July has been a bad month for animals in Oklahoma.
We’ve had a Korn fan beat and kill his dog in public, some asshole drown a couple of ducks in muriatic acid, and who knows what did or did not happen to that lady’s poor cat. We also had a woman in Enid (pictured above) try to exorcise demons from a dog.
From the Enid News and Eagle:
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that you can never underestimate the power of a good long con. Sure, there is something to say about instant gratification and immediate results. But we all know that persistence pays off. Like the one time I hid in a closet for 3 hours until a former roommate went to her room and I jumped out at her. Sure, it was a cheap scare. But it took time and effort to set that up, and it was all worth it in the end when she wet her pants.
Well, it appears that Old Navy shoppers also know the payoffs of a long con. From News9.com:
EDMOND, Oklahoma -
Edmond Police are looking for a suspected shoplifter who police say spent more than seven hours in an Old Navy store last Monday.
Police say the woman, who was wearing jeans and a white top and carrying a large red bag, entered the store at 2:36 p.m.
Officers say the woman hid from employees when the Old Navy closed at 9 p.m. that night.
Surveillance photos show the suspected shoplifter walked out of the store just after 9:45 p.m., about 20 minutes after the last Old Navy employee left.
When she left, police say she tripped the burglar alarm.
“This is exactly why you have surveillance,” said Edmond Police Spokesperson Jenny Monroe. “We get a pretty good look at her as she’s walking out.”
Police are asking anyone who recognizes the woman to call Edmond Police. They want to talk to her.
Rumors are awful most of the time. Except for the rumors about how cool I am and how much game I have. Those are totally cool. But not the rumors that two blonde girls from middle school started about me. Do you hear me, Sequoyah Middle School football players circa 1998? I did not do lesbian porn, regardless of what Kasey and Carissa said.
Now, in middle school, I didn’t do anything about the rumors. It was easier to lay low. But not everyone can do that. Some people get mad and have a confrontation. And that’s what happened when a metro woman found out her neighbor spread a rumor that she had sex with her cat. From NewsOK.com:
Yesterday was a bad day for men with long gray beards.
First, OSBI announced that they arrested Wiley Gene Davis Jr. He’s a coed baseball coach, Santa Claus impersonator and apparently has never watched “To Catch A Predator.”
A Warr Acres man often paid by local schools to play Santa Claus has been arrested after attempting to meet a teen girl for sex, authorities said Monday.
Wiley Gene Davis Jr., 49, was arrested on complaints of lewd proposals to a child under 16, violation of the Oklahoma Computer Crimes Act and possession of a firearm while in the commission of a felony.
A spokeswoman for the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation said Davis responded to a Craigslist ad he believed was posted by a 15-year-old girl, making numerous sexual and lewd proposals and referring to himself as “Santa.”
He arrived about 7:30 p.m. Thursday at a convenience store near Coltrane and Waterloo to meet the girl and was instead greeted by OSBI agents and Guthrie police.
Davis was carrying a loaded pistol and a private investigator badge when he was arrested, authorities said.
OSBI agents said in addition to playing Santa at area schools, Davis coached coed baseball for children 6 years old and younger in the Oklahoma City area.
Shocking, huh? I can’t believe that a grown man who dresses up in a costume and promises gifts and toys to small children sitting in his lap would ever be accused of wanting to bang a 15-year-old girl, or would actually believe that a 15-year-old wanted to sleep with him. I could see that happening to the dude who plays the Easter Bunny or the neighborhood Tooth Fairy, but not Santa. Speaking of that, what ever happened to the old neighborhood Tooth Fairy? Remember him? When I was a kid, he’d prance around my neighborhood selling pixi sticks to kids as we played in the sprinkler in the front lawn, then one day he suddenly disappeared. He was an odd fellow.
Pedo Claus wasn’t the only gray beard to have a bad weekend. Meet Raymond Hulsley. He was caught trying to break into his neighbor’s house while naked and armed only with a piece of wood and a sex toy.
Move over natural gas!
Oklahoma has a new pure, clean and abundant natural resource ready to take the world by storm. It’s called Paddlefish caviar, and it can be found in murky river or lake water near you.
Via Darren Rovel with ABC News:
Caviar, preferred by society’s upper crust, is now being sourced from the most unlikely of places — Oklahoma.
The most famous caviar comes from Russia, where the Beluga sturgeon live in the Caspian Sea; however, a significant decrease in the number of fish has led to fishing restrictions.
Enter the landlocked state of Oklahoma, where the American paddlefish and its copycat eggs reside in rivers and lakes.
“We’ve had buyers from Europe, Japan, all over,” said Brent Gordon, who works for the state and supervises the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Paddlefish Research Center. “They’re the first to tell us that the quality of our eggs and the quality of our operation is second to none.”
Cool, so how do you cash in on this lucrative new trade? Well, you don’t.
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