“Can someone get this lady some pants?”
That’s a sad phrase that probably echoed throughout the halls of a school in Wagoner on Monday after the teacher pictured above, Lorie Ann Hill, came to school intoxicated and bottomless.
From The Tulsa World:
Get out your sunglass. You’re about to feel like you live in the coolest city in America.
Well, at least the coolest city for cool people who think they’re cool… and like to row… and climb rocks… and build violins.
Earlier this week, Seamus Payne of some website called TheCoolist.com released a 30-minute documentary about our little hamlet on the plains. It’s called, “Oklahoma City Documentary: Uncovering a Hidden Gem of American Cool,” and it may just be the coolest documentary ever made about Oklahoma City that’s sponsored by SmartWater.
Yeah, I guess I should warn you about that. I asked around, and apparently this is the pilot for a potential SmartWater native advertising campaign where they send some Ryan Seacrest wannabe named Seamus to do cool things in cool cities because that’s what guys named Seamus do when they work for a cool company named SmartWater.
Check it out:
I think the best part of being a robber would be getting to wear a fun disguise or costume. If it were up to me, I’d probably dress up like a dinosaur. You know, something cool like a Velociraptor – not a T-Rex where I couldn’t use my hands.
I’d choose a dinosaur because:
A) Let’s be honest, dinosaurs are a bad ass.
B) Dinosaurs are terrifying.
C) The crime victims wouldn’t be too upset because at least they would be able to tell their friends they got robbed by a dinosaur. That would be pretty awesome.
Anyway, I bring all that up because Spiderman robbed an O’Reilly’s in Pauls Valley, so I guess me and the robber dressed like Spiderman have something in common.
Via News 9:
Earlier this week, I stumbled across this weird little thing on the Oklahoma Reddit page. Imagine that. Something weird on Reddit. That’s like walking into a Chelino’s and finding beans.
I guess some dude from Canada created and photographed Lego scenes for the 50 states. This is what he came up with for Oklahoma:
Yep, a cow driving a car with a chimney in the back seat. Hey, at least it’s not someone trying to make meth in a port-a-potty. Here’s how the artist Jeff Friesen described the work:
Home to famous cattle drives. Tailgate their methane-powered rides at your own peril.
Oh, the cow is powering the car… through flatulence? Obviously this dude doesn’t know a lot about Oklahoma, because the cow would probably use pure, clean, abundant natural gas instead. It emits methane, too. Also, the car would have a Chesapeake logo on it.
That being said, with Oklahoma apparently being the second worst state to live in, I was expecting something a little meaner. I wonder what the guy came up for our “Worst State” rivals in Tennessee:
The lady pictured above is Shawnee resident Toni Jones, or as she should probably be known from here on out, “Sweet Shawnee Brown.”
On Monday, some asshole attempted to carjack Toni at a Shawnee Homeland. That wasn’t a good idea. Toni, a certified badass and person I’d like to take to Medieval Times, fought back with the help of her sister and a good Samaritan. Before the carjacker could say “Methamphetamine,” he found himself locked in handcuffs and placed under “citizen’s arrest.”
Banking on a “Local Woman Fends Off Attacker In Homeland Parking Lot” story to lead off their 10pm newscast, all four local Oklahoma City news channels rushed to Shawnee to get Jones’ first person account of the ordeal. It’s pretty amazing.
I posted all four local news reports after the jump. For fun, I decided to rank them based upon how many Red Bull and vodkas and / or painkillers Toni may have consumed before each interview. Check them out:
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