Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

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The Oklahoman is documenting its own sad, inevitable demise…

Apparently, the editors of The Oklahoman get a kick out of watching their own funeral.

Last week, “The State’s Most Oldest News” debuted a new series where they pick 11 lucky subscribers to have donuts and coffee with The Oklahoman editor, Kelly Dyer Fry, and discuss the newspaper.

Well, at least that’s what they claim is going on. I bet the whole thing was just a lure to pre-sell obituaries. As we know, The Oklahoman will do just about anything for extra cash. Just check out the photo:

oklahoman subscriber

You know how law firms will sometimes use a cliché line like “Our attorneys have over 300 years combined experience in banking law.” Well, those 11 Oklahoman subscribers have about 700 years experience reading the newspaper.

Seriously, no wonder the newspaper industry is dying. When your customer base is composed of people who write checks, watch CSI and still have landline telephones, you may have some problems. I can’t tell if they’re talking about newspapers or conducting a focus group for Polident.

If you want to see something even more depressing than this photo, check out this video NewsOK.com put together about the event. They even converted it into black and white to mimic the old talkies their readers watched as kids.

The best part, and I’m not joking, is where Jenni Carlson’s mom chimes in to say: “I like Jenni Carlson real well… I just like how she says things.”

Check it out:

Steve Shaw had a Facebook malfunction…

steve shaw

I don’t know what it is, but I kind of like News 9’s Steve Shaw. Sure, he’s over-the-top, obnoxious, dramatic, and louder than an AWACS flying over Midwest City, but aren’t we all when we drink 10 Red Bulls in one day?

Seriously, how can you not like Steve? He’s what happened when the weird chubby kid who played with Tonka trucks grew up and became a news reporter. When Steve’s not working, I imagine him sitting at the end of a bar with his tie loosened, sipping on cheap whiskey while humming Van Halen songs and occasionally bragging out loud to no one in particular about the time he stole Dean Blevins’ Smart Ones.

Actually, I’m just joking. I doubt Steve really stole Dean’s frozen dinner. I think the only thing Steve has ever stolen from Dean is a penchant social media gaffes.

For example, check out what he put on Facebook on Saturday.

Here are some more awesome retro OKC TV commercials…

mathis brothers commercial

About every six months or so, some dude on the Internet takes a bunch of old Oklahoma City television commercials from the 1980s and 1990s that are trapped on VHS tapes and releases them back into the wild via YouTube. He then emails a link to the clips, because he knows we’re suckers for old OKC nostalgia and enjoy living in the past.

Well, the guy is at it again. He recently sent us a link to a batch of early 1980s spots that feature Oklahoma City advertising icons like Eleanor Kamber, Jude N’ Jody, Linda Soundtrack, and the young, handsome, swingin’ style Mathis Brothers.

The grab bag also includes a young, dashing, heroic “Big News 9″ meteorologist Gary England unveiling his latest doppler invention, the He Man and The Masters of the Universe Power Tour, and an insanely sexist advertisement for a gym called International Fitness.

Check it out. It will take you back in time…

This music video by a white rapper from Lawton is a thing of beauty…

lawton rapper

I think we found the cause of the recent syphilis outbreak in Lawton.

A while back, Spencer and I stumbled across a music video by some white Lawton rapper named “Knuckles.” His name is apparently inspired by the things people bite when they hear his music.

The video is the most Lawton thing ever. The name of the song is “Andyyyy,” which ironically enough is the most popular baby name in Lawton for 2013. It features Knuckles and his hypeman / partner / BFFuggalo Jesse Dalton rapping to the Andy Griffith theme, while occasionally dressed as clowns, and watching models they hopefully found on a Craigslist ad twerking and wrestling around in horse shit.

The whole thing makes Zero look like John Fulbright.

Check out it out:

Taste Taste: Reviewing Oklahoma’s Beef Jerky…

beef jerkey

The state of Oklahoma is home to a variety of delicious jerkies, some of the are even made of beef. But which jerky is best? Which is the most flavorful? Which is the most authentic?

These are the red-hot questions that plague my mind, presumably because I’m a young white male and not oppressed in any way. And thus I’ve put aside time out of my apparent not-that-important daily schedule to seek out and taste the finest rawhide the Sooner state has to offer.

I admit I am an amateur as a jerky connoisseur. My primary interest in this endeavor motivated by the lack of authentic beef jerkies available in supermarkets and strange dreams about road trips. Thus, I decided to judge the various jerkies sampled according to the classical T.O.U.G.H. method, in which hard-cured meats are tasted and graded on a scale of one to five with consideration toward the following five categories:

Texture: Jerkies can range from tough, to hard, to tree bark, there are even tender, soft-textured jerkies—presumably for the elderly and small children.

Odor: The smell should be pleasing and overall complementary to flavor. Basically, it shouldn’t smell like a Love’s Bathroom.

Ubiety: Because I need a “U” for this acronym to work.

Grain: Indicates the amount of process the meat has been put through.

Heat: Achieving a balance in seasoning is key to a quality beef jerky.

With my grading and tasting system in place I went forth to carefully choose and sample some jerkies from the finest gas station and jerky emporium establishments in the metro area (seriously, thanks to The Beef Jerky Emporium). Between each tasting I cleansed my palate with a Miller High-Life, as the TOUGH method customarily dictates.