On today’s episode of “Disturbed People Who Make You Feel Somewhat Normal” we have Derek Bennett. He was recently caught masturbating in the middle of a Tulsa Walmart. Yep, he skipped the bathroom and dressing room like most Walmart shoppers and did it in the middle of the store. Apparently, he’s turned on by the smell of gasoline, sadness and meth.
Anyone who has ever met me knows that I’m not a fan of the mall. Even if I don’t explicitly state it, it’s pretty obvious by how I dress that I don’t frequent the mall, or any sort of establishment wherein a person might procure clothing items that are both fashionable and appropriate for the occasion in which they are being worn. Call me old-fashioned, but I yearn for the days when it was totally okay for me to wear really baggy jeans, a hoodie, and skate shoes. But I digress.
The mall is the worst place ever—with Penn Square Mall being the very worst. Why? Have you ever tried to enter that parking lot? Have you ever tried to park in said lot? Have you ever tried to leave that very lot? I rest my case. Between that and the frustration of trying to find clothing items, weaving your way through the various youths who are mall ratting about the place, and just getting pissed off at consumerism in general, tensions are always way high at the mall.
And this past Saturday was no different. According to NewsOK.com:
Ronnetta Baker, 32, was arrested on a complaint of assault and battery after fighting with Estelle Duarte, 24, who also was cited for assault and battery, according to police.
Duarte told police she was shopping in the store when Baker approached her and asked whether she worked there. Duarte answered that she did not, and Baker got angry and began calling her names, Duarte told police.
A witness said Baker then hit Duarte with a closed fist, and the women began to fight in the middle of the store, police reported.
This is all 100% completely understandable. Have you ever gone to a store and needed to ask a question or needed help getting something off the top shelf only to find that the employees were nowhere to be found, or even worse, that they were too busy smacking their gum and chatting with their friends? Surely Ms. Baker thought this was the case with Ms. Duarte.
Steve Walker, a podiatrist in Edmond with the best possible name for a foot doctor, has come up with an invention to save the lives of Oklahoma school children. His invention is an orange bulletproof blanket that terrified kids will have to carry with them if they’re targets of a tornado or school shooting.
After last year’s tornadoes, he decided children without access to tornado shelters needed some kind of protection.
A orange bulletproof blanket could come between a child and tornadic debris or a 9 mm bullet, forging a better “opportunity to survive.”
The Bodyguard Blanket, made by ProTecht, is a bulletproof pad designed to protect students during disasters at school. The 5/16-inch thick rectangle features backpack-like straps that allow users to don it, and then duck and cover.
“We’re trying to stop that blunt-force trauma when that rubble is falling down on a child, for instance,” said Steve Walker, who developed the idea.
Tragedies are awful – especially when they hurt kids – but I don’t think “rubble” falling down killed anyone, unless this blanket can somehow magically withstand entire buildings falling on it without crushing what’s underneath.
Here’s a better idea:
Invention Idea #1 – A blanket that can withstand buildings falling on it. It will be made of concrete and bricks and be underground.
Here’s more on the super blanket from NewsOK.com:
Oklahoma City recently hosted one of the world’s most boring road trips when the 2014 Mutual of Omaha Aha Moment Tour rolled into town. For the 20-city tour that somehow makes us look big league, Mutual of Omaha filmed people talking about important “aha moments” that can be twisted into subtle promotions for insurance.
From the Aha Moment Tour Website:
It’s a moment of clarity, a defining moment where you gain real wisdom – wisdom you can use to change your life. Whether big or small, funny or sad, they can be surprising and inspiring. Each one is unique, deeply personal, and we think, worth sharing.
Mutual of Omaha celebrates and honors these moments and the people who act upon them. We’re proud to have the products and services that can help people insure their possibilities.
So it has nothing to do with being trapped inside a black and white comic book and having to save a blonde Norwegian girl from the futuristic thought police? That’s a shame, because it would have actually made this promotion somewhat interesting, and not the most boring thing to come out of Omaha since Tom Osborne.
Seriously, just check out this clip they put together recapping their Oklahoma City visit. Outside of a brief cameo by Marisa, who in all honesty thought she was auditioning to host Wild America, the only highlight is some guy learning the definition of eclectic.
Check it out:
One of my favorite restaurants in Oklahoma City is Vito’s on North May. Based on the food quality, price and service, you’re not going to find a better Italian restaurant in town. Unless, of course, you’re my dad and like the salad dressing at the Olive Garden and force your family to take you there on your birthday.
The owner of Vito’s is Cathy Cummings. She’s the sweetest, nicest, bubbliest person you’ll ever meet and the lone Democrat seeking the Lt. Governor’s office. In effort to make Cathy look more relatable to “mom and pop Oklahoma,” she recently released the following YouTube video. It’s kind of like “A Little Bit of JoJo” plus Nancy’s Lighthouse divided by the Credit Jewelers cowboy, only not nearly as entertaining as that sounds.
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