Guys, I’m heartbroken. Samburu the giraffe from the Tulsa Zoo has passed away. He is survived by his cousin Geoffrey, who has been nosily shilling for Toys’R’Us for what seems like forever.
Sam, who was one of the top volleyball players for the zoo’s intramural squad, lived a distinguished giraffe life. He spent his days eating leaves, nibbling leaves and occasionally drinking water. He’s also not the first giraffe to die while doing those things at the Tulsa Zoo.
I’m pretty much in constant fear of getting kidnapped or murdered. This is definitely my own fault, as I spend a lot of my free time watching I.D. and E! Investigates. These programs have made me paranoid about doing even simple things, like getting eggs at the grocery store or taking naps with my windows open.
I also fear, well, being pantsed. Rewind back to middle school, when my anxieties centered around getting a pimple or acting like a spaz in front of a football player. Thanks to a traumatic incident in gym class which involved a pair of elastic shorts that said “CHEER” across the butt and a punk in a studded belt and Blink-182 t-shirt, I have a fear of having my pants ripped down in front of a large audience (again).
Unfortunately for me, my two biggest horrors have joined forces to form a super-crime spree more terrifying than Biker Fox on bath salts chasing me into a sink hole. Not only are armed criminals stealing really tricked-out cars, but they’re taking the victim’s pants with them, too.
From News on 6:
Being an Oklahoman is pretty cool. We have a very interesting history, crazy weather, and no matter how bad things get, at least we’re not Florida. Plus, we have a pretty rich Native American history, so much so that my out-of-state cousins think I live in a teepee. We’ve got a lot of symbols, statues and unfinished heritage centers that come from our Native American history and traditions.
Well, it looks like that Native American culture got us in a little trouble. Via NewsOK:
DENVER — An appeals court gave new life Tuesday to a lawsuit of a Bethany pastor who claims an American Indian image on Oklahoma’s standard license plates violates his religious rights as a Christian.
The 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled 3-0 that a judge in Oklahoma City erred by throwing out the lawsuit of Keith Cressman, pastor of St. Mark’s United Methodist Church in Bethany.
Cressman objects to the image of an American Indian shooting an arrow toward the sky to bring down rain.
He claims the image unconstitutionally contradicts his Christian beliefs by depicting Indian religious beliefs, and that he shouldn’t have to display the image.
The appellate judges stated Oklahoma law imposes sanctions for covering up the image, and the state charges more for specialty plates without it.
His lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Oklahoma City seeks a court order allowing him either to cover up the image on his plates or to get a personalized plate for the same cost as a standard license plate.
Well. So there’s that. I’m sure this dude is doing this solely to prove a point, though said point would have a bigger impact if he were to argue about, oh, I don’t know, maybe the Ten Commandments appearing in a public place. But whatever. The Christians are being oppressed by license plates, so it’s really important that we take this to the courts.
But surely there are other symbols and statues that offend? We are a state of many symbols. And in order to prevent any further hullabaloo regarding representations of things that could potentially infringe on freedoms, I went ahead and made a list of various statues from around the state that don’t jive with my beliefs, and thus shouldn’t be pictorially depicted on license plates.
Here they are:
After seeing the destruction caused by the May 20th tornado, my first thought was “I’m gonna head down to Moore and start stealing from these people! Finders keepers losers weepers!”
Just kidding, I’m not that big of an asshole. Even if I were, I’d be scared to loot anything because I know some hardened vigilante would be out there ready to sprinkle me with buckshot. KFOR found and interviewed one of those vigilantes last week. His name is Stephen Hall. He’s awesome.
Watch this video:
As I mentioned earlier, I’m done writing about weatherman and guys who allegedly took upskirt photos of teenagers for at least the rest of the day. Instead, lets talk about this video of some random lady who thinks Oklahoma City smells like steamed broccoli, which according to her, resembles the smell of a fart.
As of June 4th, 2013 at 12:14pm, the video has three views. It may go up:
I know I’m breaking one of my golden rules here, but does that lady even know what steamed broccoli smells like? I’d take her word for it if she said biscuits and gravy or chocolate cake, but not broccoli. That would be like Jim Traber complaining that Curtis Fitzpatrick smells like a salad bar. Also, she obviously didn’t drive by Edmond. Otherwise, she’s complain that Oklahoma smells like Kibbles n’ Bits.
Apparently this women, her name is Julia, was taking a road trip to California to be an actor or something. At least that’s what I think after watching some of other videos, including one where she complains about Oklahoma being flat.
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