I guess there’s a new aspiring viral video star from the OKC metro. Meet Abbie Kritz. She’s a student at Oklahoma Christian and had her wisdom teeth removed a few weeks ago. This was the aftermath:
You know how they say youth is wasted on the young? Well, I guess you can say the same thing about powerful sedatives. Seriously, as long as he’s not trying to give me HIV, I need to schedule an appointment with that girl’s oral surgeon immediately. I’d give anything to be able to go to a magical place where the only thing that matters are my dead teeth.
That being said, this video kind of sucks when compared to other Oklahoma viral video stars. She’s not Sweet Brown, Mike Gundy or Greyson Chance. Hell, she’s not even the best crying college girl form Oklahoma to make it big on YouTube. That would belong to the Make It Snow Girl. Also, based on her Twitter feed, it looks like Abbie has been trying a little too hard to get her video noticed. I guess there’s nothing wrong with a little self promotion, but viral videos lose a bit of their charm when they’re overly promoted. The best ones just spread on their own.
Anyway, Abbie and her boyfriend were interviewed on Kimmel a few nights ago. Here’s the clip if you want to check it out:
Here’s a fun story from the crazy news factory that is Northeastern Oklahoma. Some girl from Tahlequah, Tori Wheeler, thought it would be hilarious to tell her boyfriend that she was pregnant as part of a twisted April Fools’ Day prank. Apparently the prank didn’t go as planned, because it ended with Wheeler biting her boyfriend, attempting to slash his throat, and forcing him to drink brown murky water from the Illinois River.
Just kidding about the last part. If she did that, she’d be charged with murder.
From FOX 23 in Tulsa:
A Wagoner County woman is arrested after an April Fool’s joke ends with her boyfriend in the hospital.
Deputies say Tori Wheeler, 18, told boyfriend Derek Bauer she was pregnant as a joke. Deputies say she told them he got very angry, so as part of the joke, she pulled out a knife to threaten him. But deputies say when Bauer threatened to call the police, she lost her temper and cut Bauer’s throat.
Bauer was taken to the hospital for stitches and will recover. Wheeler was taken to the Wagoner County jail, where she faces charges of assault with a deadly weapon.
Wheeler was charged with assault, while her boyfriend needed seven stitches at a hospital.
Call me a traditionalist, but I think this just proves my theory that girls shouldn’t be allowed to pull an April Fools’ Day prank unless it involves them going topless.
“Wait a second?! You’re going to sunbathe topless?”
“Just kidding! April Fools!”
“Haha, I didn’t think you were a whore!”
Seriously, you should never joke around about pregnancy. That’s some heavy stuff. I learned that the hard way when I played an April Fool’s prank on one of my ex-girlfriends back in college. I told her that I dreamed she was pregnant, but that she shouldn’t worry about it because I would pay for half of the abortion. Oddly enough, that prank also ended with knife wounds and bite marks.
Anyway, someone claiming to be the victim’s brother posted a pic of the carnage – and a strongly worded C-word statement – to Reddit. Check it out:
OSBI announced today they need the public’s help in identifying a person whose remains were found in eastern Oklahoma in December 2012.
OSBI Forensic Artist Harvey Pratt just completed a facial reconstruction from remains found in Pittsburg County last year. December 13, 2012, several human bones and a skull were discovered in a wooded area near Quinton on Wagnon Ranch. Sheriff’s deputies and medical examiner’s office personnel recovered the remains. Since then, the medical examiner has determined the remains are that of a white and/or Hispanic male between 40 and 60 years old. The victim is believed to have stood between 5’3” and 5’8” tall. He was right handed and at some point in this life suffered a broken lower left rib. Investigators believe the body was placed in that wooded area between two and five years ago. The medical examiner’s office is unable to determine the cause and manner of death at this time.
This description does not fit any missing persons in the surrounding area. Pittsburg County Sheriff’s investigators are hopeful the skull reconstruction will help someone recognize the victim. This reconstruction is only meant to resemble the victim – not mimic his appearance. Therefore, if anyone believes the skull reconstruction looks similar to someone who has not been seen in several years, please call the Pittsburg County Sheriff’s Office.
Basically, they need help identifying a dead white or hispanic male, 5′ 3″ to 5′ 8″ tall, and between the ages of 40 and 60. And by the way, the reconstruction may not look anything like him. Can the be a little more vague?
Let’s see what the artist was able to come up with on the reconstruction:
Maybe it’s due to the 100 megapixel camera, the unusual angle, or the way people gaze off into the distance like they’re watching someone back into their car, but Tulsa County always seems to produce some great mug shots. Recently we met this doll:
And who could forget Darth Tulsan:
Well, meet the newest Tulsa mug shot star:
Even though the new TV package has kind of ruined it, there’s almost nothing better than the first day of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. I’d rank it just behind Christmas, the first OU football home game and Gary England Day as one of my favorite times of the year.
In fact, back when I had a ‘real’ job, my friends and I would always take off from work and go to a sports bar. My favorite place was the Varsity (RIP) on 63rd. We’d arrive at 10:00am, camp at out in the TV pit area, and immediately get lost in a 12 hour binge of beer, bar food and basketball. One of my last memories from the place was Eric Maynor hitting a game winner against Duke (above) and some girl, I think my wife, picking me up and driving me home. The following day, a Friday, a friend drove me back to the Varsity to pick up my car. We decided to go in for “one” beer. Before I knew it, some girl, I think my wife, was once again picking me up and taking me home. Not to sound like Uncle Rico or anything, but those were the days. Not the wife part, but the beer and the Varsity. That place was awesome.
Anyway, I apologize for the stroll down drunken memory lane. The reason I bring that up is some urologist from Tahlequah is offering a special March Madness promotion. He’s giving away a free pizza, bottle of soda, and bag of frozen peas if you get a vasectomy in March.
Here’s a pic of the newspaper ad. It was sent to me by a Mole via Facebook:
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