TLO hasn’t had a good sports article since college football left us. Since the NCAA men’s basketball championship was last night, I thought it would be a good idea to write about my beloved Kentucky Wildcats and their keys to losing the championship!
1) Coach Kevin Ollie
Former Thunder benchwarmer coached his team to victory by having Shabazz bully Ryan Boatwright in front of God and everyone. Kevin Ollie got the coaching job at UConn because of his life changing head rubs, and because Coach Calhoun left after he realized he’d saved enough to retire. With his first national championship, Coach Ollie now has a better chance of making it into the Hall of Fame than Eddie Sutton.
2) Shabazz Napier’s mom
Doesn’t she look like the type of person who would be unbelievably rude to her server at Applebee’s? Just think of what she’d do to Shabazz if he didn’t hit some unbelievable shots?
Do you wanna be famous? If so, the Oklahoma Tourism Department has a great way to get you started down the path to stardom.
A casting office is looking for dozens of Oklahomans to appear in the next round of commercials promoting Oklahoma tourism.
Freihofer Casting will hold auditions in Norman and Tulsa, but will also invite people from across the state to send in their own video auditions for consideration.
Each person selected to appear in the commercial will be paid and is asked to appear in one location on one day for a few hours. Adults 18 years old and over will be paid $200, while children under 18 will receive $100.
Couples, families and people of all ages are needed for a few hours to appear in the spots that will air nationwide.
Two-hundred bucks for one day of pretending like Oklahoma has a lot of things to do? Not bad!
The 2013 tourism video is posted above. I thought it would be fun to give you some pointers on how to land the role of “Oklahoman” for a commercial that will not at all represent what it’s like to visit Oklahoma.
What do you think is a fair punishment for someone who has been caught shoplifting 29 times? Community service, jail time, hands cut off, forcing them to do all their shoplifting at Old Navy?
I ask because the Oklahoma woman pictured above – Cecilia Rodriguez – was sentenced to life in prison for shoplifting. She was caught doing the act 29 times. Her appeal of the sentence was recently denied by the U.S. Supreme Court. That really sucks for her… and for us as taxpayers. We now have to spend $18,000 per year to imprison her because she’s a bad thief. Hopefully she’ll get some thieving tips from fellow inmates while in jail.
I love Oklahoma, so it upsets me when we are beaten in polls by states like Mississippi or West Virginia.
Last week, Oklahoma was ranked as “The 9th Most Miserable State” in a national well-being / link-baiting index. USAToday.com:
> Well-being index score: 64.7
> Life expectancy: 75.9 years (5th lowest)
> Percent obese: 30.5% (10th highest)
> Median household income: $44,312 (10th lowest)
> Percent with high school diploma: 86.7% (19th lowest)
Oklahomans had among the most unhealthy behaviors in the U.S. during 2013. Only about half of the population said they ate fruits and vegetables on a regular basis last year, less than any other state. Oklahoma residents also reported poor access to basic necessities. More than 10% of residents said they did not have easy access to clean and safe drinking water, worse than any other state. Oklahomans also self-reported poor physical health. More than 6% of adults said they have had a heart attack as of last year, more than in any other state, and considerably higher than the national average of 3.8%. In 2010, there were 235.2 heart disease-related deaths per 100,000 residents, the third-highest rate nationwide.
10% of our residents don’t have access to clean and safe drinking water? That’s puzzling. Also, 6% of adults claimed they had a heart attack last year? Doesn’t that seem high? But don’t worry. These problems can all be fixed. All we need to do is give a tax break to the rich. Then everything will figure its way out.
Actually, it’s not the easy. In fact, improving our state is pretty damn hard. Since we’ll never do anything to combat these problems, I think we should go all out and try to be the most miserable state in the country. It shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish. Plus, we’ll finally be number one at something.
Here are some tips how:
Wind farms are an eyesore. When I drive past the wind farms in Western Oklahoma, they fill me with rage. Why can’t wind farms be as calming and peaceful as an abandoned oil well or pump jack?
Luckily Senate Pro Tempore Brian Bingman feels the same way I do. He’s leading legislation to block them from being built anywhere to the east of I-35.
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