It’s finals week all over the state, so we figured it’s only appropriate to issue our local sports radio final exam. What have you learned this semester? Let’s find out in this 12 question quiz. There will be no re-takes, be sure to show your work, and good luck.
1. In which place has Al Eschbach least likely to have stepped foot?
A. Costa Rica
B. Dubai
C. Russia
D. Gallagher-Iba Arena during a game OU is not playing
Dear Santa,
What up big man? Not much here.
I have been a good boy this year. I promise this is true. If you get any letters from Moldovan prostitutes mentioning my name, please disregard them. They are all lies. LIES!
Also, I am sad to inform you that I will not be able to leave you your customary milk and cookies this year. I have given up drinking milk, so I will replace that with a handle of vodka. Enjoy! But please don’t drink and sleigh.
Anyway, on to my list. This is what I want for Christmas this year. It’s not a long list, so please make it happen.
1. Have someone beat Al Eschbach to the first question at one of Bob Stoops’ press conferences
Why does Al always get to ask the first question at press conferences in Norman? Why does the rest of the media always defer to him? Is it just because he’s been around forever? This is dumb, and I want someone to jump in and ask a question before he does.
20. Have Maggie Carlo fight Amy McRee in a bikini oil wrestling match on pay-per-view.
We know that Amy McRee looks good in a bikini. And we are pretty sure that Maggie Carlo would look good in a bikini. But we are 100% sure that Amy McRee and Maggie Carlo would look amazing in a bikini oil wrestling brawl. This idea must be added to the book.
30. Force all Hobby Lobby employees to go to church on Sunday.
A few weeks ago I went to Hobby Lobby on a Sunday.* They were closed so that their employees could enjoy a day of rest or faith or something with their family. Whatever, I bet that a bunch of Hobby Lobby employees-especially those from the frame department-were getting drunk and stoned on Saturday night. If these employees are going to get a free pass on Sunday, they should at least go to church.
* Despite going to Hobby Lobby on a Sunday, I am still proudly a heterosexual.
Here’s a quick review of what we are doing. Last January, State Speaker Lance Cargill created some weird thing called the Oklahoma 100 Ideas Initiative. Here’s how it was described:
The 100 Ideas initiative will change the way business is done at the State Capitol. Instead of legislation originating from lobbyists, special interests and government employees, this initiative seeks ideas from the private sector and from citizens across the great state of Oklahoma. Once the initiative is complete, the top 100 ideas will be published in a book and presented to the Oklahoma State Legislature.
Since we are citizens from the “great state of Oklahoma,” we decide to contribute our own 100 ideas for the initiative. But since we’re pretty sure that Speaker Cargill and his friends won’t put any of them in his book, we figured it would be better to share them here over the next few weeks.
P.S.- Please note that unlike our Top 100 Oklahoma Embarrassments, our 100 contributions are not “ranked” in any way. And if you have any ideas that you would like to see on our list, send us an email. We may include it!
With their ouster by the far superior Cleveland Indians, fans and media outlets across the country have being offering their opinions as to what the New York Yankees should do to fix the problems that they have. Naturally, the next question everyone is also wondering is how The Sports Animal should fix the problems they have. At least that’s the next question an Ogle has.
Here, for the folks in charge over at Citadel Broadcasting, is a nice, handy ten-step guide to upgrading the Sports Animal from a colossal failure all the way to a mediocre radio station.
#1: Trade Bob Barry Jr. and a Broadcaster To Be Named Later to KREF for Toby Rowland
This moves comes at a price, obviously. There is a good chance that the BTBNL might be a real talent (though, based on past history, probably not), and chances are WWLS will have to absorb some of BBJ’s salary, but it gets you the best sports radio host in town and comes with the added benefit of not having to have Bob Barry Jr. on your station.
We’ve all heard Jim Traber mention to Mark Rogers, ”Gentlemen, I talked about this earlier today on Canadian Television.” We’ve heard Jim say that so many times that we even made a “Canadian Television Rule” for our Jim Traber Drinking Game:
2. The Canadian Television Rule
Purchase a six-pack of Molsen Ice or Labatt’s Blue and place one bottle in the middle of all the players. Whenever Traber mentions an appearance on Canadian television, everyone must yell “Tom Brennaman.” The last person to yell “Tom Brennaman” must chug the entire beer.
But until today, there has really not been any local proof that Traber actually makes the occasional appearance on the small screens to the North. We’ve always just taken Jim for his word, which is obviously a questionable thing to do. That’s why we are happy to share with you this clip we found of Jim Traber on “Canadian Television,” which verifies his claim:
Poor Poor Canadians. Some of my thoughts:
• How many people from Toronto watch this and think, “Why the hell do we have some guy from Oklahoma City talking sports?” Seriously. This would be like The Oklahoma Sports Blitz having some weekly segment with one of Toby Rowland’s friends from Indiana.
• It’s hard to believe that Traber doesn’t have a problem with grown men crying. I can’t wait for the day he cries on air! Oh wait…he does that every other day.
• I wonder if he and Cal Ripkin watch these clips in their underwear?
In an effort to eek every last drop out of Gundygate, some friends and I spent last evening trying the figure out who the next local celebrity to “pull a Gundy” and get national headlines for a tirade will be. Here is what we came up with. Which do you think is the most likely? Any other ideas?
Jenni Carlson
The Target: Mike Gundy
Jenni has been through a lot over the past two weeks, and has shown remarkable restraint in not losing her cool after being publicly humiliated. I fully expect to see her completely lose it in a future OSU press conference and am really hopeful that the phrase “I’M A WOMAN! I’m 32!” is used.
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