Despite being ranked the 6th most conservative in the union, Oklahoman’s like to have sex. From teen moms to anchor babies to good ole Baptists crapping out kids because the Lord said so, we love some sexual fun. Except, though, for oral. According to my wife, that crime is still on the books. Lucky for me, huh! Zing!
Anyway, the only problem we have is that sometimes the sexual fun goes too far, like when you hear some Sammy Hagar and suddenly feel the urge to pose for nude photos at a truck stop. Sometimes it gets the best of you and end up being arrested like these people:
Today is the day after the Super Bowl. That means I’m groggy, depressed and don’t feel like writing very much. This is because:
A. I went to a little Super Bowl party and chugged some Miller Lights. Nothing will make you more groggy and depressed than drinking Miller Light, especially when you don’t even get a buzz.
B. Football is my favorite sport and we’ve now entered a six month nuclear football winter. This period runs from approximately the day after the Super Bowl to the start of Hard Knocks on HBO. It just sucks. Fortunately, we’ll have a Thunder playoff run, Game of Thrones, and the final eight episodes of Breaking Bad to help get us through it. And don’t forget about men’s college basketball, or as I now call it, the WNBA.
Anyway, to keep with the mood of today, I thought I’d share with you a depressing YouTube clip. Some couple was married inside a Sand Springs Taco Bueno. Here’s the video:
The flu has been a pretty big deal this year. I have known several people to catch it, though try as I might, I haven’t contracted it myself. (I’ve been trying to lose 30 pounds for the past year. I think the flu would really kick start my diet way better than eating less and exercising more ever could.) Even our Patrick was struck with the illness. I can’t turn on my TV without hearing a newscaster reminding me to get a flu shot or to wash my hands. I find it odd that they would remind me to wash my hands, because mostly adults watch the news, and you can’t consider yourself a grownup unless you know about the importance of washing your hands.
Well, there have been 3 more flu-related deaths reported in Oklahoma, bringing the total to 17. Yes, that’s right. Much like Lavinia Swire, Okies have succumbed to the flu. And I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I mean, how many more times can Walgreens advertise that they have flu shots? And how many more times can your office administrator set out a large jug of hand sanitizer and remind the office to use it liberally? HOW MANY MORE PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE, OKLAHOMA?! I’m almost rethinking my commitment to my flu diet plan. Almost.
Now, I’ve studied enough epidemiology in my life to know that a few things must be happening. And I’m prepared to share them with you readers. Pay attention, because these are the only reasons that can explain why the flu is so bad this year.
A few weeks ago, I threw my name into the hat for the new KFOR Channel 4 News Director opening. So far, I have yet to hear back from anyone with the OKC NBC affiliate. This is probably because they think they can’t afford me, but that’s okay. I’ll take less to work for Channel 4. I really will. I’m not one to turn down a rebuilding effort. Just ask Bob Stoops. That ‘s where legends and job security are made.
Then again, maybe KFOR also feels I’m overqualified. I can’t blame them. To help prove that I’m not, here’ s a bunch of photos of labrador puppies named after Thunder players. The puppies belong to @sav4okcthunder. I learned about them via the Thunder’s official 411 blog. They weren’t kidnapped by sexual predators, kept in a gun range or used to scam senior citizens, but who cares. They’re puppies. The fact that I’m writing about them shows that I can reach Channel 4′s lowest-common-denominator levels of disappointment
Plus, it might get Channel 9′s attention. They love anything that has to do with the Thunder.
Here are the puppies:
One of my ex-girlfriends was a librarian. Back when we were together, she’d always talk about how there were a bunch of cool things to do at the library. She’d also constantly complain about how I’d never write about her on this website. Hahaha! I’m writing about you now…only as a segue to a story about an Oklahoma City couple who’s having a bridal shower at the library. Take that!
Via News 9:
Some OKC Residents ‘Hot And Bothered’ Over Planned Fetish Party
A party hosted by a group claiming to be “open to every sexual fetish” has some people outraged because of where it’s scheduled to take place: a public library.
The social networking website Tabu is hosting the event called the “A Littles’ Valentines Day Party” at the Southwest OKC pu
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