Although there was a protest from Clark Matthews, Mommy Blog Week is finally over. That means The Lost Ogle is back to being an obscure local social blog, and that I can post pictures from Honeybee Talor’s Lake Texoma Trip. No offense to ClarkPup, but I like these pictures better.
Anyway, now that we’ve been a Mommy Blog, hopefully we made and inspired some new friends. Also, hopefully we’ll finally win some awards and our traffic will triple. That will be nice.
My son has a fetish.
If something is the color yellow, he wants it. Be it a yellow ball in the vending machine at Golden Corral, the yellow crayon they bring him with his kid’s meal at Poblano Grill, or the lemon flavored candy in his bag of Sour Patch Kids, if it is yellow, he is going to demand it until he gets it (or we let him have a crying fit).
Anyway, I was reading a Parent Magazine while sitting in the waiting room of my optometrist (who I highly recommend) and came across an article outlining fun things you can do to make your child enjoy bath time more. As the parent who generally administers bath time, this caught my attention. One of the suggestions was simply to add food color to the bath water. They promised the kids would not be dyed themselves and that the change in visual would make the kid more excited to be getting clean.
A couple of days later, I picked up some food color at the grocery store and because the ClarkPupp does have a favorite color that happens to be one of the primary colors that comes with the set, I obviously started with that. This was a bad idea. It looked like my son was swimming in a urinal.
(edit: After this was written, Patrick pointed out that the video above did not come out in the 1990’s. Due to a faulty memory of what I was doing when I first heard the song, I thought it was released in 1999. After research, though, it turns out that Parachutes was released by Coldplay in November of 2000 making it unlikely that this song from that album was relased a year earlier.)
My name is Clark Matthews, and I am addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network.
It feels good to get that off my chest. The obsession began the way all addictions begin. I experimented once thinking I could quit whenever I wanted.
One evening while watching manly UFC highlights on Spike TV, the show went to commercial. After consulting my TiVo menu, I came across a movie called “A Haunting on Sorority Row” and switched over to it mistakenly thinking it was on one of the Encore movie channels. With a title like that I figured there had to be a scene of a murderer stalking the communal showers at the Chi-O house, or at least a pillow fight among Thetas dressed in nighties.
Turns out it was on the Lifetime Movie Network.
But that doesn’t mean I was disappointed. Watching the protagonist (played by an actress from Gossip Girl) triumph in the end gave me a rush of estrogen that now constantly needs a fix. These days, I find myself watching the variety of programming the network offers on a regular basis. I see dramas about women overcoming long odds. I see dramas about women being wronged by men. I see dramas about women being persecuted. I even get to see dramas about women making a difference in society. It’s a virtual smorgasbord of cinema.
Today, I would set your DVR to record one of the best movies Lifetime has to offer, Demons from Her Past. It is of the genre LMN refers to as “Justice” and will be on at 1:00. The story is of a woman named Allison who is convicted of murder when she accidentally plows over a child with her car. It was not, surprisingly, a mini-van and she was not, again surprisingly, on a cell phone while driving through Edmond. Therefore, you know something is up.
Despite her obviously being innocent, what with her being a woman on a Lifetime movie, she is imprisoned for twenty-five years. When she is released for good behavior, because she is such a good person in a bad situation, Allison returns to her hometown intent on finding out who was behind her wrongful conviction. I don’t want to ruin the ending for you, but ****SPOILER ALERT***** it was men. Powerful men.
Make sure to tune in to find out how she exacts her revenge and earns her “you go girl!” You’ll thank me.
In one of the comments to our initial announcement of Mommy Blog Week, a request was made for pointers on raising a newborn. Since Patrick’s advice could be boiled down to three words, “Don’t do it,” I figured I should probably take on the task. So below, I will pass on the wisdom I have accumulated while rearing a child to the ripe old age of two and a half. (NOTE: Keep in mind, I only have a son, so my advice is gender specific.)
Rule #1: Never turn your back when your son is on the changing table
This rule is as rigid as “don’t talk about Fight Club.” I learned this the hard way while still in the hospital. The ClarkPupp filled his diaper, and because his mother had a c-section I was the only one who got to practice this valuable skill before she was discharged, so I was on duty. The paper towels Mercy provided for clean up were not enough to clean the black sludge, so I turned around–for just a second, mind you–to get a wet cloth. That’s when it happened.
Urine. Everywhere.
For a creature that was south of seven pounds, you would not have expected his hose to have the power of a fire hydrant, but there was pee several yards past the table. Plus, he managed to hit himself in the face with the spray. So, the job ended up calling for a new outfit and a clean-up.
Don’t make the same mistake. What I eventually learned was that keeping an extra wash cloth nearby to cover while prepping the rest of the diaper change saved a lot of extra work.
One thing Mommy Bloggers love to do is attempt to make their readers cry. They usually do this by writing depressing looooong posts about child birth, cancer or Oprah, and then try to pass it off as something that’s inspirational.
Since Clark Matthews and I are 100% happy lads with no tales of sadness in our lives, writing something like this is rather difficult. So instead of doing that, I figured I would just post an inspirational movie scene. Hopefully, it will inspire you to know that you can overcome any obstacle and that nothing is impossible. Yes, you can do it! I know you can!
xoxoxo
(And yeah, we may have sent out a tweet about this last week. Just call it double inspiration.)
From Mean Girls:
Karen: I’m kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.
Cady: What do you mean?
Karen: It’s like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it’s going to rain.
Cady: Really? That’s amazing.
Karen: Well… they can tell when it’s raining
My son has a similar ability. Sometimes, when we walk outside, he will announce to me: “I think it’s raining.” Lately, it has been a pretty good bet that he’s right, but sometimes it’s just wet outside. Or, he could just want to pretend it’s raining. When I correct him, he plays it off pretty well. Rather than admitting he was wrong, he says, “It’s not raining anymore.” And you know what, I can’t argue with that logic.
It is soooooooo cute.
(edit: The following article was written by the lovely Mrs. Matthews.)
So I have a confession to make: I came to the “Lost” party really late (as in, refused to watch the pilot episode until Thanksgiving of 2008 out of principle
What principle? I couldn’t really tell you now, but it seemed really important at the time.
But what I lacked in punctuality, I’ve more than made up in devotion (as in, caught up to the current season a full two weeks before the season 5 premiere in January and spent said two weeks whining incessently about how long I had to wait until new episodes aired. Longtime fans have no sympathy here, since they’ve waited weeks/months/years to find out what the frick is up with the four-toed statue, Smokey the monster, and Richard Alpert).
One more confession: it turns out I am the only woman in America who doesn’t like Sawyer. I know, I know, it’s a cardinal sin. How can I call myself a woman and a fan of LOST, and not be head-over-heels in love with Sawyer? What can I say? I’m more into balding (edit: and dazzlingly attractive) CPA’s who tweet the play-by-plays from Loud City.
From what I’ve read online and heard on the podcasts (told you I’m devoted!), I’m supposed to be impressed with the hair and swagger and the intense gazes, but I must be missing something.
Since we are a Mommy Blog this week, I have been instructed by Clark Matthews to avoid writing about hot chicks. Apparently, that’s a taboo topic in Mommy Blogs land. To fill the void, I figured we might as well write about something Mommy Blog’s love: hunks.
Fortunately, though, we really know nothing about hunks. Since that’s the case, we thought it would be good to post a poll to see who is our city’s hottest hunk. Check out the nominees and vote after the jump:
xoxoxo
