NewsOK’s polls are the best. They dig deep into the average Oklahoman’s psyche to see what’s on our minds, our opinions on newsworthy events, and what makes us tick. I cannot live through a day without a dose of the mind-churning reflection these questions provide.
For example, as of this moment, which is way too late, or early Friday morning, our state’s foremost news source asks us this philosophical question:
“Have you been to every county in Oklahoma?”
Did you feel that shockwave of Platonian dialogue in your chest? If you did not, you aren’t truly living. How about this enigmatic question from yesterday?
“Do you like pumpkin pie?”
I bet that one made you question your belief in God. It is said that the critical thinking skills of today’s youth are not properly tested. Yesterday, reports from this same news source said that for the second straight year, Oklahoma ranks number one in student spending cuts.
To that I say “hooray!” We should cut more. Let’s just send our students to the NewsOK poll three times a day and let their mind be blown. Heck, all we will need to provide is a cheap Acer tablet, a half-pint of chocolate milk and a fruit roll-up.
See, it’s fixed. I don’t see what all the commotion is about.
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town.
I noticed something on Twitter yesterday. I, as all of you, follow the other writers on this site. Good, funny people. Salt of the Earth. Well, I’m a big fan of numbers and statistics, so I checked followship numbers of my fellow Oglelites.
It’s obvious that I’m the least liked, but I’m going extreme because it sounds cooler, and say I’m the “most hated.” I’m getting trounced. I’m at a big 147 followers, and I think half of those are the Twitter equivalent of telemarketers. Another third are nail salons who think I’m a great way to get exposure.
It’s ok, Brian Bosworth played the villain, and look where he’s now. I’m not begging for followers, I just thought it is odd that the biggest badass of the site is being overlooked. I’m 140 pounds of blogging mayhem. Actually, I don’t even think you guys could even handle it. Whatever, I’m lucky I can spell correctly and my networking skills are like that of a sloth.
Friday Saturday Night in the Big Town.
Oklahoma is peculiar state. It’s shaped like a meat clever, many of its towns were created during huge foot races and everything has gone earthquakey. Still, NewsOK caught me off-guard with this nugget.
More than 2 million Oklahomans are registered to vote, with the Democrats barely outnumbering Republicans in the state, state Election Board secretary Paul Ziriax said.
He released figures Thursday showing that as of the end of September, there were 882,778 Democrats, 877,678 Republicans and 253,889 Independents, along with 8 registered in Americans Elect.
Now, I know that for most of our state’s history, Democrats have outnumbered Republicans. This most likely originated due the parties’ long, slow trend past each other to the other side’s views, with the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Republican’s “Southern Strategy” in the 1968 elections firmly entrenching the party to what we see today.
What is surprising is that there are STILL more Democrats that Republicans. Think of the GOP anti-Democrat buzz words we hear day in and day out: Obama, raise taxes, radical elites, global warming hoaxers. I thought many of these “Democrats” would be typing, calling and running downtown to get their party changed rather than be associated with the Kenyan marxist dictator in the Oval Office.
Also, Oklahoma has closed primaries. These “Democrats” cannot vote in a primary, but they are happy to just check whatever name has an “R” next do it in the general election.
Whatever, its U.S. politics. I shouldn’t be surprised. Things could be weirder. You could be one of the eight registered Oklahomans in the American Elect party.
Here’s your Friday in the Big Town.
For awhile now, we at TLO have been kicking around the idea of starting a tackle football team. I just received the call from Patrick that the plan is a go, and I am the uniform designer.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, the college football world is on a jersey redesign kick. Some are decent, like Oklahoma State and their Whataburger themed sleeves. More often than not, they are monstrosities. I am not a fan of the new Oklahoma uniforms, but some people saw some sort of promise.
My first thought was to hire an assistant designer. My initial candidate was M. C. Escher. The idea was to create a uniform to confuse the opponent by making him question whether our running back was ascending or descending the staircase, and where the staircase came from in the first place. When I called 411 for his number, I was told that he is dead.
The obvious next choice is Lisa Frank. I’ll wear a uniform like this any day of the week, but I don’t think it’s bro enough for TLO, so I’m going to stick with a classic design. Here’s the helmet:
Here’s the jersey:
Here’s your Friday Night in the Big Town…
The showdown is upon us.
The battle between good and evil takes place this Sunday at 7 p.m. outside the Civic Center and it is free of charge. The infamous “black mass” faces off against local politicians, clergy and protesters in a ‘no holds barred’ screamfest. Well, I expect one side to scream while the other laughs.
Roman Catholic Archbishop Paul S. Coakley created the ferver by calling attention to the event in fantastic fashion and then suing the group for possessing a consecrated Host, stating that it is owned by the Catholic Church. Gov. Fallin condemned the event, but “shockingly” blamed the wrong satanists, if by “shockingly” you mean “expectedly.” From there the fever grew hotter among the local 700-Clubbers, while the rest of us lived life, ate food and watched Netflix.
Coakley is now worried about possible confrontations between the protesters and satanists. Apparently, the city of Oklahoma City has received threats vowing to block entrances and will have police monitoring the crowds. Those entering the theatre will be searched for weapons. Also, two police officers will attend the black mass to protect the satanists.
Maybe those who are up in arms over the black mass should ask themselves “who is the real threat?”, but that would involve introspection, and of course they are perfect.
Here is your Friday Night in the Big Town.
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