You know what I like to do on my lunch break? Look at pictures of Carlton Landing, a new town near Lake Eufaula. It’s gorgeous, and kind of looks like a J. Crew catalog set up a photo shoot there and forgot to break it all down when they were done. It’s full of traditional architecture and houses with blue and white siding. Seriously, I look at it on my phone and plan for a time when I can just pack up and live down there and wear polo shirts and khakis, but in the rich people way and not the Target employee way. I imagine it’s incredibly tranquil there. The loudest sound you hear is your neighbor knocking on your door to bring you a plate of fresh-baked cookies, and you never have to wake up before 10 AM. It was my favorite thing to think about during company meetings.
But not any more. Screw Carlton Landing. It’s a little too close to Lake Eufaula and it’s mutant inhabitants. From KOCO.com:
The last time I wrote about scary white rapper Zero, his music videos and antique gun collection, I included the following challenge:
I’d like to challenge to Mr. Zero. Make a music video that disses me. It should be very easy. I’m goofy looking, have red hair, and sneeze every time I poop. I’m also a local stand-up comic so I can take a joke. If you need more ammo for your rap skit, check out my Twitter.
Guess what?! Zero accepted my challenge!
Last night, while I was singing the theme from Fievel Goes West out my bedroom window, I received an email that Zero and his gang, the Okie Boy Goons, have uploaded a new video to YouTube! It’s a diss track aimed at me and TLO!
Check it out:
Chalk one up for the good guys.
Last week, the doomsdayer pictured above – Glyn Mearanto – lived out everyone’s fantasy when he shot one of those creeps who cruises through neighborhoods trying to convince people to “buy the last case” of a frozen, brown, gooey substance that’s allegedly meat.
Maybe next week he’ll go after a door-to-door magazine salesman.
There are a lot of things you can put on a list titled “you know you grew up in Oklahoma if…” The thing that should top that list is “…you know you grew up in Oklahoma.” Seriously. You shouldn’t need a list to tell you these things.
But second is that all-important rite of passage. And no, I’m not talking about breaking into the haunted orphanage in Guthrie that is apparently now a wedding venue or jumping off the waterfall at Turner Falls, which apparently you can no longer do. I’m talking about that one glorious day in elementary school where you dress like Laura Ingalls Wilder and rig up your Radio Flyer so you can celebrate stealing land.
My memories of re-enacting the Oklahoma Land Rush of 1889 in the fourth grade at Edmond’s John Ross elementary included harrowing moments like being accused of being a sooner and having to share my wagon with the booger eater in the class. But the same type of reenactment in Mustang yesterday was a little more harrowing. According to KFOR.com:
Gawker recently published a U.S. map that shows the states where sodomy is banned and necrophilia is totally legal.
As is typically the case with internet maps that highlight poor, dumb, unhealthy, archaic, backwards thinking parts of the country, Oklahoma was the wrong color.
Wait a second. Does that mean blowjobs and other things are illegal in Oklahoma? If so, are all the girls from Piedmont and Mustang going to jail???
Well, not exactly. Via Gawker:
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