Back before The Lost Ogle became a media sensation, I used to work with Patrick on a website called HornetsCentral.com where I was the “Hornets Central GM”. My role was to analyze business decisions made by the Hornets (during their stint in OKC) and make suggestions for how the team could improve their situation, or how the maximize the value in an upcoming event. That typically ended in me coming up with a plan to acquire J.J. Redick.
As the Seattle Sonics get closer to arriving here in Oklahoma City, I will probably begin writing more in that vein–beginning with today’s look at how the Sonics should approach this year’s draft.
Generally, a sports franchise is only named once in its lifetime. They are like children that way. For instance, when I moved out of the house, my mother did not demand that I leave the name Clark behind. My mother is obviously not Seattle, Washington.
While this has been speculated on for awhile, news broke Tuesday that Clay Bennett may actually consider caving to this Seattleian desire as a bargaining chip in lease buyout negotiations. This does not sit well with me. My beef is that any name that we could come up is going to sound like it is best suited for a minor league franchise. That’s because it takes a long time for a team name to become so ingrained that one does not question how stupid it sounds. Take, for instance, the Supersonics. Who in their right mind would want to play for a team with such a dumb name? Except with forty years of history behind the name, it makes sense. Also, the last time the city had a team to name, it became the Yard Dawgz.
I voiced these concerns to my fellow Lost Ogles and they were very sympathetic.
“We’re getting a team, quit crying,” said Patrick.
Then Tony said nothing because he’s still giving me the silent treatment over my passionate support of the “Yes” vote. “Tell Clark they should name them the ‘Tax Ripoffs’,” he finally relented to Patrick.
Because we are who we are, though, we came up with a list of potential names which come after the jump…along with my (because I am who I am) analysis of the history of name changes.
In the minutes of grueling research I do for this website, I ran across the YouTube video you can watch above. I have no idea who had the access to, or had the idea to upload a forty-year old commercial related to a local bond issue. That said, thank you “Silentsensei.”
For one, I learned that people who voted before my parents were eligible to cast ballots changed the course of this city. In Yessing ‘em all, our forefathers (and I guess mothers since this was post-suffrage) made it where I can partake in drinking water. I like water. They improved the sewer systems. I like not smelling feces. It also created the Northwest Expressway and expanded many major roads of this city from two to four lanes. I like not sitting in traffic. After seeing this commercial, I wondered what our fair city would look like if the residents of that time had No’ed ‘em all….probably a bit like the Oklahoma City portrayed in Saving Grace.
Oklahoma City’s next chance to leap forward comes March 4th. This campaign slogan is not as catchy or instructive as yes ‘em all, but Big League City does have some merit. As my public service to you, I will rattle off the talking points.
This is a busy time of year for me. My days consist of waking up well before dawn, going into work, coming home well after sundown, spending time with my child, then passing out so I can do the whole thing over the next day. Sure, I would love to have time to churn out an installment The Justice League everyday, but until Emperor England is elevated to his rightful throne and adds two hours to the day, that just cannot happen.
To supplement my production, I got an idea. While my son was emptying out the CD cabinet of our entertainment center so he could hear the jewel cases clatter against the ground, I noticed an album I had forgotten about long ago–Dr. Dre presents…The Aftermath. Despite top billing, Dr. Dre really only performed on one song, the rest of the tracks were by artists Dre had recruited. That’s when it hit me: There have to be other like minded people out there who want to do what we at TheLostOgle do, at least on a guest basis. Lost-LostOgles, if you will.
So I began recruiting people I knew to write an article for this series, and while a few showed interest, none have actually followed through. Then one day I am sitting at home when the phone rings and a lady from the “Make A Wish Foundation” is on the line. After eviscerating her for calling me during a Scrubs re-run, I let her make the pitch. A sick child by the name of Little Timmy (before you ask, Little is his given name) had made a request that he be able to write for this website. I figured, “Hey, I might as well give him a shot,” especially after the lady explained that Little was suffering from the awful stomach flu that has been going around and offering an autographed picture of Mike Turpin.
Anyway, after the jump you can see what Little Timmy submitted, and this is probably where I should request that you be kind in the comments section. To me, that is, because I’m expecting a bunch of “might as well replace Clark with him” responses. Enjoy.
Today I was going to write a long, side-splittingly hilarious post about whether or not the Sonics should move to Oklahoma City. But then I saw this video and realized that there’s no way I could top this guy. I really hope Mayor Mick Cornett is watching, because I doubt he’s considered everything brought up in this important video.
(h/t to those dastardly innerwebbers)
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