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Archive for Friday Night in the Big Town – Page 20

Friday night in the big town: tornado benefit edition

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It’s Memorial Day weekend, and we have a very special edition of Friday Night in the Big Town for you, and we’re not talking about signed copy of the Gary England biography. Though, if you have one of those, we’ll totally buy it off you, for like, $20. Anyway, the reason this is a special edition is because we are featuring upcoming tornado relief events. Now, of course you can just donate money or supplies in whatever fashion you choose. But I know you guys. You like a party, or at the very least, an activity that might involve beer. And I’ve got you covered.

Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.

Friday night in the big town: Seinfeld, beer, and Pride

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Oh hey, readers! Guess what? It’s Friday again. And that means it’s another day for you to half-ass until 5 PM so you can have a weekend. You know, as someone who has been at a full-time gig for the past three months, I can truly say that weekends are better than I’ve given them credit for. Who knew that two little days could feel so good? In order to maximize the party, I’ve made a list of things for you to do. They are guaranteed to be fun, and way better than what you would be doing if I left you to your own devices.

Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.

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May 17: Jerry Seinfeld at the Civic Center

Fun fact about our Tony: He’s a huge Jerry Seinfeld fan. In fact, when I got an email about advanced ticket sales and didn’t tell him about it until a week later, I thought he was going to hit me. So there’s a good chance that our Tony will be there this evening, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned into a total fanboy and shrieked and cried when Jerry took the stage. Tony will basically be like a 13-year old girl at a One Direction concert.

Well, readers, what can I say about Jerry Seinfeld other than he’s hilarious and has influenced the majority of TLO writers in some way or another. In my heart, I hope this show is him wearing Levi’s 501s with a t-shirt and blazer in front of a fake brick wall while that signature Seinfeld music plays. I’m sure that’s not what it’s going to be. But a girl can dream.

Friday night in the big town: wealth seminar, Turnpike Troubadours, and your mom

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How are things, readers? Do you have the springtime restlessness where you just want to be outside all day but can’t because you have a job that totally doesn’t understand how much you love the sun? Have you consumed enough allergy medicine in the past month for your innards to legally be considered a meth lab? Do you need a vacation but lack the funds as well as the PTO to do so? Well, the things I’m about to suggest to you won’t make you less restless, less allergic, or more vacation-ready. All I’m offering are some momentary distractions as you make your slow descent through life.

Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.

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May 10: Determined Diamond Wealth Seminar

If there’s one thing I know about money, it’s that I can’t fid a job that will give me as much of it as I want. Granted, I do believe my skills of staring off into space and spending unprecedented amounts of time in the break room adding more hot chocolate powder to my office coffee should get me roughly $400k a year, but most corporations disagree. I try to remember that in the grand scheme of things, I have it easy. But then my internet service provider raises my bill by $3 and I feel like I may as well be in the Great Depression.

Well, there are those who seem to have a handle on wealth and probably don’t spend a good 20% of their income on craft beer and slightly distressed deep v-neck shirts. These are people with savings accounts and Roth IRAs and 401ks and investment properties. They also seem to have a pyramid scheme. And you can join it this weekend. So yeah.

Friday night in the big town: ZZ Top, Jewel, and ghosts

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Aw yeah, readers. It’s the weekend. If you work where I do, you’re probably going to Night Trips for lunch. Don’t tell my boss, though when I come back to the office covered in glitter and smelling like cotton candy perfume and daddy issues, I’m sure they’ll know. What can I say? Night Trips has fried mushrooms and mama likes fried mushrooms. Just kidding, readers. I’m equally close to the outlet mall, and I’d much rather come back to work with a maxed out credit card.

Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.

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May 3: ZZ Top at Lucky Star Casino in Concho

I’m pretty sure I’ve told this story before, but when I worked at a professional wrestling-themed barbecue restaurant in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart off I-35 (from which I got fired for signing a write-up form with “your mom” instead of my name), ZZ Top came in, and I got a picture with Billy Gibbons. His old man arthritic hands totally look like they are pinching my boob, but in reality, he’s just pointing at me. But I bet you wish you had a picture of your boob getting pinched by a rock and roll legend.

There is only one way to get that wish granted. Get yourself to Lucky Star Casino in Concho. There will be plenty of boob-pinching, as well as rock and roll and fun galore! Come on down and get yourself a drink. Then, gamble a bit, and enjoy the show. Basically, these are all the ingredients to make the best Friday night you’ve had in a long time. And if you’re lucky, you’ll get your boob pinched and your parents will hang the photo in the living room above the picture of you getting your master’s degree, because priorities, duh.

Friday night in the big town: Rick Springfield, NMF 6, and the Festival of the Arts

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Whoa, readers. Guess what time it is. That’s right. It’s the weekend. And you know what that means. It’s time to get wasted today starting at 5 and not sober up until Monday morning around 10 AM. At least, that’s how I roll now that I have a legitimate, full-time sort of gig. I used to just drink all the time when I didn’t have to work five days a week. But my career has really put me on the straight and narrow, so I only binge on weekends now. I’m sure some would say I’m a functioning alcoholic. But I’d probably just flip those people off.

Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.

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April 26: Rick Springfield at Lucky Star Casino in Clinton

Can I get an amen from all my brothers and sisters out there who like to shriek “Jessie’s Girl” at the top of their lungs when they’re drunk and getting a ride home in the back seat of their friend’s Mitsubishi Eclipse? I refuse to believe I’m the only one who does this. I find that two-door cars have the perfect acoustics for singing about how much you wish that you had Jessie’s girl. Bonus points if you can get the sober kids to sing along.

Readers, do you also wish that you had Jessie’s girl? Do you like casinos? Do you like having fun? Do you like people watching? Then have I got a deal for you! If you get yourself to the Lucky Star Casino tonight, you are guaranteed to have a bona fide good time. And can I just say that Rick Springfield is pretty hot? I mean, not in a poster on your wall sort of way. But if he had a VH1 reality show like Bret Michaels did, I would probably go on it to win a shot at dating him.