Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for Tulsa Tuesday – Page 20

Tulsa Tuesday: A Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Tulsa Police Corruption Scandal

So, what happened?

For a few years now a small group of Tulsa Police Officers began to pad their retirement accounts while rewriting some basic rules of evidence and procedure.

As most things of this nature eventually do come to an end, a Grand Jury began investigating the 8 officers (7 Tulsa Police, 1 Federal Agent) for a litany of corruption crimes.  We know this because the Tulsa World has dedicated an entire section to the story.

Here’s what the people did:

  • Stolen drug money
  • Falsified Search Warrants
  • Witness Tampering
  • Attempted Bribery
  • Using Fake Informants

Two of the dirty cops have already pled guilty & and are awaiting sentencing while a third officer’s trial starts on January 31st.

So far, 21 people have been freed from prison because of their collective efforts. You can likely bet that every case touched by these officers is now under review.

What is being done about it?

Like you would expect in any good old-fashioned cluster f**k, the lawyers are suing.

In preparation for the blood-letting, the City of Tulsa has already pinched it’s pennies to put together $900,000 just to begin the process of paying lawyers to cover our collective asses. Mind you, this is just for the lawyers fees they expect to see over the next few years. It will end up costing a whole lot more as the 21+ wrongfully imprisoned people seek some financial justice.

Settlements will be paid from a “sinking fund”. This sinking fund will replenished by an increase on Tulsa’s property tax levy. You’re welcome Broken Arrow, Jenks and Bixby.  Enjoy you’re new residents.

How can the City Council blame this on Dewey Bartlett  and/or Dewey Bartlett blame this on the City Council?

In some ways, this is the perfect situation because neither side really did anything wrong. So that leaves open the option of throwing a whole lot of blame around in an unfocused and unverifiable way.

Any other angles available to make jokes about this?

Sadly, none I can think of. Instead, I’ll just post some random depressing YouTube videos related to Tulsa.  Here they are.

Tulsa Tuesday: Which Tulsa Sports Anchor would be Tulsa’s Best Mayor?

OK, we give up.

If we ever have hope of having a real world-class mayor we’re just going to have to copy OKC and draft one of our local sportscasters to be our next mayor. It’s obvious our business leaders aren’t working out. We’ve tried a rental car executive and an oil executive and have only gotten some very entertaining fights with the City Council out of it.

So, here they are – ranked in order of “Cornett-ness”

1. Chris Lincoln

KTUL – 8

Pros – Has actually done something other than look pretty while reading sports. He started a sports broadcasting company (Winnercom) which was sold in 2006 (presumably for mega-money).

Cons – As his super-current blog would show you, he’s not really that down with the internets. This guy makes Jim Traber look like Perez Hilton with the bloggin’ skills. Plus, I always think he looks like Skeletor when I see him on TV.

Tulsa Tuesday: Five things Tulsa could learn From OKC

(Editor’s Note: Ben, one of our Tulsa Tuesday guest columnists, is back.  Enjoy.)

Unlike most Tulsans, I only dislike Oklahoma City a little bit.  In the fact, I think there are many things we can learn from our flat, not as pretty neighbor about 90 miles to the southwest.

5. Make the most of what you’ve got

The Canadian River is really nothing more than a glorified creek, yet forward-thinking people in OKC decided to turn it an attractive downtown river which is the centerpiece of a revived downtown area.

Meanwhile up the turnpike, Tulsa has an actual river that flows and stuff and our response is to divert a lot of its flow into a navigation channel that feeds the world’s most pointless inland port. This turns the actual riverbed into a sandpit for any time of the year we don’t get above average rain.

I’ve lived in Tulsa on-and off for 13 years; the constant refrain was that Tulsa was about to get those low-water dams. Seeing now that the city has a hard time being able to afford gas for the police chopper or electricity for highway lights ““ I don’t see any dam building soon, unless one of the tribes figures out a reason to build a casino on top of one.

Tulsa Tuesday: Goodbye, For Real This Time”¦

Both of the readers that enjoy my regular contributions may have noticed my lack of posts.  Recently, my personal life has become busy and I’m not able to write much anymore.  I’ve resigned my weekly posts with The Lost Ogle.

For those of your who guessed it, you guessed right “¦ I got married.

Marriage felt nice in theory, but I didn’t realize the struggle my wife Carol and I would face trying to merge our two families.

Marsha, Jan, Cindy, Greg and Peter-Bobby are adjusting well, but I need to focus on family.

We used to have a housekeeper who helped around the house.  She left after she met a nice woman, got married that one day gay marriage was legal in California, and enrolled in Roadmasters Driving School.

For those who supported me these past couple of years, thank you.  I appreciated the positive comments and emails.  To everyone else that despised me the entire time, I guess you can return to your basement, play Second Life, stain your fingers with Cheetos and celebrate with an Anime marathon.


Tulsa Tuesday: Man Eats Crack Pipe”¦

Tulsa police arrested a man selling drugs in a North Tulsa QuikTrip parking lot. To hide the evidence, the dealer shoved it in his mouth.

He tried to eat his crack pipe.

This tactic might be effective with pot brownies or roofies. However, 41-year-old Eljuan Heath didn’t realize eating glass shreds the mouth, esophagus, stomach, causes internal bleeding and is a leading cause of death among attention whores.

If this had happened at 7 Eleven or Love’s, I’d eat a crack pipe too. I’d take my chances with select cuts of glass over their food options.

Not at QuikTrip though. I’d grab the nearest Taquito or Maple Nut Cinnamon Roll and shove it in my mouth.

Police booked Eljuan on complaints of petty larceny, resisting arrest and destruction of evidence.

My only complaint? Police stopped him from swallowing.

(P.S.  Tulsa’s Most Annoyingly Unoriginal Business Names.)