90. Jeremy Shockey
The Ada native spurned the local schools to attend the University of Miami, where he was a star tight end for the Cocaines Hurricanes. Upon entering the NFL, Shockey established himself as one of the most overrated players in the league, and is most well known for being a subject of gossip columns documenting his party lifestyle. He made headlines a few years back when he called Bill Parcells a “homo,” which he thought was an insult.
For the eight of you out there who didn’t realize it, 2007 marks the 100th anniversary of the state of Oklahoma. To mark this, various publications around the state have been featuring all sorts of Top 100 lists that have provoked virtually no controversy and have not been talked about at the water cooler. In fact, we’ve heard so little discussion about these lists that we wonder if anyone is actually reading them. We sure don’t.
It does seem, though, that the focus has been on the more positive elements of Oklahoma. While we celebrate those things just like the rest of the world, it seems wrong to ignore the more humiliating aspects of the state of Oklahoma. Naturally, we’re here to fill that void, in this ten-part series that will run every Monday. Today, numbers 91 through 100 of Oklahoma’s Biggest Embarrassments..
100. Dean Blevins
We’d hate to imply Dean Blevins was the inspiration for this site, but lets just say that when we were bantering around ideas for the site’s name, the early favorite was PleaseSomeoneFireDeano.com. He’s a terrible writer who doesn’t know much about national sports and frankly, appears to be pretty lazy at his job. It seems every time we hear him on the Sports Animal he’s on the golf course. Also, he’s the type of journalist who refers to teams and athletes as “sexy.” As in, “Sure, he’s not what you think of as the sexy pick, but…” That’s really annoying.
Ken or Kelly Ogle? San Marcos or Chelinos? Taking Memorial or just hopping on the Kilpatrick? Here in Oklahoma City, there’s a bunch of fun stuff to debate and discuss. Now we can officially add porn stars Ashlynn Brooke (left) and Jesse Jane (right) to that list.
Why is that?
Well…according to Tony and verified by Clark, both of these nice ladies are from the Oklahoma City Metro. Ashlynn is from Choctaw. Jesse’s from Moore. And since The Lost Ogle is dedicated to talking about anything and everything related to Oklahoma City, we thought it would be a good idea to finally end the age old debate about who is Oklahoma City’s best porn star.
My verdict? After looking at Ashlynn’s MySpace page, I think she’s the winner. From her profile, you can see that she’s an OU fan, reads to Bible and like the Fifth Element. Plus, she is allegedly dating Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire. That’s all winning material.
But what about Jesse? I just couldn’t vote for her. Check out this picture that I Clark found at her MySpace page:
Yep. That’s Jesse with some of the guys from Hinder. Maybe Bryan Abrams really will do us all a favor and take care of all of them. Please Bryan!
Anyway, so that I don’t look like the only weirdo on this site, please, tell us who you think Oklahoma City’s best porn star is. If you do, you may be invited to the awards ceremony where we give the lucky lady her Lost Ogle Award of Excellence.
In America, some people say we have a “right to privacy.” Nowhere is that better represented than at the Oklahoma & Cleveland County Assessor’s Websites, a couple of great dot-coms where you can look up the value, floor plans, pictures, taxes, yadayadayada of pretty much any home in the Oklahoma City metro.
Some people might think that it sucks that our government provides access to such personal information so easily, but when you’re a 29 year old soon to be divorced guy who is trying to sell his home as soon as possible, it’s kind of neat to see the value of other homes in your neighborhood. It’s also neat to look up the houses of friends, family, coworkers and random acquaintances. It’s also neat when you have the idea to start a feature on your website where you look up and analyze the homes of Oklahomans, a feature you like to call “Where They Live.”
Al Eschbach
3812 Shadowridge Dr
Norman, OK 73072
Market Value: $352,153Al Eschback used to be cool. Remember when you used to listen to his show, hear some sports talk, and maybe even laugh a little bit. And after that, you’d watch Jennifer Eve and Jack Bowen for 5-Alive News at Six? Well those days are long gone. Now we get to hear Al, Jim and some stuttering producer discuss Norman North High School Football, I-35 traffic and their homes. If your lucky, you may even catch some of his show with…
John Rohde
2732 Brenton Dr
Edmond, Ok 73003
Market Value: $232,769Oklahoman sports columnist John Rohde joins Al every night from 6pm-7pm on the Sports Animal. Selecting the best sports columnist at the Oklahoman is a lot like getting to choose your own STD (only without the sex). And if you were picking, John Rohde would probably be syphilis. Knowing this, I wonder: How does a guy like John Rohde get to keep two jobs where he gives his stupid opinion on sports and still get to live in a $230,000 home in Edmond? It’s tough question. Have any answers?
So the Oklahoma Hall of Fame has announced eight new inductees, to be enshrined later this year, bringing the number of individuals inducted up to 621. The eight 2007 honorees are Sonics owners Clay Bennett and Aubrey McLendon, former Miss America Jayne Jayroe, Chairman of the Oklahoma National Gas Company David Kyle, civil rights activist Clara Luper, Choctaw Nation Chief Gregory Pyle, musician Linda Twine and… singer Toby Keith.
All right. Where to start? On one hand, it seems the board of the Oklahoma Hall of Fame is taking the title of their institution quite literally, and are attempting to recognize people who simply have gained a certain amount of fame. On the other hand, given the fact that there have been 621 people now inducted into the Oklahoma Hall of Fame, it appears that it’s a pretty low bar they’ve got.
Most Halls-of-Fame, to my knowledge, actually honor people who have done something truly great. The Baseball Hall of Fame, for instance, inducts excellent players as opposed to famous ones. John Rocker is a very famous baseball player, but he is not in Cooperstown.
If you do a Google News search for the phrase “Oklahoma Hall of Fame,” all the results have some variation of the phrase “Toby Keith, Others, Inducted Into Oklahoma Hall of Fame.” Is this really what we want, fellow Okies? We have genuine heroes like Clara Luper (and what took so long to get her inducted, by the way?) being overshadowed by this guy:
I know, I know. Toby Keith has his own charitable foundation and has gone on USO tours and contributes to many worthy causes. All of this is true. But the fact remains: he’s Toby Keith. It’s bad enough that I have to listen to the same interview during every OU football home game, but now he’s headlining my state’s Hall of Fame class? Toby Keith is becoming ubiquitous. And he must be stopped. Unfortunately, I’m very scared of him, and I can think of no good way for this to happen that does not involve a boot in my ass. I’m open to suggestions.
Pink Floyd fans rejoice! This weekend, classic rock radio stations from throughout the country are airing their “Top 500 Classic Rock Songs of All Time” countdown. If you’re like me, you can only tolerate so much Rolling Stones and late Beatles stuff. That’s why I’ve created my own massive and controversial “best of” music countdown, complete with one YouTube clip and some inaccurate lyrics. So here we go, the “Top 5 Oklahoma Commercial Songs of All Time”:
Number 5: Brad Henry for Governor (2002)
I’m not sure why, but some people think that Brad Henry’s 2002 radio commercial and Barry Switzer’s endorsement is what got him the Governor’s office. I think it was a guy named Steve Largent. Anyway, if some people think that a song repeating “Brad Henry” 5,000 times got a guy elected governor, it probably belongs in the top 5.
Number 4: “Taco Mayo Me Baby”
Remember this one? Some hillbilly cowboy singing a country tune about what Taco Mayo items he orders on different days of the week, and then bellowing out “Taco Mayo Me Baby?” For some reason, I think this cowboy is a real person, and he is single-handedly keeping all Taco Mayo stores in business. Seriously. When is the last time you had Taco Mayo?
Number 3: BC Clark Anniversary Sale
This song seems to be the obvious number one, but it’s not. Sure, we all know the words. And when we see it for the first time in December, we all get little Goosebumps. But the song has become almost too popular, and BC Clark never shows the old commercial. They’ll now either brag about how popular the song is, or show customers singing the song. Plus, it has the line “Jewelry is the gift to give, because it is the gift that will live and live.” Trust me. I’m learning that’s not very accurate.
Number 2: Don’t Lay that Trash on Oklahoma
This commercial ran non-stop in the late 80s during afternoon cartoons, and for some reason, I think it worked. I rarely, if ever, litter, and now keep all trash piled high in my car. Thank you the State of Oklahoma and Ackerman-McQueen for keeping our state (and not my car) beautiful.
Number 1: Paul Meade Insurance:
I’m pretty sure it goes:
“Protecting everything you own,
like cars and trucks and mobile homes,
accidents or tickets, too,
call and we’ll take care of you…
524-1541.”
If you were singing along, we just connected. If you weren’t, you are probably at the wrong website.
Forced, due to reasons beyond my control, to watch ESPN’s “Cold Pizza,” “First and Ten,” or “People Screaming At Each Other” — whatever it’s called these days — I just happened to hear Skip Bayless accuse his co-hosts, who had praised the Detroit Pistons, of being biased, since they themselves are from the state of Michigan. This coming, of course, from a Vanderbilt grad who has repeatedly said that Jay Cutler is the next Brett Favre.
Though Bayless was apparently a somewhat reasonable human being growing up in OKC (an archive search of the Oklahoman shows no record of excessive heads exploding in the area during the late ’50s and early ’60s), his professional career got off to a rocky start when he wrote a book insinuating — without any evidence — that Troy Aikman was gay. That was the start of a nomadic career, where Bayless slashed and burned his way through market after market before coming to his final, lucrative resting place, the Worldwide Leader.
Like all shock journalists, ESPN is the ultimate destination, where lucid, rational opinions and discussion are not only not necessary, but actually discouraged. Freed from the confines of annoying things like “facts” that plagued him in places like Dallas, San Jose, Chicago and Miami, Bayless is finally in hog heaven, getting paid amazingly well to bloviate about how extra points should be eliminated from football. Skip, we salute you!
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