Cardboard Jim’s attendance at the OKC Pride Festival last weekend got me thinking. Who would it take for me, a practicing heterosexual female, to switch allegiances and go gay? Since our readers seem to enjoy hot girl-on-girl action, and I aim to please, I thought this would be a good topic to tackle for my long awaited first post. Read it after the jump.
What a special day it is for Oklahoma City! According to her MySpace Page, June 28th is Ogle Madness champion Lauren Richardson’s birthday. Because of this, we are going to go ahead and designate today as Lauren Richardson Day for the state of Oklahoma.
Granted, in our little world, pretty much every day is Lauren Richardson Day, just like every day is Kids Day. But actually designating the holiday gives us a reason to celebrate. Here are some ways how:
• Go to Braum’s and order a banana split with extra chocolate sauce. While you are at it, make sure your cherry falls off.
• Go to Lowe’s and start dancing on their quality lumber.
• Heckle and harass a bald minor league baseball player
• Prank call some lucky bastard named Trevor.
• Get insanely drunk and send Patrick a text message at 2:23am saying “Its my bday! Its my bday! Will u please come over?”
Anyway, until Jamie Cerreta Day, have fun celebrating. Cardboard Jim and I are off to Braum’s and Lowe’s.
The votes have been tallied, and the first annual Ogle Madness is in the books. The winner, by a margin of anywhere between 2 and 16 votes** is KOKH morning show reporter (?) Lauren Richardson.
**The exact count is a bit hazy. There were more than a couple enterprising people attempting to stuff the ballot box for both of the candidates (Amy McRee, for instance, has a big fan at the Oklahoma State Regents for Higher Education, Richardson at the United States Postal Service). In any event, we are fortunate that this is Clark Matthews’ specialty (surprisingly, he has one) and Lauren is the winner by a slim but clear margin.
Richardson’s rise to the top has been meteoric, as she wasn’t even known to any of us when we started this blog eleven months ago. Patrick in particular is proud of Richardson’s achievement, as he first brought her to the public consciousness last August. When informed of the results, Pat broke down into tears of pride. He also ate a burrito. But that was just because he was hungry. It didn’t have anything to do with Ogle Madness.
In recognition of Lauren Richardson’s victory, The Lost Ogle is excited to present her with these three prizes:
1. One free Lost Ogle t-shirt
2. One free pink bikini
3. Enshrinement in The Lost Ogle Hall of Fame
If you are Lauren Richardson and would like to collect these prizes, just shoot us an e-mail (thelostogle at gmail dot com) or a MySpace message. If you are not Lauren Richardson, better luck next year.
So, today is Valentine’s Day. Thank god I’ve come down with the flu. That means I now have the best excuse ever to not go out with the dozens of Lost Ogle groupies who were begging for me to be their Valentine. Instead I get to stay at home by myself and smear that weird anti-vomiting stuff on my wrists and just fall asleep.
Anyway, after that great visual, I’ll segue to the following email we received at The Lost Ogle mailbag:
I have a question that perhaps you are equipped to answer (or maybe Patrick’s perverted roommate can chime in). As you know, Valentine’s Day is approaching quickly. As a very romantic man myself, I have spent many hours measuring my options for wooing a lady on Valentine’s Day, and I have now encountered a conundrum that I can’t possibly resolve on my own.
For Valentine’s Day, we lucky Central Oklahomans have a choice between two entertainment legends: Tom Jones at the Riverwind Casino in Norman or Wayne Newton at Firelake Grand Casino in Shawnee. The question is: to which legendary performer’s show should one take his lady if one has high hopes of amorous relations with said very classy lady?
I know, it is an embarrassment of riches to be faced with such entertainment options right here in Oklahoma, but coinciding with the best chance of ass-gettin’ all year long makes it vital that we weigh our options with great care to arrive at the proper decision.
I humbly await your guidance.
A Very Romantic Okie
Honestly, the question was too tough for us to answer. I asked my perverted roommate for his input, but he grew up in Chickasha and can’t read or write too well. I even went to Lauren Richardson to get her opinion, but got this odd reply:
No, I will not go to Braum’s and then to an Indian Casino with you. Leave me alone.
Since we really can’t answer the Tom Jones/Wayne Newton question, we’ll just put it on our list of 10 bad local Valentine’s Day date ideas. Check out the other 9 after the jump:
PREVIOUSLY: The Justice League worked feverishly in an attempt to stop a plot to kidnap Sooner quarterback Sam Bradford. Meanwhile, Amy McRee got wind of the plot and investigated as a journalist before she, herself, wound up missing. Wayne Coyne tried to decode the kidnappers warning note and had a breakthrough, though, it appears it may be too late.
————————
Location: Gallagher-Iba Arena
Gary England listens carefully on his Gentner, but quickly loses his composure. “What do you mean, ‘He’s gone’?…Where’s Jason White?…What do you mean you ‘can’t get a hold of him’?…Wayne, this is unacceptable, un-ac-ceptable!” Gary snaps the phone shut. The other Justice League members in the arena see the anger in Gary’s eye and hesitate to inquire about the situation. Coach Doug Sauter motions to “Smokin’” Joe Burton to approach the England, but Burton refuses. Finally, Val Castor, as Gary’s right hand man decides to bites the bullet. Before he can get a word out, though, Gary takes command again: “Val, fire up the Storm Chasermobile. We’ve got to get back. Doug, Joe, hop in the back.” Continue reading ‘Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.7)’
Previously: After the Bedlam drubbing, Bob Stoops learned of a plot to sabotage the Big XII title game by kidnapping Sam Bradford. Gary England accepted the case for the Justice League, sending Bryant Reeves and Lauren Richardson to Stillwater to investigate if anyone at OSU might be involved in the plan. They spoke with Mike Gundy and Boone Pickens, but were unable to track down Robert Allen. Gary also assigned “The White Lantern”, Jason White, to personally protect Bradford. Continue reading ‘Merry Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.4)’
Previously: Bob Stoops brought news of a plot to kidnap quarterback Sam Bradford to the Justice League. Gary England inserted Jason White into the League’s starting line-up. Bryant Reeves and Lauren Richardson interviewed Mike Gundy as a suspect. He suggested another possible suspect.
Continue reading ‘The Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.3)’
It is bowl season and as a result, I, as an OSU fan, will be subjected to countless jabs from Sooner fans deriding the Cowboys invitation to the “WhoCares.com Bowl”. The jokes hurt because they are true. While Insight, thankfully, dropped the “.com” from their bowl sponsorship title, my beloved Cowboys who lost just as many games as they won (including a blowout at the hands of the mighty Troy Trojans) are on their way to a stupidly named bowl “classic” against another .500 team.
While the NCAA clings to the archaic BCS status quo as every rational fan and member of the media clamors for a playoff plan, the system is already broken. There is little glory in winning a bowl these days. In the days of yore, your school might have gone to something with a girly name such as the Bluebonnet Bowl, but at least it had a name and there were only a few bowls to which teams could be invited.
Now, any school who can win six games (even if some of those wins are versus lower division teams) get invited to a bowl which is named after any company who can pony up a couple million dollars. Legitimate powers like Auburn and Clemson end up at things called the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. There are 32 bowl games that will be played this season. That means more than half of Division-IA schools get an invite. Of the teams that qualified with the minimum of six wins, only seven are not playing in the post season.
If this were the Sports Animal and I were Craig Humphreys, this is the part where I would explain how to fix the system. Instead, I intend to exploit it. Those seven teams were shafted and Oklahoma needs to get in the game of hosting bowls to correct this injustice. After the jump, see our proposals. Continue reading ‘Bowl Season’
Recent Comments