photo from flickr user ~Aphrodite
Yesterday, Mark Rodgers and Jim Traber engaged in the world’s greatest only debate having to do with the University of Oklahoma baseball team. I’ll avoid keeping score, with the exception of grading the entire thing as FREAKING AWESOME AS HELL! Seriously, if the Sports Animal was like this all the time I would listen a lot more often.
You can find the audio here. It’s fifteen minutes long, but the good stuff really kicks in during the last 2-3 minutes or so.
The Lost Ogle’s investigative team was dispatched into the field today to see if they could find the real reason behind Sean Sutton’s firing. They did not, but they were able to uncover a secret letter sent from the Sports Animal to Sutton after he was let go earlier today. It’s kind of yucky. You can find it after the jump.
Continue reading ‘Uncovered: The Sports Animal’s Secret Letter To Sean Sutton’
Hey everyone, I found the next awesome movie. It’s called “Beer For My Horses,” which is apparently the name of a Toby Keith song. Anyway, Variety describes the movie this way:
The title comes from Keith’s hit single, also features Rodney Carrington (also co-writer), Ted Nugent, Willie Nelson, Claire Forlani, Barry Corbin and Tom Skerritt.
Keith and Carrington play small-town deputies who embark on a wacky road trip to rescue their girlfriends from comically evil drug lords.
I don’t know about everyone else, but when I hear a movie that involves the words “Toby Keith” and “wacky road trip,” I think: Hollywood casting directors really know what they are doing.
This reminds me of the other new Oklahoma-related movies coming out this summer. One involves Al Eschbach as a badass former Navy Seal forced to stop an Al-Qaeda sleeper cell planning on blowing up the Empire State Building. The other is an indie flick starring Hinder as a struggling Emo band coming to terms with their homosexuality and deep love for each other.
It’s all just another day in the brilliant minds that run our entertainment industry.
It’s hard to even make up stories that are this good.
As you probably know, State Labor Commissioner Lloyd Fields was sent to the drunk tank this past Saturday night after trying to…get this…steal a bull rider’s guitar at a rodeo after-party.
Welcome to OOOOOOOklahoma, ladies and gentlemen. In other states, labor officials are involved in shady midnight deals behind an old abandoned warehouse by the dock, where they exchange black briefcases with union leaders and people use code names like “Mother Fox” and “Dakota.” But here in Oklahoma, our labor commissioner just attempts to steal a rodeo cowboy’s guitar at a good old fashion hootenanny.
Anyway, in a clever attempt to make this story even better, sources have confirmed to The Lost Ogle that authorities are investigating the possibility that Commissioner Fields utilized the services of an accomplice in the attempted guitar heist. For a complete rundown of the suspects, click the little “click more” button.
Continue reading ‘“It will be mine. Oh yes! It will be mine.”’
Dear Jesus,
This is Patrick from TheLostOgle.com. I know this is kind of late, but I’d like to go ahead and thank you for having the UPS guy accidentally drop off those Harry and David Pears at my house around Christmas. They were delicious. And I think my neighbor ended up getting another order at no charge, so it was a win-win for everyone.
Anyway, I got another favor to ask. When you get a moment, can you look into making Bob Knight the head coach for the Oklahoma State men’s basketball program next season? By making this happen, you would be doing a huge favor to several thousand people across Oklahoma.
You see, here in Oklahoma City there is a sports talk station called The Sports Animal. The most annoying host on The Sports Animal is a guy named Jim Traber (you’ve probably never heard of him). Yesterday, Mr. Traber vowed to basically no longer acknowledge, address or have anything to do with Oklahoma State men’s basketball program if they fired Sean Sutton and replaced him with Coach Knight. If this were to happen, we would hope that Mr. Traber would have to either quit his job and/or eat the biggest piece of humble pie ever made, which would be an amazing thing!
So Jesus, please please please do what you can and make Coach Knight the Cowboys next head coach. The people of Oklahoma and I would really appreciate it.
Your friend,
Patrick
p.s. - Go ahead and put this request in front of that Maggie Carlo thing I emailed you a few weeks ago. It can wait.
If you’re like me, Christmas Eve is pretty much just as big of a day as Christmas. I think that’s because my family is a Christmas Eve family. Granted, we open most of our presents on Christmas Morning, but Christmas Eve is usually the night we all get together, drink wine, eat too much food and play some weird confusing game of dirty-secret-white elephant Santa where you want to be “number one” and things are frozen after three touches. It’s also the night my Aunt Leslie and Grandma get in an argument.
Anyway, if you ‘re also like me, you’ll be traveling outside the state for Christmas this year. Granted, I’m only going to the “Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex” for a few days, but I’ll be crossing one state line and I’ll be able to buy wine in grocery stores. So when I head back to OKC on Wednesday, I’ll have that weird coming “home from vacation feeling” while driving up I-35. And while driving, I may have this classic post that Tony wrote in the back of my mind. It’s called “How to know your home.” He wrote it back when we had less than 100 visits a day, so chances are, you’ve never read it.
This post is intended for people who have, for whatever reason, been forced to leave Oklahoma City and are coming home. Most likely, things will not have changed much, and this guide will assure you that you are Home, Sweet, Home.
1. On your way into the city, you notice that I-35 is under construction somewhere between OKC and Norman.
In the Morningside Heights neighborhood of New York City, the Cathedral of St. John the Divine has been under construction since 1892. As I am not quite old enough to remember back that far, I’m not sure that I-35 has been under construction that long, but I’m fairly certain it’s pretty close.
2. When you go out to eat, you have this conversation:
Waiter: And what can I get you to drink?
You: Coke, please.
Waiter: What kind?
You: Dr. PepperThere is some so-called research on this issue that claims the 405 area code is not the only place where this conversations might occur. I did my own survey (sample size: me) that indicates this is not the case. I have ordered drinks in many different states, and have only received looks of bewilderment after telling people that the word “coke” is simple a catch-all term for all soft drinks.
3. You decide that you want to play a round of golf. You check the weather report, and it says 90 degrees and sunny. By the time you reach the golf course 15 minutes later, a thunderstorm has closed the course.
Brad Henry claims that he wanted to start the lottery to help education in the state, but I’m fairly certain the actual reason was that he wanted there to be at least one thing that was less predictable than the weather in Oklahoma. I’m not even sure that is the case.
4. You turn your radio to the local sports radio station between the hours of 4 and 7 P.M., and you hear no actual discussion of sports the entire time you listen.
I’m told that once, sometime around July of 1982, Al Eschbach mentioned something about sports on his radio show. This is what qualifies him to work on a station strangely titled “The Sports Animal.” His actual specialty is in The Sopranos, Italian food, and misogynistic comments.
5. You see a furniture commercial on television featuring two middle-aged metrosexuals inexplicably holding either a small child or a small dog, and you think nothing of it.
I’m not saying the ads for a certain business located at 3434 W. Reno make no sense, but can someone explain to me why these two brothers are perpetually holding babies and dogs? Do they have children that simply don’t age? Is the furniture dog-proof? What is the deal here?
There you go. Merry Christmas Eve everyone.
It’s finals week all over the state, so we figured it’s only appropriate to issue our local sports radio final exam. What have you learned this semester? Let’s find out in this 12 question quiz. There will be no re-takes, be sure to show your work, and good luck.
1. In which place has Al Eschbach least likely to have stepped foot?
A. Costa Rica
B. Dubai
C. Russia
D. Gallagher-Iba Arena during a game OU is not playing
It is bowl season and as a result, I, as an OSU fan, will be subjected to countless jabs from Sooner fans deriding the Cowboys invitation to the “WhoCares.com Bowl”. The jokes hurt because they are true. While Insight, thankfully, dropped the “.com” from their bowl sponsorship title, my beloved Cowboys who lost just as many games as they won (including a blowout at the hands of the mighty Troy Trojans) are on their way to a stupidly named bowl “classic” against another .500 team.
While the NCAA clings to the archaic BCS status quo as every rational fan and member of the media clamors for a playoff plan, the system is already broken. There is little glory in winning a bowl these days. In the days of yore, your school might have gone to something with a girly name such as the Bluebonnet Bowl, but at least it had a name and there were only a few bowls to which teams could be invited.
Now, any school who can win six games (even if some of those wins are versus lower division teams) get invited to a bowl which is named after any company who can pony up a couple million dollars. Legitimate powers like Auburn and Clemson end up at things called the Chick-Fil-A Bowl. There are 32 bowl games that will be played this season. That means more than half of Division-IA schools get an invite. Of the teams that qualified with the minimum of six wins, only seven are not playing in the post season.
If this were the Sports Animal and I were Craig Humphreys, this is the part where I would explain how to fix the system. Instead, I intend to exploit it. Those seven teams were shafted and Oklahoma needs to get in the game of hosting bowls to correct this injustice. After the jump, see our proposals. Continue reading ‘Bowl Season’
Dear Santa,
What up big man? Not much here.
I have been a good boy this year. I promise this is true. If you get any letters from Moldovan prostitutes mentioning my name, please disregard them. They are all lies. LIES!
Also, I am sad to inform you that I will not be able to leave you your customary milk and cookies this year. I have given up drinking milk, so I will replace that with a handle of vodka. Enjoy! But please don’t drink and sleigh.
Anyway, on to my list. This is what I want for Christmas this year. It’s not a long list, so please make it happen.
1. Have someone beat Al Eschbach to the first question at one of Bob Stoops’ press conferences
Why does Al always get to ask the first question at press conferences in Norman? Why does the rest of the media always defer to him? Is it just because he’s been around forever? This is dumb, and I want someone to jump in and ask a question before he does.
For those who have not heard, tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. One tradition at the Matthews household is that everyone at the dinner table must give a reason to be thankful before getting an turkey. So, I thought I’d bring that tradition to TheLostOgle. I’ll start:
Clark Matthews: I am thankful , of course, for my loving wife and one year old son…but also, having Tom Coburn and Jim Inhofe to provide me with material for articles.
Patrick Nelson is thankful amendments have been made to the Constitution of Oklahoma.
Tony Hanadarko says he is thankful for “his pet turtle“, but what he really gives thanks for is that he gets to walk on the same Earth as David Beckham.
Now, wasn’t that nice. As successful as this exercise was, I thought I’d extend it to some of Oklahoma’s more famous citizens. After the jump you will find out how some of your favorite Oklahomans answered this question:
What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? Continue reading ‘What Are We Thankful For?’
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