It’s Wednesday night . Oklahoma is to soon be covered in ice and snow. I’m looking out the window of the Former Capitol Press Corpse offices, and I’m pretty sure I can look forward to seeing Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal being chased by a Yeti. David Payne and Mike Morgan are almost beside themselves anticipating impending doom, after a week of forecasting Icy Death From Above.
So, in order to pass the time we’re presenting the winter weather edition of the Gary England Drinking Game. We were tempted to broaden the game to accomodate all of the other local news and broadcasting “celebrities” who will brave the elements to tell us that, dare I say, it is cold and wet and dangerous outside. Now, mind you, there is little these people have done to celebrate, yet the stations announce them as worthy of celebration (especially Channel 4), so therefore they are celebraties. Instead, we decided it was more important that you watch Gary England. If something happens to Mike Morgan, I’m sure he’ll let us know.
On to the game . . .
You know that fantasy you had of some Thunder Girl hunched over a computer in her lingerie hashtagging your RT with an @ reply? Well, thanks to the Tweets below, consider it ruined.
Yeah, I always thought the Tweets by the Thunder Girls seemed a little too articulate, but I always held out hope that they were real genuine Tweets by semi-hot girls who can’t dance. But unless Thunder Girl Amanda is handling the tweeting for the Tulsa 66ers, I guess we now know the truth: the Thunder Girls Twitter Account is managed by a lame Thunder staffer!
In protest over this not-so-schocking development, we have decided to add a new member to The Lost Ogle Twitter Family. His name is Rumble the Bison. In many ways, he’s a lot like the regular Rumble the Bison, except that he’s a coke-head who likes like porn. In many ways, I guess you can say the Fake Rumble is a lot like the Fake Dean Blevins. And of course, that’s only if the Fake Dean Blevins existed.
Anyway, if you’re one of those social media guru Twitter kids, go follow the Fake Rumble on Twitter. He’s probably more entertaining than the Regular Rumble, plus he likes gyros. Who doesn’t like a gyro.
Ok. I’m not even cold enough to make fun of this one. Two giraffes have died at the Tulsa Zoo within the past two months.
This is something I’d expect from Oklahoma Department of Human Services, but not the Tulsa Zoo.
In December, Safari Enterprises transported Amali, a 5-year-old giraffe, from an Ohio zoo. Amali arrived with a broken neck. When zoo veterinarians put her under anesthesia to take x-rays, she died. They also found she was two to three months pregnant.
Sunday, a second giraffe died. Zoo officials believe 9-year-old Amira died from hypothermia. On those 10-degree days, my ears, hands and nose hurt from being outside a couple of minutes. I can’t imagine how painful it is to die from hypothermia.
The USDA plans to investigate this death. PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals, is in the mix too.
Tulsa Zoo is being ripped on discussion boards, which you’re free to rip them here if you choose, but I’m going to defend them. I know, rare. Here it goes “¦ until you actually have your own giraffe, which you can try to cover in electric blankets on a cold night, while you give warm water enemas to heat its core body temperature, as heaters rattle and make the giraffe nervous, and have some sort of biology degree, just shut-up.
I don’t think any of you are talented enough to knit and dress a giraffe in a giant turtleneck sweater to keep it warm. Maybe next time, instead of the warm water enemas, you can crawl inside its ass and use your own body heat.
If autopsy reports come back and Amira died from carbon monoxide poisoning or meth, then I take everything back.
(P.S. If you desperately need a humorous fix from me, check out Getting Laid … Off.)
Well, it’s that time of the year. The end of the world is upon us in the form of blizzards, sleet and every news channel reporter being anchored outside a highway overpass or hardware store.
Since we are trying to become a more legitimate media presence, we’ve decided to post some weather related closings and cancellations due to the winter Armageddon. Hopefully, these cancellations will be updated throughout the day.
Also, feel free to post some of your event cancellations and school closings in the comments. Check it all out after the jump.
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