Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

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Fox News Commentator Ryan Tate has a fancy new ridiculous website…

ryan tate fox business

The last time we told you about ignoramus Tate Publishing CEO Ryan Tate was back in November of 2014 when he appeared as a “Small Business Expert” on Fox News Business. Since then, he’s made several more appearances on the Fair and Balanced news network, blubbering about topics ranging from the Apple Watch to the California droughts…

WTF, I bet this is how the Fox News production meeting went down…

“Hey, who are we going to book to talk about the economic impact of the California water crisis?”

“How about that CEO from Oklahoma who attained his position via birthright, prayed with and then fired a bunch of employees, and outsourced a big chunk of his company’s jobs to the Philippines? He’d be good.”

Seriously, are the producers at Fox News really that dumb or do they not have the Internet? How low does this TV talent barrel go? What’s next, MSNBC bringing aboard Joe Exotic to talk trade deals with China?

To help get Ryan on the fast track to “Celebrity CEO” stardom, Ryan and his handlers created a new website called RyanTateCEO.com. The site serves as a “Ryan Tate Online Press Kit,” but is best viewed as a masterpiece in total denial.

Just check out the little blurb on the front of the site:

Oklahoma is apparently facing a fireworks shortage…

I’m not a big fan of fireworks. I blame my parents. I was conditioned to fear and dislike them at an early age.

Each year around the 4th of July, my Mom would always tell me and my brothers some scary story about a boy she knew who got his hand blown off by a cherry bomb when she was a kid in the 1960s. The story changed as a grew older. When I was five, the boy just lost a thumb. When I was eight, they boy had lost an entire hand. By the time I turned 10, I think the kid blew his head off.

Of course, scaring the shit out of their sons around the 4th of July is what loving paranoid moms are supposed to do. And that’s why we have dads. They are supposed to sweep in, save the day, and take the kids to the fireworks stand to buy cool loud shit like M80s and Roman Candles that mom won’t like.

Well, my dad didn’t get the memo. His favorite fireworks were sparklers, smoke bombs and those God awful black snake things, because nothing is cooler than watching a rabbit dropping grow into a black pile of Pepto shit. Seriously, he’d take us to the fireworks stand on the outskirts of town and those were the only things he’d let us buy. It would be like taking your kids to Braum’s and only letting them get a single scoop of vanilla ice cream. I really need some therapy.

Anyway, I bring all this up because there’s a fireworks shortage in Oklahoma. Well, at least there is according to KOCO Channel 5

10 best places for a first date in OKC

Ron_Howard_Happy_Days_1974

I’m not a single lady. In fact, a lot of the folks here at TLO headquarters are shacked up and monogamous. It’s weird if you think about it. Shouldn’t we be alone in our parents’ basements writing terrible things about people? Well, turns out there’s someone for everyone. Anyway, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve gone on a first date. In fact, the last one was so long ago that I was wearing a denim mini skirt, and it wasn’t even out of style.

But I got to thinking this past week. There isn’t a definitive guide for first dates in the OKC area. What are you supposed to do to show someone that you like them while simultaneously testing them to see if they’re worth your affections? It’s really tough when you consider that the mini golf course where you used to have all your first dates in high school has probably closed. (R.I.P. Lion’s Fun Park.)

So I thought we needed a list of the 10 best places for a first date. Check them out after the jump!

5-BricktownCanal

Bricktown
Every relationship must eventually pass the Bricktown test. And that’s where you go to Bricktown and argue about where to park. So, why not put the relationship to the test early? If neither of you say that the other is an idiot for either paying $10 to park, or parking miles away to avoid paying $10, then you’ve passed the test.

h&8

H & 8th
H & 8th is a great event. Who doesn’t love live music, beer, and food trucks? But the thing that makes this a great first date activity is that you two will be waiting I. The longest food truck line ever before you order. Most dates allow you to make small talk while you eat as a distraction from the terrible small talk. But at H & 8th, you won’t get that food for a good hour at least. So don’t forget your snappy repartee.

Kent Ogle can jump really high…

kent ogle

The physical specimen pictured above to the left is Kent Ogle. As you know, he’s the middle Ogle brother, the morning anchor for KFOR and the closest thing we have to a real life Lost Ogle.

He’s also apparently a really high jumper. We know this because he won first place in the Oklahoma Geriatric Games or whatever last weekend in Sulphur.

Via KFOR:

Morning news anchor, Kent Ogle, the 55-year-old middle brother of the Ogle family news dynasty, won a high jump competition over the weekend.

Ogle performed several successful jumps and scored the gold medal when he hit 4 feet 4 inches.

He competed in the 55+ age bracket of the State Games of Oklahoma in Sulphur, Oklahoma.

Wow. He hit 4 feet, 4 inches? Even Loretta can’t jump that high. That’s like two Al Eschbachs and one Meg Alexander. I haven’t seen an Ogle Brother clear a bar that high since Kelly jumped over Kent on the path to becoming an evening news anchor.

Oklahoma police are finally cracking down on the marijuana pipe trade…

glass pipes

Back in April, The Pew Research Center released a long, exhaustive study showing how society’s views on marijuana have changed over the years. According to the report, 53% of all Americans now believe the drug should be legalized, 69% believe it’s less harmful than alcohol, and 82% would not be bothered if people lit up in the privacy of their own home.

Surprisingly, Oklahomans also share progressive views on the green leafy substance. According to a 2013 Sooner Poll, which let’s be honest, is probably about as reliable as a pot smoker, 71% of Oklahomans are in favor of medical weed, while 57% support legalization.

Knowing all that, you would think our local law enforcement officials would take a cue from the people they work for and not aggressively enforce our state’s archaic, antiquated, out-of-touch drug laws.

HAHAHAHAHA. Wrong. As this article in The Oklahoman shows, our police still get a kick out of fighting an unwinnable war.

Via NewsOK.com