Archive for the 'Sports' Category

Jenni Carlson hates blow-up dolls

This past weekend, the Chicago White Sox did something weird to break out of their recent slump. They got out the blow-up dolls. From the Chicago Sun-Times:

If anyone was offended by the White Sox having a pair of inflatable dolls surrounded by bats and a sign encouraging players to “push” in their clubhouse before Sunday’s game in Toronto, don’t expect an apology from manager Ozzie Guillen…

On Sunday, the bats were circled around the two naked female dolls, one of whom had a bat inserted in its backside to prop it up. Each wore a sign over her breasts, one saying “Let’s Go White Sox” and the other reading “You’ve Got to Push,” the National Post in Toronto reported.

As I said, that’s weird. But know what’s even weirder? Look who got upset:

One group not amused by the prank was the Association for Women in Sports Media, whose members work toward ensuring a non-threatening work environment for all women in sports media. “The presence of those dolls creates an uncomfortable situation for any female journalist who enters the White Sox locker room simply trying to do her job,” said Jenni Carlson, the group’s president, in an e-mail.

Yes, the White Sox “slump buster” was pretty bizarre and tacky. And yes, I can see how a respectable female journalist would feel uncomfortable around blow-up dolls with bats “inserted in their backsides.” But wouldn’t any person who is not a Christie’s Toy Box employees or arrogant athlete feel uncomfortable trying to work while surrounded by a bunch of blow-up dolls? Seriously, what were all the male journalists doing? Laughing, pointing and having a circle jerk?

Anyway, here are a few more thoughts:

  • Not only is Jenni Carlson a member of the Association for Women in Sports Media, but she’s also the president. Scary. This would be like Mr. Monday leading the North American Association of Anonymous Humor Columnists. The fact that Jenni rose to this rank simply proves my old theory that she is on a path to rule the world.
  • I wonder what Jenni would have said if the White Sox players were feeding the blow-up dolls Kentucky Fried Chicken. Or if there were rumors and rumblings that the dolls were going to transfer.
  • I’m pretty sure I know what Mike Gundy is going to send Jenni for her birthday.

(Thanks to our reader “OUredman” for pointing us to WithLeather for the “tip.”)

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Big League City?

In the minutes of grueling research I do for this website, I ran across the YouTube video you can watch above. I have no idea who had the access to, or had the idea to upload a forty-year old commercial related to a local bond issue. That said, thank you “Silentsensei.”

For one, I learned that people who voted before my parents were eligible to cast ballots changed the course of this city. In Yessing ‘em all, our forefathers (and I guess mothers since this was post-suffrage) made it where I can partake in drinking water. I like water. They improved the sewer systems. I like not smelling feces. It also created the Northwest Expressway and expanded many major roads of this city from two to four lanes. I like not sitting in traffic. After seeing this commercial, I wondered what our fair city would look like if the residents of that time had No’ed ‘em all….probably a bit like the Oklahoma City portrayed in Saving Grace.

Oklahoma City’s next chance to leap forward comes March 4th. This campaign slogan is not as catchy or instructive as yes ‘em all, but Big League City does have some merit. As my public service to you, I will rattle off the talking points. Continue reading ‘Big League City?’

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An Open Letter to Jesus

bob-knight.jpg

Dear Jesus,

This is Patrick from TheLostOgle.com. I know this is kind of late, but I’d like to go ahead and thank you for having the UPS guy accidentally drop off those Harry and David Pears at my house around Christmas. They were delicious. And I think my neighbor ended up getting another order at no charge, so it was a win-win for everyone.

Anyway, I got another favor to ask. When you get a moment, can you look into making Bob Knight the head coach for the Oklahoma State men’s basketball program next season? By making this happen, you would be doing a huge favor to several thousand people across Oklahoma.

You see, here in Oklahoma City there is a sports talk station called The Sports Animal. The most annoying host on The Sports Animal is a guy named Jim Traber (you’ve probably never heard of him). Yesterday, Mr. Traber vowed to basically no longer acknowledge, address or have anything to do with Oklahoma State men’s basketball program if they fired Sean Sutton and replaced him with Coach Knight. If this were to happen, we would hope that Mr. Traber would have to either quit his job and/or eat the biggest piece of humble pie ever made, which would be an amazing thing!

So Jesus, please please please do what you can and make Coach Knight the Cowboys next head coach. The people of Oklahoma and I would really appreciate it.

Your friend,

Patrick

p.s. - Go ahead and put this request in front of that Maggie Carlo thing I emailed you a few weeks ago. It can wait.

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Bring Back the Birdman

Today is the first day that Chris “The Birdman” Andersen can officially apply for reinstatement to the National Basketball Association. The reason he gets to apply is because it’s now been two years since he violated the NBA’s drug policy for doing extacy or something.

For us former fans of the Oklahoma City Hornets, this gives us a chance to celebrate and remember the “charlie hustle energy player” that never really seemed to play with much energy or hustle. “Remember when” conversations are also due for people who:

  • enjoy ironic billboards
  • prefer prognosticative NBA marketing departments
  • like for NBA players to buy them drinks at Baker’s Street
  • miss the fights at Baker’s Street
  • deal drugs
  • Write sappy feature stories about professional basketball players who overcome long odds to reach the top but then tragically fall back down

Anyway, I hope The Birdman comes back to Oklahoma City and plays basketball with the Sonics.  Just for fun, I hope that Chris Paul, Tyson Chandler and Speedy Claxton’s teeth come back, too.

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Breaking News: Bob Stoops played football at Purdue

 

If you’re like me, you always assumed that Bob Stoops played college football at the University of Iowa (just look at the tiny picture above). However–in what has to be breaking news–it appears that The Oklahoman has learned that Bob Stoops actually played for Purdue! 

From an article regarding the anticipated hiring of Jay Norvell as the Sooners replacement for Kevin Sumlin:

Oklahoma is expected to name Jay Norvell as wide receivers coach and co-offensive coordinator sometime this week, sources have confirmed.

Norvell, who was offensive coordinator at UCLA this past season, told the Lincoln (Neb.) Journal-Star on Wednesday that he has accepted the OU position…

Sooner coach Bob Stoops and Norvell have a connection that dates back to when they played together at Purdue in the early 1980s.

What’s bizarre is that both Stoops and Norvell both claim on their resumes that they played college football at Iowa, but who are you going to trust?  Greedy, seedy college football coaches?  Or Oklahoma’s trusted news leader, The Oklahoman

My money is with The Oklahoman.

However, I will admit that there is a slight possibility that the people in the dark tower simply made an ignorant, ridiculous and embarrassing error.  But, seriously, how could that happen when they employ and pay professional journalists, proofreaders, copy editors, assistant editors and, well, normal editors. 

It’s impossible right?

Not really.  One thing I’ve learned over the past six months–whether it’s Cale Gundy’s infamous rant towards Jenni Carlson or the way the Putnam City School District has handled the crazy situation regarding their district superintendent–is that people and institutions do make mistakes.  Only some mistakes are a lot more embarrassing, and completly idiotic, than others.  

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Meet Your Oklahoma Cavs Dance Team, Part II

Hehe…just kidding. That’s not the real dance team. I think it’s actually the Oklahoma Cavs halftime “entertainment.” Check out the real Cavs dance team after the jump.
Continue reading ‘Meet Your Oklahoma Cavs Dance Team, Part II’

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Bowl Season

It is bowl season and as a result, I, as an OSU fan, will be subjected to countless jabs from Sooner fans deriding the Cowboys invitation to the “WhoCares.com Bowl”. The jokes hurt because they are true. While Insight, thankfully, dropped the “.com” from their bowl sponsorship title, my beloved Cowboys who lost just as many games as they won (including a blowout at the hands of the mighty Troy Trojans) are on their way to a stupidly named bowl “classic” against another .500 team.

While the NCAA clings to the archaic BCS status quo as every rational fan and member of the media clamors for a playoff plan, the system is already broken. There is little glory in winning a bowl these days. In the days of yore, your school might have gone to something with a girly name such as the Bluebonnet Bowl, but at least it had a name and there were only a few bowls to which teams could be invited.

Now, any school who can win six games (even if some of those wins are versus lower division teams) get invited to a bowl which is named after any company who can pony up a couple million dollars.   Legitimate powers like Auburn and Clemson end up at things called the Chick-Fil-A Bowl.  There are 32 bowl games that will be played this season. That means more than half of Division-IA schools get an invite.  Of the teams that qualified with the minimum of six wins, only seven are not playing in the post season.

If this were the Sports Animal and I were Craig Humphreys, this is the part where I would explain how to fix the system. Instead, I intend to exploit it. Those seven teams were shafted and Oklahoma needs to get in the game of hosting bowls to correct this injustice. After the jump, see our proposals. Continue reading ‘Bowl Season’

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.2)

 

Previously: An orange clad fat man overheard the Sooner coaches badmouth the OSU Cowboys. Bob Stoops brought a threat to the safety of quarterback Sam Bradford to The Justice League.

—————————— Continue reading ‘Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.2)’

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Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.1)

LOCATION: Owen Field at Gaylord Family Memorial Stadium

The Sooners have just put the finishing touches on a 49-17 shellacking of Oklahoma State, a win that clinched the Big XII South Championship. The scene is one of great celebration. Sooner players perform choreographed handshakes and scream “Boomer” with their forefinger raised high. Former players, like Jason White, Jamelle Hollieway, and Brian Bosworth congratulate the triumphant team. Meanwhile the coaches huddle to discuss the game, loudly saying things like, “They were better when this was their bowl game”, or “Miles was a jerk, but at least they came to play back then” followed by derisive laughter.

In the background, a large man dressed in orange watches the proceedings with a sour look on his face. Continue reading ‘Justice League of Oklahoma (Episode 2.1)’

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Basketball Season Is Upon Us

As everyone in Stillwater and 17 people in Norman know, college basketball season is upon us. That is why this post includes a picture of Jenna Plumley revealing her true feelings for me.

For both OU and OSU, there are many question marks this season. Will highly touted recruits Blake Griffin and James Anderson be able to lead their respective teams to the NCAA tournament? Will Sean Sutton make it through the season without collapsing? Will the Lloyd-Noble Center extend it’s record of most consecutive seasons being the most poorly lit arena in the country? And hey, what about Fraggle Rock? Remember that show?

Sorry, I lost my train of thought there. Where was I? Oh yes, unanswered questions.

For instance:

Will the clip of Jeff Capel hitting the game-tying shot against North Carolina be shown during more than 20 of OU’s broadcasts?

Will Marcus Dove continue to have the worst celebratory hand signal in college basketball?

Will my campaign to get OU fans to embrace the nickname “Big Baby Food” for Beau Gerber fail for a second season in a row?

Will this story become reality?

Will Chris Walker manage to average more than a turnover a game despite being a graduate assistant for the Sooners and not an actual player?

For my part, I’m going Yes, Yes, Yes, Please God Make It Happen, Yes. But I’m notoriously terrible at predicting things. Like the time I predicted the red dot would beat the yellow dot during the dot race. Also, Betamax. I picked Betamax over VHS. Man, I’m getting depressed over my predicting skills. Thank god it’s Friday.

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