Let’s talk about the Thunder a little bit, readers. I think we can all agree that we’re fans. It’s great when a Thunder game comes on TV. I wish I could watch the Thunder on TV all the time. Hell, I’d even settle for watching the Norman Chrysler Jeep and Dodge commercial where Perk refuses to sing that googy song on a loop. But wouldn’t it be even better if there were more Thunder-related program options? I think so. That’s why I’ve made a list of possible Thunder television shows. These would most likely air on KSBI and make for some great family-oriented shows that all Thunder fans could enjoy. Plus, the production team from Thunderstruck is probably just itching to get the gang back together to film a heartwarming tale!
The Milkman’s Babies
This show would be a reality show centered around the lives of Kendrick and Vanity Perkins, as well as their two sons. We’d get to see Kendrick eating all the foods he tweets about (like Philly cheese steaks and Waffle House), Kendrick Jr. win some Tae Kwon Do trophies, baby Kenxton look like a miniature version of Questlove (seriously, he does), and of course, Vanity terrorizing all the nail techs in the greater OKC Metro area.
Rumble and Digi
This show would start out with the theme song from Laverne and Shirley. Each week, we’d get to see the antics of Rumble the Bison and the Cox Digi as they share a downtown loft apartment. Sure, they argue about how Rumble’s hair clogs up the bathtub drain and Digi always fills up the DVR with episodes of How It’s Made and does that weird robot twerk dance, but through it all, they’re just a couple of friends. Scott Brooks would have a cameo appearance as their landlord.
If I had to come up with a list of the best Oklahoma celebrities to follow on Twitter, Moore native and “retired” adult film star Bibi Jones (real name: Britney Maclin) would be near the top of the list. This is primarily because she posts insightful, witty one-liners about politics, sports and modern American pop culture. She’s basically the Chuck Klosterman of Twitter, only attractive.
Okay, that’s not true. Unless you consider it hysterically funny to intentionally misspell the word “come,” BiBi Jones isn’t very witty or insightful. In fact, she’s kind of boring. Most of her tweets are generally NSFW pics of her rolling around naked in bed, or rolling around naked in bed, or rolling around naked in bed. That’s cool the first few times they come (Bibi would spell that differently) across your Twitter feed, but they get annoying after a while, especially when you are showing how Twitter works to your little cousin over the Thanksgiving holiday.
That being said, Bibi does occasionally post safe-for-work photos of her wearing Thunder gear. That’s kind of cool. Who doesn’t like to ogle an actress / model / stripper / (probable) escort with blonde hair and big boobs supporting your favorite team…especially when you’re dragging the day after the Super Bowl? Here’s a compilation of pics of BiBi sporting some Thunder gear. If you consider The Chive to be safe for work, these are safe for work. If you consider the Chive to be a terrible website with redundant, time-killing, brain-draining content that serves no purpose, then, uhm, what are you doing here?
Here we go:
A few weeks ago, I threw my name into the hat for the new KFOR Channel 4 News Director opening. So far, I have yet to hear back from anyone with the OKC NBC affiliate. This is probably because they think they can’t afford me, but that’s okay. I’ll take less to work for Channel 4. I really will. I’m not one to turn down a rebuilding effort. Just ask Bob Stoops. That ‘s where legends and job security are made.
Then again, maybe KFOR also feels I’m overqualified. I can’t blame them. To help prove that I’m not, here’ s a bunch of photos of labrador puppies named after Thunder players. The puppies belong to @sav4okcthunder. I learned about them via the Thunder’s official 411 blog. They weren’t kidnapped by sexual predators, kept in a gun range or used to scam senior citizens, but who cares. They’re puppies. The fact that I’m writing about them shows that I can reach Channel 4’s lowest-common-denominator levels of disappointment
Plus, it might get Channel 9’s attention. They love anything that has to do with the Thunder.
Here are the puppies:
Right now, the Thunder are closing out on the most disappointing month of the season. They looked near unstoppable in December, but followed it up with a clunker of a January. It wasn’t disastrous by any stretch of the imagination, but there were definitely a couple of embarrassing losses early on. Furthermore, the long six game road trip cost the team their Western Conference lead. But, above all, the trip told us that our beloved team is definitely beatable, and that the road to the championship can be long and arduous.
So, who, exactly, stands in our way? And what chance do we have of beating them? Here’s the top 5. Keep in mind that this is a brief overview and that I’m ranking the teams in order of the likelihood that they win the title, not their particular skill against the Thunder.
Honorable Mentions: The Bulls and Warriors are possibilities, but their fate depends on the return of Derrick Rose and Andrew Bogut, respectively. Until then, it’s impossible to know how good they’ll be. The Grizzlies are in the conversation, but we’ve seen this same team falter in the past two years. Beyond that, the faults are obvious. The Pacers have no bench, the Hawks can’t get to the line or rebound, and the Nuggets have no star to lead them.
5. New York Knicks
Performance vs. Thunder: 0-1 in 2011-12 season.
Positives: The Knicks are a perfect combination of star power and experience. Even the most pedestrian NBA fan will recognize most of the guys that play on their roster, and all of them are contributing productive roles on the team. They also have an excellent combination of extremes. You’ve got offensive juggernauts like J.R. Smith and Carmelo Anthony, but you’ve also got defensive stalwarts like Tyson Chandler and Raymond Felton.
Negatives: Because the Knicks have so many stars, personality conflicts are bound to arise. (Fire extinguisher, anyone? Melo-KG, anyone?) Furthermore, the team’s been in a pretty big slump lately. It was thought that Mike Woodson would be able to get this team fired up on the other end of the floor, but there are definitely nights where they resort to outscoring opponents. They just keep pressuring the ball and leaving players wide open or switching on screens, causing dire mismatches that result in easy points. Finally, this team plays a lot of close games and generally lose. This is a combination of Woodson’s inability to make on the fly adjustments and bad shot selection from the Knicks’ stars.
Final Verdict: Dark Horse. Anything with this team is a gamble, really. I could see them winning the title just as easily as I could see them getting knocked out of the first round. But if they were to get into a NBA Finals series with the Thunder, I’d have to give the Thunder an edge. They don’t really have a defensive answer for Durant or Westbrook, even if their fast paced game will hurt the production of Ibaka. The only way I could see them winning is if they were able to somehow break things open down low and keep a healthy roster.
Earlier this evening, KOCO Channel 5 aired a video of Vanity Perkins involved in a skirmish at an Oklahoma City nail salon. We first heard rumors of the altercation in early January. The emails came within a few days of each other. Both contain some hearsay and probably a few factual errors, but they give you an idea of what may have happened:
Ogle Mole One:
Heard a story that Vanity Perkins threw a fit at a nail salon near Home Depot at Quail Springs Mall. She wouldn’t pay for botched job, they locked her inside so she would pay, she calls Kendrick, he shows up and knocks over carts and throws nail polish, now Perkins are pressing charges for false imprisonment or something. Nail owner has it all on tape and is pressing charges for damage.
Ogle Mole Two:
You guys may have already run a story about it but have you heard about Kendrick Perkins and his wife’s confrontation with a local nail salon a few weeks ago?…
Kendrick’s wife went to get her nails done and the tech that was doing her nails messed one up and his wife wasn’t happy. So they fixed it to her liking & everything was good. Until his wife refused to pay for the services because they messed up her nail. Owner told her they fixed it and that she was going to pay. Situation escalates to yelling. So she calls Kendrick to the salon and he shows up and continues to yell saying they aren’t paying for the service. Not sure if this is true but heard the Perkins are suing. Not sure of the nail salon name either. I just heard that the salon is around the quail springs mall area.
Me: Someone else just emailed me about this. Word must be going around. I may have to swing by the nail salon.Yeah it is getting around. I just heard from my wife that the lawsuit by Vanity Perkins is real. The mother of her friend I mentioned earlier was in the salon the day the police and FBI agents showed up to the salon to do some investigating for the lawsuit. Apparently she is suing for assault. Vanity is saying that the woman Asian owner held her down on the ground during their argument. Best part about the lawsuit, the Perkins didn’t know that the nail salon has security cameras and picked up the whole confrontation showing their was no assault and that Vanity instigated the whole thing and was in the wrong. I hope you figure out which nail salon it was since I still cannot figure that one out. Hope this helps.P.S. During the argument, Vanity screamed out “Don’t you know who I am?” like it was going to get her out of paying the nail tech. This whole thing is over a $25 nail service. Makes it even worse.
For what it’s worth, Kendrick Perkins still has about $20-million left on his contract with the Thunder. If your husband makes that kind of cash, you should probably go ahead and pay for your crummy manicure.
Anyway, thanks to catching the flu, forgetfulness and a general irrational fear of walking into an Asian nail salon, I never followed up on the Mole emails. It was on my list of things to do, but I just never got around to it. However, at least I asked Kendrick about the incident during a January 15th chat via Twitter:
— The Lost Ogle (@TheLostOgle) January 16, 2013
I’m not sure why he didn’t answer my question.
Although we never followed up on the report, it has finally made its way to the “legitimate” media. KOCO Channel 5 has landed video footage of the incident, an interview with the shop owner, and in the process, rationalized my fear of Asian nail salons. Here’s the clip and news story from Channel 5:
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