10) Oklahoma State and the worst people on the planet not from Louisiana
On a beautiful Thursday night, Oklahoma State defeated Texas Tech 45-35 in a game that featured five turnovers and 26 penalties. And left me wondering if either of these teams are any good. I mean, I guess OSU is sorta good. The Cowboys, who struggled much of the game running the ball against a porous Red Raider run defense, lit up an overmatched Tech secondary to the tune of 370 yards on only 17 completions, or like 87 yards per completion. Though the Poke faithful can’t be thrilled the Cowboys averaged under 4 yards a carry, it was obvious Tech stacked the box, daring the Pokes to throw over the top. Which they did. All damn night.
As I’m sure you’ve heard and seen by now, the Thunder officially revealed the name and logo of the team’s D-League franchise that’s relocating to Oklahoma City this season.
It’s the Oklahoma City Blue.
Yep, that’s right. Blue. Not blue cheese, blue bells or blue balls. Blue… as in the color. Expect a Jenni Carlson article any day now that praises the name and logo for its creativity. I bet Berry Tramel is even scribbling down a list of possible nicknames to use in his future columns about the team. $20 bucks he calls them the “Baby Boomers.”
The only thing more ridiculous than the name and logo – a vanilla monstrosity that’s so bland that I won’t post it on this obscure local social blog – is the Thunder’s reasoning for it.
Via a team press release:
10) SEC < Big XII
In a strong effort to duplicate the first two weeks of the season, Oklahoma played near flawless football for a little over one half, then let off the pedal on both sides of the ball, cruising to a 34-10 win against Tennessee on Saturday night. The Sooners ran out to a 20-7 halftime lead, increased said lead to 27-7 three minutes into the second quarter, then stopped playing football for the most part the remainder of the contest. In fact, if not for two endzone turnovers, one of which was run back by Julian Wilson for a touchdown, the game takes on quite a different tenor late in the fourth quarter.
Trevor Knight continues to play solid if not spectacular football. Knight was 20 of 33 for two touchdowns (one rushing) and had a couple of timely quarterback draws/read option keepers sprinkled throughout the game. He appears to become more comfortable each game. Though his deep passes aren’t perfect, and he seems at times hellbent on not running the football, this is the guy most rational Sooner fans were hoping for after the Sugar Bowl. He isn’t going to have an Alabama game every week. But he also isn’t going to have a ULM or West Virginia or Landry Jones game either. As the coaches continue to force feed a passing game, he and Sterling Shepard, and emerging Durron Neal and Blake Bell, will be on the same page as the schedule increases in difficulty.
As for the defense, they get their own section of the article.
I said before the game that this Oklahoma team just seems different. Very businesslike. Efficient. Yes, they made a few mistakes Saturday night. And yes, the offense went in a damn shell the last 25 minutes of the game. And yes, the defense game up a few big yardage plays. But this is not the same team that pussy footed through a bad West Virginia in 2013, or got boat raced by Aggie in 2012, or got embarrassed by Oklahoma State in 2011. They may not be superior at any one position (save one really big exception), but they are good at every position.
(Editor’s Note: We sent 4-time Jeopardy champion, local stand-up comic, and Norman TLO Trivia Night host Wampus Reynolds to the Norman Police Department on Thursday morning to review the Joe Mixon assault tape with the “media.” Here is his report.)
When I heard the Norman PD was releasing the Joe Mixon assault tape, I like every other rubbernecking and curious OU fan wanted to see the video. Mixon couldn’t have just decked an innocent girl for no reason, right? He’s a Sooner. The players have a, sigh, great reputation. There had to be a Zapruder film showing a second puncher-in-the-facer in the booth behind the action, or perhaps the victim Molitor had a fake plastic thumb full of chicken guts that she dumps on her face like a charlatan bare handed surgeon.
But this “screening” (seriously, Norman Police Department, you call this a “screening?” Screening is a free 5 o’clock showtime at Tinseltown of the new Paul Rudd comedy. Call it VIEWING.) was for the media only. What the what? Why can Tuff Nixter, sportswriter and classified ad salesman for the Wayne Payne Times see footage that has captured the 405′s collective imagination and Joe Landman can’t? It really makes no sense. It’s like sports folk were now courtroom sketch artists, but instead of drawing in colored pencils a dead-eyed defendant’s profile, they had to describe the action.
Outraged Seinfeld voice: “And have you actually read these people?” Not exactly the erudite Roger Aingell prosody around these parts. I’ve actually heard one sports radio personality say this sentence on air: “He ain’t got no, uhhh…fast.” You want this guy to relate what happens to you? By the end, you’ll think some person turned into an actual pickle and fell on a table and Regular Jim Traber ate it.
I tweeted TLO (for whom I co-host Trivia Night at Local in Norman every Wednesday at 7) that I’d write a real good piece if they got me in with press. And thanks to two emails and a responsive officer, I was on the list. I did get the distinct pleasure of seeing Patrick saying that I should show my “press credentials” and regarding those words as if they were in Sanskrit. I was hoping he’d pull out a dusty fedora with a card saying PRESS tucked in the headband. He wrote back “We ain’t got no, uhhh….authorize” instead.
I showed up at the Norman Investigations Center and went in a small group. We walked down a hall (I noticed golf clubs in one office along the way; OJ investigation style!) and entered a big chilly room. Many of the great Oklahoma sports personalities were there. Berry “A six months younger Matlock” Tramel! Andrew “I know from childhood when he had Harpo hair” Gilman! Myron “Myron” Patton”! Others!
The police chief came in, identified himself and moved to the side. Then a captain said he had no comments and they’d start the video. They did.
Sign me up for Wes Welker’s next football camp! I bet there’s a good chance he passes out glow sticks and closes it with a rave. Wayne Coyne will probably be there, too, rolling around in his hamster ball.
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Wes Welker, the all-world midget football player from Oklahoma City, was recently suspended by the NFL for violating the league’s drug policy. According to Mike Florio with ProFootballTalk.com, Welker either intentionally or unintentionally took Molly while living it up at the Kentucky Derby back in April.
Wes Welker’s good day at the Kentucky Derby turned out to be not so good.
His winnings that day exceeded $57,000. But human error resulted in the Broncos receiver being overpaid by nearly $15,000.
Now, he’ll lose a lot more than that due to his four-game suspension.
Per a league source, the banishment under the PED policy happened because Welker took MDMA, a banned substance under the substance-abuse policy, that had been cut with amphetamines, a banned substance under the PED policy. (Here’s where all the Walter Whites in the crowd will try to claim in the comments and on Twitter that MDMA and amphetamines are the same thing. They’re not, Jessie.)
As happened with Cowboys cornerback Orlando Scandrick, pure MDMA wouldn’t have triggered a violation under the PED policy. The presence of amphetamines resulted in a one-strike, four-game suspension.
Just like Lance Armstrong, Mark McGuire, Ryan Braun, Rafael Palmeiro and just about every other athlete who was caught using drugs, Welker denied the claim. In a preachy, motivational email he sent to the Denver Post, Welker said:
“I wouldn’t have any idea where to get a Molly or what a Molly is. That’s a joke. I don’t do marijuana, I don’t do drugs. I don’t do any drugs.”
Unfortunately for Welker, pics like this make it hard to believe his story:
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