The turd pictured above is Charles Williams. Known on the street as “Mr. Hanky,” he’s a criminal mastermind with very bad bathroom etiquette. He’s also apparently never watched an episode of Forensic Files or CSI.
A man accused of stealing some items from a home was charged with burglary based on what he left behind.
Charles Marqull Williams, 20, was charged Wednesday with first-degree burglary in Oklahoma County District Court.
On Jan. 23, 2012, a burglary was reported at 1509 SE 47 Place. The burglar apparently relieved himself in a toilet, leaving behind unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on the floor, according to the probable cause affidavit.
A DNA test on the toilet paper matched Williams, the affidavit states.
Williams was convicted previously of second-degree burglary, concealing stolen property and possession of a controlled dangerous substance, records show.
Hey, when you got to go, you got to go. Unless, of course, you’re at work. Then you should probably hold it in until you get home. Why else do you think people drive so aggressively during rush hour?
Anyway, Mr. Hanky up there is an asshole. If you’re going to drop a deuce after robbing someone’s house, at least have the decency to flush the toilet. Don’t do double damage. Did he think he was at Wal-Mart or something? I’ll bet you a bag of Charmin that he didn’t wash his hands.
We’ve acquired a photo of the crime scene through the Ogle Mole Network. It’s pretty disgusting:
The guy pictured above is Owen Hossack. When he’s not pretending to be an Alabama dandy, he’s a former OSU frat boy. He was recently expelled from school for turning into Pistol Pete during a hazing ritual.
Owen Edward Hossack, 22, is a former member of Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity. On Aug. 16, according to an affidavit, he used a loaded handgun to frighten two pledges at an Alpha Gamma Rho pledge initiation.
According to court records, the pledges were told they were being taken to a bonfire initiation event. During the ride to the bonfire, fraternity upperclassmen allegedly yelled at the pledges to stare at their laps, the affidavit states.
The victims told police Hossack aimed the gun at their heads and asked whether they were willing to take a bullet for their fraternity brothers.
Police say the gun was then discharged, shattering the rear window of the vehicle. No injuries were reported.
That’s one thing the students at Rose State never have to worry about. Well, the frat prank part that is. Ending up in the back of car with guns pointed at you is always a real possibility. Just kidding. Rose State has a wonderful and safe campus.
The story continues:
If there’s a Woody Guthrie song out there about a sad traveling hard-lucked carnie, it’s more than likely about this guy. His name is Frank Feikema. He was busted for selling a stuffed animal to an undercover fair cop at the Oklahoma State Fair in Tulsa for $40. Add that to the ever growing list of Oklahoma “WTF Laws.”
Via News 9:
Do you like that image? I have no clue what it means, but it comes up when you Google “lucid dreaming.”
Earlier this week, The Oklahoman published a story about the topic. Apparently, experts in the field have the ability to control and act out their own dreams. They also like mushrooms.
Here’s the intro:
Emily Ashley and her boyfriend, Brenton Harris, have been in a long-distance relationship for a little more than a year. She lives in Tulsa, he in Dallas.
Ashley is a professional dreamer — her career centers around helping people understand their dreams and what they reflect about the dreamer’s waking life. Ashley attended the School of Metaphysics.
We actually have a name for “professional dreamers” in my family. They’re called “the unemployed.”
When I read that paragraph about Ashley, I literally had to stop for a second to make sure it wasn’t part of some weird satirical piece. It’s not. “The State’s Most Trusted News” really ran a feature story about professional dreamers from the School of Metaphysics. And just to make things better, they took it seriously. Maybe next week they’ll show us some of the best places in town to buy magic healing crystals.
Here are some more details about Ashley’s dreams:
The woman in uniform pictured above is Shealane Fields. We found the pic on some online dating site.
Shealane, which in Cherokee means “What an awful name,” is a former jailor at the Logan County Jail in Guthrie. I used the word “former” because she was recently busted having inappropriate relations with an inmate.
A corporal at the Logan County Detention Center is fired after a jailhouse scandal.
Shealane Fields is accused of committing several felonies for Daniel Clark; an inmate she developed a relationship with.
According to court documents, someone noticed Clark smoking in his cell. Fingers pointed back to Fields who allegedly smuggled in tobacco, a lighter, a flat blade screw driver, crazy glue and cell phone.
I can understand cigarettes, lighters and cell phones, but why would an inmate want crazy glue and a screw driver? Was he that desperate to get high and/or do some handy work around the jail? Maybe they were into kinky MacGyver-type role-playing or something. All they were missing were toothpicks and a ball of a yarn.
Here’s the sexy part of the story:
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