Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for The Oklahoman

TLO Super Quiz: Which Oklahoman Writer Are You?

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Earlier this week, the Buzzfeedification of The Oklahoman continued when they launched their first annoying online personality quiz call “Which Oklahoma Actor Would Play You in a Movie.”

It’s pretty standard and a lot like those other annoying social quizzes that clog up your Facebook timeline. You answer a series of questions about yourself and suddenly learn that James Garner would play you in a movie. You share the result on Facebook, which leads to other people taking the quiz and sharing the result on Facebook, and then bam, the whole world is annoyed and the website that brought you the quiz gets some all valuable pageviews.

Since we enjoy annoying people and getting web traffic, I thought it was time we got in the quiz game. Our first TLO Super Quiz is “Which Oklahoman Writer Are You?” Take it after the jump!

The Oklahoman thinks lazy state employees are spending too much time on Facebook…

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In Sunday’s Oklahoman, the state’s most trusted newspaper published a sloppy and misinformed expose about how much time state employees spend surfing the internet while at work. The semi-promotional article seemed more like an advertorial paid for by a small government conservative group than an objective and informed news piece written by a respected news organization. Basically, it was typical Oklahoman filler.

From NewsOK.com:

State employees really, really like Facebook.

They like Twitter and YouTube, too.

We know because little brother is watching.

Oklahoma’s Cyber Command Security Operations Center’s main job is to protect the state’s computer system from cyber attacks, but security personnel track website visits by employees on the state computer network, as well.

Real quick, can someone inform The Oklahoman that almost every large employer tracks employee web traffic? It’s not a new technology or anything.

Anyway, I already get where this is going. State employees spend too much time on the internet, are generally lazy, waste taxpayers dollars, blah blah blah. That would be news if was just limited to state workers. At last check, employees at every company spend too many unproductive hours on the internet. Hell, you’re probably reading this at work right now instead of answering emails or updating spreadsheets. I guess that’s okay if you work in the private sector.

So, which websites are these lazy state employees visiting? I’m sure it mirrors the Alexa top 10. Google, YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia, etc:

Zeke Campfield has finally been charged from the Moore high school graduation incident…

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It’s been about four months since Montana pantie raider and former Oklahoman reporter Zeke Campfield was accused of both snapping pictures up girls’ dresses at the Moore high school graduation and having a teenage prostitute over to his house for sex.

Finally, charges have been filed against the creeper from the Moore event. What was he charged with and how many years in prison is he facing? The Oklahoman’s Nolan Clay has all the details:

A former reporter for The Oklahoman has been charged with disorderly conduct.

Nathaniel Zeke Campfield, 32, was charged Oct. 7 in Oklahoma City Municipal Court. He is accused of “disrupting the public order of the community by repeatedly bumping into multiple women on purpose.” The offense is punishable by a $167 fine.

That’s no joke. After paying what amounts to the approximate cost of a year-long digital subscription to The Oklahoman, Zeke Campfield is going to walk away from the Moore High School incident without facing any serious criminal charges.

Before you flip out and complain about our criminal justice system, remember that the memory card for Zeke’s camera had mysteriously disappeared by the time police intervened. With no physical evidence to support the accusations, it was simply Zeke’s word against the victims. That can easily hold up in the court of public opinion, but not the law. In fact, one Ogle Mole claims that Oklahoma County DA David Prater did not want to push for harsher charges because “it’s not a great case” and that disorderly conduct charges were filed only “because of pressure from Moore high school parents.”

With that out-of-the-way, let’s see how The Oklahoman tried to spin this thing:

The Oklahoman is very sorry they actually reported some news…

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In Sunday’s newspaper, The Oklahoman published a front page, above-the-fold story about the (totally legal) business dealings of Oklahoma County Assessor Leonard Sullivan and Oklahoma County Commission Ray Vaughn. Apparently, the two public officials do not pay any property taxes on commercial buildings they own because they lease out the space to local non-profits.

What nice guys, huh?

From a Randy Ellis report in Sunday’s paper:

2 officials’ property tax exempt

County assessor, commissioner both lease buildings to nonprofit groups

Oklahoma County Assessor Leonard Sullivan and County Commissioner Ray Vaughn both get a tax break that many Oklahomans would envy.

Sullivan and his wife receive $42,000 a year in lease payments from a commercial building in Oklahoma City they own, but pay no property taxes on the building.

Vaughn is part of a family limited liability corporation that is receiving $209,000 in lease payments over 41 months for use of an Edmond building it owns. Vaughn’s group doesn’t pay property taxes on its building, either.

And it is all perfectly legal.

What’s their secret?

Both men lease their properties to tax-exempt, nonprofit organizations…

For Sullivan and Vaughn, owning income-producing properties in Oklahoma County that are tax exempt could be politically awkward, since property taxes help pay for a majority of their office expenses and their $105,262 annual salaries. As assessor, Sullivan also is responsible for determining the market values of properties in the county for tax purposes.

Sullivan became irritated when asked about the situation.

“I’m going to give them notice tomorrow to move out of the building,” Sullivan said. “I’m doing a charity deal already and you’re trying to find a nasty story to do about me.”

So, you’re saying public officials are (legally) taking advantage of a system that they help supervise and enforce? Shocker! Maybe next week’s big Sunday story will be about energy company CEOs getting rich while legally laying off employees.

The expose didn’t sit too well with the Oklahoma “Good Ole’ Boy Network” (a.k.a. the people who The Oklahoman has historically gone out of its way to protect for 110 years). Not too long after the report was published, it mysteriously disappeared from the front of NewsOK.com. This Tuesday morning, just two days after the original article was published, the paper tucked away an apology and retraction on Page 2. It’s a new low in an impressive series of new lows for the paper that comically refers to itself as “The State’s Most Trusted News.”

Check it out:

The Oklahoman published an article about “lucid dreaming”

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Do you like that image? I have no clue what it means, but it comes up when you Google “lucid dreaming.”

Earlier this week, The Oklahoman published a story about the topic. Apparently, experts in the field have the ability to control and act out their own dreams. They also like mushrooms.

Here’s the intro:

Emily Ashley and her boyfriend, Brenton Harris, have been in a long-distance relationship for a little more than a year. She lives in Tulsa, he in Dallas.

Ashley is a professional dreamer — her career centers around helping people understand their dreams and what they reflect about the dreamer’s waking life. Ashley attended the School of Metaphysics.

We actually have a name for “professional dreamers” in my family. They’re called “the unemployed.”

When I read that paragraph about Ashley, I literally had to stop for a second to make sure it wasn’t part of some weird satirical piece. It’s not. “The State’s Most Trusted News” really ran a feature story about professional dreamers from the School of Metaphysics. And just to make things better, they took it seriously. Maybe next week they’ll show us some of the best places in town to buy magic healing crystals.

Here are some more details about Ashley’s dreams: