Archive for the 'Sally Kern' Category

Sally Kern’s Got a Gun…

Remember when Sally Kern said that gays are worse than terrorists? Well, we might have been jumping to a conclusion when we assumed that was a slam at gays. It might be that she really just thinks terrorists aren’t that bad.

According to our sources at the Capitol, security guards allegedly caught a person trying to “smuggle” a weapon into the building (sounds like something a terrorist would do). The weapon, a handgun, was possessed by none other than Representative Sally Kern. We currently have no information on who her intended target was (our guess? Jim Roth) but Kern was released on her own recognizance.

Update: Looks like the Tulsa World is now reporting this.  It must true.

Update II:  According to the Tulsa World, she has a concealed weapons permit.  That’s pretty damn scary!)

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Girl Goes Gay

Cardboard Jim’s attendance at the OKC Pride Festival last weekend got me thinking. Who would it take for me, a practicing heterosexual female, to switch allegiances and go gay?  Since our readers seem to enjoy hot girl-on-girl action, and I aim to please, I thought this would be a good topic to tackle for my long awaited first post. Read it after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Girl Goes Gay’

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Coburn Gets Got

Thanks to one of our eagle-eyed readers, a guy named Tony, it has come to our attention that Oklahoma’s least bad senator recently had some bad luck. Sure we have taken some shots at Senator Coburn, but we do have sympathy for the man after he was the victim of a burglary at his home in Muskogee. While Tony is certain that this is just what happens when you let a nineteen year old run your town, the rest of us think there may be more to this and want to help. With our careful investigation, we have revealed the following list of suspects. Continue reading ‘Coburn Gets Got’

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Mayor: So easy, a teenager can do it

With apologies to Mayor Mick, the job of being chief executive of a city seems to be pretty easy.  At least the people of Muskogee think so.  In a run off election last week, nineteen-year old OU Freshman John Tyler Hammons was elected to be the most powerful man in town.

More shocking than JTH’s rise to power at such a young age is that he managed to get elected despite making the announcement of his intention to run in front of this group:

Seriously, he kicked off his campaign in a mall food court with this as his target demographic and he managed to get elected?  That’s almost as improbable as Pedro’s rise to class President, but I do like the image of Hammons candidacy being buoyed when his friend Napoleon did a sweet dance in the town square.

Regardless, it is an impressive feat that suggests J.T.’s ceiling may include a term as head of the U.N.  So, I wanted to figure out the kid’s appeal.  After exhaustive research, I decided it must be work ethic.

From the Muskogee Phoenix:

Q: If elected mayor, how much time would you devote to being mayor and what kind of schedule would you keep? How accessible would you be as mayor?

HAMMONS: As mayor, I will dedicate as much time as is needed to conduct the people’s business. This would include regular office hours, absolute attendance at council meetings.

Perfect example of our slacker generation.  “If I get elected, I’ll sit in my office and show up at meetings I am required to attend.”  Does he want a cookie for doing his job?  Of course, he shows his budding political skills by leaving out the part where he will be playing Wii during his office hours.

A lot of my hostility may stem from jealously.  When I was nineteen years old, I was working at Okie Sno pouring syrup on shaved ice before upgrading to become a reservationist at Hertz.  There are definitely some benefits to being a mayor before getting a college degree.  I outline some after the jump.

Continue reading ‘Mayor: So easy, a teenager can do it’

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Meet Oklahoma’s most famous straight and celibate musician…

Last week, we linked to a post at PerezHilton.com claiming that Jessie Kern, the son of homophobic State Rep Sally Kern, was gay. In an interview with the Tulsa World on Friday, Jesse decisively put those gay rumors to rest by stating he is “Straight and not gay.” To help support that statement, he also stated that he is celibate, a music teacher, and the director of the School of Metaphysics in Des Moines, Iowa.

Yep, that’s right. Sally Kern’s son is not a homosexual. He’s just your regular old celibate music teacher who happens to be fascinated with metaphysics. It wasn’t mentioned in the interview, but I would probably bet that Jesse also likes the B-52s and Mint Milanos. I say that because even though he claims to be straight, he still seems pretty ghey to me.

Anyway, unless Sally Kern resigns or some sex tape of her is released on the internet, this will hopefully be the last post regarding her, her son or her daughter-in-law. Also, we hope the “entirely factual” news mentioned above appeases Mike McCarville, who scolded us last Wednesday for posting the Perez Hilton stuff. Mike is a former KTOK radio host and a veteran right wing Oklahoma political reporter who has an easy to remember blog called wwwtmrcom.blogspot.com. He’s also friends with Wes Lane. Scary.

Update: Mike McCarville has scolded us a second time!  He even called us an “obscure local social blog.”  Awesome!!! 

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Who Will Save Your Soul?

In closing out Sally Kern Week, I wanted to promote this idea originally posted by Joel David of NewsOK.com. Originally, I had intended to go overboard by coaxing anyone who knew a cross dresser, or was willing to be one for one Sunday morning to get out to Olivet Baptist Church (1201 NW 10th St, Oklahoma City, OK 73106) for worship (service begins at 10:50).

Then, after seeing Ellen Degeneres’ heartfelt and classy response, I thought better. Pastor Steve Kern and his homophobic state representative wife would probably enjoy such a spectacle as support of their pick-and-choose philosophy of biblical interpretation. What would be better is if anyone, gay or otherwise, just attended the service peacefully. Just quietly sit in the pew wearing your Sunday best, perhaps making small talk with the other parishioners during fellowship time. Then, when Pastor Steve begins his spiel prior to passing the plate, just stand up and file out quietly–unless you really want to sing “We Shall Overcome” (in which case, the regular churchgoers would at least give you credit for not choosing a showtune).

On the other hand, if you have already purchased your Osama bin Laden costume and prepared your sign saying “Hey, at least I’m not gay” then go ahead and stand outside the church. Just make sure to send us pictures.

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Sally Kern has a GAY son?

From PerezHilton.com, which just happens to be the biggest blog in the universe:

The truth always comes out!!!!

As it should happen to be…

The homophobic Republican hatemonger from Oklahoma has a gay son!!!!

That’s right, Sally Kern’s son Jesse is a big ol’ homo, PerezHilton.com has learned.

We’re sure he’s REAL PROUD of mommy!

And, it has also been revealed that Good Ol’ Sally has lied about receiving death threats.

God is ashamed of Sally Kern. We know. She told us!

Well, I guess this kind of confirms the rumors that one of her sons is gay. I hinted around this last Saturday, but I wasn’t able to confirm anything, so I just posted a picture of Sally Kern’s house instead. Anyway, even though Sally has already said that she won’t apologize to all those she offended and hurt with her comments, hopefully she’ll be a good Mom and apologize to her son…or at least send him to jail for being more dangerous than a terrorist.

(Thanks to a reader who is apparently fond of Brent Skarky for posting the tip.)

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Sally Kern is on a roll!

Here’s a good editorial from the Edmond Sun regarding the Oklahoma House of Representatives recent passage of House Bill 2211. For those that don’t know a thing about the bill, here is a good synopsis from the editorial:

The bill requires public schools to guarantee students the right to express their religious viewpoints in a public forum, in class, in homework and in other ways without being penalized. If a student’s religious beliefs were in conflict with scientific theory, and the student chose to express those beliefs rather than explain the theory in response to an exam question, the student’s incorrect response would be deemed satisfactory, according to this bill.

The school would be required to reward the student with a good grade, or be considered in violation of the law. Even simple, factual information such as the age of the earth (4.65 billion years) would be subject to the student’s belief, and if the student answered 6,000 years based on his or her religious belief, the school would have to credit it as correct. Science education becomes absurd under such a situation.

Oh yeah, here are some quotes from Sally Kern regarding the bill. I found them at NewsOK.com. They are a few weeks old.

“We are a religious nation,” said Rep. Sally Kern, R-Oklahoma City. “We have a deep religious heritage.”

But Kern said some Oklahoma school districts are not allowing voluntary religious expression by their students for fear it may violate legal guidelines concerning the separation of church and state.

“There is abuse going on in our schools,” she said. “There are some problems with some school districts not allowing voluntary religious expression.”

Hmnn. Call me crazy, but I’m not too sure that I’d vote for any bill that Sally Kern seems to enthusiastically support. But then again, as the recent immigration bill, property tax records and decision to not censure Ms. Kern seem to indicate, our state legislators don’t seem to be the brightest people. That’s why I expect that our Senate will probably pass the bill and that Governor Henry will get real drunk and sign it. And when that happens, I’ll be really pissed off. And I won’t be pissed off that our state passed a law that seems to overstep the amazing thing we have in our country called the “separation of church and state.” I’ll just be pissed off that the law didn’t exist while I was high school!

Seriously, if HB2211 was a law when I roamed the halls of Putnam City West, I probably would have become a Rhodes Scholar and been pals with that smart Corbin Humble kid instead of harboring the stolen 6X9’s and Kicker 15s that my friends Josh and Isaac stole from cars in Bethany. I would have been a damn genius. Just think of how easy all those science tests would have been if you could get away with religious answers:

Q: What is the Scientific Method?
A: Something Gary England created on his day off.

Q: How was the universe created?
A: Gary England got bored.

Q: What type of molten rock is expelled by a volcano during an eruption?
A: Brady Brus Rockets.

Q: What is the seventh day?
A: Friday Night in the Big Town!

(Yeah. That last one isn’t a science question. It’s not really even a question. It’s a fact.)

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