Watch out lady who hid a gun in her vagina. Move over mom who attempted to sell her kids on Facebook. It looks like we have a new frontrunner for Oklahoma criminal mastermind of the year. His name is Kenneth Webster Enlow (pictured above). In case you somehow missed it, this real life Mr. Hanky was caught hiding in a septic tank in an attempt to peep on women as they used the bathroom.
Here’s what I have to say about that:
From the “they are treating this story way too seriously” Tulsa World:
A Tulsa man who was arrested on allegations that he watched a woman and her 7-year-old daughter from underneath a White Water Park toilet near the Keystone Dam could face felony charges.
Kenneth Webster Enlow, 52, was arrested about 5 p.m. Sunday after being found covered in human waste inside the holding tank beneath a permanent outhouse at the park, which is west of Sand Springs.
The woman told sheriff’s deputies that she looked into the toilet and “saw the water move,” according to Enlow’s arrest report. “As she looked closer, she noticed that there was a man looking up at her,” the report states.
Enlow then sat in the tank for 15 minutes before police arrived, according to the report…
Enlow told deputies that he had been struck in the head with a tire iron by his girlfriend, who then drove him to the Keystone Dam and dumped him in the toilet, according to the arrest report.
In his arrest report, the woman who found him told deputies that Enlow did not begin to cry for help until after law enforcement officers arrived. Enlow stated that he had not asked for help earlier because he had been unconscious, the report says.
Keystone Fire Department firefighters got him out of the holding tank and cleaned him with a fire hose, the report says. He was then taken to the Oklahoma State University Medical Center in Tulsa to be examined.
So he blamed his tire iron wielding girlfriend? That’s a weak excuse. He should have just been honest and told the cops the truth. You know, that he was shit-faced!
Okay, that was terrible. There are about 5,000 different bad jokes and puns out there and I went with one of the worst. At least I’m not the only person to do it. Since this story broke, it’s gone viral in the news and on social media. Seriously, check Facebook right now. I guarantee you that one of your friends from high school has posted this story on their wall, and that someone has already left the comment “What a shithead.” For what it’s worth, five people probably liked that comment.
Instead of tossing out more bad jokes, puns and references to Shawshank Redemption or Trainspotting, I thought I’d focus on some random things you need to know about the case.
Here we go:
1. If you do anything today, watch the following video from KJRH. They interview the mom who saw that face of sadness looking up at her through the toilet.
I guess if you have dry mouth or eat a lot of salt, Oklahoma City is a good place to live.
According to the American Water Works Association, we are home to the country’s best-tasting tap water. It was described by judges as being “Plush, refined and impeccably structured; offering bold aromas of fluoride, metal and chromium with a hint of pear.”
Oklahoma City Water Utilities Trust’s tap water was recently crowned “Best of the Best” after beating out the competition at the 2013 American Water Works Association’s (AWWA) Annual Conference and Exposition (ACE) in Denver, CO. This is the ninth year AWWA has held the national competition.
Jeanne Bailey, Chair of AWWA’s Public Affairs Council, kicked off the final round of five tap waters to be tasted by recognizing the 23 section winners of water-tasting competitions that had taken place across North America. Then it was down to business as the judging panel began rating the finalists on their flavor characteristics.
Judges included Dr. Pinar Omur-Ozbek of Colorado State University and developer of the first international odor standard to be adopted and used for Flavor Profile Analysis of drinking water; Dr. Susan Mirlohi, a recent graduate of Virginia Tech and expert in water quality and treatment who has conducted research characterizing metallic off-flavors in drinking water; Ari Copeland, operational specialist for Black & Veatch; Kimberly Lord Stewart, director of content for Modern Healthcare Professional and contributing food editor for Denver Life magazine and CBS Denver; and Cathy Proctor, reporter for the Denver Business Journal.
I bet Russell Westbrook now feels a little silly for having his house stocked with all that Ozarka water.
Even though I view the taste of drinking water much like I do college football officiating or traffic – you only notice it when it’s bad or live in Norman – I guess this is cool news. Just check out the other cities we beat in the finals:
Guys, I’m heartbroken. Samburu the giraffe from the Tulsa Zoo has passed away. He is survived by his cousin Geoffrey, who has been nosily shilling for Toys’R’Us for what seems like forever.
Sam, who was one of the top volleyball players for the zoo’s intramural squad, lived a distinguished giraffe life. He spent his days eating leaves, nibbling leaves and occasionally drinking water. He’s also not the first giraffe to die while doing those things at the Tulsa Zoo.
I’m pretty much in constant fear of getting kidnapped or murdered. This is definitely my own fault, as I spend a lot of my free time watching I.D. and E! Investigates. These programs have made me paranoid about doing even simple things, like getting eggs at the grocery store or taking naps with my windows open.
I also fear, well, being pantsed. Rewind back to middle school, when my anxieties centered around getting a pimple or acting like a spaz in front of a football player. Thanks to a traumatic incident in gym class which involved a pair of elastic shorts that said “CHEER” across the butt and a punk in a studded belt and Blink-182 t-shirt, I have a fear of having my pants ripped down in front of a large audience (again).
Unfortunately for me, my two biggest horrors have joined forces to form a super-crime spree more terrifying than Biker Fox on bath salts chasing me into a sink hole. Not only are armed criminals stealing really tricked-out cars, but they’re taking the victim’s pants with them, too.
From News on 6:
Being an Oklahoman is pretty cool. We have a very interesting history, crazy weather, and no matter how bad things get, at least we’re not Florida. Plus, we have a pretty rich Native American history, so much so that my out-of-state cousins think I live in a teepee. We’ve got a lot of symbols, statues and unfinished heritage centers that come from our Native American history and traditions.
Well, it looks like that Native American culture got us in a little trouble. Via NewsOK:
DENVER — An appeals court gave new life Tuesday to a lawsuit of a Bethany pastor who claims an American Indian image on Oklahoma’s standard license plates violates his religious rights as a Christian.
The 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 3-0 that a judge in Oklahoma City erred by throwing out the lawsuit of Keith Cressman, pastor of St. Mark’s United Methodist Church in Bethany.
Cressman objects to the image of an American Indian shooting an arrow toward the sky to bring down rain.
He claims the image unconstitutionally contradicts his Christian beliefs by depicting Indian religious beliefs, and that he shouldn’t have to display the image.
The appellate judges stated Oklahoma law imposes sanctions for covering up the image, and the state charges more for specialty plates without it.
His lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Oklahoma City seeks a court order allowing him either to cover up the image on his plates or to get a personalized plate for the same cost as a standard license plate.
Well. So there’s that. I’m sure this dude is doing this solely to prove a point, though said point would have a bigger impact if he were to argue about, oh, I don’t know, maybe the Ten Commandments appearing in a public place. But whatever. The Christians are being oppressed by license plates, so it’s really important that we take this to the courts.
But surely there are other symbols and statues that offend? We are a state of many symbols. And in order to prevent any further hullabaloo regarding representations of things that could potentially infringe on freedoms, I went ahead and made a list of various statues from around the state that don’t jive with my beliefs, and thus shouldn’t be pictorially depicted on license plates.
Here they are:
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