Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 164

OG&E is getting a shiny new building downtown…

new og&e building

The Devon Tower is growing some balls.

After what seems like years of waiting, rumors, and lurid Steve Lackmeyer wet dreams, details of the new mysterious downtown tower have been released.

The 14 – 16 story building will be the new home of OG&E Energy. You know, that ultra-powerful legal corporate monopoly that can cut off your power in the middle of the day without any sort of notice because your online payment didn’t go through, and then not have to worry about the repercussions of that act because you, the consumer, can’t chose a different electric company to do business with. Yeah, those assholes. The same ones who have corporation commissioners in their pockets, long hold times, flippant customer services representatives that don’t seem to care about your problems, and a goddamn computer that takes six hours to restore power to your home via a “smart meter.”

Sorry, got a little sidetracked.

From NewsOK.com:

Smokin’ Joe Dorman is probably running for Governor…

joleen chaney joe dorman bobbie miller emily sutton

Back in October, Mary Fallin launched her 2014 re-election campaign. Here were my Oglestradamus’ish thoughts at the time:

Does it really matter? This lady’s going to win. She knows it, we know it, they know it and you know it. She could cuss out Andrew Speno, dye her hair pink and get caught doing coke with Wayne Coyne in the Blue Note bathroom and still coast to an easy victory. The only way she loses this thing is if zombies take over the world. Actually, that probably wouldn’t even matter. Zombies love Mary Fallin…

This is shaping up to be the most boring gubernatorial election since 1998 when Keating defeated Denise Boyd. At least I think that’s who it was. I’m too lazy to look it up. The last few elections haven’t been very close, but at least they had established name candidates in Jari Askins and Ernest Istook. The Democratic field is so weak this year that Joe Dorman could throw his hat into the ring (just kidding, we know he wouldn’t take off his hat) and he’d probably win the Democratic nomination. That wouldn’t be too bad. At least we’d get a couple of Joleen Chaney watermelon pics.

I guess it’s time to arm the watermelons. Joe Dorman has taken the first big step towards a 2014 gubernatorial run. He’s asked Kera Philippi to recruit an all female force of elite state troopers to be his bodyguards. He’s also formed an exploratory committee.

From a Joe Dorman press release:

Dean Blevins would be happier if the people who served him also spoke Deanglish…

dean blevins little smokies

At least he didn’t send out a pic of his son in a cage.

Last night, News 9’s Dean Blevins (hopefully) took his wife on a nice little overpriced date to the Melting Pot. We know this because he decided to tweet about his experience… and the disdain he has for low-wage immigrant employees who don’t speak our language.

Here’s a screenshot of the tweet. It’s already been deleted:

News on 6 is threatening to make a boring YouTube video go viral…

jenks video

Excluding the depressing stuff from last May, it’s been awhile since we’ve had a really good viral video come out of Oklahoma. We allegedly got close over the summer when some preacher from Skiatook went all angry football coach and chewed into his congregation, but calling that a video “viral” is a stretch. I’m Captain Internet and I didn’t know it existed until about 5 minutes ago. It’s only received about 700,000 views. That’s less than the freakin’ Santorum girls from Tulsa.

But don’t worry, help is on the way. The viral video tastemakers at News 6 in Tulsa think they have a video that you’re going to love. From the News 9 / News on 6 website:

Video Of Jenks Vice Principal Dancing Threatens To Go Viral

A video showing a Jenks vice principal busting a move to the most viral song of 2013 is threatening to go viral itself.

Eric Fox took a star turn during a performance of Jenks Public School administrators at a pep rally before the 6A state championship game. Fox took center stage dancing to “What Does The Fox Say?,” a YouTube sensation performed by Norway’s Ylvis.

We don’t know if the local version is enough to replace Ylvis’ number one spot on YouTube, but it was apparently enough to help Jenks beat Union for the state title.

Watch the video, and keep an eye out for Fox in the number 60 jersey.

Uhm, threatening to go viral? Show me on the doll how that happens. Was the video guarding a rhubarb patch or something? Let’s check out this sure to be hysterical video that’s threatening to go viral:

Emily Sutton’s serious boyfriend is totally better than you…

Sutton

A few weeks ago while debunking the silly rumor that Severe Weather Diva Emily Sutton was engaged to Scott Hines, we made a sobering discovery. Emily Sutton has a serious boyfriend. Surprisingly, we took the news okay:

I’m going to climb to the top of the Devon Tower and eat at Vast. That will put me out of my misery.

Seriously, Emily Sutton has a boyfriend. And not only that, but he’s a serious one. I wonder what that means? Do they hold hands, share smiles, and fall asleep while watching Netflix together like other serious couples, or is he just too serious?

“Sweetie, look at the beautiful cumulostratus clouds forming on the horizon! Lets sing the weather song and think about puppies!”

“Please don’t bother me right now. I’m balancing my checkbook.”

I guess we’ll be good sports and congratulate Emily Sutton for getting a serious boyfriend. Unless, of course, the serious boyfriend is either Aaron Tuttle and /or drives a Dominator. If that’s the case, I really am going to eat at Vast.

Well, it looks like I get to eat in the Devon cafeteria instead.

Thanks to the wonders of the Ogle Mole Network, we’ve discovered the identity of Emily’s mysterious gentleman caller. His name is Michael Zurmehly. Unless they include clever references to the Shawnee Mall or barrel grinders, please refrain from any “Miiiiiiiiiike!!! Miiiiiiiiiiike!!! Miiiiiiiiiiike!!!” jokes.

Here’s a pic of the couple: