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Hot Girl Friday: Sally Kern

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She’s baaaaaaaaack

In case you missed, it was reported yesterday that the leading troll of the anti-gay movement, Sally Kern – the woman who deemed gays a bigger threat to society than terrorists and still gets her hair cut by the blind woman at church – introduced three absolutely insane anti-gay bills in the Oklahoma legislature that would make every member of the Nazi Party of Ku Klux Klan very proud.

Via The Tulsa World, they are….

House Bill 1599 says that no taxpayer funds or governmental salaries can be used for the licensing or support of same-sex marriage.

“No employee of this state and no employee of any local governmental entity shall officially recognize, grant or enforce a same-sex marriage license and continue to receive a salary, pension or other employee benefit at the expense of taxpayers of this state,” the measure says. “No taxes or public funds of this state shall be spent enforcing any court order requiring the issuance or recognition of a same-sex marriage license.”

The measure directs state courts to dismiss any challenge to the measure and award costs and attorney fees to the defendant. A judge who violates the act shall be removed from office, according to the bill…

That’s fair. Just be sure to have the same rules for heterosexual marriage.

Kern’s House Bill 1598 would allow parents to seek counseling and therapy to change a gay child’s sexual orientation without interference from the state.

“The people of this state have the right to seek and obtain counseling or conversion therapy from a mental health provider in order to control or end any unwanted sexual attraction, and no state agency shall infringe upon that right,” the bill says. “Parents may obtain such counseling or therapy for their children under eighteen (18) years of age without interference by the state.”…

That’s cool, but what should we do about those “straight” people who are obviously gay? Can they get conversion therapy, too?

Kern also filed House Bill 1597, which would allow businesses to refuse service “to any lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person, group or association,” and be immune from civil liability.

That’s hardcore. Hopefully someone will add an amendment that gives gay people their own water fountains.

What else is there to say about Sally Kern that hasn’t been said over the years? She’s a troll who sits around a campfire boiling gay billy-goat hate stew. In a weird way, her anti-gay agenda has helped advance the “gay agenda” more than anything else. When she opens her mouth and says the things she says, how can a normal person not want to actively support the LGBT movement and make sure all lesbians and homosexuals have equal protections under the law?

So instead of criticizing Sally Kern, I’m going to say “Thank You! Where have you been?”

Seriously, Sally’s kept kind of quiet ever since she got in trouble for calling black people lazy, only popping up that one time when she wanted to preserve a kids right to pretend to shoot a classmate with a food item. It’s kind of good to know she’s back at it and letting her true feelings shine through. All of sudden, our Sally Kern jokes and digs seem fresh and topical again.

Anyway, as a tribute to Sally Kern, and voters in Bethany who continue to overwhelmingly reelect a bigot to the legislature, I thought we’d pay a photo tribute to her. She’s our Hot Girl Friday:

The Oklahoman has proven that bigger isn’t always better…

Yesterday afternoon, the day after their sports department was widely criticized around the country for how they handled Berry Tramel’s edited, link-troubled column about Russell Westbrook’s “I don’t like you” dig, NewsOK.com plastered the following ad for their sports department all over the site. I’m sure it was just a coincidence, and had nothing to do with crisis management:

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As a bad Seinfeld impersonator would say, who’s the ad genius that came up with that one?

I guess the message they’re trying to convey is The Oklahoman’s local sports coverage is the best because they have the biggest sports team in the state. As a guy who gets most of his Thunder news from DailyThunder.com, I would totally agree. As I tell my lovers, bigger is alway better. It’s why McDonald’s cooks the best hamburgers, Walmart sells the best groceries, and the Blue Whale is everyone’s favorite animal.

I also like how the OPUBCO copywriters brag about how the sports department delivers “more stories, more content and more insight” than anyone else. Yeah, isn’t that the truth. Who doesn’t read a Jenni Carlson column in the morning and scream “Wow. What amazing insight?!” before taking their pills and masturbating to anime porn. Seriously, insight in The Oklahoman? That would be like us saying we provide more courteous, thoughtful and respectful commentary than anyone.

Anyway, this gave me an idea. We should have one of those Photoshop contest things where we create our own fake ads for the The Oklahoman sports department.

Here are a few examples I rushed out

Target has “50 Shades” of great merchandising…

I always knew something was up with those electric toothbrushes.

Earlier this week, a photo of “50 Shades of Grey” merchandise being sold next to children’s toothbrushes at a Tulsa Target went viral on the internet.

Here’s the original tweet of the photo:

9 reasons I hold a grudge against Edmond

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Ah, Edmond. It’s a nice, quiet city, the sort of place you want to raise your kids. Unless you were raised there, that is. If you grew up there, you know the ambivalence I’m talking about. Edmond may be home, but you sure as hell don’t tell anyone that when you grow up and go to college. I always thought I wanted to leave Oklahoma, but when I moved out of Edmond, I didn’t feel the urge to do so anymore.

Edmond is the Plano to Oklahoma City’s Dallas–suburban sprawl and mini malls to cater to the most discerning of upper middle class taste. My feelings about Edmond are why I started writing for TLO. And today, I’m going to share with you 9 reasons why I hold a grudge against Edmond.

 

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UCO knocked down my great-grandparents’ house

So, little known Marisa fun fact: my family was from Edmond before Edmond was Edmond, by which I mean before white flight made Edmond the Edmond it is today. My great grandparents owned a house on property that was bought out by Central State University, later UCO. Now, I know that they bought the land from my great-grandparents, and then demolished the house. But as a little kid, I always imagined my pappy and my granny (yeah, that’s what we called them) fleeing for their lives as a wrecking ball swung toward them. To this day, I still cast a wary eye at UCO, lest they come for me.

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$100 senior prom

This cool teacher from Miami (OK) apparently taught kids how to roll a joint…

I think we’d all agree that one of the biggest problems with our education system is that we really don’t teach students enough real world life skills. For example, instead of instructing high school kids how to juggle credit card debt by taking advantage of balance transfers, we throw them in an algebra class where they have to add and multiply letters. It’s pointless. Not only are half the answers in the back of the book, but who multiplies letters in real life?

Fortunately, we’re not the only ones who think that way. One enterprising teacher from the Miami (OK) School District got fed up with today’s irrelevant core curriculum and decided to do something about it. He taught his class how to roll a joint.

Well, at least we think he did.

A week or so ago, the Twitter account Party Stories tweeted an image of what appears to be a teacher from Miami High School rolling a fake joint filled with oregano in a classroom. It’s been re-tweeted and favorited nearly 3,400 times. The accompanying “party story,” that’s the fancy teen phrase for “caption,” is “My teacher taught us how to roll joints in class – Miami, Oklahoma.”

Check it out: