zoo outside Wynnewood:

From ABC News:

If ligers aren’t exotic enough for you, meet the liliger. The Garold Wayne Interactive Zoological Park in Wynnewood, Okla., is home to the country’s first liliger cubs, the hybrid offspring of a male lion named Simba and a female liger named Akaria.

The entertainment director at the zoo, who goes by the name “Joe Exotic,” said that Akaria gave birth to three female cubs around Thanksgiving. “They were actually born during a storm, so we had to remove them from mom to keep them alive,” he told ABC News.

He knows that it’s difficult for a liger to breed but not impossible. “For 30 years since the liger has been in existence, everyone thought they were sterile,” he said. “But we paired a baby liger and a baby white tiger male six years ago and came up with the first tiliger. That proved female ligers weren’t sterile.”

The zoo plans for the cubs to have their own exhibit. “They will be ready for public view just shortly after the first [of January],” said the entertainment director. “For now, they’re currently living in my house.”

They’re living in his house? Those poor liligers! That has to be against some law, right? Maybe we can get DHS, Napoleon Dynamite and Uncle Rico to use their skills to save them.

Also, is anyone else concerned that the story of Joe Exotic is starting to read like the plot to a bad horror movie? What’s really going on in that little animal sanctuary in southern Oklahoma? Expect Wynnewood to be attacked by a genetically altered breed of super cats any day now. It will be step one of Joe Exotic’s plan to either take over the world or force people to listen to his music.

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2. Ed Shadid has denied that he ever freebased cocaine with a male prostitute

From the TLO and Fallin family to yours, have a Happy Holidays…

Fox News always likes to criticize and ridicule the retails outlets, organizations, parades, politicians and just about everything else that attempts to take the Christ out of Christmas and replace it with Happy Holidays. Since that’s the case, expect the Fallin family’s 2013 Holiday Card to make a broadcast soon:

fallin christmas card

Wow. Isn’t this some sort of breaking news? Out of all the governors in this country, you’d think the one who runs on a campaign of “faith, family and freedom” would be the last to give in to political holiday correctness. Also, Christina Fallin ditched the pink hair and Mary Fallin isn’t wearing tights with open toes shoes. There’s way too much stuff going on in one Christmas, err, holiday card.

Anyway, just like our Governor, we at TLO would like to wish you a Merry Christmas happy holidays. Internet traffic falls off the map during the week of Christmas and New Year’s Eve/Day, and we’re going to go away with it. We’ll still post our 2013 Year in Review stuff and be on call if something major breaks, but otherwise, we’ll be spending time with our annoying families just like you. Have a Merry Christmas, Moles.

(p.s. – Inside of the card above is located after the jump)