Hey guys, I judged a bikini contest at Twin Peaks last night (pic above). For whatever reason, the emcee thought I was a “celebrity judge” from News Channel 4. So as I write this, I am filled with the confidence of a news anchor from one of our best news stations. Also, I should probably free Jesse Wells from the trunk of my car.
Actually, screw that. Jesse can wait. I want to touch on something that isn’t funny. In fact, it might just piss you off. Our state has decided to cut the taxes for the wealthiest 1%.
Here’s a breakdown of the bill by OKpolicy.org:
An income tax cut deal has been reached between Governor Fallin and Legislative leadership. The proposal is moving through the Legislature as HB 2032.
The bill would lower the top income tax rate from 5.25 to 5.0 percent in 2015. A trigger would reduce to top rate again to 4.85 percent in 2016 or later, whenever revenue increases by more than the cost of the reduction.
Under this plan, 41 percent of Oklahomans will not see any tax reduction. Most lower- and middle-income families would not receive any tax cut, and the average tax reduction for middle-income families would be just $30. Altogether, the bottom 60 percent of taxpayers would receive just 9 percent of the benefit.
Let’s go over that again. This time visually:
Oklahoma is going through a drought. It’s so bad it can only be compared to the one I experienced from birth until my senior year of college. In fact, the last 365-days have been the 4th driest since rainfall records have been kept. But not to worry, there are some God-loving groups in our state that are taking the pressure away from Mother Nature and asking the Father, Son and Holy Spirit to take control.
Yesterday, the Oklahoma Historical Society and First English Lutheran Church opened a 100-year-old time capsule. It was nothing out of the ordinary. According to the Facebook page, it looks like they found some Gideon bibles, hand-written letters from a 1st grade class, and a jar of tears. I also heard a rumor that the Ark of the Covenant was inside, but I won’t believe it until someone’s face gets melted off.
Here’s more info on the capsule from OKHistory.org:
On April 22, 1913, a “Century Chest” was buried in the basement of the First English Lutheran Church (now the First Lutheran Church of Oklahoma City) at 1300 North Robinson. The ceremony was witnessed by a capacity crowd including Governor Lee Cruce and other notable Oklahoma residents.
Through a century of dutiful vigilance the congregation of the First Lutheran Church has guarded the Century Chest in order that on April 22, 2013, the chest would be unearthed and the past would come alive. The church has partnered with the Oklahoma Historical Society to ensure the treasures of 1913 are preserved and exhibited at the Oklahoma History Center.
In all honesty, I’m not a big time capsule fan. I always thought they were silly and just a way for grade school teachers to pass some time. In today’s society we don’t need to bury things in the ground to remember them. That’s what VH1 is for. Plus, who likes to bury things? Here’s a quick list of things I bury: My dog’s poo. A rabbit named “Checkers.” My feelings.
All that being said, since we now have a place to put a new time capsule (and some determined Lutheran’s who are willing to guard it), we should put together another one to be opened in the year 2113. That would be fun. Here is a list of things Patrick and I would want to be preserved for future generations:
One thing people say about Oklahomans is that we are among the nicest people in the world. It doesn’t matter if you need someone to give you directions or simply pay for your meal as you rob a Taco Bell, an Oklahoman will always help!
It’s April in Oklahoma, which means it’s time for tornadoes to barrel towards our homes and our streets to be barricaded so people can run or bike to raise money for stuff! Yes, it’s spring event season. You already missed the Susan G. Komen “Race for the Cure,” but you still have time to sign up for the Redbud Classic, the Memorial Marathon or if you like getting dirty, the Mud Run.
All of these marathons and “fun runs” raise money for worthy causes, but they are also boring and lack a certain panache. Because of that, Patrick and I came up with some fun and creative events to raise money for causes.
Babies Against Scabies Pageant
This would be a baby pageant to raise money for scabies research. Do we need to research Scabies? I’m itching to know, but we must strike while the Toddlers & Tiaras iron is hot! - Spencer
Restless Leg Syndrome Forever Run
I’m not a doctor, but this would be a good way to make your restless leg a little tired. - Patrick
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