Say what you want about their backwards policies, insane rhetoric, rampant hypocrisy, negative fear mongering, and disturbed ways of thinking, the Republicans sure know how to get our attention! From blatant plagiarism to colorful shouting matches to booing the one man in the party with enough courage to stand up to the evil villain who hijacked their party, watching a young adult dystopian future film come to life sure is must watch television.
Obviously, everyone this morning is talking about Donald Trump’s speech (or Jon Stewart’s brief return to late night, which makes me wonder why America’s greatest satirist retired right when we need him most). There are plenty of reviews, critiques, and “Oh shit, this is really happening” hot takes out there. If you want to read them, go find them. Instead, I’m going to focus on how Oklahomans did at the convention. Although they didn’t get much attention, several of them got stage time at the event. Including:
• Mick Cornett (a.k.a. Casey Cornett’s dad)
• Harold Hamm (Our country’s next Energy Secretary)
• Pam Pollard (The state party chair who dreams of an idyllic society where women set aside their own personal goals and ambitions to stay at home to dutifully serve their husband, produce babies and educate children from the bible)
• Mary Fallin (Want to know how desperate the GOP was to find speakers who don’t mind being associated with Trump? She spoke twice!)
Anyway, let’s start things off with TLO Trivia Night League Captain Mick Cornett…
It looks like some people in Lawton are continuing our state’s fine tradition of robbing and stealing from Native Americans.
According to this story in The Lawton Constitution, an orange and white tin Bevo statue that was displayed upside down in a rock garden outside the Comanche National Museum and Cultural Center was stolen last weekend.
Here are the details from Lawton’s finest news source:
Back when Mary Fallin endorsed Donald Trump for President, I questioned “how much Larry Nichols, Harold Hamm and the rest of the Oklahoma Energy Mafia would pay to make Mary Fallin the Secretary of Energy?”
Well, I guess the answer is not very much.
According to Reuters, Donald Trump wants to cut Fallin out of the entire equation and name Harold Hamm as Energy Secretary if / when he’s elected President in November. Considering both gentlemen are greedy business moguls with bad hair who have had their fair share of high-profile, costly divorces, the move makes a lot of sense.
Summer is hard. Not only is it hot, but it’s pretty boring too. There are no sports to watch. I mean, you could watch baseball, but who would put themselves through all that? Couple that with the fact that most of your favorite show seasons are over for now, and you’ve got yourself a real lack of things to do.
But fear not! I won’t let the summer boredom take over. That’s why I’ve created this list of things to keep you sane during an Oklahoma summer!
10. Order Dippin’ Dots at Roxy’s.
I’ve said this before, and I’m going to keep encouraging our readers to do it until Roxy’s makes a flavor called Marisa’s Dippin’ Dots. (It will be a cake batter ice cream with tons of sprinkles mixed in to represent the Dippin Dots.)
9. Drink somewhere other than a patio.
There are few things more refreshing to snack on under the blistering Oklahoma sun than a good snow-cone. Forget Icees, ice cream cones and even a boring glass of ice water—while trodding this sunbaked Hellscape, you just can’t beat sucking down artificially-flavored shaved-ice through a straw, be it sitting in the car, stuck in afternoon traffic, or just walking down the street, trying to get some outdoor time with a couple of dogs in tow. A fresh ‘n fruity snow-cone makes it all good in the hood.
But I’ll be damned if I know where to find them. Back in the day, there used to be trucks that would zig-zag through neighborhoods offering shaved ice—with only a handful of flavors—for 75 cents or a dollar if you wanted a gumball at the bottom. Where have those trucks gone? Where is the neighborhood snow-cone man? Hell, I’m lucky if I even come across the ice cream man once a year, driving those scary “Summer Song” vans.
Short of buying a Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine, the best ways these days it seems to procure the frosty nosh is catch those cozy little snow-cone shacks located in random creepy parking lots. Just to save us all time and energy, I’ve compiled a list of five diverse local places to imbibe on the icy treats, places that I’ve enjoyed over these sultry past couple of months.
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