Back when TV chopper pilot Jim Gardner made the jump from Channel 4 to Channel 9, there was a rumor that he was taking the lucrative Bob Moore helicopter sponsorship with him. That never materialized. Instead, Channel 9 went the route of a different Robert and inked Bob Mills Furniture to a long-term chopper sponsorship. So now whenever Jim Gardner rescues a deer from a frozen pond, follows a police chase through Jones, or surveys death and destruction following a catastrophic multi-vortex maxi-wedge grinder, you’ll be reminded of love seats, the Pillow Bar and that moderately attractive chiropractor from the Sleep Spa Studio.
Well, apparently some intern at Channel 9 didn’t get that memo. Check out this crudely taken photo that a Mole sent us from a recent News 9 broadcast:
Hmmn, something tells me “The Working Man’s Friend” isn’t going to be happy with that. He’ll be more upset than that time in 2004 when he accidentally shrunk all his sweaters in the dryer.
Anyway, on the topic of Jim Gardner and crudely taken photographs, take a look at this post that Jim Gardner left on his Facebook page when he learned that Mary Ann Eckstein was out as the news director at Channel 4. It’s amusing:
Yesterday afternoon, the Ogle Mole Network was abuzz with rumors that KFOR had forced out their longtime News Director Mary Ann Eckstein. For those who follow the local media, this was pretty big news. Mary Ann has been a staple of the Oklahoma City news scene for decades. She’s been around so long that she remembers what Linda Cavanaugh looked like as a 43-year-old. She’s seen Bob Barry Jr. go from skinny to fat to kind of skinny to kind of chubby to almost dead from a scooter accident.
Anyway, from what we’ve gathered Mary Ann Eckstein is apparently leaving Channel 4, and I don’t think it was a mutual split. It appears to be one of those “Take this nice early retirement package and be quiet” type of deals. We also have no clue why it happened. We’ve heard everything from union troubles to disgruntled employees to the company’s embarrassing social media fails that happened on her watch. And by social media fails, I mean everything from wishing people a happy Zombie Jesus Day to asking if it’s okay to rape a child to baiting Derplahomans on their Facebook page.
Then again, it could also be that Channel 4 kind of sucks right now. They continue to lose staff to Channel 9 and their reporting has become a pandering to the lowest common denominator joke. I think every story they run has to do with sexual predators or animals. Just check out this sad “news” report from yesterday. It was the lead story on KFOR’s website for nearly 12-hours:
Last Friday, KFOR posted a story on its Facebook page about how President Obama would be using the Lincoln Bible for today’s unofficial inauguration ceremony. It’s the same Lincoln Bible that Obama used during his first inauguration four years ago.
Here’s a screenshot of their post:
So you may be asking yourself, “Why would an Oklahoma City news channel post something like this to its Facebook wall? What’s the news value? Who cares?”
The answer to that is one word: Derplahomans.
You know who Derplahomans are. They’re those ignorant people who think Obama is Muslim communist dictator, want prayer (and guns) allowed in public schools, and think gay people are the biggest threat to the country. They live around you, work around you, and vote for all the bat-shit crazies that run this state.
Anyway, when KFOR posted the Lincoln Bible story, they did so with one intention: to rally the Derplahomans and generate “conversation” on the station’s Facebook page. And boy did it work. As of this writing, there were nearly 482 comments on the post. I’d say 70% were posted by Derplahomans who oppose the president, 15% by normal people who oppose the president, and 15% of people who support the president. I spent my Sunday afternoon highlighting the 25 best posts by the derps in that 70%. All of these posts are real, and I assume most were written by people from their Cricket wireless phone while waiting in line for cigarettes at Wal-Mart.
Anyway, let’s start with the crazies who would like to see our president assassinated.
If you’re going to suggest that a guy be assassinated, at least have the common courtesy to spell ‘assassinated’ correctly.
Yeah, I guess the rule above also goes for people who “pray” for assassination. Which by the way, is such a positive, Christian thing to do.
These were the only two people who openly suggested – or prayed – that our president be shot and killed. Other people went the classy route and suggested he view a play at Ford’s Theater instead:
We don’t write about Chellie Mills as often as we should. This is for several reasons:
1. She’s a morning anchor. That means she’s on TV while I’m sound asleep in bed dreaming about picking watermelons with Joleen Chaney.
2. Her name sounds like a brand of spicy corn flour you’d by at a Mexican supermarket (or Whole Foods)
3. She worked for Brady Brus when he owned KSBI. Making fun of someone who had Brady Brus as a boss is disrespectful. It would be like making fun of a war veteran, disabled child or someone who works for Vince Orza.
All that being said, some things just have to be written about. For example, when Chellie Mills calls some lady dildo during a cooking segment:
Last night a high-ranking Ogle Mole texted me the following pic of Al Eschbach hanging out at Hooters by himself. If you had to sum up Al Eschbach in one picture, this would probably be it:
Hands on the table, sir. Both hands on the table.
So, quick admission. I’ve turned into the guy who likes to catch an occasional movie matinée by myself. I’ve been assured by several people that this activity isn’t too weird. I kind of enjoy it. The ticket cost less, and the theater is generally empty enough that don’t have to worry about crying babies or annoying teenagers ruining the film. Plus, you can check your phone without bothering anyone. As a “professional” blogger, that’s a bonus. Hell, I may go catch Zero Dark Thirty later today just for the hell of it.
That being said, I pray that being loner movie guy isn’t the first step towards becoming the old creepy guy who goes to places like Hooters and strip clubs by myself and talks to some slutty girl about my life problems and their “college studies.” Please please please don’t let it spiral to that point! Doing things like that are okay when you’re out-of-town on a business trip, but doing it in your hometown is as dirty and depressing as listening to Al Eschbach on the radio.
By the way, I made that mistake yesterday. It’s kind of sad how the guy just mails it in now. He used to be good in the 1980s. At least I think he was. That’s what my grandpa tells me. So I was driving home from Norman around 4pm and decided to listen to what they had to say about the Manti Te’o ordeal. It was terrible. After Jim and Al did their “which car dealership” are you at routine, Jim asked Al if he heard the big news. Al kind of played along and went into dated “jokes” about the girl’s name (Was it ‘Elvira’), where they met (Ever been to Singapore?), or something like that. You know the drill. Then Jim brought up Deadspin and you could tell Al really didn’t know what that was (Do they list dead people. Ever seen a dead midget?!). At that point I sighed and switched over to Lithium on XM. I think they were playing Kid Rock. Usually, hearing a Kid Rock song is the worst thing that can happen to you in a day, but at that moment, it was as clean, pure and refreshing as an Emily Sutton bubble bath surrounded by aroma therapy candles. By the way, I’m pretty sure Emily hates me now. You’re welcome, Moles.
Anyway, sorry about that depressing story and extremely long paragraph. If you have a funny caption for the photo, leave one in the comments. The best caption will win three of these:
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