Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for Gentle Readers

Gentle travels: The Oklahoma County Jail

Greetings, gentle travelers! This week, I’m exploring a not-so-very exotic locale. I’m sure you’ve seen this place a million times, and if you’re anything like my parents, you’ve threatened to leave your kids there every time they cry because they just really want a bunch of things and crying usually works. If this website was around in the early 1990s, it’s something we would make fun of a lot. It’s the Oklahoma County Jail.

Gentle Travels: Cain’s Ballroom

Greetings, gentle travelers. I’m traversing the state and telling you of all the grand things to do and see. This week, I’m coming to you from perhaps one of the more well-known locations I’ve visited, Cain’s Ballroom. It was the historical site of many country music milestones, and people who still live in their mom’s house and investigate paranormal occurrences for a living seem to think it’s haunted.

Cain’s was built in 1924 and has served many purposes, from a garage, to a dancehall, to a dance academy, before it became the music venue we know it as today. It has that really cool springy wooden floor that was made for dancing, but now mainly ensures that anyone rolling on E while watching a dude play music from two Mac laptops has a really weird time, bro. The disco ball totally helps with this too.

Gentle Travels: The Museum of Osteology

Greetings, readers. I’m coming at you this week from the Museum of Osteology, Oklahoma’s number one place for getting your bone on. Located right here in Oklahoma City, the museum caters to school groups and the public, and just about anyone who likes bones. So pull that freshly-pressed Ed Hardy skull shirt off the hanger and get up close and personal with oodles of dead things.

The fine staff at the Museum of Osteology believes that conservation begins through education and appreciation of the natural world. That’s all well and good, but if you think about it, perhaps showing kids how cool the remains of dead animals isn’t the way to go about it. I’m thinking that’s a surefire way to awaken their sociopathic tendencies were they start killing house cats for the bones, but what do I know? Anyway, the set up of the museum reminds me of an episode of Hoarders because you find just as many dead animals at the museum as you would inside a hoarder house, only the museum isn’t condemned or full of fecal matter. And sadly, it’s nothing like that scene in The Return of the King where Aragorn has to summon the ghost army and the avalanche of skulls comes tumbling down.

Gentle travels: The National Shrine of the Infant Jesus of Prague

Greetings, gentle travelers! I know a lot of you are using up your left over vacation days this week before you lose them. So, what better time than now to travel to all those awesome and exotic locales that Oklahoma has to offer? While I know the majority of you are returning those sweaters to the Izod store at the new outlet mall (why would your mom think you would wear that?) and wallowing in your Crisco-laden baked good leftovers, why not remember the reason for the season? That is, if you aren’t already all Jesused out from Christmas.

That’s right, readers. Today we are traveling to the National Shrine of the Infant Jesus of Prague. I know it’s your favorite sign on the turnpike when you’re driving to Tulsa, and each time you think about stopping to see what the hubbub is about. But then you’re obnoxious friend in the back seat who thinks he’s being funny when he quotes stoner comedies and Family Guy will inevitably start reciting the baby Jesus dinner prayer directly from Talladega Nights and you know you have to keep driving to get that choade to stop. Well, I left that dude at home today. That’s why I’m here.

Gentle Travels: Great Salt Plains State Park

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Greetings, gentle travelers. Today, I’m coming at you from the Great Salt Plains State Park. I spent Thanksgiving in the Jet/Nescatunga area, and remembered that there was a state park there and not just the ol’ Kegelman Airfield. It truly was a great Thanksgiving, full of food, awkward family exchanges, and trying like hell to tweet or text and not being able to because there’s enough cell signal in that area to support two cans tied together with string.

The Salt Plains National Wildlife Refuge has everything you’re looking for. You can go hunting for various birds and for deer if you have a permit, you can go hiking and fishing, and you can even do the “lake thing” where you drink Key Stone Light in a lawn chair until you and your friends are drunk enough to operate a canoe. The only thing this wildlife refuge doesn’t have is a hidden group of people living in a society in fear of creatures that exist beyond the borders a la M. Night Shyamalan. But if anyone wants to start this society, I am so down.