Oklahoma City News, Entertainment & Occasional Humor • Established 2007

Archive for Uncategorized – Page 24

Don’t Kill Annoying Relatives! TLO’s Ten Christmas Movies to Watch With a Case of Pabst

As Clark Griswold would say, “Tis the season . . . do you see any lines, Rusty?”

And, as you make your way back to see the folks, get invaded by relatives, or sit there alone wondering what interesting people do while you’re putzing around on Facebook, remember that there’s a refuge in your old trusty buddy, the television. Between the heavily-edited lineup of cable network offerings and Netflix, you can probably find most of these Ogle-approved holiday standbys.  Together with a case of Pabst, these stories can get you through any Christmas, and any replay of the dysfunctional family drama that is the typical American Christmas.

10. Holiday Inn (1942):  Bing Crosby makes happy melodies at a night club that is only open on holidays, while wondering how Fred Astaire keeps stealing his girlfriends (hint, Bing: being a good dancer is more, ah, impressive than being a good singer at the end of the night).  Brought us the song White Christmas, the movie remake White Christmas, and a chain of budget hotels named Holiday Inn. And, just to show how things have changed since the good ol’ days, here’s a scene deleted from the version AMC is airing: Bing Crosby performs on Lincoln’s birthday in blackface:

Welcome back, Linda Soundtrack

Linda Soundtrack is back.  This was first reported by the Gazette a few weeks ago, and on Friday it was on the FRONT page of NewsOK.com. Dear God, help us all.

In a very nostalgic way, I guess this is cool.  That being said, I think it’s kind of silly how everyone is getting so excited about this.  It’s like we are all forgetting how truly annoying this lady was.  This would be the equivalent of living in the year 2030 and everyone cheering the return of the 1-800-2-SELLHOMES lady.

When I was a kid, my Grandpa would literally turn down the volume whenever a Linda Soundtrack commercial came on the air.  Hell, I think he even threw a little party when the last Soundtrack closed in the early 1990s.  Granted, my grandpa was also magician and collected toy trains, so maybe he’s not the most reliable source when it comes to measuring ones Linda Soundtrack tolerance.

I’m also not too confident about the future success of the new Soundtrack.  Call me crazy, but when your business model appears to be banked on the public’s ability to identify with an annoying 1980′s commercial pitch lady, your venture may be in for some hard times.

Also, can you imagine how annoying OKC will become if the new Soundtrack is a success???  I bet Broadway Ford will reopen in Edmond and bring back the black guy and his grandson to tell us “That’s no bull.”  I wouldn’t be surprised if Larry Evans and the guy who voiced the Oklahoma Discount Furniture commercials start making cameos in all the new Mathis Brother commercials.

Hell, I bet they’ll even try to resurrect the old Credit Jewelers Cowboy. Unless you’re Jesse James, that would actually be kind of cool.

Page 3: Christmas/The “Holidays” In Oklahoma

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(Yeah, I named this column Page 3. That’s what I called some column I had in college for a while and I felt like this needed a name. So there. – Royce)

I’m one of those people that really enjoys giving gifts. Of course I like getting them too, but for some reason, I REALLY like giving someone a Christmas present. And I’m not just saying that to sound like some Christmas Saint. I really not a douche, I swear.

But you know what that does? It freaking ruins Christmas for me. Instead of enjoying the lights and the music and the spirit, I’m constantly thinking about what I should get my wife’s grandpa. Because seriously, what do you get an 80-year-old man that you don’t know very well? Cigars? A Fats Waller album? Suspenders? See, this is my Christmas hell.

And we all know I hate shopping. So I like giving gifts, I never know what to get and I hate shopping. I’m like a riddle wrapped in an enigma. I’m the JFK Assassination of Christmas. Bad example? Probably bad example.

But other than the giving of gifts, I don’t really get in the Christmas spirit. I’m not 10 years old anymore but I still want Legos and candy for Christmas. Growing up sucks because I have to “like” this new jacket or fancy picture I got. I suppose they’re very adult presents and I’ll surely use them, but how do I PLAY with them on Christmas Day? So as a result, my Christmas excitement is always dampened a bit.

But what eventually brings me around every year? These things:

MAPS 4 A Bowl Game (Okay, Not Really)

I want to divert your attention from MAPS3 for about ten minutes to talk about something really important: Football

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Merry Thanksgiving…

From The Lost Ogle family to yours, have a safe, wonderful and happy Thanksgiving weekend.  Here’s a totally unrelated video for your enjoyment, via Daily Thunder.