The showdown is upon us.
The battle between good and evil takes place this Sunday at 7 p.m. outside the Civic Center and it is free of charge. The infamous “black mass” faces off against local politicians, clergy and protesters in a ‘no holds barred’ screamfest. Well, I expect one side to scream while the other laughs.
Roman Catholic Archbishop Paul S. Coakley created the ferver by calling attention to the event in fantastic fashion and then suing the group for possessing a consecrated Host, stating that it is owned by the Catholic Church. Gov. Fallin condemned the event, but “shockingly” blamed the wrong satanists, if by “shockingly” you mean “expectedly.” From there the fever grew hotter among the local 700-Clubbers, while the rest of us lived life, ate food and watched Netflix.
Coakley is now worried about possible confrontations between the protesters and satanists. Apparently, the city of Oklahoma City has received threats vowing to block entrances and will have police monitoring the crowds. Those entering the theatre will be searched for weapons. Also, two police officers will attend the black mass to protect the satanists.
Maybe those who are up in arms over the black mass should ask themselves “who is the real threat?”, but that would involve introspection, and of course they are perfect.
Here is your Friday Night in the Big Town.
On Tuesday, Oklahoma Labor Commissioner Mark Costello – pictured above with his goofy daughter Fake Miss Oklahoma – penned an op-ed for the Journal Record where he (yawn) criticized the “controversial” satanic black mass that’s scheduled to take place at the Civic Center this Saturday. I’m not sure what that has to do with labor, but whatever, he’s an elected official with a daughter who moonlights as a legitimate pageant champion, so his opinion really matters.
In his column, Costello tries to compare the satanic event that’s parodying a powerful religion to the Klu Klux Klan burning crosses when a Catholic presidential candidate visited Tulsa in the 1920s. Because you know, those two things are obviously connected in some way. It’s why I always get “The Life of Brian” confused with “Mississippi Burning.”
Via The Journal Record:
In 1928, the first Roman Catholic ever nominated for president, Gov. Al Smith of New York, came to campaign in Oklahoma at the height of the Ku Klux Klan’s power. Smith was greeted with numerous burning crosses during the night as his train rolled across the state. When Smith spoke to a rally in Oklahoma City, the KKK burned more crosses outside of the stadium where his campaign rally was held, inciting hatred and fomenting violence. Some of Smith’s relatives were listening to radio broadcasts of the proceedings and said they believed the atmosphere was so volatile that “they expected a bullet, expected to hear a gun go off.”
Smith then delivered what many consider to be the most courageous speech ever given by a presidential nominee. In it he said, “There is no greater mockery in the world today than the burning of the cross by these people who are spreading this propaganda … (the symbol of) the Christ they are supposed to adore… . To inject bigotry, hatred, intolerance and un-American sectarian division into a campaign … . Nothing could be so contradictory of our whole history.”
As a child in 1966, I remember leaflets were dropped by an airplane over Bartlesville that read, “Don’t vote for Dewey Bartlett. He is a Roman Catholic.” The fair-minded voters of Oklahoma overcame the religious prejudices and elected the best person for the job – Bartlett, our first Catholic governor.
Okay, nothing wrong with that. Although I’m not sure why he omitted the Klan’s extreme racist, anti-semitic, homophobic views, or any of the sickening atrocities they’ve committed towards (Christian) African-Americans over the years, I get it. Costello’s setting the stage for his opinion. Plus, you can’t drive down NW Expressway without seeing those darn Satanists burning crosses.
Here’s the rest of the piece. Please place the palm of your hand directly in front of your face and prepare for the inevitable:
There’s traces of a nip in the air around Oklahoma, which (I don’t know about you) but certainly puts me in the mood for a little lovin’ and affection. To kick off find-a-date-so-you-can-carve-pumpkins-and-eat-pie-and-see-Christmas-lights-and-get-a-New-Years-kiss season, I’ve rounded up a few of the most cringe-worthy dates around Tulsa I could think of.
Note: because the following activities are tacky and easy to make fun of, it probably means that your new girlfriend will absolutely love them. So no shame in swiping these this weekend. Tell her Chelsea sent you, and ignore the creeped-out look she’ll give you when you tell her Chelsea’s just a close internet friend.
Note 2: Be sure to leave a comment and share some of your cheesy date ideas. My usual weekend repertoire has gotten kinda stale.
1. Eat at the Melting Pot, then go bowling/laser tagging/go-karting at Andy B’s
Cheesy both figuratively and literally, just don’t fill up too much on chocolate fondue or you’ll be too sluggish to bowl. Bonus point if you thump some kids at laser tag.
2. Watch a free movie at Guthrie Green while eating food truck treats.
This sounds like the greatest date ever, until you realize that cuddling and pigging out are two things that are only fun when no one else is in sight (i.e., from the comfort of your own couch).
We always try to do our best to keep you informed about the coolest and weirdest events taking place in the Oklahoma City area. This is especially true when they involve frat parties at the Governor’s mansion, swinger get-togethers in the church basement, and / or bean feeds to talk fellowship and the KKK.
Well, we let you down on this one. Yesterday, an Ogle Mole sent me a video recap for something called the Mystic Sanctuary Festival. The event took place a few weekends ago at the Downtown Airpark.
The name of the event is misleading. When I think of a Mystic Sanctuary, I imagine good witches and centaurs dancing around a maypole during harvest singing old songs, catching cartoon fairies and talking about opening up a vape shop. Outside of the vape shop conversations, this “Mystic Sanctuary” was nothing like that awesome vision. It was basically the world’s largest audition for Monster energy drink commercial.
Here’s the video. Watch for the brief cameo by Wes Welker at about the 38-second mark:
Yeah, that thing was way too cool for me. Seriously, I’m glad I didn’t go. I would have been the old guy in the back asking when the Prodigy or Chemical Brothers come on.
After watching the clip, I hopped on Facebook to look for pics of Hipster Boo Boo. I didn’t find any. Considering she rarely ventures south of the Plaza District, I should have known this. However, I did stumble across some pics of her friends wearing beautiful things:
In case you missed it, the Boston Globe featured a travel article about Oklahoma City on Sunday. The guest piece was written by Dan McGinn, who is also a senior editor for the Harvard Business Review. Dan and his family were apparently in town for an equestrian event, and I guess he thought a quick article about the visit would be a good excuse to write off the trip.
Despite spending most of his time trapped at the State Fairgrounds, Bricktown and 1-40 and Meridian hotel corridor, McGinn seemed to enjoy his visit to OKC. In fact, he wrote:
“Even if Oklahoma City is not a top-of-mind destination, many of us came home convinced it deserves a place on most bucket lists.”
I’m a homer. As I like to say to girls in Bricktown, I was born in this city, raised in this city, and am probably going to die in this city. I like it when The Boston Globe, Meet The Press, New York Times and happy old Seamus come to town and are impressed with what they see and experience, but if “Visit Oklahoma City” is on your travel bucket list, it either means:
A. You need a better bucket list.
B. You’re an East Coast Elitist who writes for the Harvard Business Review and has already visited many of the world’s finest cities and places.
Seriously, feel free to say nice things about us, National Travel Writers, but please make it believable. Although we’re pretty sure they are already paying people to write nice things about Oklahoma City, we don’t want people to think the Chamber is paying people to write nice things about Oklahoma City. Tone it down a little, or the next time you’re in town we’ll take you to Lyrewood Lane.
Actually, you can tell the local Chamber of Commerce had nothing to do with this article. That’s because it doesn’t used any of the buzzwords commonly found in any article about Oklahoma City. You know what I’m talking about – those dozen or so words that you would think are part of some Oklahoma City Travel Article Generator. Noticeably absent were stalwarts such as:
• Devon Tower
• The Flaming Lips
• Tornado* (Okay, there was one reference, but it’s just a one-time only reference to Tornado Alley)
So, how was a writer able to pen something about The OKC without using those words? Easy. He went old school. Outside of a few mentions of Bricktown, this was like reading a magazine article about Oklahoma City from 1994. It focused on Oklahoma City’s western heritage, western culture and the western stereotype image the city’s been trying so hard to distance itself from over the years. Hell, the damn thing is even called “Cowboy Up.”
For example, the highlight of his “family trip” was riding the mechanical bull at the Sooner Corral:
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