Chalk one up for the good guys.
Last week, the doomsdayer pictured above – Glyn Mearanto – lived out everyone’s fantasy when he shot one of those creeps who cruises through neighborhoods trying to convince people to “buy the last case” of a frozen, brown, gooey substance that’s allegedly meat.
Maybe next week he’ll go after a door-to-door magazine salesman.
There are a lot of things you can put on a list titled “you know you grew up in Oklahoma if…” The thing that should top that list is “…you know you grew up in Oklahoma.” Seriously. You shouldn’t need a list to tell you these things.
But second is that all-important rite of passage. And no, I’m not talking about breaking into the haunted orphanage in Guthrie that is apparently now a wedding venue or jumping off the waterfall at Turner Falls, which apparently you can no longer do. I’m talking about that one glorious day in elementary school where you dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder and rig up your Radio Flyer so you can celebrate stealing land.
My memories of re-enacting the Oklahoma Land Rush of 1889 in the fourth grade at Edmond’s John Ross elementary included harrowing moments like being accused of being a sooner and having to share my wagon with the booger eater in the class. But the same type of reenactment in Mustang yesterday was a little more harrowing. According to KFOR.com:
Gawker recently published a U.S. map that shows the states where sodomy is banned and necrophilia is totally legal.
As is typically the case with internet maps that highlight poor, dumb, unhealthy, archaic, backwards thinking parts of the country, Oklahoma was the wrong color.
Wait a second. Does that mean blowjobs and other things are illegal in Oklahoma? If so, are all the girls from Piedmont and Mustang going to jail???
Well, not exactly. Via Gawker:
Last week, Oklahoma Fashion Week came and went. If you missed it, consider yourself lucky. The event was promoted and organized by Oklahoma’s finest celebutante Hipster Boo Boo (a.k.a. Christina Fallin).
We know this because:
A) Hipster Boo Boo being involved in something like “Oklahoma Fashion Week” makes total sense.
B) Photos like this:
Yes, that’s Mary and Christina Fallin at the Oklahoma Fashion Week media kick off. She, along with (retired) Major General Rita Aragon (this lady!), the Oklahoma Secretary of Military and Veteran Affairs, were the keynote speakers. Who would invite a crazy conservative Governor who wears open-toed shoes with hose (and a general who likes Glamour Shots) to kick off a fashion event? Oh, I know! Maybe some girl whose only source of credibility comes from her mom’s last name. Makes sense.
Seriously, Christina, get out of your mom’s shadow! Do something on your own! And by do something on your own, I don’t mean change your name to just “Christina” or run off and do awful projects with Wayne Coyne or Desmond Mason. That just makes you look even more desperate.
Anyway, if having Governor Fallin and General Big Collar didn’t convince you that Christina Fallin is the no-longer-pink-haired mastermind behind Oklahoma Fashion Week, check out these photos we grabbed of the kick off from some obscure local fashion website called “A Cuppa Fashion.” It doesn’t show any models wearing Native American headdresses, but it’s still good for a laugh:
Over the past few days, a bizarre news story claiming that Oklahoma citizens have threatened to ‘secdee’ from the United States if Cosmos isn’t removed from local television has gone viral.
It was first reported by the Topekas News on April 10th. I’m shocked that the KFOR Social Media Bandit and /or the NewsOK.com Digital Desk have failed to h/t it:
Oklahoma Protesters Threaten to “Secdee” From Union if Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos is not Cancelled.
Concerned Oklahomas gather to protest the airing of Cosmos, citing the show’s agenda is ‘clearly anti-Christian and biased against creationist values.’ Citizens have threatened to vote to ‘secdee’ [sic] from the United States during the 2014 gubernatorial and ballot issue election if Cosmos is not formally removed from all Oklahoma based television networks.
Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma – Furious parents and citizens of Oklahoma took to the streets early Thursday, protesting against Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s Cosmos. Protesters allege the show is blatantly promoting an anti-Creationist agenda and is ‘standing against the Judeo-Christian moors and values of the Saddleback Township community and others nationwide.”
The first protests against Cosmos in the community took place some two weeks ago, after a local paper claimed an airing of Cosmos in a school caused several children to experience ‘demonic possession’. Parents cite one kid became completely enamored with the show during a terrifyingly supernatural event linked with Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s narrative explaining the “God of the Gaps” theory.
Several weeks ago, citizens accused Tyson of using his Cosmos program to forward other agendas, not limited to a ‘homogay’ agenda, wizardry/haroldry, astrology and other vehemently anti-Christian teachings.
Concerned parents have accused Neil DeGrasse Tyson of ‘Ra’ worship and iconography, going as far as saying the titular narrator may be involved in a Wiccan Sun occult.
Delores Simmons, whose child was involved in the prior airing of Cosmos that precipitated the anti-science scare in Oklahoma, claims petitions are already going about to elect pro-Creation candidates for upcoming elections.
“If we allow this Tyson to keep publicly airing his beliefs, God just may strike us down with a cosmic meteor this summer. That would be ironic justice if you ask me, so we should just take this show off now before that happens.”
Other citizens in Oklahoma agree. The latest Rasmussen polls on the subject show that over 64% people in Oklahoma feel Cosmos is dangerous and carries a strong anti-theist and Creation message.
Pretty crazy, huh? It would be even crazier if the report was true. At last check, there’s no Saddlebridge Township, Oklahoma, no Rasmussen polls asking about how Oklahomans feel about Cosmos, and no petition to make us “secdee” from the US. The picture they used was taken in Texas in 2011.
If that joke seemed pretty obvious to you, congrats. You have common sense. If it fooled you, well, don’t feel alone. Thousands of other idiots shared the story on Facebook and Twitter thinking it was totally real. Here are some Twitter examples:
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