Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 164

The Oklahoman doesn’t want Jenni Carlson to be a Thunder TV Analyst…

jenni carlsoniii

Last week, we encouraged TLO readers to nominate Jenni Carlson as the new Thunder TV analyst for some goofy reader engagement / contest / space killer thing The Oklahoman was doing. We figured it would be a funny thing to do because it would put The Oklahoman in the awkward spot of having to treat Jenni’s nomination seriously. Great idea, huh?

Well, not if you work for The Oklahoman. I guess they didn’t like the thought of Jenni Carlson and Brian Davis teaming up to form the most awful sports broadcasting team in history. They ignored the will of the people despite these Twitter nominations:

2014 TLO Weather Dong Contest Finalists

KWTV9 Matt Mahler Weather Dong

Back in April, we announced the $200 TLO Weather Dong Contest. It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time – severe weather season was about to start, weather dongs are funny, and most of our readers have the deeply sick, perverted minds of school teachers and bingo players. Hell, we even had Patricia’s on board to sponsor the thing. We’ll just ask readers to send us weather dong pics and hilarity will ensue. We’ll even give a $100 Patricia’s Gift Card to the meteorologist victimized by the dong. What could go wrong???

Well, a couple of things:

1. We had a very mild severe storm season. This is the weather dong equivalent of thinking about football. Of all the times for Gary England to take it easy on us, he chose the one spring that we launch a damn weather dong contest. I don’t blame him. This was his first spring away from the Oklahoma weather scene since he flew around the earth in weather balloon in search of the Weatherford Lightning Monster in 1965. He probably just wanted to enjoy his first spring as a retired weather savior. Then again, the calm weather may have been retribution for us missing the 2013 Gary England Day Pilgrimage, or failing to sacrifice and old gentner at News 9’s Doppler Radar. Who knows.

2. We did a shitty job promoting the contest. I should have known better. I wrote a post about the thing and then kind of forgot about it. I’m bad about that. We should have at least created some house ads for the contest, or set up an alert to go out on Twitter and Facebook whenever there was rain in the forecast.

Because of those two factors, I wasn’t too impressed with the quality or volume of this year’s weather dong entries. It was about as disappointing as a dinner at Vast. I guess that’s okay. The same thing happened the first time we had a State Fair Photo Contest and look what it’s become. In fact, the first year of that thing the winning pic was staged. Now we wish and hope the winning pics are staged, but sadly they’re not.

Anyway, enough with excuses. Here are the finalists for the 2014 TLO Weather Dong Competition. We’ll try to do this again next year and hopefully it will be a whole lot better. Check them out and vote after the jump:

So we got Mary’s secret emails. Now what?

wayne coyne mary fallin

As you know, Mary Fallin released the batch of secret emails related to our Open Records lawsuit yesterday afternoon. Now that we got the prize, you’d think we’d be popping champagne bottles and rolling around in the records on the floor like they were hundred dollar bills.

Well, that’s true. I got drunk and made the documents rain at Night Trips last night. Let me tell you, nothing is hotter than folding a paper copy of an email exchange between Glenn Coffee and Denise Northrup in half and then tucking it in a strippers g-string. It’s too bad the strippers disagreed.

The records release, and the timing of it, was obviously a strategic move by Fallin’s campaign. As we noted, they only had a couple of days left to produce a court ordered log of the records containing important details like the date and time sent, senders, recipients and subject lines. They probably figured releasing the emails was better than a random log. I assume sending a 1:30am email to a think-tank lobbyist can look pretty suspicious without any context.

Also, Mary’s office conveniently released the emails on a Monday afternoon during the early stages of her sputtering re-election campaign. That way, they can attempt to twist the issue into a positive, and falsely tout Mary’s record of transparency for the next few months, despite the fact it took 20 months and a lawsuit to get her to do it.

Obviously, this doesn’t sit too well with us. Why should Mary get to play politics and pick when and why she releases open records that the public is entitled to view? That’s not how our open records laws are supposed to work, and it’s why we’ve decided to continue with our lawsuit. I’ll let Ryan Kiesel, the Executive Director of the Oklahoma ACLU, explain it:

“If the Governor had simply produced these documents nearly two years ago in compliance with the Open Records Act, the people of Oklahoma could have been afforded greater transparency and spared unnecessary legal cost. The precedent the Governor is attempting to create would allow the Executive Branch of our state to hide behind bogus privileges, and only reveal requested documents after months of litigation and before untested legal arguments are reviewed by the state’s highest court. Along with our client, we intend to move forward to ensure that the current and future Governors of our great state do not get a blank check when it comes to following the law.” 

So yes, in short, we are pressing forward with our appeal. We’re going to try to make sure that this Governor, and future ones, can’t mute important issues and chose to ignore open record requests until it’s convenient for them.

Of course, some people are asking me this question: why? You got the records. Be content and go home.

I’ll be the first to admit, this wasn’t an easy decision. This whole thing has been controversial. We’ve lost advertising revenue because of it. Plus, there are a lot of people in the journalistic community that don’t want us to pursue this any farther. They’re worried that the Supreme Court will rule in the Governor’s favor, and make it even more difficult to get open records in the future. They want us to drop the case.

You know what, screw those people. We didn’t do this for journalists or boring media outlets or to make money. We are doing this for the people!

Okay, okay, I really did it for the publicity, but give me a second, I’m on a roll here.

Seriously, screw the other media outlets in the state for not having the balls to file this lawsuit. Do you know how sad it is that the only plaintiff the ACLU could land for this case is an “obscure, local social blog” that specializes in crafting fan fiction about meteorologists? Here’s a hint: It’s really sad. It’s like watching Emily Sutton drop a cupcake.

Of course, we’re really not an “obscure local social blog” anymore. Here’s what the AP called us in their wire story:

Beware: College student sells PS4 for $300… in counterfeit bills

counterfeit money

I’ve never bought or sold anything from Craigslist. This is because I’m stubborn and refuse to adapt to changing times, but also because I’m intelligent, handsome and get weirded out every time I visit a website that looks like it was built with the FrontPage HTML editor. Come on, I know the website is supposed to have simple, web-retro look, but at least make me feel like I’m not going somewhere illegal.

In addition to those reasons, I also….

A) Don’t want to get ripped off buying second-hand merchandise from some Internet creeper.

B) Don’t want to get ripped off selling second-hand merchandise to some Internet creeper.

C) Don’t want to die while getting ripped off by some Internet creeper.

Seriously, do you all not watch Lifetime movies? Craigslist is a scary place. I think I read a study that claims something like 80% of all Craigslist users either stutter, have twitch in their arm and /or frequent garage sales. Who wants to associate with anyone like that?

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is that a metro man now probably shares my sentiments about the site. He sold a PS4 for $300… in counterfeit bills.

Via KOCO.com:

Mary Fallin is getting her satanic groups all confused…

Mary Fallin, Martin O'Malley, Peter Shumlin, Bobby Jindal,

Mary Fallin won’t be going to a Satanic bean feed anytime soon.

Yesterday, our Governor issued a strongly worded statement against the satanic Black Mass that’s planned for the Civic Center in September. Through mid-July, the event has sold about 30 tickets. Expect that to double with this additional round of publicity.

In a Mary Fallin campaign hallmark, our Governor blamed out-of-state liberals and elitists for a problem that’s actually being caused by hard-working Oklahomans.

Check it out: