Famed physicist Stephen Hawking once stated that he believes life is created when matter is put in the right environmental conditions. It’s a logical, overly simple, scientific explanation to one of the universe’s great mysteries. It doesn’t, however, explain this:
Yes, that’s a painting of a Regular Jim Traber WBNA basketball card. In case you care, that sound you just heard was the universe collapsing and all matter becoming one within itself.
That’s just awesome. The painting was made by some guy named Drew Cooper. I’m not sure if he’s a serious artist or not, but he may just be the next van Gogh or Picasso. What he did was amazing. There are only a few people in the world who can take something as unwatchable as the WNBA and something as unlistenable as Regular Jim Traber and combine them into a tantalizingly beautiful artwork. If Drew were my son, that basketball card would be on my refrigerator right now.
Anyway, we have reached out to Drew to see if he can make other pieces of ironic Oklahoma pop art for us. Maybe something like Sally Kern dancing underneath a rainbow at the Copa or Steve Lackmeyer attacking downtown Oklahoma City like a monster in Rampage. Either one would work.
We all know that Jim Traber likes to preach about who does and does not belong in the Baseball Hall of Fame. However, it wasn’t until an alert Ogle Mole pointed this out to us that we understood where “The Ultimate” got his right to judge.
He has been inducted in to the Baseball Hall of Fame.
According to Jim’s bio on his pathetic little website:
I feel honored that I was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in the first year of its existence.
This is amazing news. Not only did Jim parlay his .227 career batting average into the greatest honor the sport of baseball can bestow, they inducted him 22 years before he was born along with Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Christy Mathewson, Walter Johnson, and Honus Wagner.
An extensive look at the National Baseball Hall of Fame’s website, however, failed to turn up a picture of Traber’s plaque. I’m starting to wonder if Trabes isn’t inflating his resume a bit. At this point, I am starting to wonder if he even knows Hunter Mahan, or if the heavy metal band Quiet Riot ever invited him to a concert in Japan.
Or maybe he was inducted for his ingenuity in the art of breaking in mitts and they just haven’t put that on the website.
Jim Traber, host of the popular radio program Loud Guy Yells At People, is one person we all love to hate. Frankly, I don’t think it would be such fun if it wasn’t so apparent how much it gets under his skin. Seriously, folks, check out that twitter feed. That is one angry dude.
Anyway, here’s your opportunity to vote on which oft-used phrase The Ultimate uses that is the worst of all. After the jump, the nominees.
• A bunch of right-wing wacko ladies named “Heels Packing Heat” posed for a gun-filled photo shoot inside the Lincoln county courthouse in Chandler. The police are now investigating the photo shoot because apparently it’s “illegal” to take guns into a courthouse. Fortunately for the ladies, the are white females. Therefore, I doubt any charges will be filed.
• Rocklahoma has announced the 2011 Ms. Rocklahoma Pageant Finalists. I was going to breakdown the entire field last week, but as an Ogle Mole told me, visiting the Rocklahoma.com website is one of the few ways you can catch Chlamydia through a computer screen. So if you like to look at scantily clad girls who like jager bombs, Papa Roach and have probably either been in a fight or had sex in a City Walk bathroom, view at your own risk.
Well, it looks like the Ogle Mole Network has delivered again.
This time, though, instead of providing us with images of a celebrity vandalizing Downtown Oklahoma City or a bad sports logo, it has provided us with something that’s both scary and sacred: Regular Jim Traber’s cell phone number!
Yes, we are now in possession of the best, easiest and most efficient way to contact (and perhaps annoy) the ultimate
sports mind yardbird. And what are we going to do with this newfound power??? Sell it on eBay.
No lie, you can right now bid for a baseball with Regular Jim Traber’s REAL cell phone number scribbled on it (as of May 22nd, 2011) . It’s the “ultimate” gift. You can use it to play catch, throw at squirrels, or just as a simple reminder that it’s time to prank call Regular Jim Traber.
If you haven’t yet, you can go ahead and view the auction here. If you want to read the story behind it (and Exhibit #324 why Jim Traber is douche bag tool), keep on reading.
Update 1: The auction has already been removed from eBay because “You listed a phone number. The FCC prohibits the sale of phone numbers, even as a bonus in a listing!” Well this sucks.
Update 2: All that stuff mentioned above was a just a joke or something. We are now selling Jim Traber’s Lost Baseball. It’s just a baseball we found that has the name “Jim Traber” on it along with 10 “random” digits. Who knows what those number represent. You’ll have to bid and do your own research to find out.
Update 3: Our eBay account has been suspended due to “suspected fraud.” Hmmn. If we can’t sell the baseball on eBay, what will we do with it?
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