Archive for the ‘Fake News’ Category

Putting Arizona on Notice

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

We normally don’t just reproduce news articles, but decided to make an exception for this one:

OKLAHOMA CITY — Lawmakers are in a state of panic after a flurry of activity in a nearby state has called into question the effectivness of the Oklahoma legislature.

“It’s all election year theatrics,” said Cliff Brannan (R – Oklahoma City). “Ordinarily Arizona could never rival what we accomplish.”

In question is whether recent legislation passed by the Arizona legislature.  The bill, signed into law by Governor Jan Brewer, that empowers law enforcement to detain any person they suspect to be in the country illegally, has caused a fire storm of controversy as opponents insist it encourages “racial profiling.”

Racial profiling is the inclusion of racial or ethnic characteristics in determining whether a person is considered likely to commit a particular type of crime or an illegal act or to behave in a “predictable” manner.  Governor Brewer says that she will not tolerate this practice, despite her insistence that language in the bill specifically addressing the issue be stricken before coming to her desk.

“I’m not sure why anyone would jump to the conclusion that we would (racially profile),” said Officer Scott Smith of the Arizone Police Department.  “Normally, it is Canadians we are on the look out for, and you can’t tell them apart from real Americans.”

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Are OKC Elephants A Bit Slutty?

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

elephants

We live in a strange and exciting world, people. Things are changing at a pretty rapid pace, with new experiences just a touchscreen flick away. That being said, some things are being pushed aside to make way for the new. One of those things seems to be elephants. But fear not, you ivory-loving tuskophiles. The Oklahoma City and Tulsa zoos have a plan. And it’s sexier than Brazilian Hell! Basically, OKC zookeepers sent a pair of lovely, probably tipsy elephant sisters to Tulsa to get…well, boned, actually. Sisters – and OKC residents – Asha and Chandra were sent to Tulsa in July to “cohabitate” with Sneezy, the Tulsa zoo’s bull elephant. None of the participants in this sexperiment had ever attempted breeding before, so I guess maybe it’s not as slutty as it sounds. Wait, it’s even better: Poor little Sneezy will never have it so good again. Basically his handlers brought in two fine-ass virgin sisters from OKC for him to bang, hoping his boys had swimming power to spare. Don’t get used to it, Sneezy. Oklahoma City girls are some of the classiest, most beautiful girls anywhere, and our elephants are no different. Which is why I feel that our city’s virtue on a whole has been attacked by our angry little brother up North.

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How to Fail with Email

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

roadblock

Recently a young state-sponsored stoner made us all too aware of a bad email decision he made. When you’re the victim of a random traffic stop, while carrying “distribution amounts” of sweet lady reefer in your car, I’m not sure you have a lot of recourse. Naturally, you would take to the e-waves and let the reigning county sheriff have it, right? Well maybe so, but you probably shouldn’t do that from the computer at your desk in a state insurance office. My request to Mr. White for a brief interview (as well as my request for what the kids call a “hookup”) went unanswered. If I were him, I’d be laying pretty low right now too. That’s a classic angry email fail if ever I’ve seen one, and I’ve seen plenty. Having a lot of experience with email mistakes ourselves, we thought we’d share a couple others that were brought to our attention after Operation Stand II. We think you’ll be surprised by some of the mild offenses that prompted such email aggression. But we doubt you’ll be shocked by the typos. Here are a couple of emails that various Ogle Moles have uncovered. Check ‘em out after the jump.

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.7)

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

 

PREVIOUSLY:  The Justice League worked feverishly in an attempt to stop a plot to kidnap Sooner quarterback Sam Bradford.  Meanwhile, Amy McRee got wind of the plot and investigated as a journalist before she, herself, wound up missing.  Wayne Coyne tried to decode the kidnappers warning note and had a breakthrough, though, it appears it may be too late.

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Location: Gallagher-Iba Arena

Gary England listens carefully on his Gentner, but quickly loses his composure. “What do you mean, ‘He’s gone’?…Where’s Jason White?…What do you mean you ‘can’t get a hold of him’?…Wayne, this is unacceptable, un-ac-ceptable!” Gary snaps the phone shut. The other Justice League members in the arena see the anger in Gary’s eye and hesitate to inquire about the situation. Coach Doug Sauter motions to “Smokin’” Joe Burton to approach the England, but Burton refuses. Finally, Val Castor, as Gary’s right hand man decides to bites the bullet. Before he can get a word out, though, Gary takes command again: “Val, fire up the Storm Chasermobile. We’ve got to get back. Doug, Joe, hop in the back.” (more…)

The Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.3)

Wednesday, December 12th, 2007

 

Previously: Bob Stoops brought news of a plot to kidnap quarterback Sam Bradford to the Justice League. Gary England inserted Jason White into the League’s starting line-up. Bryant Reeves and Lauren Richardson interviewed Mike Gundy as a suspect. He suggested another possible suspect.

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Part V)

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

 

Previously: The Justice League learned a machine that can control the weather had come under the hands of a rogue. Doug Sauter, Joe Burton, Val Castor, and Lauren Richardson saved Greer, Oklahoma. Lauren was chastised by Gary England for disobeying orders, wooed by Mike Morgan to leave the Justice League, and later defended Morgan when Gary accused him of being the rogue. It was revealed that Gary was the inventor of the machine. Gary confronted Morgan, but found him to be innocent and learned that Lauren had faith that Gary was not behind the weather abnormality. Meanwhile, the Storm Chaser lair was infiltrated by ninjas who were corralled by Wayne Coyne. Their identity was a shock. And now, the final chapter…

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Part IV)

Tuesday, November 13th, 2007

Previously: The League saved Greer, OK. Gary England chewed out Lauren Richardson for disobeying orders. Mike Morgan attempted to lure Richardson to the 4Warn team. Gary told Wayne Coyne he believed Morgan was behind the weather in Greer. Lauren defended Morgan. After she left, Gary revealed that he was unsure he could trust her with the knowledge that he invented the weather machine.

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Part III)

Tuesday, November 6th, 2007

Previously: After saving the town of Greer from a cataclysmic weather event, Doug Sauter and Joe Burton were themselves saved by Lauren Richardson. Upon return, however, Lauren’s heroics were not appreciated by Gary England. As she left, Mike Morgan requested a meeting with her.

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