I tried the whole marriage experiment from August 2005 through June 2007. In case you’re keeping score from home, that’s about 22 months of self-inflicted pain and suffering. Marriage wasn’t a great experience for me. I was too independent, proud and non-Nazarene for it to work out very well. Plus, my ex-wife was…well…there’s a reason she’s my ex-wife.
Anyway, the best thing about my marriage was the speed in which we were able to get divorced. It was fast. We separated in May 2007, hired a Budget Divorce type place to draw up a decree, and by that June, everything was official and printed in the newspaper. It was a short and simple process, and cost us $150 each. We both benefited from the fast turnaround. It gave us more time to move on with our lives, recover, find a rebound and all that other B.S.
Well, apparently it’s a good thing that I got married and divorced when I did. Now, because they know the best way to live other people’s lives, some Derps in the Oklahoma House of Representatives have proposed legislation to make divorce more difficult.
First of all, we have Arthur Hulbert from Ft. Gibson. He wants to take a pretty awful experience and drag it out another six months:
An Oklahoma state representative has filed a bill that would increase the waiting period for most Oklahoma couples seeking a divorce.
Rep. Arthur Hulbert, R-Fort Gibson, said the measure is aimed at reducing Oklahoma’s divorce rate, which is the second-highest in the country, the Muskogee Phoenix reported (http://bit.ly/1hEehKh ). His measure, filed in advance of the legislative session that begins Feb. 3, calls for a six-month waiting period for most divorces.
“I feel like we have a bill that will help strengthen families and give them time to rethink reconciliation,” Hulbert said. “I believe marriages have value, and I think society only benefits if we strengthen the family.”
Hulbert said his bill would include exemptions for adultery and cases in which an individual is convicted of child abuse or domestic abuse. The measure also includes exceptions for abandonment, extreme cruelty and habitual drunkenness.
Yeah, what a great way to help build a healthy marriage. When people reach the point where they can’t stand each other and want to move on with their lives, let’s make them wait another six months just so they can be sure it’s what they want to do. That’s a good idea, because divorce is such a spontaneous and unplanned thing. People rarely take the personal responsibility and time to think a major life decision like that through.
Could there be any complication?
Some researchers question whether lengthening the waiting period would have a positive effect.
Stephanie Coontz, research and public education director for the Council on Contemporary Families, said states that ease divorce laws see a drop in domestic violence and suicide rates among wives.
“So, when you think about trying to reverse the ease of divorce, you may be incurring some real risks,” Coontz said. This could be more true “in times of economic stress, which do tend to increase domestic violence,” she said.
Yeah, but Stephanie Coontz is forgetting one important thing. Republican men know what’s best for Oklahoma women (and men)! You know, because they’re Christians with good morals.
Arthur Hulbert isn’t the only Derp who wants the state to get involved in the private lives of individuals. State Rep Sean Roberts (this guy) wants to outlaw “incompatibility” as a ground for divorce. It makes sense, because if you are incompatible with someone, you should obviously spend the rest of your life with them in misery. That’s the healthy pro-family lifestyle we want to promote in this state.
Here’s a screenshot of the bill. He literally just scratched out the word “incompatible:”
State Senator Constance Johnson has once again introduced a bill to decriminalize marijuana in Oklahoma. Like her earlier efforts, and unlike a joint, this one has no chance at passing.
Whether states should legalize marijuana is a debate that continues.
That debate is heating up this week on the tales of a newly released, controversial interview with the president.
President Barack Obama is quoted in a recent article in the New Yorker magazine as saying he doesn’t believe marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol.
State Senator Constance Johnson is taking it even farther, saying alcohol is more dangerous than marijuana and should be legal.
Don’t you like how having “common sense” and “knowing facts” is considered “taking things farther” by the news media? Here’s a statistic from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:
There are approximately 88,000 deaths attributable to excessive alcohol use each year in the United States. This makes excessive alcohol use the 3rd leading lifestyle-related cause of death for the nation. Excessive alcohol use is responsible for 2.5 million years of potential life lost (YPLL) annually, or an average of about 30 years of potential life lost for each death.1 In 2006, there were more than 1.2 million emergency room visits and 2.7 million physician office visits due to excessive drinking. The economic costs of excessive alcohol consumption in 2006 were estimated at $223.5 billion.
Of course, you probably know what the CDC has to say about marijuana:
From 2005-2009, there were an average of 3,533 fatal unintentional drownings (non-boating related) annually in the United States — about ten deaths per day. An additional 347 people died each year from drowning in boating-related incidents.
Yeah, I went with the drowning stat! That’s because marijuana is so harmless that nothing’s listed on the CDC website. The odds are higher that you’ll be killed by a Minotaur than die from a marijuana overdose. Now, I’m sure some people have gotten cancer or whatever from abusing the product, but even then, it’s not on the same scale as the 88,000 deaths due to alcohol.
To get the whole story on Mary Jane’s chances of coming to the Sooner State, KFOR went to the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics – the same agency that receives funding to crack down on illegal marijuana use and distribution – to see what they thought about the push to ‘legalize it.’
Prepare to laugh your ass off like a group of stoners watching Chapelle Show:
The baby-faced Chris Hansen impersonator pictured above is State Rep Aaron Stiles. He’s one of the more colorful / bat-shit crazy members of the Derplahoman caucus of the Oklahoma State House.
Recently, Stiles went to Facebook to complain about the Baphomet statue that the Satanic Temple wants to build at the Capitol. In a status update, he blames the entire thing on atheists and then calls them out for not contributing anything to our state’s culture.
Check it out:
Whenever I read any comment from Sally Kern in the newspaper, I like to shape my hand into the form of a gun, point it to my head, and then pretend to blow my brains out. Or, I’ll just act that I’m holding a rope over my head and hanging myself. Usually one of the two.
Now, thanks to some legislation that Sally’s introduced for the 2014 legislative session, children from across our great state may have the freedoms and protections under the law to do the very same thing.
State Rep. Sally Kern wants to make it illegal for an Oklahoma school official to punish a student for brandishing a partially eaten pastry in the shape of a weapon.
Kern said she was motivated to author a bill prohibiting punishment of students who sculpt pastries into the shape of weapons by an incident last March in which an 8-year-old Maryland boy was suspended from school for chewing a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.
Kern said she’s not aware of any Oklahoma student ever being punished for such conduct, but she wants to make sure it doesn’t happen here.
“As adults, let’s not stir up problems and end up having on a child’s school record some kind of incident like this,” she said.
Yeah, as adults let’s not stir up problems. You know, like comparing homosexuals to terrorists, claiming that all black people are lazy, and /or introducing pointless, headline grabbing legislation for problems that don’t exist.
Here’s a list of playful, innocent, totally real actions that will be protected if the bill were to pass:
(Update: The girls pictured with Ed requested that we take down the photo or else their “lawyers” – yes, lawyers – would be contacting us. They don’t have any legal ground to stand on, but we’re nice guys and decided to update the photo with images that are more reflective of their personalities. You can view the original photo here.)
Something tells me that Ed Shadid would totally be okay with the Lingerie Football League coming to town.
In response to The Oklahoman’s determined pursuit of his divorce records – and just weeks after admitting to being a recovering stoner – Shadid admitted in an exclusive interview with the Oklahoma Gazette that he’s tried cocaine, was addicted to Internet porn, and once got angry and kicked a hole in the wall during an argument with his now ex-wife.
Yes, you read that right, the Gazette broke a relevant local news story. Are we in 1998 or something? Are they also going to bring back the angry old man who wrote movie reviews and make the “Best Of” fun again? Probably not. I bet it was just a one time thing.
Here are the juicy details:
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