Well, this is awkward.
Nearly one month after being dealt to the Oklahoma City Thunder, Kevin Martin will face his former team, the Houston Rockets, tonight at Chesapeake Arena.
Okay, so that’s not the storyline at all. You know what it is. James Harden is making his highly anticipated return to Oklahoma City. Obviously, there’s a lot of discussion surrounding this event. People want to know how the Oklahoma City will fans treat the beardgrower. Will they cheer and applaud, or boo and hiss?
Marisa and I tackle the issue in a special edition of “Oglebating: To Boo or Not to Boo James Harden.” Check out our positions and vote for how you feel after the jump.
I can’t tell if that Thunder fan is really clever or just really cheap. Also, I can’t figure out if the fan is a he or she. I doesn’t matter though. The person gets some bonus points for creativity. Let’s just hope he/she keeps the letters and numbers on the back after Kevin Martin’s game last night. Here were his stats in last night’s loss to Memphis:
33 mins – 7 points – 3 rebounds – 0 assists – No Beard
Here were James Harden’s in the Rockets victory over the Hornets:
39 mins – 30 points – 3 rebounds – 4 assists – Beard
Okay, I know it’s a dick move to compare the stats of these two guys for just one game, especially when you consider that Kevin Martin (21.6) has a higher PER than James Harden (19.3) through two weeks of the season, but as we all know, James Harden has a beard. He also does things like this:
Oklahoma didn’t play poorly. 460 yards of offense. COnverted 9 of 13 third downs. Efficient passing game. Averaged 4.6 yards a carry.
Baylor wasn’t exactly lighting the world on fire. 172 yards passing. 4.9 yards a rush. 5 yards a play. Outgained by Oklahoma in total yards.
No, the stats show OU didn’t play bad. The result showed Oklahoma played lackadaisical football. Oklahoma defeated the hapless Baylor Bears 42-34 Saturday afternoon. But two turnovers, including the obligatory Landry Jones “WTF” throw kept Baylor in the game. That and an emphasis on running the ball. OU again finished in the negative in the turnover battle, causing some to wonder (e.g. me) when the Sooners are going to lose a game they shouldn’t because they can’t come out ahead on turnovers … like, maybe this weekend.
9) Per Usual, OU Plays Average and everything is “Fine”
Every time OU loses, “we were outcoached, out played, we have to get better, we have to coach them up”. When we win playing below average, the media has no idea what they are talking about, the fans are idiots, and all that matters is that we won. All we care about is the win, Stoops says. We did exactly what we were supposed to do, Coach says about a team that gave up 252 yards rushing. Good to know the team played a winless Baylor team in conference to a stellar one possession win. At home.
You know something else I know, Coach? No other effing team this year has used every one of their first half timeouts with 10 minutes remaining in the 2nd quarter.
If you’re a dude, back away from the screen. Good, now that I’ve alienated roughly 80% of our readership (Editor’s note: 56%), I would like to talk about something really important, and that is who we ladies will have crushes on during this Thunder basketball season. Now that Derek Fisher and his luscious buttocks are gone, there is a pretty big hole in my heart. But we have to move on. We have to tweet absurd things during the games regarding how cute our team is. HOW ELSE WILL NICK COLLISON KNOW THAT OKLAHOMA IS A STATE FULL OF LADY CREEPERS?!
It’s time to stop writing mean things about James Harden in your Burn Books and start getting serious about our new lineup. So get out your note pads and get ready to play MASH, ladies, because here comes your unofficial Tiger Beat Thunder 2012-2013 Season Preview!
Who doesn’t love a boy who loves his mama? Not only is Kevin Durant good at basketball, he’s good at hugging his mama on live TV. I probably couldn’t say a mean thing about this guy if I tried. If you were playing a game of bang, marry, kill, this dude would definitely be the choice for marriage. Also, he lives in Gaillardia. You want a McMansion, don’t you?
Not only did the Oklahoma City Thunder lose one hell of a basketball player on Saturday night, but they also got rid of one of the greatest pop culture icons to ever capture this city in James Harden’s beard.
I’ve never seen this town become so fixated on one object. Launched by cool (and now discounted) t-shirts and sparked by a viral video made by the whitest people in the world, the beard became a local pop culture phenomenon. It reached it’s climax during the Thunder’s 2012 NBA Finals run. Everyone wore fake beards and posted pics of them to their Facebook walls. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think the entire city was going to a stoning. One shopping center owner covered his building with a giant beard. Hell, James Harden’s became so popular that I got all hipstery and begged for it stop. I was concerned it would become overexposed. I guess we don’t have to worry about that ever happening.
Even though the magic and popularity of James Harden’s beard well never be matched, we decided to come up with a list of 11 possible replacements. None of these suggestions will match the furry goodness that was The Beard, and I doubt opponents will ever fear them, but maybe they’ll inspire a very white viral video or a funny t-shirt.
Here they are:
11. Kendrick Perkin’s Old Man Goattee
If James Harden’s beard was the Devon Tower, then Kendrick Perkin’s old man goatee would be a new Braum’s. You can’t even compare the two.
10. Jeremy Lamb’s abnormally small head
You know what’s funny. When I first saw the trade report on my phone, I was so worked up from the OU game that I misread Jeremy Lamb is Jeremy Lin. My reaction was “Holy Fuck.” Then I sobered up, re-read the post and saw it was Jeremy Lamb. Then my reaction was “Who?”
Anyway, after going back and reading pre-draft scouting reports and draft night grades, I’m pretty convinced that Jeremy Lamb is going to be a great fit for the Thunder. Mind you, I read all those reports while drinking orange and blue vodka Kool-Aid, but still, the guy should be a key contributor in a few years and give the Thunder more flexibility in match-ups. That being said, what’s going on in that pic? Is his head that small or did they give him the largest hat ever made? I’m confused.
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