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From a blog post by NewsOK.com Managing Editor Alan Herzberger:
If you have a Facebook page and live in Oklahoma City, there’s a good chance you’ve seen the Oklahoman classified ad asking someone to slay the green dragon that’s been seen flying around Northeast OKC.
If you’re one of the 17 people without a Facebook account and think good old Patrick’s losing his mind, I don’t blame you. Here’s the ad to prove my sanity:
On Monday, The Oklahoman published this article by Jenni Carlson, about how tough it is to be Whitney Hand whenever her husband Landry Jones plays the sport of football terribly. In response, TLO sent our newest contributor — Fake Jenni Carlson — to TLO co-founder Tony’s house so she could report on what it was like to be Tony’s girlfriend when he reads a Jenni Carlson article. Fake Jenni Carlson’s dispatch follows.
Oklahoma City — The day started off completely normally. Tony Hanadarko, one of the three co-founders of the local blog The Lost Ogle, got up, brushed his teeth, poured a bowl of Cheerios, and opened up the paper.
“He just loves those Cheerios,” Tony’s girlfriend Samantha said. “Every day it’s the same. Cheerios, Cheerios, Cheerios. Hey, whatever makes him happy, right?”
After glancing at the front page, Tony turned to the sports section. Instantly, his eyes went straight to the byline: “Jenni Carlson.” He winced.
Samantha threw her hands over her eyes.
She’d already seen too much.
Even though we enjoy making fun of him from time to time, we kind of like the Oklahoman’s Downtown beat reporter Steve Lackmeyer. The guy’s just good at his job. He keeps the public informed on important issues, he isn’t afraid to irritate or question the city brass, and he makes me feel swift and athletic. All three of those things are hard to do.
Sometimes, though, Steve loves Downtown Oklahoma City a little too much. It’s as if he’s a 12-year-old girl and Downtown is Greyson Chance playing the piano. That can be a good thing when someone’s trying to tear down an old building or build an elevated roadway, but it can occasionally cloud his judgement. For example, Steve now thinks that the Oklahoma City Farmer’s Market could be the next Cain’s Ballroom.
Oklahoman sports columnist Berry “Boomer” Tramel is good at many things (like writing sports columns, coming up with lists and irritating the hell out of Jim Traber), but just like everyone else, he has some weaknesses.
For example, he’s not the best sports talk host in the world. Sure, he does okay on the Total Dominance Hour, but when he’s not flanked by loudmouths like Regular Jim Traber and Al Eschbach, he comes across as a bit flustered and confused. Plus, whenever he speaks I feel like I’m listening to a southern small town drunk who’s losing his voice and going through puberty at the same time. It’s very concerning.
Boomer’s also not the most photogenic person in the world. Back in the day, the only thing more entertaining than his sports column was his accompanying mug shot. Before he went with the semi-normal Grandpa look you now see today, Boomer spent the 1990s and early 2000s sporting some weird feather mullet hairstyle that would make any Firebird owner proud. To make the pics better, he smiled like a drunk at an AA meeting. Here’s an example:
Pretty scary, huh? I can’t decide if he looks like a carnie from the Indoor Fun Fair, a shift leader at Hibdon’s or someone who’s not allowed within 1,000 feet of a school or church. Maybe it’s all three. That being said, the pic has nothing on Boomer’s college ID from the University of Oklahoma. We acquired a copy of it via the Ogle Mole Network, and let me tell you, it’s an amazing thing of terrifying beauty and grace:
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