Guess what, readers? I totally went to see The Hobbit last night at midnight. And you know what? Staying up until 3 AM is really hard. The dude in the seat next to me totally slept from the troll scene until after Bilbo won the ring from Gollum. I’m probably going to be pretty incoherent today, and I’m fine with that. I have nothing on the agenda, except, you know, a final project for school. But whatever. There are only going to be 3 midnight showings for this movie franchise, which means there are only 3 opportunities for me to be the coolest person by proxy in the room.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Have you ever wondered if Jonathan Fowler of Fowler VW is actually Santa Claus? I mean, I know he doesn’t look anything like him, but if all the movies I’ve seen about men slowly becoming Santa are correct, any day now Mr. Fowler will have a great big bushy beard and a team of reindeer. He already has that giving spirit, you know. He’s giving away 1,000 vinyl records of A Blackwatch Christmas Vol. 2, a record of your favorite local indie acts performing some pretty sweet Christmas songs. And the best part: Unlike Santa, J-Fow doesn’t get all up in your business about being naughty or nice.
If you’d like a copy of the record, you can grab one at either the Norman or Oklahoma City locations of Guestroom records or you can get it at Fowler Volkswagen in Norman. And tonight, there will be a free holiday concert at Stash in Norman, and some of the artists included on the record will perform. While you’re there, you can pick me up one of everything in that store. And tell J-Fow we’ll keep his Santa secret safe.
Well, Christmas is in the air, and I only say this because I’m about to tell about a ton of Christmas activities. No, there isn’t a single Christmas decoration in my home, and I totally bought Halloween Fruit Rollups at Big Lots yesterday. But maybe you’re totally feeling this season. I mean, the weather is about to get cooler and maybe you aren’t on the naughty list. I, myself, have bought some craft supplies for decorating this season and was pleased to find that Big Lots registers don’t make the employees check IDs when you purchase spray paint. Did you hear that, you OKC Metro hooligans? Big Lots has tons of spray paint, and unlike Wal-Mart, they don’t require a parent’s permission. Merry Christmas, you awful taggers who will be drawing genitalia on every building!
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Last year I went to go see The Nutcracker and it was a lot of fun. This was about the fortieth time that I’ve seen the Oklahoma City Ballet perform The Nutcracker, and it’s awesome every time. Last year I enjoyed it so much that I briefly considered taking one of those Barre3 workout classes. That faded really quick, but I still enjoyed the show nonetheless. And, full disclosure, unlike Black Swan, Natalie Portman doesn’t die at the end of any Oklahoma City Ballet performances.
This year, there are a bunch of family activities before and after the shows. You can decorate an ornament in the lobby, get your picture taken with Santa (even though I really want a picture with the Oklahoma City Ballet hippo) and there is even a Braum’s milk and cookies reception with the dancers after the shows. I had a lot of fun last year, and even made plans to steal a cute little kid who played the mouse in the ballet. If you go, I hope you have more luck stealing children.
Well, here we are readers, at the end of November. November is Latin for “holiday overload.” Maybe. I didn’t take Latin because it’s a dead language, and the notion of speaking to those that have passed terrifies me. Anyway, December is upon us, and I never got tickets for the Mountain Goats show on Monday even though Tony totally told me to do it back in October and that’s only adding to my seasonal affective disorder and Christmas debt induced depression. I’m such a downer, but that’s why they keep me on staff here at The Lost Ogle. I kill the buzz, and ensure that you don’t have too much fun each weekend.
Anyway, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
I refuse to believe that my life experience is unique in anyway, so I assume you readers know what I’m talking about when I ask if you remember singing along to “Second Stage Turbine Blade” in the back of your friend, Beth’s Chevy Lumina while you cruised Edmond and went to go see Hopes the Carrot play at Hafer Park? No? Really? Well, perhaps that was hyper-specific. But I assure you, back in 2002, that the was the thing all the cool kids in Edmond were doing, and by cool kids, I mean the girls who wore Chuck Taylors and hoodies all the time and obsessed about boys in bands.
Anyway, If an integral part of your adolescence involved shouting lyrics like “Jesse! Just come look at what your brother did/Here he did away with me” and never really knowing what the songs were actually about, then I’m sure you’ll be at the Diamond tonight. To this day, even though I don’t have the sort of energy needed to sing along to a song anymore, occasionally I’ll yell out Coheed Lyrics, if only because they’re awfully accusatory and great when you’re drunk. Case in point: “Cannibalistic unfit family ties!”
What’s up, readers? I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving full of food and family and most likely Pepto-Bismol. Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that really requires stamina and intestinal fortitude, and turning a blind eye when your family drunkenly asks your date inappropriate questions about their life. If you’re lucky, you have today off and can recover from the festivities. And, you’re in luck! I’ve compiled a list of things for you to do on this lazy post-Thanksgiving Friday!
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town!
Eat pie for breakfast
Breakfast is generally my least favorite meal of the day. I like a good brunch that involves home fries and mimosas, but the average breakfast just can’t hold a candle to that kind of tastiness. But today, readers, breakfast is awesome! If you’ve never had pie for breakfast, then your life is a meaningless void where your jeans always fit. (Bitch ass skinny bitches…) So grab that pecan pie out of the fridge and throw it in a cereal bowl lest your parents question your breakfast choice and remind you how large you actually are. Bonus points awarded if you eat a pumpkin pie, because that’s like a vegetable and that means it’s healthy.
What’s up, readers? Are you bummed about Hostess declaring bankruptcy? Don’t be. Just remember that awful film that the Twinkie cream leaves on the roof of your mouth, then think about how your saliva can’t break it down. Then think about how long that is sitting in your stomach while your enzymes try to break it down but can’t. What is that stuff made of? No one really knows. Just know that while Twinkies may not survive a bankruptcy, at least that crap is still in the lining of your intestine. Are you thoroughly grossed out now? Good.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
Nice, bloggers. Real frickin’ nice. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you honestly think that we at the Lost Ogle wouldn’t find out that you were all gonna hang out without us? This is just like that time in the fifth grade when I didn’t get invited to Lauren’s slumber party and I cried while watching TGIF and eating pizza with my mom. Well, guess what, Oklahoma bloggers? I learned how to do my hair and I don’t wear clothes from Sears anymore! I’m one of the cool kids now! How dare you not invite me and my TLO colleagues to your little party!
But whatever. I don’t even care. I’m serious. Go have fun in Edmond on Friday night, like that’s even possible. Enjoy your Passionfruit and Pinkitzel. Just know that we at The Lost Ogle will be enjoying big kid treats and making fun of you behind your backs. So have fun with your door prizes. I hope your page views go down. Jerks.
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