The Internet is now complete. Nothing more can be added. It’s done.
Yesterday, PETA released a video showing a group of Oklahoma High School students performing a festive, choreographed dance routine with a bunch of dead cats that were about to be dissected. The students attend Harding Charter School.
If you’re not bothered by dead animals having a good time, check it out.
That’s nice. It’s refreshing to see a YouTube video of Oklahoma students singing and it not involve a racist chant. When I was first alerted to the clip, I was worried the cats were going to sing about hanging dogs from trees and how they’ll never be dissectees. Way to stay classy, kids, and show the world that some of the people in Oklahoma are still creative, smart and civilized.
Actually, I think the video had the opposite effect. Check out this sensationalized, tabloid report from across the pond via the Daily Mail. They’re not too fond of this “macabre.”
Okay, technically most Oklahomans survive on a similar diet, but this story is warm, fuzzy and special.
This past weekend, an Oklahoma woman and her sister from Nebraska were rescued after being stranded on a snow-covered Michigan road for 13 days. They survived by eating an Oklahoma-certified diet of Girl Scout Cookies and cheese puffs.
Via News 9:
An Oklahoma woman and her sister who disappeared during a trip through Michigan were found alive Saturday.
Lee Wright, 56, of Depew and her sister, 52-year-old Leslie Roy of Nebraska, were taking a road trip to visit family in the upper Peninsula of Michigan, when their SUV got stuck in the snow in an area with no cell phone service.
Wright’s brother-in-law, Donald Wright, said the two women survived 13 days by eating Girl Scout cookies and cheese puffs. He said they melted snow for water…
Am I the only one who’s seeing a big hole in this story? How exactly did these two make it towards the end of a 1,000 mile road trip and still have Girl Scout cookies left? That just doesn’t add up. You put me around a box of Samoas, Thin Mints or Tagalongs and they’ll last as long as a virgin on prom night. Girl Scout Cookies were made to destroy any and all will power. I bet all the good cookies were gone by the time they reached Iowa, and when their RV got stuck in the snow all they had left was the sympathy-buy box of Rah-Rah Raisins. You know, that extra box you buy just to make the Girl Scout who accosts you outside Walmart feel happy? That’s a shame because Thin Mints are delicious when frozen.
Here are the details on the heroic rescue:
Over the past few years, Oklahoma has developed into one the nation’s hotspots for goats and the fake Twitter accounts that follow them. We have Baphomet, the Lake Hefner mowers and now these guys, the Turner Turnpike goats…
You never know what you'll see on the Turner Turnpike. pic.twitter.com/xlrFN0HJU4
— Oklahoma Turnpikes (@OKTurnpike) April 27, 2015
Listen. I’m cool with goats mowing our lawns, but using them to inspect and repair our bridges is taking things too far. I get it. Our roads and bridges are in bad shape and money is tight. Goats are hard workers, dependable and can get to really hard-to-reach places. But they’re goats. At last check, they don’t have hands. And when has a story ever ended well that involved goats and bridges? They go together like cats and dogs, cops and robbers, and Oklahoma bridges and safety. Regular Jim Traber is probably camping out underneath an overpass at this very moment.
Anyway, I’m not the only one bemused by that photo. It received hundreds of social media shares and was covered by News 9, KFOR and KOKH. It even got the attention of Steve Lackmeyer, who proceeded to have an inane social media conversation with the anonymous intern who controls the Oklahoma Turnpike Authority Twitter account:
The Edmond KFC on Santa Fe and Danforth looks like a fun place to eat… especially if you’re a pervert.
We know this thanks to Gerald and April Whalen. Last week they took their family to KFC for dinner and were treated to a steamy, nudity-filled sex scene from the Starz show “Outlander.”
News9.com has all the details…
There’s a place for sultry and steamy television and usually it’s after dark on a pay channel.
So you could imagine the surprise of one customer at a local fast food restaurant when he saw nudity on the TV.
“Strong sexual content, there was full nudity of both partner,” said customer Gerald Whalen about what was showing on the TV at the KFC near Santa Fe and Danforth last Thursday around 9:30 p.m.
Whalen partially captured the steamy scene with his phone. It’s already been viewed tens of thousands of times online.
“Then the sounds started and everyone in the while place could absolutely hear it,” said Whalen, who thought it was a pornographic movie.
You can see him laughing through the whole video about the incident.
Whalen’s wife wasn’t laughing because the couple’s 6-year-old twins were also at the KFC.
“Mommy mode kicked in. I don’t think they need to be seeing this,” April Whalen remembered thinking.
She’s right. The kids don’t need to be seeing nudity and sex on TV. That’s why there’s an Internet. Know what else the kids don’t need? To be eating at KFC! It’s too bad “Mommy Mode” doesn’t kick in when it comes to choosing healthy dinner options. I don’t have kids, but if I bought a couple of them on Craigslist I would much rather them see a gratuitous nipple than consume high sodium, sugar-infused, processed animal goo containing a weeks supply of saturated fat and calories.
Here’s the video of the incident. The prudes at News 9 didn’t include it with their article…
Who’s ready to hop in the Hummer and head down to Ada?!
Yesterday, a Mole tipped me off to a mysterious event that’s taking place on the East Central Oklahoma State University campus this Thursday night. At first glance, it appears to involve a couple of college traditions: underwear and oral sex.
Here’s a screenshot from the ECU event calendar:
Yep, a good old BJs in PJs party, or as they call it in Valley Brooke, a Friday night. I wonder what the university’s rival, Southeastearn Oklahoma State, is going to do to top this? HJs in FJs? DJs in VJs?
Something that sounds so perverse may seem like a strange event to have on a college campus, but hey, they have to get male high school students to enroll at East Central Central somehow.
“And there we have the Stonecipher College of Business…”
“That’s really nice. Uhm, when are we going to the BJs in PJs party?”
Where were organized events like this when I was in college? At UCO, BJs in PJs were informal, private events that usually took place after a long night of drinking at Henry Hudson’s. Now they have them in student unions. Crazy
For some reason, there is no additional information about the event on the East Central Website, so I opened up the incognito browser and Googled “BJs in PJs” for more details.
Sadly, this is what I found:
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