Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for Oklahoma Politics – Page 14

This guy thinks Frank Lucas is a genetically engineered robot…

tim murray

The guy pictured above with the scary mustache is Republican Tim Murray. He ran against incumbent Frank Lucas in Tuesday’s US House District 3 primary.

Murray didn’t do too well in the election. He received only 3,442 votes (5%). This is kind of surprising when you consider that Frank Lucas was executed in Ukraine in 2011 and that a robotic clone is running in the congressman’s place.

From Tim Murray’s website:

I, Timothy Ray Murray, am a human, born in Oklahoma, and obtained and continue to fully meet the requirements to serve as U.S. Representative when honored to so. I will never use a look alike to replace my (The Office’s) message to you or to anyone else, as both the other Republican Challengers have.

Rep. Frank Lucas, and a few other Oklahoma and other States’ Congressional Members were depicted as being executed by The World Court on or about Jan. 11, 2011 in Southern Ukraine. On television they were depicted as being executed by the hanging about the neck until death on a white stage and in front of witnesses. Other now current Members of Congress have shared those facts on television also. We know that it is possible to use look alike artificial or manmade replacements, however Rep. Lucas was not eligible to serve as a Congressional Member after that time.

The World knows the truth and We must always display and communicate the truth. I will always share public information with the truth when honored to serve as your Representative.

I’ll be honest with you, someone told me about this a couple of weeks ago and I really didn’t look into it. For one, Murray didn’t mention one thing about stoning gays to death. Two, I just assumed Murray was making a satirical, humorous dig at Lucas for acting like a machine and always voting with the GOP establishment. I had no clue he was being serious, so I just moved along with my day and started drinking heavily.

Anyway, Mr. Murray was being serious. Check out this press release he issued to “TV Broadcasters:”

10 things Janet Barresi can do to kill some time…

barresi 2

As you surely know by now, Janet Barresi was destroyed in Tuesday’s primary. As an incumbent, she finished in third (!) with only 21% of the vote.

From NewsOK.com:

Joy Hofmeister pulls away from Brian Kelly, Janet Barresi in surprising race for state schools superintendent

The hotly contested race for state superintendent of public instruction between incumbent Janet Barresi and former state School Board member Joy Hofmeister didn’t materialize at the polls Tuesday.

With all 1,956 precincts reporting, Hofmeister pulled away early in the Republican primary and never looked back, capturing 151,012 votes (57.6 percent) to advance to the Nov. 4 general election while Barresi — who spent more than a million of her own money on her campaign — finished third behind longshot Brian Kelly.

Kelly, 50, of Edmond, who kept a low profile during the campaign, received 56,014 votes (21.4 percent) and Barresi, 62, of Oklahoma City, got 55,015 votes (21 percent)

Okay, so Barresi spent something like $1.4-million of her own money on this campaign and only received 55,015 votes? That comes out to about $25 bucks per vote. Go ahead, do it with me:

HAHAHAHAHA

With Barresi about to be unemployed, and without a campaign to waste money on, I thought it would be fun to list 10 things Barresi can do to kill some time:

TLO Endorsement: US Senate

lankford shannon

Today, Oklahoma Republican voters will go the polls to decide whether James Lankford or T.W. Shannon will be our state’s next US Senator.

As we noted last week, the candidates’ views couldn’t be more similar. They’re basically Republican Right Wing Talking Point Puppets. You just pull the string on their back and they rattle off some cliché statement about repealing Obamacare, reigning in spending and building a wall in front of Mexico. If you’re a Republican, picking between the two is about as tough as choosing a porn website, only this senate race has more obnoxious ads.

According to polls and newspaper endorsements, James Lankford is considered the slight favorite. If you want to vote for the winner, vote for him. If you want to vote for the underdog who is probably going to run for Governor someday, vote for T.W. Shannon. But if you want to vote for the right guy, cast your vote this direction:

The DEQ looks like a fun place to work…

431 NE 14th Street in Oklahoma City, OK.

I guess people in the public sector like to have sex and flaunt power, too.

On Friday, the Journal Record published a long expose titled “Sex and Sabotage.” Thanks to open records and some grainy footage from the Bass Pro Shops parking lot, it covered in bizarre detail the shady and sultry dealings between bitter Department of Environmental Quality employee Wendy Caperton and Oklahoma State Representative Don Armes.

The article at the Journal Record is kind of long, so here’s the Pat’s Notes synopsis:

Mary Fallin received her first marriage proposal… at the Playboy Mansion?!

Last week, we received a really weird email via the Ogle Mole Network. How weird? Oh, it just contained some old scrapbook clippings from a 1984 Oklahoma City Friday article about some dentist named Joe Fallin proposing to some lady named Mary Copeland at the Playboy Mansion.

Wait! What?

mary fallin playboy 3

You know what? Let’s go ahead and give it up to Joe Fallin. Proposing to your girlfriend at the Playboy Mansion requires balls the size of a small moon or Death Star. It would be like taking your wife to Hooters for an anniversary dinner and requesting the waitress with the largest breasts. Basically, it’s a pimp move that even the Video Vigilante would respect.

Okay, so maybe I’m overreacting it a little bit. This happened 30 years ago. It’s not like it’s news or anything. It’s just funny to learn that Mary Fallin, a socially conservative governor from a socially conservative state who ran on a socially conservative platform probably had sex in the Playboy Mansion hot tub. I hope it was the proper temperature…

Anyway, before you crack crude, inappropriate jokes about hot tubs, state troopers and airbrushing, check out the article about the engagement. It’s a bit blurry, but it will give you more comedy material.