You see that photo above? That was me and my friends being idiot college kids at OU/Texas seven years ago. I was but a wee freshman, and this was my first trip to the Red River Rivalry free from the watchful eye of attending with my parents. Notice how we’re all posing for this drunken picture in a shower at the Sheraton hotel, with our solo cups and silly hand signs and crimson attire. I can pretty much guarantee Soulja Boy or Eli Young was playing in the background from an iPod playlist or mixed CD that someone made special for this very occasion.
Things have changed a lot since then. Nowadays, my idea of a big night usually means take-out from P.F. Changs and an OnDemand movie. No one warned me about the rapid rate you age in the years between 23 and 25. While I hung tough my first post-grad year and again experienced the OU/Texas I had come to love, two years after I felt out-of-place and adrift on McKinney Street, and last year I cut my losses and
cried into my chili watched the game with friends in my backyard.
I thought it’d be both fun and depressing to do a little retrospective analysis and map out what my OU/Texas weekend looked like in college vs. what is probably going to go down this weekend. Here goes.
Friday, 10:00 am
Then: Roll over in bed and fumble around for a glass of water and some Advil. Damnit, why did I drink that extra LIT last night at Suger’s?
Now: Spreadsheet. I’m spreadsheeting. Hehe, spreadsheet–wonder if Cosmopolitan has created a position called “The Spreadsheet” yet.
Friday, 10:07 am
Then: Spring out of bed and get dressed. God, I feel wonderful! If I hurry up and eat lunch, I’ll have enough time to run 3-4 miles, shower, and pack before we leave for Dallas!
Now: Nothing interesting on Cosmo’s website. Wonder if it’s someone’s birthday today? Mosey to the breakroom in hopes of finding a cookie cake.
Then: Pick up friends then head to Classic’s. Southbound roadtrips should always start with a Sprittle or an Eskimo Frosty.
Now: Spreadsheets. Maybe I should make a grocery list on a spreadsheet. Bread, rotisserie chicken, humus, apples…
Friday, 2:00 pm
Then: ROCK ME MAMA LIKE A WAGON WHEEL–OMG look, a car full of Lambdas!
Now: Face wash. I need to add face wash to my grocery list.
(Editor’s Note: We sent 4-time Jeopardy champion, local stand-up comic, and Norman TLO Trivia Night host Wampus Reynolds to the Norman Police Department on Thursday morning to review the Joe Mixon assault tape with the “media.” Here is his report.)
When I heard the Norman PD was releasing the Joe Mixon assault tape, I like every other rubbernecking and curious OU fan wanted to see the video. Mixon couldn’t have just decked an innocent girl for no reason, right? He’s a Sooner. The players have a, sigh, great reputation. There had to be a Zapruder film showing a second puncher-in-the-facer in the booth behind the action, or perhaps the victim Molitor had a fake plastic thumb full of chicken guts that she dumps on her face like a charlatan bare handed surgeon.
But this “screening” (seriously, Norman Police Department, you call this a “screening?” Screening is a free 5 o’clock showtime at Tinseltown of the new Paul Rudd comedy. Call it VIEWING.) was for the media only. What the what? Why can Tuff Nixter, sportswriter and classified ad salesman for the Wayne Payne Times see footage that has captured the 405′s collective imagination and Joe Landman can’t? It really makes no sense. It’s like sports folk were now courtroom sketch artists, but instead of drawing in colored pencils a dead-eyed defendant’s profile, they had to describe the action.
Outraged Seinfeld voice: “And have you actually read these people?” Not exactly the erudite Roger Aingell prosody around these parts. I’ve actually heard one sports radio personality say this sentence on air: “He ain’t got no, uhhh…fast.” You want this guy to relate what happens to you? By the end, you’ll think some person turned into an actual pickle and fell on a table and Regular Jim Traber ate it.
I tweeted TLO (for whom I co-host Trivia Night at Local in Norman every Wednesday at 7) that I’d write a real good piece if they got me in with press. And thanks to two emails and a responsive officer, I was on the list. I did get the distinct pleasure of seeing Patrick saying that I should show my “press credentials” and regarding those words as if they were in Sanskrit. I was hoping he’d pull out a dusty fedora with a card saying PRESS tucked in the headband. He wrote back “We ain’t got no, uhhh….authorize” instead.
I showed up at the Norman Investigations Center and went in a small group. We walked down a hall (I noticed golf clubs in one office along the way; OJ investigation style!) and entered a big chilly room. Many of the great Oklahoma sports personalities were there. Berry “A six months younger Matlock” Tramel! Andrew “I know from childhood when he had Harpo hair” Gilman! Myron “Myron” Patton”! Others!
The police chief came in, identified himself and moved to the side. Then a captain said he had no comments and they’d start the video. They did.
I guess college is back in session. This is good news for people who enjoy college football, drunk sorority girls and feeling really old and depressed.
To help get us in the “back to school” spirit, OU released an over-the-top video today welcoming their first student from the graduating class of… 2019. Yep, that’s not a patented TLO typo. OU is already hyping next year’s enrollment. Isn’t that a bit premature? At least wait until 25% of this year’s freshmen drop out and accrue student loan debt before going after the next batch.
You can watch the video after the jump. In it, the university brings the Sooner Schooner, cheerleaders, marching band and who knows what else to some random high school girl’s house in Edmond to deliver the first acceptance letter of the year. Basically, it’s a social media bandit’s viral wet dream. The only thing it’s missing is a football player holding a ballerina, David Boren talking about national merit scholars and the crying sorority girl.
Check it out:
It looks like we’d be pretty popular in Austin…
As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, news broke yesterday that The University of Texas had a typo on every single page of its football media guide. You know what that means? Whoever wrote the Texas football media guide has a very large dick.
Apparently, the Texas Athletic Department made the simple mistake of misspelling the name of their website. They listed the domain as “TexsaSports.com,” as opposed to “DumbEntitledAssholes.com.” As a guy who once put “Midfrist.com” on a postcard that was mailed to 150,000 Oklahomans, I know how that feels.
I’m an OU fan.
I was born an OU fan, grew up an OU fan, and in my adulthood, became what OSU grads like to call “the OU fan that never went to school there OU fan.” I complain during the bad times, complain during the good times, and still have nightmares about Landry Jones.
Knowing all that, it really hurts to write words like this: OU just pulled an OSU.
Yesterday, the university sent an email to season ticket holders about additional OU – Texas tickets going up for sale, but… to get those tickets there was a catch.
Check it out:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!