Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Author Archive for Patrick – Page 164

Mama Bear was fired…

ronda bass

No, that’s not the title to the most depressing Berenstain Bears book of all time. That would be “Mama Turns to Heroin.” “Mama Bear was fired” is simply an extremely accurate blog headline.

As you’ve probably heard, Noble Schools Superintendent, self-proclaimed “Mama Bear” and Paul’s Beauty College dropout Ronda Bass made the news last week after she bullied, humiliated and insulted her students because they dressed like high school kids.

Not soon after, concerned Noble parents called for her to step down or be fired. They got their wish last night.

Via KFOR:

Here’s a scary video of cops forcefully arresting some dude on the OU Campus

ou pd police brutality

Overnight, we received the following email via The Ogle Mole Network.

Potential Oklahoma University PD Police Brutality

This video is making the rounds on facebook. Here is the link to the original post. I would advise downloading it in case OUPD gets it removed.

This is on campus by what appears to be Old Science Hall (the tan building) and the chemistry annex (the white building). There should be some security cameras that have more of what happened as this is essentially at the northwest corner of the library. I sent the link to the OU Daily as well.

1. We have not been able to confirm that this is OUPD. It could be Norman.

2. Let’s check this video out.

The Deer Piss bandits hit an Owasso Walmart…

Jon Ohlman and Cody Hudson

The two brahs pictured above are Jon Ohlman and Cody Hudson. The incredibly stupid duo was arrested on Sunday after they were caught spraying either doe urine or Coors Light on thousands of dollars of merchandise at an Owasso Walmart. Authorities are still trying to figure out which one it was.

Via News 9:

Hot Girl Friday: Wes Welker’s Wife

wes-welker-anna-burns

As you know, it’s been a bad few weeks for Wes Welker.

Not only did he suffer his 584th concussion, receive a 4-game suspension for violating the league’s drug policy, and fall in the draft of thousands of fantasy leagues, but he also let down the Oklahoma City sports media. They’re pretty upset about his suspension and I can’t blame them. They’ve worked hard over the years to help propagate Welker’s hardworking, underdog, can’t do know wrong, rags to riches image, and it is probably a big shock for them to learn he’s a real person who may occasionally want to roll out of his mind at the Kentucky Derby.

By far, the most distraught person was Jenni Carlson. She scribed a depressing, rambling, contradictory, unfocused, you could see this coming a mile away column in this week’s Oklahoman. You could tell she just didn’t know how to grapple with the fact that her second favorite football player may like to occasionally live the good life.

She was so flustered that she even combined multiple sentences into paragraphs:

Then on Tuesday, he got suspended by the NFL for violating the league’s performance-enhancing drugs policy — the wide receiver must sit out Denver’s first four games — and everyone in Oklahoma City is left trying to figure out how we’re supposed to look at Welker now. How do we wrap our heads around the good guy getting a black mark? How are we supposed to balance this first transgression with what we know of Welker?

The NFL doesn’t provide details when it suspends a player, but reports have indicated that Welker had amphetamines in his system. The Denver Post reported the amphetamine was Adderall, while Pro Football Talk reported that while attending the Kentucky Derby, Welker took Molly that had been cut with amphetamines.

Molly is the street name for MDMA, which is an active ingredient in Ecstasy. But Molly is rarely pure MDMA. It is most often cut by amphetamines, which could include Adderall.

Welker was adamant Tuesday that he never took anything knowingly, telling the Denver Post that he wondered if someone put something in one of his drinks at the Derby.

“I wouldn’t have any idea where to get a Molly or what a Molly is,” he said.

We want to believe that.

I’ll admit, I want to believe that.

Whenever I read a Jenni Carlson column I feel like I’m reading a parody of a bad newspaper column.

Does that makes sense?

I’ll admit, I want it to make sense.

Anyway, with Wes Welker probably feeling down and blue, I’d like to remind him that despite his recent setbacks that he’s still a multimillionaire celebrity with a really hot wife that’s somehow a foot shorter than he is. That wife’s name, by the way, is Anna Burns. Not only do I think she shares a name with a Garbage Pail Kid, but she’s our Hot Girl Friday:

TLO’s take on the Joe Mixon Tape…

mixon-joe

(Editor’s Note: We sent 4-time Jeopardy champion, local stand-up comic, and Norman TLO Trivia Night host Wampus Reynolds to the Norman Police Department on Thursday morning to review the Joe Mixon assault tape with the “media.” Here is his report.) 

When I heard the Norman PD was releasing the Joe Mixon assault tape, I like every other rubbernecking and curious OU fan wanted to see the video. Mixon couldn’t have just decked an innocent girl for no reason, right? He’s a Sooner. The players have a, sigh, great reputation. There had to be a Zapruder film showing a second puncher-in-the-facer in the booth behind the action, or perhaps the victim Molitor had a fake plastic thumb full of chicken guts that she dumps on her face like a charlatan bare handed surgeon.

But this “screening” (seriously, Norman Police Department, you call this a “screening?” Screening is a free 5 o’clock showtime at Tinseltown of the new Paul Rudd comedy. Call it VIEWING.) was for the media only. What the what? Why can Tuff Nixter, sportswriter and classified ad salesman for the Wayne Payne Times see footage that has captured the 405’s collective imagination and Joe Landman can’t? It really makes no sense. It’s like sports folk were now courtroom sketch artists, but instead of drawing in colored pencils a dead-eyed defendant’s profile, they had to describe the action.

Outraged Seinfeld voice: “And have you actually read these people?” Not exactly the erudite Roger Aingell prosody around these parts. I’ve actually heard one sports radio personality say this sentence on air: “He ain’t got no, uhhh…fast.” You want this guy to relate what happens to you? By the end, you’ll think some person turned into an actual pickle and fell on a table and Regular Jim Traber ate it.

I tweeted TLO (for whom I co-host Trivia Night at Local in Norman every Wednesday at 7) that I’d write a real good piece if they got me in with press. And thanks to two emails and a responsive officer, I was on the list. I did get the distinct pleasure of seeing Patrick saying that I should show my “press credentials” and regarding those words as if they were in Sanskrit. I was hoping he’d pull out a dusty fedora with a card saying PRESS tucked in the headband. He wrote back “We ain’t got no, uhhh….authorize” instead.

I showed up at the Norman Investigations Center and went in a small group. We walked down a hall (I noticed golf clubs in one office along the way; OJ investigation style!) and entered a big chilly room. Many of the great Oklahoma sports personalities were there. Berry “A six months younger Matlock” Tramel! Andrew “I know from childhood when he had Harpo hair” Gilman! Myron “Myron” Patton”! Others!

The police chief came in, identified himself and moved to the side. Then a captain said he had no comments and they’d start the video. They did.