The lady pictured above is Heather Lynn Hall.
She provided some free entertainment to Penn Square Mall shoppers – and made a mall cop’s ultimate fantasy come true – after she was caught shoplifting from The Buckle on Saturday.
Here’s what happened. Heather shoplifted. Heather was caught. Heather, going off instincts, removed her top and wrestled with a very panicked mall cop until authorities arrived. It’s the most interesting thing to happen inside Penn Square Mall cop since the Build-A-Bear riots of 2008.
Joleen Chaney has all the details about the incident, including some video.
Back in October, we profiled eccentric animal sanctuary owner Joe Exotic. We took a look at his photos, country music videos, and ever-expanding line of Tiger King condoms and moisturizer.
Here’s what we wrote at the time:
And that’s the guy who owns all the tigers in Wynnewood that occasionally try to eat people. Nothing weird or strange or concerning about that…right?
Okay, so maybe it’s a little concerning, but who are we to judge. Just because the guy’s self-absorbed and likes to unzip his pants and pose for PG-rated erotica doesn’t mean he’s not capable of running an animal sanctuary filled with deadly predators. Okay, maybe it does. I don’t know. I think I’m going to take a bath now.
Since we took our baths, Joe Exotic has released several new music videos. One of them – “Do You Ever Wonder What Love Could Do?” – speaks out against government regulations and animal rights groups. Like Joe Exotic’s other work, it’s cringe-inducingly funny.
Check it out:
The lady pictured above is Holly Wilson. She’s an Oklahoma artist, women’s rights advocate and apparently one of the world’s leading experts on small, hobbit-like penises.
Holly Wilson is a sculptor living in Mustang, Okla., who’s tired of dealing with gallery dudes who attempt to dismiss her expertise and undervalue her work just because she’s a woman. So Wilson crafted a secret weapon that she could keep in her pocket to give her strength when negotiating with sexist men: a 1½-inch-long cast bronze penis. Now, Wilson has launched a Kickstarter campaign to put her prototype penis into production and help other women “bring your dick to the table,” too. Her slogan: “If all that separates us is a dick, then here is mine. Now let’s get down to business.”
Women like Holly Wilson need to realize that men don’t “dismiss their expertise” or “undervalue her work” because they don’t have a penis. It’s actually because the male brain, on average, is about 8% – 13% larger than the female brain, and we’re simply worried you’re not capable of making the correct decision. Therefore, Holly should be bringing a miniature bronze brain to the table. Zing!
Here are a few pic of the penis sculptures. I’m not sure if photos of bronze miniature penises are considered NSFW, but if they are, be warned:
After two hard-fought games against Danny Bowien and Vanity Perkins, Marla Morgan was eliminated from Ogle Madness yesterday by Gary England by a score of 366 – 228. In a last-ditch effort to secure votes, Marla sent us one of her patented emails:
I am pleased to have advanced in your contest, I’ve always liked contests! But you really need a more recent picture of me, so here is one from last year during that hot Summer. More recent material is always good when in contests! BTW, that silly comment about me being a high maintenance spouse? I didn’t like that too much. I don’t get mad very often, but when I do, it’s not very pretty.
So, Marla Morgan sent me a photo from one hot American summer. This better be good. Let’s check it out:
One of my favorite Seinfeld episodes is called The Cafe. Remember that one? The main plot is Jerry convinces a struggling cafe owner named Babu to switch his restaurant to Pakistani cuisine. The switch totally fails, the restaurant closes, and Babu tells Jerry he’s “a very very bad man.”
The episode begins with Jerry performing a classic stand-up bit about doomed business locations:
I bring all this up because, ironically enough, a Pakistani restaurant has opened in a cursed location about a mile or so from my house. Weird, huh? It’s called Sheesh Mahal and you’ll find it where the old Zorba’s used to be near 43rd and May. Since Zorba’s moved five or six years ago, the location has really struggled to find a successful tennant. It first turned into Mexican restaurant that barely lasted a year, and was then followed by an awful Italian place that also failed.
Just how Jerry rooted for Babu, I really want Sheesh Mahal to work out. Not only will it be good for the neighborhood, but it will probably piss off all the angry racist Derplahomans who drive by. Plus, it will give Marisa a quiet, peaceful location to take Spencer’s next IQ test.
Unfortunately, I’m not very confident the restaurant will succeed. Just check out this pic an Ogle Mole sent me yesterday:
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