The only thing Oklahomans love more than greasy awful music is greasy awful food. Blake Shelton is bringing both to home with the launch of his new line of Pizza Hut BBQ pizzas. They come in three styles: Blake’s Smokehouse BBQ, Honey BBQ Chicken and Hawaiian BBQ. They also have a secret sauce you can ask for called “Fuck my life, I’m ordering a BBQ pizza at Pizza Hut.”
Seriously, BBQ pizza? That’s one of life’s great travesties. Just typing the words BBQ and Pizza makes me want the to throw up like a TV news anchor after a small meal.
From Amanda Taylor’s favorite website Country Weekly:
Bob Barry Jr.’s lurid fantasies just got weirder.
PC North grad and tremendously overrated Olivia Munn is reliving her college days and dating a football player. This time instead of banging a lineman for the 2000 OU National Championship team, she’s hooking up with Aaron Rodgers. You may know him as the starting quarterback for the Green Bay Packers or the guy in all those annoying insurance ads.
From US Weekly:
By now, you’ve certainly seen the amusing (but clearly satirical) story about an altercation between Justin Bieber and former Sooner/Clippers star Blake Griffin. It popped up on my timeline because pretty much every gullible dimwit I’m Facebook friends with (and then some) posted the link along with a comment like “haha that little punk finally got what he deserved!”
These FB posters are also the same people who believed the lighting technician in charge of the Opening Ceremony rings in Sochi was found murdered in his apartment. These are also the same people who tweet “RIP ADAM SANDLER!” every other month.
Just in case you haven’t seen it though, here’s the story:
Justin Bieber simply can’t seem to keep himself out of trouble.
Police were dispatched this morning to respond to an altercation at a Starbucks in West Hollywood involving some familiar faces. A barista at the coffee house was apparently confronted by Bieber when he refused to serve the pop star because he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
“He came in with no shirt on and his pants hanging down and underwear showing and tried to order a caramel apple machiatto.”, said Joey Goldsmith, the Starbucks barista, “I just told him he would have to put a shirt on if he wanted to order.”
That’s when Bieber snapped. According to the police report Bieber started cussing at the barista and threatening to have his bodyguard, “kick his ass”.
Fortunately for Goldsmith, LA Clippers star Blake Griffin had been enjoying a drink at a table when he witnessed the altercation and stepped in.
Witnesses at the scene reported that Griffin tried to calm Bieber but the Biebs wasn’t having any of it. There was more yelling, and some pushing and that’s when Griffin smacked Bieber, knocking him to the floor. “He smacked the shit out of him” said one witness, “then I saw Justin stumble out of the door looking like he was crying.”
Bieber was gone before police arrived at the scene.
So, you’re trying to tell me that in the face of aversion, rather than whining to a ref or dramatically flopping, Blake Griffin grew a pair and went medieval on some wannabe thug’s ass? Bitch, please.
This got me thinking of other crazy celeb interactions though, and a few (unlikely) things that would be totally awesome if they did actually happen. Check out some mock headlines after the jump.
We’ve all had a few days to digest the 2014 Grammys, and get over the confusion of Madonna’s grill, Pharrell’s strange head wear choice, and Steven Tyler’s sublime dance moves. By now, we’ve all heard that some teen named Lorde (is this pronounced like Sade?) is kind of a big deal, and that it was a great year for musicians who don’t speak words…aka Ryan Lewis and Daft Punk. But how did our Okies fare?
Oklahoma’s favorite power couple Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert competed against each other in Best Country Solo Performance, but lost out to the abomination known as Darius Rucker’s cover version of “Wagon Wheel.” This would be sort of like Adam Sandler winning the Oscar for Best Actor based on his work in Grown Ups 2. Our boy Blake also lost out to Kasey Musgraves in the Best Country Album category, which I wish I could comment on but pretty much the only think I know about Kasey Musgraves is that she has a pair of badass light-up cowboy boots.
Something I do know about though is fashion, and Blake and Miranda pretty much killed it:
Over the past year or so, we’ve established that TLO (Editor’s Note: For the most part) is #TeamBlakeShelton. There are very few reasons to dislike him. He’s best friends with Usher and Adam Levine, who are both universally liked and super foxy (Editor’s Note: Uhhhhh). He wins all the country music awards, and hosts all of their soirées. Blake’s married to a hottie, grocery shops at Wal-Mart in Tishomingo like a regular person, and even pulls his weight in the good fight against Westboro Baptist Church. But more than all of that, he seems like a good ol’ Oklahoma boy you could drink a Coors with and who’d give you rides on his pontoon boat. (Editor’s Note: Wait a second, I thought he was universally liked?)
Which is why I was pretty stoked last week when I saw this in the check out line at Reasor’s:
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