The dangerous heathen pictured above is Colin Grizzle. Last week, the former ACM@UCO student became one of Oklahoma City’s most notorious criminals after the local media learned he was arrested and forced to spend three nights in jail earlier this year after he was caught managing a bar that serves alcohol infused bacon.
Yep, that’s right. Alcohol infused bacon.
The crime of the century occurred at The Pump Bar on NW 23rd and Walker – everyone’s favorite trendy place to drink patio beers and listen to Harry Potter audiobooks while urinating – and was cracked open by the diligent, hardworking, community-focused work of the Oklahoma City Police Department.
Via a report from KOKH‘s Bill Schammert:
As June winds down and we enter the almost-intolerable two-month sports void known as July and August, I should probably let you know June is National Men’s Health Month, so for the rest of this month, eat well, exercise, and stop doing drugs, fellas! Well, at least the illegal ones.
I’ll admit it may seem a bit odd that I’m telling you about June being Men’s Health Month on June 28th, but I have my reasons. First of all, I’m a bit of a nonconforming procrastinator, and think an end of month reminder is better than a first of month call to action. Second, according to Google Analytics, 65% of TLO readers are men, so it behooves us to make sure our top gender demographic remains healthy and able to properly click on articles and internet banner advertisements. Third, INTEGRIS Men’s Health is a TLO sponsor and wants our readers to live longer. We’d like to thank them for the support, and doing their part to make sure our male (and female) readers stay health aware.
With the FCC disclosure out-of-the-way, I thought it would be fun to share some of my own personal healthy living tips. Yeah, this would be like Big Chief from Street Outlaws sharing his some defensive driving tips in a sponsored article for Geico, but pints of Cherry Garcia aside, I’ve actually made some lifestyle changes this year to improve my health. Check them out, and when you do, please keep in mind these are my own personal tips, and have not been read, approved or endorsed by any physician, scientist or Diabolical Facebook Weatherman who enjoys exercise.
1. Be an “Ogle”
I’m not sure if they have Stark blood in their veins or not, but is there a more physically imposing, healthy family in Oklahoma City than the Ogle Clan? I’ve heard rumors that the water found from the magical Norwegian fountain located deep underneath the family stronghold at Oglegard grants superhuman strength, height and enunciation to all who drink it.
Presumably, you can think of a few good reasons to stay in Oklahoma since you’re most likely living here. (I assume, since this is a pretty Oklahoma-centric site.) Being near family and a low-cost of living are both very nice things. But what about all the reasons you have to leave?
If you grew up here, then you probably spent the majority of your high school years talking about how you would leave Oklahoma and never return. Then you probably went to OU, OSU, or UCO, and are still stuck here. Well, in case you needed the extra push, I’m counting down the top 20 reasons to leave Oklahoma this week. Here are reasons 20-11.
20. You hate the weather 98% of the time.
There are like three days in the fall, and about two days in the spring when the weather in Oklahoma is nice. The rest of the year? It really sucks. If the wrath of God isn’t coming at you in the form of a tornado, then it’s so hot that you’re sweating your ass off, or so cold and snowy that the whole state has closed down. If the temperature is nice, it’s generally windy as hell. If you’re like me, you dream of living in a place that feels like fall all year round, or at least doesn’t get above 90 degrees. Just imagine what that would be like!
19. You’re sick of paying $4 to drive to Tulsa.
Let’s talk about the Turner Turnpike for a second. Is that not the biggest ripoff in the history of roads? You pay $4 for the pleasure of driving down a turnpike that is down to one lane the majority of the way there, and your rest stop options are severely lacking. And no matter what, whoever you’re driving with has to stop at the McDonald’s on the way even though you’re going to eat a real meal once you get to Tulsa.
18. You want to form your own Life Church.TV franchise
Let’s be honest. LifeChurch has totally saturated the Oklahoma market. There’s a branch in every town, it seems like. And everywhere you turn they’re building a new one, or the car in front of you has one of their bumper stickers. Knowing how popular the brand is in Oklahoma, wouldn’t it make sense to move to a different part of the country and start your own regional chain of franchises? They’re recipe for religion is one of the most tasty out there, and will be success anywhere. You’ll get rich fast!
The guy pictured above is Jeff Snow. He’s a reserve cop / deputy of something like that for some police department in Anywhere, Oklahoma.
A few weeks ago, he took his six-year-old son to a Tulsa-area McDonald’s. Like any good dad who feeds his kid an unhealthy mix of sugar-loaded, fat-filled processed food as a meal substitute, he gave his son a toy six-shooter to play with on the playground, because you know, nothing’s more fun than pretending to shoot other kids while hiding in the ball pit.
I guess a six-year-old boy playing with a toy version of a device used to kill people didn’t sit too well with another family at the playground. They complained to Mayor McCheese and McDonald’s management. I’ll let KJRH take it from here:
“This lady comes in and I think she’s with what looks like her daughter and two granddaughters,” he said. “She says, ‘You need to take that gun out of here. This is a safe zone for children.’ I said, ‘That is a toy gun. It’s not hurting anybody.’ She said, ‘You need to leave with it and I said ‘You need to mind your business.””
Snow says the lady complained to management and they were asked to leave. When they refused, Snow says McDonald’s management called 911.
“I said, ‘No, I’m not taking the gun out, it’s a toy gun and we’re in a playground,'” he said. “It’s an obvious toy gun, it’s got the big red cap on the end. I mean it’s about three inches long.”
Snow says his son felt uncomfortable, so they left before authorities arrived.
Yep, his son “felt uncomfortable” so they left before the cops arrived. That’s awesome! What a great dad. I hope he gave his son a candy cigarette to suck-on afterwards to help relieve some stress.
Before leaving McDonald’s, Jeff made sure to take a couple of photos of the evil grandmother who complained about the toy gun. Being the fine, upstanding, respectable, law enforcement official that he, Jeff then posted pics of grandma on Facebook and encouraged all his friends to share and shame the woman.
Here’s a screenshot of Jeff’s original post that’s since been removed and edited. I don’t want to add extra shame to the grandmother, so I covered her face:
The quest to keep Kevin Durant in Oklahoma City reached its zenith.
As first picked up by UpRoxx of all things, News 9’s Dean Blevins let the world know in one of his mandatory News 9 Facebook videos that according to his “sources” (the same people who suggested Draymond Green would be suspended for Game 4, Baker Mayfield wouldn’t have to sit out any time as a transfer, and Bob Stoops will be coaching at Florida) Kevin Durant will be signing a five-year deal with the Thunder
Here’s the video:
Let’s forget about how creepy this video looks, like he was going for the “Unsolved Mysteries host segment” look with this flip-phone video he shot in the Thunder’s gym parking lot. I’m onboard with his enthusiasm about the Ibaka trade, which could end up being brilliant enough to make us all forget about the James Harden deal. But is it elation, senility, or an overdose of Botox that has made him imagine that he has a source that leaked to him the information that KD is signing a five-year deal?
Who knows, maybe Dean hacked into KDs email and has seen stuff that noone else has, but Durant famously has a small camp that keep things close to the vest. Why would any of them would leak such a serious detail to any reporter, let alone a goofball like Blevins?
Also, why would Durant sign a five-year deal? According to projections from ESPN, waiting one more year to sign a longer contract could earn him nearly $80 million extra dollars. I don’t care how if you’re Harold Hamm in a divorce settlement, there is no way a sensible person could walk away from that much dough. The difference between $153 million and $230 million is staggering.
But it’s not just Dean-O that’s casting manufactured optimism over the metro. There are other loser-vibes that we’re sending right now. Consider this Tower Theater marquee:
Thanks! Your message has been sent!