Sad news, Moles. We’ve learned that Fox 25 anchor — and the 4th hottest women in the OKC news media — Deeda Payton is leaving for KEYE in Austin, Texas. According to her Twitter page, her last day in Oklahoma City is January 1.
Usually I get all upset and cry and eat Ben & Jerry’s whenever a local news hottie leaves for a bigger market, but this one doesn’t sting that bad. Let’s be honest, no one really watches Fox 25. Sure, I’ll miss her occasional tweets and ranking her in our annual hot chicks rankings, but things are looking good in the attractive news girl department. KSBI hired the pageant winner, KOCO signed the attractive chick from Israel, and KFOR even brought in something called a Courtney Franciso.
My only concerns are:
A) Who will they hire to replace Deeda? Since Fox 25 dumped their perverted old new director, I’m worried they will hire some dude named Colby or Bradley or Scott. That would be a mistake. They need to stick with local tradition and hire hot chicks. It’s the only reason we watch the local news.
B) Will I ever type the name “Deeda” again in my life? Seriously, this my be the last post where I ever intentionally write those letters in that order. Deeda sounds like one of Captain Kirk’s love interests from Star Trek or a character from Clan of the Cave Bear.
Anyway, as a tribute to Deeda, I decided to post some of the pics that we’ve acquired of her over the past few years. Good luck. We hope she enjoys Austin.
Earlier this week, I received an email from a Mole claiming that Chesapeake Energy planned on laying-off 10% of its Oklahoma City staff this Friday. I wasn’t able to confirm that rumor, but apparently Chesapeake has sent an email to certain staff today at 9:00am announcing a Voluntary Separation Program. I know this because we’ve obtained a copy of that email. It was sent by Henry Hood, Senior Vice President.
Here it is:
Back in November, we wrote about Governor Mary Fallin’s refusal to comply with Oklahoma law and not release certain emails and documentation that were sought by the Oklahoman in an open records request. Since then, several other media organizations have joined the party and filed their own requests. I contemplated doing so at the end of my post:
I think later today I’m going to research how to file one of these open records things and see what info I can get. Remember, we’re not real journalists here, so we have no clue how this stuff works. When our request is denied, maybe we can file a lawsuit. Do any attorneys know how that works? We’ve been sued before, but have never actually filed one. Also, can some rich Democrat with a vendetta finance it? That person would be an instant finalist for the 2012 Ogle Mole of the Year award. Just saying.
Although we were never contacted by a rich Democrat with a vendetta, something better actually happened. We were approached by the ACLU! You know, those godless liberal creatures that vigorously protect the rights and freedoms of all US citizens? One phone call, two meetings, and five certified letters later, they issued the following press release:
Well, this is some terrible news. We have learned through the Ogle Mole Network that Joleen Chaney has a new boyfriend. Here’s a picture of the happy couple:
Ugh, that’s depressing. We all knew Joleen Chaney would go out and find another boyfriend after dumping the Pharma guy, but who knew she’d set her standards so low. I feel like I’m watching my own burial. I’d need to play some Sara McLaughlin dog commercials to cheer me up.
According to our Mole, the guy’s name is Joseph. Apparently JoJo met Joseph at Joe’s Crab Shack. Just kidding. They actually met when JoJo was doing a special report on the sexual predators who were camping down by the river next to that trailer park and…wait. I got confused. That wasn’t this guy. That was Joleen’s other boyfriend. Yeah, Joseph. I bet you didn’t know Joleen Chaney has several boyfriends and you’re just wasting your time and she doesn’t like you and you should probably just break up with her and let her be and find someone else. Get over her! Move on!!!
I DMed Joleen to confirm that she was in a relationship with this guy and just so I could tell my friends that I DMed Joleen Chaney. We had a brief off-record exchange about the ordeal. Most of it was personal, like how she and Emily still have feelings for me and how it’s strained their friendship and all that deep emotional stuff.
At the end of the conversation, I asked if she would give me an on-record statement about the relationship. She said she’d do it only if I didn’t post a weird picture of Joseph looking all cool in his car. Because Joleen is kind, nice, sweet and incredibly attractive — and I was home alone and half drunk — I went against my better judgement and agreed to her demands. So now, instead of showing you the original photo, I’m posting a photoshopped version of the pic:
Last night, while watching the Thunder stumble their way to a sloppy victory over the Hornets, I grabbed my phone to see what people were saying on Twitter. Of course, the first thing I saw was this terrible tweet from Jenni Carlson:
Remember, #Thunder fans, this same Hornets team lost last night to the Wizards. The Wizards!
— Jenni Carlson (@JenniCarlson_OK) December 13, 2012
Yes, the Hornets lost to the Wizards. The Wizards! Know what other team has lost to the Wizards? The Miami Heat. Yes, the Heat! Maybe this is a newsflash to Jenni, but NBA teams have professional athletes and play 82 games, therefore random upsets and trailing a bad squad early in the first quarter of a game isn’t all that unusual. That’s why the tweet was stupid. She made it seem like a big deal and that Thunder fans should worry and panic. Naturally, she followed the Tweet with this:
#Thunder showing a little spark. Down 36-32 with 2:35 left in the first half.
— Jenni Carlson (@JenniCarlson_OK) December 13, 2012
Once again, that’s why her original tweet was so stupid. The Hornets did lose to the Wizards. They’re a bad team and bad teams tend to blow leads and lose winnable games. That’s why Thunder fans didn’t care they were losing to a team that lost to the Wizards.
So I replied to her tweet with this:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!