Some of you may know that Patrick is currently out of town with a Level 4 TLO Groupie. For the first time since he started this site, he’s not staring at a computer screen all day. I’m not sure if he even remembers what the world is like when you aren’t spending all day on your couch procrastinating instead of writing blog posts. It’s like he’s climbing out of Plato’s cave for the first time.
And while the cat’s away, the mice will play, as the saying goes. Patrick left me in charge, and as I’ve done with everyone who has ever given me any sort of responsibility, I intend to make him regret it. That’s why I’m completely changing up the blog. We’ve written about Oklahoma in our obscure, local, social way for far too long.That’s why I’m bringing you the list of 10 ideas for a new blog. Let us know what you’d like to see in the comments. But be quick about it. Patrick is coming back soon.
1. Tony’s Oklahoman Corner
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Tony likes to haunt The Daily Oklahoman’s digital archives and then write about it. But what if we gave him free reign? You’d like to read about articles from 1994 about school board elections, wouldn’t you?
2. OKC fashion week
So, clearly we didn’t get invited to this, and yeah, we made fun of Oklahoma Fashion Week after the fact, but don’t you think this would be a great venue to discuss fashion? Seriously, who is more qualified to write about fashion than a grown-ass woman who wears Chuck Taylors and the same Hold Steady shirt nearly every single day? Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make me seem qualified. But know that I’ve seen every single season of Project Runway.
I love Oklahoma. I also love to hate Oklahoma. We are surrounded by people who claim no one has “common sense” and then order a Diet Coke to go with their quadruple quarter pounder with cheese and bacon. Sometimes these people get on Facebook and post stuff to our local news stations. I thought it would be fun to go through some of those posts and answer their questions on TLO, since they aren’t getting a response from the people who run the Facebook pages.
We have a lot of good ones, so let’s get to it! First up we have KFOR’s page:
Misty, rain is just water that falls from the sky. There is no need to cancel plans, you can just work around the rain. You can hunt for Easter eggs inside! Or perhaps you don’t know how weather forecasting works. Also, why the hell are you staying up for storms? If the winds blow something over, then what? You’d have to cancel your plans? Lord knows how big of a hassle that is. I would suggest that you stop being controlled by the weather and live your life. If you’re so damned good at predicting the weather, why are you watching professionals? I’m sorry if that was a bit harsh, but Misty also defended Mary Fallin’s decision to ban the minimum wage increase on a different post.
Playoff season is in full swing, so many of us are cashing in our tax refunds or life savings to catch a game or two live from the Thunderdome. Unfortunately, when you get tens of thousands of people together, you’re bound to come across some douches who threaten to ruin your good time.
I’ve compiled a list of some of these said douches that you might encounter. It’s important that you read this list, not just for a laugh, but to make sure that you yourself are not one of these people that everyone else hates.
Let’s get to it.
1. The Shrill Screamer
Chesapeake is known for its audience participation. We chant, we stand until the Thunder scores its first point, we boo when refs make terrible calls. I love how animated our fans are, it’s part of what makes the Thunder experience so awesome.
What I cannot get onboard with though is the chick with the unreasonably high-pitched voice who will stand directly behind you and scream at the top of her lungs throughout the entire game. At the playoff game I went to last weekend, the 12 year old girls behind me screeched at the top of their lungs over and over again, as if they had just seen a spider or the shadow of Ibaka’s junk. They weren’t ever shouting words, they were just screaming over and over again, as if they were just shrieking for the sake of being loud. As my eardrums rattled, I couldn’t help but try to figure out a way I could punch two children and make it look like an accident. Meanwhile, their parents didn’t do a damn thing and just let them be menacing terrors to the entire section. Actually, I should have figured out how to punch the parents.
2. The Selfie Seeker
This bozo is far more interested in letting all of his friends and acquaintances know that they’re at the game via Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Snapchat than they are in watching the game.
Beware: they’ll probably ask you to take a picture of them and their friends right as something important is about to happen.
Since the League of Champions final match isn’t until May 3rd, that’s given me lots of time to not tally scores. This means I’ve been catching up on great television shows I’ve missed. Sure, you can have your “True Detective”, “House of Cards” or “Game of Thrones,” but nothing beats T.J. Hooker. Thanks Hulu!
Just a reminder the invite-only, $1,500 League of Champions match is Saturday, May 3rd at the 51st Street Speakeasy at 7pm. Teams are limited to six people total per team and all your fun little cell phones will be put in a bucket at your table for safe keeping.
Now we’ve got that out-of-the-way, here’s some totally random Adrian Zmed questions for you! Because I love you. That’s why.
1) What was Adrian’s name on T.J. Hooker?
2) What horrible sequel to a beloved 1970′s classic did Adrian star in?
3) What popular mid 2000′s sitcom did Adrian star on?
4) On what sitcom did he star as Joseph ‘Joey Midnight’ Raybonz
5) What is Adrian Zmed doing this very second?
Hello everyone. It’s Adam.
You can all exhale now. The Lost Ogle, and more importantly me, have survived Heartbleed. The bug and band name of countless terrible emo bands allows mean people to steal info from computers, websites and devices. We live on.
You may not know this but Patrick has a crack team of former hackers on retainer 24 hours a day, seven days a week. When you live in the lavish world of successful regional bloggers, nothing is too expensive and you can never be too safe. You are always a target.
The paranoia has gotten the best of him. Rumor has it that Patrick no longer leaves his compound, sending his stand-in double out to events like Lost Ogle Trivia Night and filing lawsuits against governors.
I have never met the man. I’ve only communicated with him through his cryptic emails and the key is sent through FedEx. He’s the Keyser Söze of our day. Don’t cross him. Don’t look him in the eye. Actually, don’t even mention I wrote this. I’m done for.
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