The Summer of 1992 was a great Summer for a pre-adolescent boy. Kathy Ireland was on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The Minnesota Twins were the defending champions. And most importantly, the greatest basketball players in the history of the world were teaming up to destroy the rest of the world.
For me, the “Dream Team” was one of my favorite things to happen in sports, ever. Just telling me Larry Bird was going to be involved would have sold me, but adding David Robinson and John Stockton to the mix while giving me a reason to root for the uber talented players that normally broke my heart was more than I ever could have imagined. I begged my mom for triple cheeseburger meals from McDonalds because they came with the commemorative Dream Team soda cups. I collected Coca Cola cans so I could trade them in for the Olympic mix tape that included the Fresh Prince’s homage to the team. You might say I was a little obsessed.
So when Kobe Bryant, a person I loathe, recently said the newest incarnation of the USA Men’s National team could beat the team from 1992, I should have been irate. Instead, I agreed.
Remember back in the good old days when the Oklahoma City Thunder was the best basketball team on the planet? I sure do.
For those who don’t remember, it was an amazing time for our city. OKC basically turned into a real life version of Seahaven from The Truman Show, only a bit more cheerful and gay. It wasn’t uncommon to see total strangers skipping through the streets of downtown while holding hands and doing cartwheels. Young couples donned fake James Harden Beards and “Thundered Up” in the bathroom. Your boss let you leave work 30-minutes early and ended his emails with “Cheers.” Local models striped off their clothes, bathed nude in the Bricktown Canal, and then sang inspirational hymns.
Unfortunately, that time is long gone. Oklahoma City has quickly turned into a metropolis of darkness and despair. It’s like we all watched Artex die in the Swamp of Sadness on Tuesday night and are now simply waiting for the Nothing to come take us away. I heard that even Gary England has spent the past few days crying on a throne of tears.
And now, right when we are at our lowest and weakest point, some comedian from Chicago shits on us all and releases this awful Thunder rap tribute music video thing:
If you read our post from yesterday, it’s pretty easy to say that Tate Publishing CEO Ryan Tate may be one of the world’s greatest assholes. During a secretly recorded staff meeting, he belittled his employees — calling them “idiots” and morons” — before cold-heartedly firing 25 of them.
But what else is there to know about Ryan Tate? What type of man is he? Based upon some Ogle Mole emails and Internet detective work, we came up with this list of 10 things you should know about this bully.
1. Ryan Tate is a product of nepotism
It’s quite obvious that the only reason Ryan Tate has his job is because his parents gave it to him. I’ve done several Google searches and can’t find any mentions of a college degree or past successes as a writer, salesman or publisher. From what I can tell, it appears the only qualification Ryan has is his last name.
2. Ryan Tate has a pretty blonde wife who’s a bona fide Republican and former beauty pageant contestant
He may not be a good boss, but at least Ryan Tate knows how to pick pretty blonde girls from the Non-Denominational Church Mating Catalog. Seriously, she looks like she should be teaching a bible school class somewhere. Her name is Christy Tate. She was the second runner-up in the 2008 Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant, is a spokesperson for Tate Publishing and even appeared in the GOP’s “Bona Fide” Republican campaign video.
Here’s a screen shot from that video and a couple of other pictures we obtained:
If you followed us on Facebook or Twitter over the weekend, you may have noticed a few references to some guy named Ryan Tate. He’s the CEO of Tate Publishing, the company that gives shitty writers and bible school dropouts the opportunity to tell people at a party that they’ve published a book.
Anyway, Ryan has been the centerpiece of a weird story involving corporate espionage, Christian justice and moronic employees, only not nearly that interesting (link). Here’s a recap in case you missed it:
• Last week, an anonymous person sent a company-wide email alleging that Tate Publishing planned on outsourcing Oklahoma jobs to the Philippines.
• The email caused Tate Publishing CEO Ryan Tate to call a special staff meeting to address the rumors.
• In the meeting, Ryan Tate insulted, threatened and prayed with his employees. He told them the email was “the straw that broke the camel’s back” and that 25 employees were to be fired as retribution or “justice.”
Since the story broke, we’ve received a couple of dozen emails from current or former Tate Publishing employees. These Ogle Moles seem to confirm what the audio from the staff meeting implies: Tate Publishing is a fishy company, a screwed up place to work, and Ryan Tate is one hell of an asshole.
Here’s the email that started the whole mess. It was apparently sent to Ryan Tate and BCC’ed to the rest of the company’s staff:
Yesterday afternoon we offered cash bounties for photographs of Charles Barkley in Oklahoma City. Since we posted our request, we’ve already received several submissions, including a $5 pic that shows Barkley having fun with a black person.
One picture, though, already takes the very very very large cake Barkley eats on a regular basis. It’s a picture of Chuck and a couple of ladies having fun at the Bricktown Brewery…in 1995.
Here’s the photograph and email:
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