We don’t often get the chance here at The Lost Ogle to prop up the achievements of young Oklahomans, so today is special. Yesterday, Alcott Middle School student Cole Shafer-Ray placed first runner-up at the Scripps National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. This means he’s smarter than approximately 98% of our state legislature.
The word “acritarch” tripped up the mighty Oklahoman. Don’t feel bad Shafer-Ray, acritarch is currently underlined on my computer as misspelled. However, he wasn’t too happy.
“I’m pretty disappointed honestly because that word was the only word in the finals that I didn’t know how to spell,” Shafer-Ray said after the bee’s conclusion. “I would have been one of the co-champions, and that’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life.”
Woah, slow down there Quicksilver. I admire the competitive nature, but calm down. If you keep up this intensity, you will end up like this guy. Anyways, the tide was against in the first place. You’re a public school student and we all know the aforementioned state legislature gave up on that system long ago. Congrats!
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
In the insanely active merry-go-round that is late night talk show hosting duties, David Letterman signed off for the last time Wednesday night, packing in the “Late Show Top 10” and picking up all the pens and pencils he tossed through the windows behind him. Along with Conan O’Brien, Letterman is the last of the great classic talk show hosts.
There are multiple measures we can take to demonstrate how funny Letterman is, but to keep it simple, name as many reoccurring segments from his show off the top of your head. Stupid Pet Tricks, Stupid Human Tricks, Top 10, Small Town News, Rupert Jee, Larry “Bud” Melman. Let’s try Leno. Headlines and Jaywalking. Well, if you count “safe jokes about how slow the DMV is” as a segment, then it’s three. Dave’s funnier and overall a better organism than Jay.
Letterman has reignited my confidence and I will reengage talks with Patrick about my late show idea, “Overnight Ogle,” with Marisa as host, me as band director, Spence as announcer and cue card guy Patrick. It’s either this or my cool ranch-flavored toothpaste idea, because I really need the income.
From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa, here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
Earlier this week Patrick, with assistance from Marisa, published a pile of nonsense titled “The 10 worst 7-Elevens in the OKC Metro.” I have multiple issues with this post. Here’s my first problem.
Via Pile of Nonsense:
2. NW 10th and Anywhere, Oklahoma City
Unless you’re about to hit up Midtown, grab a burger at the Red Dog, or join a gang, if you’re on 10th street you’re probably in the wrong part of town. The same goes for any 7-Eleven on 10th street. Stay away from them. And if you do have to stop, make sure you wear gloves. – Patrick
The paragraph was accompanied by a picture of the lovely 7-Eleven on 10th and May Ave. I live within 8-10 realistic stone throws on this establishment. I have a pretty good arm.
Patrick does not know what he is talking about. The only thing harder than the grime underneath the Big Gulp machine is the work effort of the employees. I mean that. They always have a decent to great attitude and treat you right.
My second problem with the post:
Last week I polled the TLO team to determine our official list of the 10 worst / weirdest 7-Elevens in the Oklahoma City Metro.
Raise your hand if you write for this blog and was not asked. I’m raising my hand.
To be fair, recently TLO implemented policies restricting communication and sharing information with me due to “safety concerns.” Ruin one TLO Trivia Night by commandeering the mic and causing someone’s mom to cry because you drank too many caffeinated Dr. Peppers, and you’re exiled.
Whatever. If I wasn’t here, Fridays wouldn’t exist. Someone has to “give” them to you, right?
Here’s your Friday in the Big Town….
It’s been a rough week for central Oklahoma. Tornados, record floods and the threat of loose tigers roaming the metro not once, but twice, have inundated the airwaves and Twitterverse. Combine this with non-stop earthquakes, the shorty shorts bandit, and this weirdo, there is no doubt that Oklahomans are the toughest Americans and are not afraid of anything.
The same cannot be said about Texas.
While we dealt with the above threats, the Lone Star State fell into a state of panic due to their own ego-fed paranoia. Texas Governor Greg Abbot and fellow Derpla-texans believe Obama has strategically moved military to takeover the southwest United States and are on the cusp of martial law.
The moronic fears surround a military exercise names Jade Helm 15. The idea behind Jade Helm 15 is to allow American special operations forces to practice counterinsurgency techniques and to become better badasses. This will take place in many states in the southwest. Basically, they are going to play a huge, complicated game of “spotlight.”
Word got out and conspiracy theories are spiraling out of control. Appreciate the intelligence as you read this theory about the recent Wal-Mart closing from AllNewsPipeline.com:
With news of numerous Wal-Mart supercenters now being ‘temporarily closed…..will these massive stores soon be used as ‘food distribution centers’ and to house the headquarters of invading troops from China, here to disarm Americans one by one as promised by Michelle Obama to the Chinese prior to Obama leaving the White House?
Gov. Abbot went DEF-KERN 5 and sent the Texas National Guard to “monitor” the military exercises. Nothing against the National Guard, but I’m guessing special forces would be a tough gig. But not to worry! They have help!
Yes, Oklahoma Native Chuck Norris is not happy with Obama and Jade Helm 15. He wrote this editorial, and like any good “patriot” who wants to sound smart, he led the opinion piece with a Ben Franklin quote.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town
For the last….forever…..I’ve had my eye on the employment marketplace to take my career to the next level. Recently, two opportunities opened up and confidence brought a smile to my face. I thought “This is the Year of Adam.”
After working with a local staffing agency, I landed an interview with a well-respected company. I stated my strengths: Badass, The Lost Ogle contributor, 6th grade Quiz Bowl All-Star team, badass. Sadly, it wasn’t enough. I lost to some Floridian named Billy.
However, the second opportunity now holds my attention. I sent resumes to all 32 branches of the company. Oddly enough, they announce their new hires on live television. So far, no luck. I thought I nailed my Tennessee interview, but they felt Marcus Mariota fit their corporate culture more than me. I’m holding my breath for the next two days while discussions continue.
If this NFL gig doesn’t work out for me, I’m taking my talents the Hungry Frog Diner on 10th Street. They know hard workers when they see them, meaning they must be desperate if they want me. I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m also using this as my cover letter so I need to end this accordingly.
If you agree that I will make a dependable, creative and badass addition to your team, feel free to call me.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
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