Sports editors must like one sentence paragraphs and bad sports columns.
Yesterday, the Associated Press Sports Editors announced their 2013 award winners.
The Oklahoman’s Jenni Carlson won the “Columns” category
And no, we’re not referring to the 1990s Sega video game that combined the joys of Tetris with the sadness of Dr. Mario.
They actually recognized Jenni for her sports columns.
Yes, her columns.
The same ones you click on at NewsOK.com after seeing an interesting headline, notice it’s a Jenni Carlson column, and then promptly hit the back button.
Once again, we call that being “Carlsoned.”
Here are the details of her award:
That sound you just heard was Mike Gundy puking.
Suck it, Beat Baldwin.
I know what you’re thinking: “How could Jenni Carlson win an excellence in sports writing award?!?”
Well, I think we have your answer:
Things are not going too well for OSU point guard Marcus Smart.
In case you missed it, Marcus Smart called out OSU fan blogger Kyle Porter on Twitter last night. Kyle runs the OSU news blog PistolsFiring.com. Kyle’s a pretty big OSU homer. He’s not quite in Robert Allen or Tom Durato territory, but on a scale of 1 – 10, I’d say he’s a 8. He’s still biased, roots for the program and blames all his problems in life on Thayer Evans, but it doesn’t stop him from criticizing the athletic department. Plus, Kyle will send you a thank-you note if you meet up with him for happy hour.
Anyway, while the Cowboys were blowing a winnable game against an equally under achieving Baylor squad, Smart sent a few tweets Pistol Guys way. Of course, Smart had time to do this because he was serving the final part of a three-game suspension for punching that asshole Texas Tech super fan.
Here are the tweets:
On Sunday night, while the Seahawks were destroying the Broncos and you were considering whether or not to eat the “Why Not?” slice of pizza, Mustang Brewing Company, home of Oklahoma’s best beer that’s occasionally brewed in Wisconsin, sent out the following tweet:
Maybe Oklahoma City should buy the Seahawks, too.
— Mustang Brewing Co. (@mustangbrewing) February 3, 2014
First of all, I don’t get the infatuation some people have with Mustang. It’s kind of like the Charleston’s of local beers. It’s not bad, and I’d never turn one down, but it’s not my first choice. If anything, it’s a safe, middle-of-the road alternative. Just like how you can go on a first date or lunch meeting to Charleston’s and not have to worry about anything, you can always buy a round of Mustangs at trivia night or bring a six-pack to a cookout and not hear any complaints. Hell, you may even get some compliments. Make sense?
Anyway, back to the tweet. Do you get it? Oklahoma City stole the Super Sonics from Seattle, so we might as well steal their badass football team, too. It’s kind of a backhanded trolling compliment like the Charleston’s analogy above, and one that I wish would someday come true.
The tweet got the attention of Anthony Wuestenfeld with Pro Line Designs. He @-replied Mustang with a silly little photoshopped Oklahoma City Seahawks graphic:
(Editor’s Note: This week, we bring you a guest column from Ogle Mole Irwin Fletcher. He’s a big sports radio fan and will contribute to this site from time to time.)
We’re sure former Twitter power user Regular Jim Traber has hobbies – oiling his old baseball mitt, prank-calling Cal Ripken Jr., injecting truth serum, chasing yardbirds – but his latest pastime has been banging on the pro basketball skills of Thunder center Kendrick Perkins.
Using Perkins as a verbal punchline is not a high-level skill at this point. Bringing up how he’s overpaid and underperforming will get you through an awkward encounter in any local elevator or in line at Big Truck Tacos.
In fact, ESPN recently named Perkins the NBA’s “LVP” (least valuable player). Last year, he had the worst playoff performance in, well, forever.
From a Tom Haberstroh article with ESPN Insider:
Give [Perkins] a Nobel Peace Prize, because his leadership must be that transformative. Otherwise, there is no way he could convince an NBA coach to give him 20 minutes a night in 2014. Alas, Scott Brooks can’t shake his Perkins addiction. With Perkins, every shred of tangible evidence points to “not an NBA player.”
Get this: He currently has more turnovers (53) than made baskets (48). And then there’s the fact that he fouls five times as often as he blocks a shot.
If he does positive things outside the box score, it doesn’t show on the scoreboard; the Thunder are 9.2 points per 100 possessions worse with him on the floor, according to NBA.com. That is especially amazing considering he plays almost exclusively (683 of his 690 minutes) with Kevin Durant. Even the MVP favorite can’t hide his futility. Perkins ranks last in Estimated Wins Added (minus-1.5) and second-to-last in WARP (minus-1.8). It’s hard to imagine a player more unintentionally destructive.
Since the article was published, Traber has turned up his anti-Perk rhetoric. He begins and ends each show by blasting Perkins, and uses this article as proof that the Thunder big man is awful. He constantly calls Perk the LVP.
But not so fast.
Maybe the “Jim Traber of Pro Hoops” is a more appropriate title. Because when he was playing professional baseball back in the mullet-happy 80s, Trabes was putting up Perkins-level numbers of terribleness.
And we have the numbers to prove it.
Earlier this week, I received a couple of questions on Twitter asking what happened to Dave Garrett. No, not the one who “knew what to do to.” I’m talking about the guy from the 107.7 The Franchise.
In case you’re wondering who the hell that is, Dave Garrett is a local sports radio personality and the Norv Turner of the Oklahoma City sports media. He’s talented, hardworking, and respected, and because of that, gets shot after shot to be a sports radio host in this market. For some reason, though, it never seems to work out for him. He’s even been hired and fired by Jerry Jones. Since that’s the case, maybe comparing him to Wade Phillips would be more appropriate.
All bad sports analogies aside, Garrett was a co-host for the Franchise’s drive-time show “Casilla and Company.” He’s now leaving that show to man the dreaded 7pm – 9pm spot. He will also provide pre- and post-game coverage of Oklahoma City Thunder games. He’ll probably keep this gig until some other sports radio station opens up shop and hires him.
Garrett is being replaced on “Casillas and Company” by some used car salesman from St. Louis named Zach McCrite. We know all this because Tyler Media issued a press release about it. Here’s his photo and press release:
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