What happens when you take Cardboard Kendrick Perkins, a jovial man with a piano, a happy girl with large jugs, and then introduce them to the world’s saddest old lady at an assisted living center?

No, it doesn’t give Aubrey McClendon an erection (or maybe it does). It actually just prompts someone to video the thing with their phone and upload it to YouTube:

When you’re a blogger, it’s pretty easy for your three friends to make fun of you. They’ll say things like “How do you like living in your parents’ basement” or “Is it weird living in your parents’ basement” or “Do you use that pile of laundry as a couch in your parents’ basement.” When your friends do that, you generally tell them to be quiet so they don’t wake your parents as they sleep upstairs.

Sometimes, though, the blogger gets the last laugh. Sebastian Pruiti, a contributor for Grantland and the owner of the now conveniently offline blog NBAplaybook.com, is one of those bloggers. He’s been hired by the Thunder as a video analyst. Based on some of his criticism and praise of the Thunder offense over the past year, he seems to be well-qualified:

Although mindless Thunder super fans seem to enjoy it, Kevin Durant’s new movie Thunderstruck has been blasted with negative reviews. It has a 20% rating on RottenTomatoes.com, the Gazette’s 15-year-old movie critic hated it, and even George Lang — the Annakin Skywalker of the Oklahoma film and movie scene — gave it a very guarded positive review.

Now, just to make things worse, we have learned that accused child sexual predator Jim Miller makes a cameo appearance in the film. The scenes were shot before the news broke about Miller’s (alleged) heinous crimes, but still, how’d he get left in there?! It’s a frackin’ kids movie!

From the Oklahoma Gazette’s always clever, fantastic and well-edited Chicken Fried News:

Thunderstruck boasts more than just the distinction of marking the big-screen debut of OKC Thunder superstar Kevin Durant. The film, an alleged comedy in which the Durantula’s basketball skills are inadvertently swiped by a school kid, might just be the first-ever family-friendly movie to include an appearance by an accused child molester. Granted, there was that John Wayne Gacy cameo in 1974’s Herbie Rides Again, but we’re told you’ve gotta look really fast for that one.

The Thunder’s former public address announcer, Jim Miller, is facing multiple counts of child sex abuse and committing lewd acts in front of a child. The Thunder organization immediately booted Miller when the allegations surfaced, but the dismissal didn’t come early enough to avoid his brief role in Thunderstruck.

In one of the film’s pivotal — if you want to call it that — scenes, Miller calls a winning seat number in the Chesapeake Energy Arena that allows the hapless hero, Brian (Taylor Gray), to try a halfcourt shot…

Yeah, that’s creepy on many levels. Here’s a screen shot from the movie:

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

According to Jenni Carlson, who as we know wants James Harden to remain with the Thunder for his own good, James Harden is as good as gone. Via her column in yesterday’s paper:

“By the same token, we’ve been very upfront and transparent with everybody that we have some inherent challenges that we face as an organization as a result of the new collective bargaining agreement,” the Thunder general manager continued. “I know we’d love to have him here. I think James would like to be here as well. But at the end of the day … you have to find a way to make it work for everybody.”

Notice those qualifiers in there? By the same token? But?

You don’t have to read far between the lines to realize the reality — striking a deal with Harden is going to be like walking uphill on an icy sidewalk.

Darn near impossible.

I’m not sure how she jumps from describing Sam Presti discussing ongoing negotiations without using absolute terms (perhaps, you know, since they are ongoing) to the conclusion that the team is just going to part ways with the Sixth Man of the Year (a mother’s intuition?), but she is wrong.

Most consistent readers are probably already saying, “duh, it’s a Jenni Carlson article, of course it’s wrong” or “You’d save yourself some time if you just made a macro for typing ‘Jenni is an ill-informed paper waster,’” but the truth is there are a lot of people who are worried that she might be right. There are a bunch of people of who fear the beard’s reign in OKC is history.

Don’t be one of those people.