And you thought fixing a couple of typos in granite seemed difficult.
Last night, someone drove their car on the Oklahoma State Capitol lawn and knocked over the controversial granite 10 Commandments Monument, breaking the state-endorsed symbol of religion into several large pieces.
Currently, there are no suspects for this act of vandalism, although authorities are searching for a person of interest described as a homeless Egyptian prince with a long beard who was last spotted talking to a burning bush outside Byron’s liquor store.
Here are more details via The Tulsa World:
The Furries are coming… again.
For the 11th year in a row, Roman Nose State Park in Watonga, Oklahoma, will be home to Oklacon, the largest outdoor furry convention in the world. And no, we’re not joking.
If you have live a sheltered life and don’t know what a furry is, it’s basically a person who likes to dress up in an animal or mascot costume and assume a different persona. A furry convention, on the other hand, is where furries gather to talk, interact, mingle and have sex with other furries while dressed in their costumes. Make sense?
Okay, okay, it’s not entirely that way. That’s just a stereotype. To get a better understanding of a furry convention, watch this highlight video from 2011:
So, who wants to drive up to Watonga and trip acid with me this weekend? That looks like the most amazing and or terrifying thing in the world. I wonder if Rumble was there in disguise…
Anyway, this is usually the part of the post where we examine the Oklacon website, crack some jokes and write other immature things in an attempt to boost our own self-esteem and feel better about our own normal mundane lives. But before we do that, let me tell you a kind of embarrassing, yet somewhat funny thing about me.
I was once a furry.
Well, kind of…
It’s been a really weird news week for Oklahoma’s armpit.
First came this story where some lady attacked a couple of men with beer cans and silverware because they wouldn’t give her a free ride to a casino. I’ll tell you, it’s kind of sad what lengths people will go to just to lose money, drink free soda and smell like cigarettes and sadness. We should hook her up with that mad Uber driver.
That report was followed by this amazing gem that’s going national. Kristi Rines, pictured above, the wife of Jesus Christ, was arrested when she wasn’t able to pay her tab at the Lawton El Chico. Apparently, she and her husband were saving up money for some cosmetic dentistry. There are plenty of things Jesus can do on his own, but whitening teeth isn’t one of them.
Channel 5 sure knows a good Halloween decoration news story when they see it.
On October 11, the Oklahoma City news channel did a piece on some Edmond man’s Halloween lawn decorations that included a cheesy Obama tombstone. I guess some neighbor complained that it took “Halloween too far,” because apparently an annual celebration where people dress up like dead celebrities, Ebola zombies, murder victims, sluts, and even wear black face, has some sort of limitations when it comes to appropriateness.
Naturally, the story went national and probably got KOCO some decent web traffic and video views. Looking for similar success, they decided to tell us about some more Halloween decoration drama on Friday. This time around, it had to do with a fireman losing his cool when his neighbor blocked Halloween decorations with a trash can.
An Oklahoma City firefighter was arrested late Thursday night on complaints of assaulting a neighbor. According to police, it all started over Halloween decorations.
Matthew Jones worked hard on his haunted Halloween home in southeast Oklahoma City. It’s covered in ghosts, ghouls, spiders and other decorations. When a neighbor put two large trash cans in front of his beloved display, he got angry.
“I admit I was frustrated,” Jones said during a phone interview. “I kicked the trash can over and started the altercation as far as kicking the trash cans but at no point did I ever take a swing at him.”
The neighbor asked not to be identified. He claimed he came running out of his home when he heard his trash cans fall over.
The neighbor reported Jones pushed him and called him a racial slur. Jones claimed he was protecting himself and denied using the slur.
The police report said that Jones called the neighbor the N-word.
“I did not. I called him other words but as far as I recall I did not say that word,” Jones said.
Jeff Damron lives across the street and had no idea there was a problem.
“I was pretty shocked and surprised. It’s a really nice neighborhood,” he said.
Jones faces a city charge of assault and battery.
I can see the fireman’s frustration. If I spent all day building a Halloween nativity scene graveyard in my front yard, and then my jealous neighbor had the audacity to block it with his trash cans on trash day, I’d, uhm, well, think that was totally normal and not think about it.
But who knows. Maybe I’m wrong. Let’s see what this yard and Halloween decorations look like:
The delicious meal pictured above was recently served to a 17-year-old student at the Chickasha High School cafeteria. It’s called a “munchable” and is apparently part of Janet Barresi’s new “Eating Worse Than a Prisoner” school lunch program.
Like high school girls tend to do, the student probably posted a pic of the meal on Instagram. It then got her dad’s attention so he called Channel 5 to complain. They then pounced on the story like it was an empty carton of chocolate milk.
Thanks! Your message has been sent!