I’ve never been too sure about KOCO Channel 5 anchorman Paul Folger. This is for several reasons.
1. He seems to lack that “most trusted man in America” vibe that you look for in an anchorman. Sure, the Ogle brothers may come across as boring and old-fashioned in their “rants” and “two-cents,” but at least they have that honest newsman thing going for them. Paul Folger just doesn’t have it. Seriously, who would you rather have read you a bedtime story? Paul Folger or an Ogle brother? You’d go Ogle all the way. What about a spare house key or email password? Ogle Ogle. On the other hand, you’d probably pick Paul Folger to take care of your dog when you go on vacation. Now I’m confused.
2. He occasionally does things like this:
After watching that video a couple of times, I’m about 90% certain Paul Folger was catfished by Ronaiah Tuiasosopo posing as Whiskers. And worst of all, I think Paul Folger didn’t realize it until he was reading the teleprompter.
3. He has a Pinterest page. If you’re a dude, which one of the following scenarios involving your best friend, we’ll call him Clark, would bother you the most: A) Clark sleeping with your ex-girlfriend, B) Clark buying a mini-van or C) Clark getting a Pinterest page. That’s a tough one, but I’d vote C. The other two things are acceptable, but creating a Pinterest page would be like inviting everyone over to your house for a cupcake party. When you’re a dude you just don’t do it.
Let me give you a brief run down of Paul’s page:
Emily Sutton officially started her new career today as the regular morning meteorologist for KFOR Channel 4. She’ll be on the air each weekday from 4:00am – 7:00am. We know this because Channel 4 has been playing the following promo commercial non-stop for about a week. It makes you say “awwwwwwwwwwwww” more than your friend Jessica (a.k.a. the annoying girl at a baby shower):
Uhm, is Channel 4 trying to imply that Emily Sutton’s dream in life is to wake up at 2:00am each morning to give the weather forecast in Oklahoma City? That’s a little premature isn’t it? They should have saved that clip for when Mike Morgan retires and Emily dons the bedazzled weather dress. Or are they saying that Emily is finally fulfilling her dream of being a TV meteorologist? If that’s what they’re doing, doesn’t it totally discount Emily’s contributions over the past 3 years? Was her other work not that important? Am I being too analytical? Probably so.
Anyway, Emily has been
promoting writing about the new gig on Facebook and it’s brought out some of the creepy crawlies. And I’m not talking about the ones who post pictures of her in a bikini behind the thinly veiled pseudo-anonymity of the internet. I’m talking the creepy crawlies who live in a world where Emily Sutton is like a best friend and post awkward, sitting-too-close comments on her Facebook Page.
Here are 20 of my favorites.
To lead things off, we have anti-punctuation and -capitalization guys:
In our most recent mailbag, someone asked a question about swingers in the Oklahoma City area. Here was the exchange:
Not a Swingle writes:“I have been hearing a lot about swinger couples around OKC and suburbs and the stories have been told to me by people who live in different communities/school districts who don’t know each other. Is there a swinger epidemic accompanying this flu? Are some married couples really not as happy as they portray themselves on facebook and their Xmas cards? Or will I receive Xmas cards next year with swapped spouses? Do you think a lot of the swapping started at Thunder watch parties?”
Actually, I don’t really hear a lot about swingers. Then again, I don’t hang out at Friends on Memorial and Russell’s, so I’m not that engaged in swinger circles.
One other question, if we had to come up with a list of the metro’s most likely celebrity swingers and were not allowed to include the Mathis Brothers, wouldn’t Mike and Marla Morgan have to be number one? I don’t think anyone would be surprised if they were swingers. Number two would probably be Jack and Ron.
Well, it looks like I didn’t do my proper research. Number two probably should have been Jed Castles and his wife. She kind of looks like the Pioneer Women’s little sister. Check out this video from last Friday’s newscast:
The dog pictured above is my best friend Rowdy. I adopted Rowdy from an animal rescue in Prague about five years ago. He likes treats, playing with his toy hedgehog and helping me write bar trivia questions. His crowning achievement in life is either catching a mouse or defeating Linda Cavanaugh as an 8-seed in Ogle Madness V.
I posted that pic of Rowdy a few years ago in an effort to impress
Liz Mean Dueweke. We had just learned that her Baby Gap polo wearing boyfriend “AJ” Mertz liked dogs and (allegedly) The Alchemist. I wanted to prove that I enjoyed the same things, and as an added bonus, was not a douche bag. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that MeanDueweke lacked a sense of humor and only associated herself with people who bathe her with praise and compliments, so my little ploy didn’t work.
Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is so you’ll know I’m a dog guy, and hopefully won’t criticize me too much for judging this crazy dog owner who called in a real-life pet detective to help her find a dog that’s been missing…for over a month. Via News 9:
A couple from California is desperate to find their lost dog that ran away in Oklahoma on Christmas Eve.
It’s been a month now, and Jackie Vestal continues to search for Maddox, her 7-year-old miniature pinscher. He was last seen at 11804 Camelot Drive in northwest Oklahoma City.
“He’s my best friend, he’s my whole world,” said Vestal. “I can’t leave without him. I’m not leaving without him.”
Vestal has decided to step up the search, calling on missing dog specialist Karin TarQwyn and her tracking dogs.
“Miniature Pinschers are very tough dogs, very tough,” said TarQwyn. “He’s traveled approximately eight miles from where he first began, following creeks and ditches and basically living on his own.”
TarQwyn and her dogs tracked Maddox’s scent a few weeks ago just west of Lake Hefner. Over the weekend, she returned and again, tracked his scent, this time north of Lake Hefner.
“They definitely can survive. Very rarely do they actually succumb to the elements,” said TarQwyn. “There is some concern for coyotes.”
This is why TarQwyn believes Maddox continues to wander, in order to not be a target for predators. She says the dog’s natural timid behavior is also keeping him in hiding.
Yeah, that’s not a joke. Someone really hired a Pet Detective from Nebraska to come to Oklahoma and search for a missing 12-pound lapdog. And know what else isn’t a joke? Channel 9 ran a feature story on the thing… and they took it seriously! They didn’t make any snarky Dan Marino or Miami Dolphin references or anything. They treated it as a legitimate news event, which is isn’t. Dogs go missing everyday, just because the owner has a major case of first-world problems and hired a freakin’ pet detective shouldn’t make it any more news worthy. And why hire a pet detective? That’s stupid. She should have hired a dog bounty hunter or put a $2,000 reward on the pup. I bet a redneck would have found Maddox in no time.
After I read the Channel 9 story I was going to ask if it was possible for our news media to be any more indulgent and platitudinous when it comes to animals. First KFOR runs an item about a dog being hit by a car, and now Channel 9 is throwing out stories about missing dogs and pet detectives. Before you know it, Channel 5 is going to replace Damon Lane with Magic the Storm Predicting Wonder Dog.
But I decided to avoid that angle because then I noticed a link to Maddox the Missing Pincher Facebook page. The page has nearly 1,000 likes and contains things like this:
Back when TV chopper pilot Jim Gardner made the jump from Channel 4 to Channel 9, there was a rumor that he was taking the lucrative Bob Moore helicopter sponsorship with him. That never materialized. Instead, Channel 9 went the route of a different Robert and inked Bob Mills Furniture to a long-term chopper sponsorship. So now whenever Jim Gardner rescues a deer from a frozen pond, follows a police chase through Jones, or surveys death and destruction following a catastrophic multi-vortex maxi-wedge grinder, you’ll be reminded of love seats, the Pillow Bar and that moderately attractive chiropractor from the Sleep Spa Studio.
Well, apparently some intern at Channel 9 didn’t get that memo. Check out this crudely taken photo that a Mole sent us from a recent News 9 broadcast:
Hmmn, something tells me “The Working Man’s Friend” isn’t going to be happy with that. He’ll be more upset than that time in 2004 when he accidentally shrunk all his sweaters in the dryer.
Anyway, on the topic of Jim Gardner and crudely taken photographs, take a look at this post that Jim Gardner left on his Facebook page when he learned that Mary Ann Eckstein was out as the news director at Channel 4. It’s amusing:
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