The list of things that can kill you in Oklahoma continues to grow.
In addition to tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, wildfires, blizzards, heat, and mountain lions, now we have to worry about meteorites.
Need proof? Check out this YouTube video of what some guy claims is a meteor exploding in the sky over Edmond this morning.
Yesterday, news broke that the heat is out at a Guthrie elementary school. Instead of cancelling classes or giving the kids bulletproof tornado blankets to stay warm, the school district leaders are acting like it’s no big deal.
Four elementary school classrooms have been without heat since Monday, prompting one teacher to ask parents to send their children to school with blankets.
A letter from that teacher sent home with students was met with disapproval by Guthrie Public Schools Superintendent Mike Simpson, who said about 100 children at Fogarty Elementary School are using the auditorium, the library and a computer lab until their classrooms can be properly heated.
“We’re going to put them in a space where learning can go on,” Simpson said Wednesday.
First of all, let’s give props to all the bad ass kids in Guthrie for having to deal with this shit. We have working heat in our city schools and they still close them when it gets too cold outside. I hope your sissified, over-protective parents don’t ruin all the fun for you, Guthrie kids. You’re going to have a hell of a story to over-embellish to your own grandkids someday:
“Oh, so you think you have it rough? When I was a kid growing up in Oklahoma, we didn’t even have heat in our schools!”
Mrs. Moore, the teacher who sent the letter, got in a bit of trouble. Apparently, informing parents that their kids may catch hypothermia in the classroom is against school policy:
Simpson said the teacher was not authorized to distribute the letter, which made its way onto an Internet message board Tuesday.
“That didn’t come from the principal or the district administration,” he said. “We’ve had discussions with all our staff.”…
The teacher is identified in the letter as Mrs. Moore. The only Fogarty teacher listed on the school’s website with the same last name is Amber Moore, who teaches second grade.
Moore did not respond to requests for comment.
Here’s the controversial letter:
As someone who made it from Daisy Scout all the way to Brownie Scout, I know a thing or two about the dangers of scouting. And by that I mean I know what it’s like to not meet your cookie sale quota. I also know what it’s like to quit an organization because you wanted to learn some camping skills but never did anything beyond standing outside a grocery store to sell Thin Mints to strangers. Even though your friends who were in the Boy Scouts got to earn a badge that required them jump into some freezing water, remove their pants and use them as a flotation device, you got a badge that looks like a carousel horse that shows you sold the bare minimum of over-priced Do-si-dos.
But whatever. I’m not bitter. I don’t even care. That was totally over twenty years ago and I’m over it. I’ve moved on. And I didn’t get an ounce of pleasure out of thinking that maybe a Girl Scout of the past created an explosive to express her dissatisfaction with the organization.
Thanks to an act of God, I had gone most of my life without ever seeing, touching or eating a McRib. Then, a couple of years ago, one of my asshole friends shared his joy of the McRib coming back, and proceeded to explain to me that it’s the greatest thing ever:
“You gotta try it, dude!”
The following day, I headed down to one of the McDonald’s in my local trapezium and ordered a McRib for lunch. I’ll save you a detailed review, but let’s just say I’ve never forgiven my friend. The McRib wasn’t the worst thing food I’ve ever put in my mouth, but it was close. Calling a McRib barbecue would be like referring to a Little Caesars “Hot N’ Ready” as pizza.
I bring this up because last night I stumbled across this story on Gawker. Apparently, McDonald’s has hired one of the guys from Mythbusters to dispel, mask and hide some of the disgusting facts about the company’s food. One of the first items on his list: The McRib.
In celebration of the almost-annual winter return of the McRib, McDonald’s dropped a few videos today that purport to reveal the secrets of everyone’s favorite barbecue sauce-covered restructured pork item. They do, kind of.
Things you will see: A bunch of actual pork, albeit after the bones have been removed (at least it’s not pink slime); the machine that presses the pre-cooked patties into that strange ribless-rib shape; Grant Imahara’s career change from Mythbuster to corporate myth-perpetuator.
Things you won’t: Anything about the conditions under which the pigs that go into a McRib are raised and killed. Basically, you don’t get to see how the McSausage is actually made. This is an #ad, after all.
I’m not sure why – it could be that I was high on Nyquil or just like to get off on torturing myself and reliving painful memories – but I clicked on the video. And there, at the very start, some big dude in a bowtie explains why McDonald’s flew him out to Oklahoma City to see how the McRib is made.
Here’s the video:
And you thought fixing a couple of typos in granite seemed difficult.
Last night, someone drove their car on the Oklahoma State Capitol lawn and knocked over the controversial granite 10 Commandments Monument, breaking the state-endorsed symbol of religion into several large pieces.
Currently, there are no suspects for this act of vandalism, although authorities are searching for a person of interest described as a homeless Egyptian prince with a long beard who was last spotted talking to a burning bush outside Byron’s liquor store.
Here are more details via The Tulsa World:
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